If I stay (Yama) final part
Title: If I stay
Author: MatsuAurore
Beta: My lovely sister, Sakudada<3
Pairing: Yama, Matsumiya (slight)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, drama, fluff, romance, fantasy (I guess xD)
Disclaimer: Own them just in my dreams XD
A/N: Here the last part of this long one shot, I'm sorry for the last cut xD this is the end of this OS and I loved to write it for my lovely Sakudada, I hope you loved it because this Yama was for you my sister <3
SORRY: LJ didn't want to post the whole part, that's why I had to cut it in two parts
Final part:
"Adrenaline, now!"
"Sho, please, stay with me!" Ohno grabbed his lover's hand and the machine stopped to ring abnormally.
"He comes back." The doctor said.
"It seems he really doesn't want to leave you." The doctor looked at Ohno with a slight sad smile.
"Oh, God, thank you. Thank you for not giving up, Sho." Ohno kissed his hand, closing his eyes, tears rolling on his cheeks.
"Thank you, Ohno-san, if Sho is still here it's because of you." Sho's mother put her hand on Ohno's shoulder who smiled.
"Hanako, you..."
"Stop it, Shouta! I don't want to loose my son because of your stubbornness. Sho needs us, together, he needs Ohno-san, so, this conversation is over." Sho's mother cut off her husband who frowned and left the room. "Don't worry, he's just too proud to admit I'm right and he is worried for our son. He looks like Sho, both are so stubborn." Hanako smiled.
"I know, Sho is always too proud even when he knows he is wrong and he always acts as if he was my mother." Ohno chuckled softly with Hanako.
"This stupid son is always too worried, I'm not surprise he treats you like his child. Maybe it would surprise you but I'm glad my son has an amazing person like you, even if you are a man, now, I know he is safe with you." She whispered.
"Thank you." Ohno grinned.
****
I sighed. This horrible pain had left me, now. What happened? Why I felt so bad when Satoshi released my hand? It was as if someone had gagged me, I felt as if I was almost dying!
A smile appeared on my lips when I saw Satoshi and my mum laughing softly. Even if my mother seemed insensitive and severe, I knew she loved me and just wanted my happiness. She said one time she was proud of me, of my career because even if I was an idol, I was working hard as a journalist and newscaster. For her, I just had to be a respect man like my father, it was enough. She even judged my work in Arashi when I was with her on the phone. She watched our VS, Arashi ni shiyagare, Himitsu no Arashi-chan and our perf. My mother told me when I sang bad or made some mistakes on TV and I loved her honesty, her advices were very important and precious to me. I thought she didn't like the idea for Sato and me but in this situation, she understood there were worst things in life than having a gay son, like now. She whispered prays, holding my hand and kissing my fingers. I had never seen her so close to me before and felt happy to know she really cared for me. I kissed her cheek even if my lips crossed her skin and left my bedroom. I needed some air, some time alone to think about the right thing to do.
I sat on the grass in front of the small lake and laid my back against a tree. The wind blew a little and some dukes swam happily on the water that shined because of the sun. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, savoring the silence and the peace around me. Satoshi's face appeared in my mind. What could I do? I couldn't live without him but at the same time I felt on the line of death. All this pressure was too heavy to me and my mental. I just dreamed about a place without problems but it was impossible, I knew it. But if I left, what would I become? Does paradise and hell really exist? And will I miss Satoshi or forget him? I didn't want to forget him, it would be too painful.
"Sho-chan?" A voice called my name and I jumped. Raising my eyes, I saw a smiling Aiba in front of me and grinned.
"Hum?"
"You dreamed? You looked like Ohchan when he sleeps on his legs." Aiba chuckled.
"Gomen, I thought about something." I apologized with a poor smile.
"Something or someone?" Aiba teased me.
"Masaki..." I sighed a bit annoyed because he read in me so easily.
"Gomen gomen, I just teased you. Oh, speaking about Ohchan..."
I turned my head and saw my best friend who was walking toward us with a very sleepy look. He was so cute with his chubby cheeks, his mess hair and his almost closed eyes! He collapsed on the sofa next to me and yawned loudly.
