Transcendency: Chapter 21
Title: Transcendency
Pairing: OT5, Matsumiya
Genre: AU, Angst, Dark Fantasy
Disclaimer: Plot is mine, Arashi is not. Unfortunately.
Summary: Down the rabbit hole they fell.
Author's Note: Happy Birthday Tama-chan! Some bonding, a short break from the angst and the moment you've been waiting for.
Waking to the faded smell of rain and morning dew, Nino struggled to pull himself from the unconscious world. It was his first decent night’s sleep in so long and while it left him feeling refreshed for the day to come, he was not ready to give it up just yet. He clung desperately to the peaceful blackness in his mind; he’d almost forgotten what it felt like to sleep uninterrupted by torturous images of his friends’ demise. But while he may have longed to remain lost in that undisturbed slumber, the sounds of movement from across the hall had him stirring. He shut his eyes that much tighter and rubbed his face against the soft material of his pillow, hoping to lull himself back into a state of total comfort that would have him drifting off again. His efforts proved fruitless, however. As he heard another clatter and thud, his eyelids pried themselves open. Light flooded his vision at once and chased away the comforting darkness that had cradled him all night long. He lifted his head and glared at the wall where he could hear the noise coming from.
Making no effort to get up, Nino rolled onto his back. He stretched his limbs, a groan of exertion sounding as he felt his muscles pull. He reached behind his neck to reposition his necklace, pulling the flower out from where it lay uncomfortably beneath the ridge of his shoulder, and flopped back on his futon. His listless gaze swept his surroundings. The sketchbook lay on the ground nearby, having dropped away from him at some point during the night. Nino’s expression softened in both endearment and sadness as he gazed at it, remembering his moment of weakness before falling asleep last night.
Yet another scuffle echoed from down the hall. Nino lifted his head. Distracted by the sound, he all but forgot his heartache as his curiosity got the better of him. It was with a soft grunt that he pulled himself upright. Grabbing Sho’s parka from where it lay on the floor above his pillow, he zipped it halfway up his torso, crossed the room and slipped out into the hallway, following the string of noises until he came across its source. The door was open to a sliver. He tapped the frame in a half-hearted gesture of politeness before pushing it all the way open. Yamazaki was inside, crouched by a futon of his own as he did up the laces of his sneakers. He glanced up and greeted Nino with a kindly smile.
“If you’re trying to sneak out, you’re doing a lousy job,” Nino remarked dryly.
Yamazaki’s smile became somewhat bashful and he offered a fleeting apology, one Nino could tell he didn’t truly mean from the amusement that glinted in his gaze. Choosing to ignore it for the time being, Nino looked his companion over.
“Are you going jogging or something?”
Try as he might to disguise it, a flicker of intrigue still found its way into his tone. It was less the activity itself that surprised him and more the resemblance that stood before him. Dressed in his activewear, the young man was a near splitting image of his two friends before they used to run together. Seeing it made Nino’s heart ache.
“Got to keep active if I’m going to win the games,” Yamazaki answered. Finishing tying his shoes, he rose to his feet. “Want to join me?”
“I’m good,” Nino grumbled. While running wouldn’t have appealed to him even at the best of times, the reminder of his friends had him feeling sick to his stomach.
Yamazaki shrugged. “Suit yourself. I should be back in an hour or so.”
Nino accompanied him to the entrance and watched him jog at a leisurely pace across the road until he was out of sight. His gaze surveyed the silent cityscape, thoroughly sodden after last night’s downpour. Nino placed his hands on his hips and sighed under his breath, turning back to re-enter the ryokan. As nice as it was in the fresh morning air, he had no intention of going anywhere. He wandered the empty residence, scanning each room and floor with much fascination. So many details were familiar, triggering memories from that night weeks ago when he and his friends participated in the seven of diamonds, and yet in the light of day, everything seemed completely different. He caught himself unknowingly retracing his steps from the game. Ambling around reception, his gaze drifted from the pottery adorning the wall to the lamp and old-fashioned phone on the desk. He experimentally picked up the receiver; not a sound could be heard. His fingers ghosted the lampshade, flicking it with just enough power to spin it one rotation. As he did, the riddle replayed in his recollection.
Slipping upstairs once more, he snuck a glance into one of the many rooms on the upper floor. Like the one he slept in last night, it too bore many similarities to the one that hosted the second level of their escape room challenge. This room was also decorated with traditional furnishings and artistic wall hangings. The low-set table had a flower arrangement at its centre, though the flowers were not nearly as fresh as the ones from the game. A quick check of the arrangement confirmed there were no hidden clues tucked away in this one either. It wasn’t the only difference. The tatami was perfectly aligned, a fact that unwittingly brought a bittersweet smile to Nino’s face as his gaze traced the symmetrical lines on the floor. The rainbow sliding tile game was missing while the cupboard had only two futons stacked neatly inside. There was a tea set in the cabinet, though it was more standard with only four cups and a teapot. The sliding door on the far side of the room also opened to reveal a view of the small yet pretty garden outside.