"Short night?" I asked kindly.
"Hum." Ohno hummed and laid his head on my shoulder, certainly wanting to return to the world of his fishes.
I patted his hair and two second later, he was snoring softly making Aiba and I laugh. If Ohno didn't exist, we had to create him! This man was incredible!
"Sho-chan?" Ohno asked from his shower.
"What?"
"I forgot my shampoo, can you give me yours?"
"Of course." I smiled and hold out my bottle.
When his fingers brushed mine, I blushed and looked away. His skin always felt so soft under my fingers! Suddenly, I jumped, hearing a loud noise.
"Satoshi?!" I left my cabin without thinking and rushed toward Ohno who was laying on the ground.
"Gomen, I fell because of the water." Ohno mumbled, stroking his head painfully.
"Are you all right?" I asked worriedly, helping him to stand up.
"Hum, I..." He suddenly stopped and blushed deeply.
"What's wrong?"
"You... You should take a towel." He mumbled becoming red like a tomato.
When I understood why he was looking away, I blushed too. We were naked but it wasn't the worst, the worst was my half hard manhood and I covered myself quickly with my hands.
"Ano~ gomen I..."
"It's okay, Sho-chan, don't worry, I'm a man too and I know this kind of problem." Ohno smiled kindly, still looking away with bright red cheeks.
I grabbed a towel and left the room, ashamed. Honestly, the worst in this situation was the fact I was almost hard because of him. When I felt his soft fingers on mine, I couldn't prevent my brain to think about how I would feel if Ohchan was touching my body. How his fingers would feel around me.
"And he saw you hard?" Aiba exclaimed.
"Almost hard, Masaki." I corrected. I decided to speak to Masaki about what happened, if Ohno would guess why I was in that state in front of him but now, I wasn't sure if it was a really good idea.
"AH AH AH! Sho, you're a baka, really! I didn't know you were such a pervert!" He laughed at me and I smacked his head.
"Shut up, baka!"
"Oh, come on, Sho-chan, admit you're funny. But seriously, you should confess." Aiba said in a serious tone.
Seriously, how this baka could be my best friend?!
****
"Satoshi?" I asked.
"Hum?"
" I love you." I blushed when my lover raised his head from my naked chest with a sleepy smile.
"Me too." He answered and pecked my lips.
I tightened my grip around his thin waist. The last night was so wonderful! We made love three times and when I heard him screaming my name in pleasure, I felt as if I was in paradise. He was so beautiful when we slept together, his eyes, his red cheeks, his mess hair, his breath against my neck. When his moans invaded the bedroom and his nails scratched my skin, tears of joy filled my eyes. This amazing man was mine and only mine. I was the only one who saw him like that, in that state and plus, who could make him in this state!
I grabbed his chin and raised his head.
"I love you so much, Sato." I whispered and caught his lips with passion. I heard him moaning in the kiss and pushed him on his back, my hands traveling on his soft body.
****
I blinked. The sun had disappeared and all was dark around me. I fell asleep...
When I walked in my bedroom, Satoshi was still here, speaking with Jun, or maybe, Jun was trying to speak about something to distract my lover. Nino was teasing Aiba about something who just God would know. Seeing them laughing and speaking as usually made me happy. I found my friends, my band mates again.
"Ohchan, how Sakurai-san reacted when he learned about you and Sho-chan?" Aiba asked.
"He was very angry but Sho's mother was by my side and she said she was really happy for us."
"Eh?! Really?!"
"Yes. She said she practically lost her son and now, things like that weren't important if Sho was happy and alive." Ohno whispered, stroking my hand.
"She understood there are worst things."
"Hum." Ohno nodded.
Jun smiled at him with kindness, hugging his own boyfriend.
"You must come back home Ohchan, you seem exhausted." Nino said.
"I'm not. And I don't want Sho to be alone." Ohno looked at my face with sadness.
"Ohchan~" Nino sighed but stopped when he saw Jun shaking his head. "I'm worried about you." The gamer added.