He left the room soon after and worked his way through the rest of the corridor, past the bathroom and down to the courtyard. Despite the melody that played in the back of his mind as he traversed the tiles, he couldn’t help thinking more about the conversation he’d had with his new companion than the game they once played together. Even now, he was struggling to comprehend how candid he was. He’d let down every one of his walls and allowed his emotions to pour free in a verbal torrent that he couldn’t hope to stop. It was a wonder he could look Yamazaki in the eye after everything he said last night.
But there was no denying how much better he felt. It was like in confessing his deepest thoughts and innermost truths, the weight he’d been carrying had finally lifted. It freed him from his nightmares and the fear that had plagued him for too long; it freed him from the burden of bearing his loss alone. The pain of that loss lingered on but somehow it didn’t seem so impossible to live with anymore.
Looking to distract himself from the thoughts of last night’s embarrassing revelation, Nino trekked onwards out of the courtyard. He followed the signage through the picturesque gardens, down the hill towards the hot spring. He observed his surroundings with quiet curiosity. The last time he was here, he hadn’t truly been able to appreciate how pretty it all was. They’d raced through this exact garden with so much haste, their lives literally dependant on it, and in the process missed out on scenery he could only describe as breathtaking.
Azalea bushes blanketed the slope leading down to an oriental style woodland. Nino followed the tree-flanked pathway down to the lower grounds. The pine trees dispersed as he entered a clearing. Encircled by trees, it reached as far as Nino could see. The sound of rushing water and the smell of sulphur enveloped him, bringing with it pleasant memories of the graduation onsen trip he and his friends took years back. As he gazed around the clearing, he caught a glimpse of steam rising from behind the rock hill and made his way over to it. Several small ponds cut through the earth. The surface of the pools was perfectly still, making for a flawless projection of the sky and all its surroundings to be cast upon water so clear. A trail of steppingstones circled the springs to create a crossing of sorts to reach the stone statues that stood erect all around the waters’ edge. It was the picture of serenity.
Too great a temptation to resist, Nino slipped out of his attire and stepped up to one of the larger springs. The heat rising from the clear pool was intoxicatingly calming; from the moment he slid into the crystalline water, he felt all his tension melt away. Deeper than expected, he sunk up to his neck when the ground beneath his feet suddenly dropped away. He treaded water for a bit before paddling back towards the rocks. Every breath of steam filled his lungs like toxic fumes, leaving him feeling lightheaded and utterly giddy. His tender skin sizzled under the intense heat, the sensation oddly pleasant as it seemed to numb him to the soreness of the rest of his body. He cupped some of the water in his hands and gently splashed his face with it, allowing the water’s warmth and minerals to revitalise him. With a relaxed sigh as it did just that, he stretched his neck back and let his head rest against one of the rocks behind him. The feel of the hot water caressing his naked flesh after so long was invigorating in ways words couldn’t hope to describe.
Blinking the droplets from his eyes, he swept his sodden hair back from his face. He startled at how unexpectedly silky it felt as his wet locks ran through his fingers. He couldn’t tell if it was an effect of the onsen’s natural minerals or just an illusion of his own making, but his hair felt more nourished than it had in weeks. His skin too felt softer as he cleansed himself properly for the first time in so long.
Immersed in the nourishing pool, his mind too was cleansed. His thoughts drifted to his friends and how much they would have enjoyed this. But rather than guilt-ridden scenarios like why they hadn’t just stayed at this arena after their game there, he thought about the onsen trip they’d taken years ago. He chuckled to himself as he recalled himself and Sho having to share the only other free shower after losing to the others in a game of janken, and Aiba’s embarrassment of accidentally performing a kancho to a complete stranger after mistaking the man for one of them. Needless to say, despite the four of them immediately jumping in to help defuse the situation, they never let him live it down afterwards.
Comforted by the memory of their companionship, his mind wandered from his friends to Yamazaki’s proposition. He recalled the last time he was in this place and the way he’d helped them achieve victory, accidental or not. His friends’ words replayed as he remembered their reassurance that the other guy was nothing but trustworthy when he first voiced his suspicions of him. Nino smiled wistfully while he allowed the echoes from his memories to cradle him, offering him a seed of hope that it was okay to open his heart again.
When Yamazaki returned to the ryokan nearly ninety minutes later, a healthy sheen of perspiration making his forehead glisten like the surface of the onsen, he was fully expecting the silence that greeted him. He traversed the hallways in quiet reflection, checking every empty room along the way. It saddened him to think Nino had upped and left again; he enjoyed Nino’s company as much as the latter seemed to enjoy his. But while they may have helped each other feel less lonely, he’d sensed Nino’s reluctance last night when he suggested they stick together. While he hoped time might change his mind and allow him to see that he really was only trying to help, Yamazaki doubted it would make much difference. Nino’s admissions last night proved he was far from over the loss of his friends and even if he did want someone else in his life to fill the void, he wasn’t nearly ready to move on. Yamazaki respected this-it was why he never pushed for Nino to stick around all those times he visited him at his previous campsite-but that wasn’t to say he wouldn’t be disappointed to see him go.
So when he entered the courtyard and spotted a familiar figure emerging from the garden, he could only smile. He halted in the doorway and looked on silently. Nino’s hair was damp and he had a small towel draped around his neck, his new shirt speckled with droplets of water. He walked over to the portable stove that was sitting on one of the tables. He stirred the contents of the pot before sampling a mouthful. His brows creased and he turned to rummage through the bag that was at his feet. From it, he plucked what appeared to be shiso and tore off a few sprigs, which he then added to the pot. He tasted it again, the satisfactory smile that graced his lips unmissable.
“You know that’s not your stove to use, right?” Yamazaki said as he finally made his presence known.
He chuckled when Nino jumped at the sound of his voice. A combination of guilt and embarrassment flashed simultaneously across his face before it disappeared behind what Yamazaki knew to be the other guy’s usual unreadable front.
Choosing to ignore his rhetorical question, Nino looked sternly at his companion. “You’re late.”
“I didn’t realise you’d be timing me,” Yamazaki replied. His smile twisted coquettishly, a knowing glint in his eyes as he stared at his companion’s unimpressed expression. “And what exactly have you been up to while I was gone?”
Nino didn’t answer, instead affixing his gaze on the stove he was tending to. Without saying a word more to their conversation, he stirred the simmering contents another few times before pouring a couple of spoonfuls over the small serving of rice. He offhandedly passed one to Yamazaki, who startled at the action.
“You made this…for me?”
“Well, it didn’t make itself,” Nino said with a roll of his eyes. When he saw the other was still staring, he added, “Don’t read too much into it. I was hungry and god knows I wasn’t about to let you cook again.”
Yamazaki ignored the thinly veiled insult and accepted the food given to him, taking a hearty sip. Flavours of shiitake, carp and taro all found their way to his palate, complimenting one another and the rice wonderfully. The soup, while thin, was not nearly as watery in taste as his own thanks in no small part to the herbs Nino had used to season the dish. It was simple but tasty.
“Delicious!” Yamazaki praised.
A soft pink coloured Nino’s cheeks at the sheer honesty of his reaction. He didn’t have much experience cooking, so it was nice to have someone appreciate his efforts, even if it was embarrassing just the same. He took a silent mouthful of his own meal, relishing in the delightful flavours of his making. More than his own skill, however, he felt it was the sheer pleasure of eating with company again that made the moment so much more enjoyable.
“I’ve got to say, I didn’t expect you to hang around,” Yamazaki said after a couple of minutes. “After your reaction last night, I thought you’d take off without a word.”
There was a beat of silence.
“I thought about it,” Nino replied eventually.
It surprised Yamazaki to hear him admit it so easily, having expected the other to put up more of a fight when it came to revealing his actions. He stared at Nino. While there was mild annoyance adorning his face, it was more self-directed, as if frustrated that his assumption had hit close to home. Yamazaki decided to push his luck to see if he could get him to open up more.
“What changed your mind?”
After voicing his query, he fell quiet, watching and waiting in the hopes Nino might say more. He read the complexity of emotions that flickered across his expression too fast to truly comprehend.
Nino didn’t answer at first, not because he didn’t want to but simply due to him not understanding the reason himself. Sticking with Yamazaki was not something he intended to be a long-term arrangement. Seeking to quell his loneliness, he made the decision to stay close to the young man for the time being, during the day at least. He would indulge in his base desire for companionship until he felt strong enough to venture out on his own again. He was confident this change within himself was a fleeting experience; as the rawness of both his grief and anger began to fade, it left him in an agonising and lonely limbo. He was convinced this was the reason for his emotional turmoil and with Yamazaki already proving to be a useful distraction to cure his isolation, Nino felt it only sensible to keep him around. It wouldn’t last forever. Sooner or later, he would regain his inner strength or else tire of the boy’s antics and return to his ronin lifestyle.