"I know and I'm sorry but I can't. If I came back tomorrow and Sho would not be there anymore..." Ohno's voice broke and he wiped the tears falling from his eyes.
Nino looked at Jun with pleading eyes and his lover sighed and nodded.
"Toshi, I know you don't want to let Sho and I understand that but we have a little problem..." Jun bit his lower lip.
"Eh?"
"Tomorrow, there is an important meeting and Johnny-san wants us to be there, you too." Jun said hesitantly.
Satoshi looked away but after a while, nodded.
"All right, I'll be there if it's so important."
"Thank you, Toshi." Jun grabbed his hand, grateful.
"I don't want to bother you, I'm sorry." Ohno lowered his eyes, ashamed.
Don't be sorry my Satoshi. They know. They understand why you don't want to leave this hospital; they are our best friends, our brothers! They know.
"Don't be, Satoshi-kun, we understand why you can't work with us." Jun smiled kindly.
"Thank you." Ohno whispered.
Maybe it was time to take a decision. I looked at my body and approached it. I lifted my hand and touched my shoulder. Suddenly the machine rang loudly and my friends started to panic.
I saw a doctor rushing inside the bedroom with a nurse. I was feeling weak and saw my hands were shaking.
"Sensei, what's happen?!" Jun asked.
The doctor checked Sho's vitals one more time and turned toward Jun.
"Ano~ Sakurai-san seems better and doesn't need oxygen to breath." The doctor smiled.
"Really? It means..."
"He is still in coma but I have good hope, his body seems in a better state. We have to wait and be patient, but it's a good beginning." The doctor bowed and left.
"Satoshi! You heard that?! Sho is better!!!" Jun hugged his best friend who cried happily.
Aiba and Nino were crying too, thanking God or someone else while Jun seemed to want to gag my lover with his arms.
"I'm so glad." Ohno sobbed loudly.
Tears rolled down on my cheeks. Satoshi seemed so happy, so beautiful despite the big shadow under his eyes. I found my old lover who could heal the world with a simple smile. But I still felt bad. Why my head hurt like that? I collapsed in the sofa and closed my eyes painfully.
****
I grabbed my jacket and walked toward the scene. We were at our first concert of the month and it was my turn to sing my new solo. I felt so nervous because this song was for someone, I wrote this song for the one I loved. I raised my eyes and crossed Satoshi's look. He smiled to me and my heart almost stopped. If you knew, Satoshi. If you knew this song was for you and only for you. If you knew I felt more than friendship for you, I felt butterflies in my stomach when you smiled at me like that, that shivers invaded my body when I smell your scent, when I saw you dancing and singing. If you knew how much I loved you even if it was wrong and forbidden. Taking a deep breath, I walked on the scene and started to sing.
Can you feel like this ? Wanna feel the same
Can you feel this beats ? It's like dat y'all
Can you feel like this ? Wanna feel the same
Can you feel this beats ? It's like dat y'all
Get down !
You don't know how much my feelings and my actions are turned toward you, for you. I would like you to read my heart, to feel the same way....
Close to me, I sense that fragrance
Impose with you, Ruleless
Please don't turn me off
The trap I've unchained for you now
Commit the perfect crime with you
Sweat drops are rolling on my cheeks. You make me feel so bad and so happy at the same time! I want to touch you, I want to feel your skin under my fingers, I want to make you call my name in pleasure, I’ve got you under my skin. It's too late, I can't erase my feelings anymore, you have invaded all the cells of my body. I can't go back, you’re my heroine, my crack, my drug!!! I’ve got you...under my skin!
It's too late, go back
The aphrodisiac melting on your lips, Heavenly
Maybe right to the limit
Call my nameless name now
Sharing this sin, tell me
What you wanna do, wanna do now
But then that is Taboo (what you say girl)
Yes, my feelings for you are wrong, but I can't help it. My love for all the parts of you is too strong, I want to yell to the world that I love you, but I can't, it's wrong, it's forbidden, it's a taboo, it's MY Taboo...
Get it get it get it get it get now
Carry out this moment
What you wanna do wanna do now
So that is Taboo
(What you say girl)
Ah... C'mon sweetie
Come on, baby, come in my arms. Feel the power of my will, feel how much I want you. I just want to hug you; I want your skin under my fingers, your scent in the sheets, your fingers scratching my back. If I could make you realize how much I'm happy when you are saying my name! If I could make you surrender your limit, if I could make you cross the forbidden even just for one night! But I can't, it's taboo.
If you're interested, just get over here already
Abandon the present to this moment's love and desire
Ya like my dancing girl
Uh uh ha ha sh sh ha
Night strikes again (yeah)
Your fragrance is left on my fingers (uh)
Disgraced by your innocent face again (it's)
T. A. B. O. O
Second-time wink
Foreheads linked
Look left
"Shall we ? Kiss. "
Shut the lights
Uncharted map
Honey from the very centre of the beehive
I want to kiss you! Can I feel your lips against mine? Can I lick the hide's parts of your body? Can you allow me to dive in the danger with you? Follow me in this sin, bit in this beautiful red apple. I'm captive in my own game, do you want to play, do you want to join me? Come on, baby, come on. Let it go!
"Baby come"
Close to me
Lose in this game that's been decided from the start
This Perfect Crime you're committing
I hate you, Satoshi. All my mind is screaming to me to forget my feelings but I can't. I'm already addicted to you, I know I can't live without you, you're my drug, my beautiful sin and I'm proud of this fact. I'm proud of my feelings because they are true. I want to erase that, I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. It's already too late....
It's too late, go back
When we finally reach our destination, it's just Heavenly
Let it be, right to the limit
Call my nameless name now
This Scenario's just fine by me, Tell me
What you wanna do, wanna do now
But then that is Taboo (What you say girl)
Get it get it get it get it get now
Carry out this moment
What you wanna do, wanna do now
So that too is Taboo (What you say girl)
Let's go... Get down...
What can I do? My feelings gags me and I can't breathe normally. You're a monster, because of you, I'm weak, because of you, I cross the line. I want you so bad! Can you hear my calls? Can you hear my voice?
Call my nameless name now
Sharing in this sin, Tell me
What you wanna do, wanna do now
But then it's Taboo (What you say girl)
Call my name! I'm begging you! I want to hear your voice through my pain! Tears are filling my eyes but I can't let them won. When I looked at the girls in front of me in this stadium, screaming my name, I just can see your face. You're always in my mind, in my thoughts and I can't help it. It's too late. I can't go back. I can't hear their calls because I just can hear your voice. I want to surrender but when I try, there are still your pouty lips and your smile like an eternal picture. I hate you so much to make me love you, to make me cross the line. I know it's wrong and I just can sing a song to shout my feelings for you. It's so painful but I'm strong, I can survive if you are next to me. It's wrong but I can't help it, it's too late, I can't go back. It's taboo. YOU are MY taboo!
Get it get it get it get it get now
Carry out this moment
What you wanna do, wanna do now
So that is Taboo (What you say girl)
End of the song. I fall on the ground and the whole stadium becomes dark. I walk in the backstage, I feel so sad but at the same time so happy because I could scream my feelings even if you didn't hear it.
"It's suggestive." A voice made me jump. I turned my head to see a smiling Ohchan.
"Oh." I just said.
"I mean... I really love your new solo." Ohno added.
"I see."
I'm the most idiot of the world sometimes! The man I love and for whom I wrote this song told me he loved it and I just said "I see". Sho Sakurai, you deserve slaps!
"Thank you." I blushed.
"You wrote it because of a girlfriend?" Ohno asked.
My eyes widened when I heard your words. I believed I saw sadness crossing your eyes when you asked me that but you quickly looked away. It was impossible, you couldn't share my feelings.
"This song is for someone, yes." I looked right in your eyes and you blushed. You're so cute when you blush!
"She's very lucky." You said and left without waiting my answer.
Did I dream? I believed I heard pain in your voice when you said that. It couldn't be possible. But I'm happy because even if you believe it was for a girl, you understood what this song meant to me, that I wrote this song for the person I love. Maybe I could do it again? I love you Satoshi...
****
PART 2