The more time he spent with the other guy, however, the more he realised he didn’t want to strike out on his own again. He’d almost forgotten the joy that came from having someone answer when he spoke or feeling the heat of another living body sitting beside him. Yamazaki was easy to be around and was so akin to his friends, in more ways than he was willing to admit.
Nino had always been the type of person who got lonely easy; even back when he was a child, he tended to keep proximity with his peers. It comforted him and helped him feel strong. There were plenty who didn’t appreciate his desire to be near them, with some even calling him weird or clingy or claiming he had no respect for personal space. Such comments usually ignited his impudence and resulted in him sticking even closer purely to antagonise them. Other people grew closer to him because of his nature. He could go from total strangers to friends in next to no time-in fact, it was this habit of his that was the reason he and his friends became so close in the first place.
And it appeared he was having that same effect on Yamazaki.
“Something about you just reminds me of them,” Nino confessed.
He fidgeted a little, the words sounding a bit off as he said it aloud, but there was no denying the sentiment behind them. It was true, after all. There was something comforting about his presence and Nino instinctively knew it was due to the parallels to his friends. Yamazaki possessed a special sort of kindness that reminded him so much of Jun, it was almost painful; he wasn’t afraid to be brutally honest at times and yet his actions always seemed to stem from genuine compassion. Despite his blatant airheadedness, having seemingly not a thought in his brain at times, he could also be surprisingly insightful with the things he said, just like Ohno. Nino had also witnessed an honourable side to him that bordered on fierce, same as Sho. But the biggest thing was his smile. It was so carefree, so innocent and open, and shone with a unique gentleness, the likes of which Nino had only ever seen from Aiba. Together, it made for an agonising mix that he couldn’t bring himself to part with.
“In a good way?” Yamazaki asked hesitantly.
Nino shook his head. “In a torturous way. You’re so much like them, I can’t stand it.” He closed his eyes as he felt a torrent of emotion overwhelm him. His head dropped to his chest and he sniffled loudly, taking a moment to collect himself before speaking again. “I’m not myself without them but it’s almost like through you, I can hear them, see their faces, feel their presence. With you, I feel…less lonely somehow. It’s not the same, but it’s better than nothing.”
“Does that mean you want to work together?” There was no mistaking the twang of disbelief that laced Yamazaki’s voice as he read between the lines of Nino’s passionate remark.
Nino sighed. “I honestly don’t know.” He kept his tone as collected as he could to keep from letting his emotions get the better of him again.
It was true that playing these games without anyone to have his back and offset his personal weaknesses was a struggle, one that had come close to claiming his life a number of times. Deliberating the young man’s past performances only improved his inclination towards the idea. Their last game proved he possessed far more athletic capability than he appeared; he’d also previously demonstrated having a sort of blind luck, something Nino felt he himself was seriously lacking of late. His own intelligence and cunning would be good to counteract Yamazaki’s airheaded nature as well, while the latter’s undeniable likeability would surely prove useful when it came to cooperative games.
“I’ve thought a lot about what you said and realised you might have a point,” Nino said after a while. “We balance each other out-I’m good in diamonds and hearts games, and you’re good in spades and clubs. I’m still not sure it’s the smartest move, but I’m willing to try.”
“I’m in,” Yamazaki said enthusiastically. His voice turned sharp when he added, “On one condition.”
Nino narrowed his eyes in question, the other’s sudden change in demeanour catching him unaware. He waited for him to elaborate.
“No more killing people.”
“You sound like Aiba-kun.”
“Well, you did say I reminded you of your friends.”
“Regardless, I can’t promise that,” Nino argued, despite the tightness he felt in his chest at yet another echo of his fallen comrades. “Sometimes people have to die in these games, and more often than not if you aren’t the killer, you’re the killed.”
“That’s a very black and white way to look at things,” said Yamazaki. “And for what it’s worth, I think you’re wrong. If you can figure out the correct path, make all the right moves and have a bit of luck on your side, then you can clear these games without the need for anyone dying.”
Nino was sceptical of his idealistic reasoning. It sounded more like wishing thinking than anything else, the deluded rants of a die-hard optimistic, not unlike what he would expect to hear from Aiba. As much as he could confirm Yamazaki’s theory in relation to most other games, he simply couldn’t believe the game master would design these challenges with that sort of loophole included, particularly when he seemed to thrive on the destruction of the players. Yamazaki read his lack of response as a sign of continued doubt and reworked his argument from a different angle.
“I’m not asking you to go out of your way to save others,” he pointed out. “I’m just asking you not to go out of your way to sabotage them either. Everyone deserves a chance to save their own life in these games, and I’d hate to see you take that opportunity away from someone else.”
Nino clicked his tongue, knowing it was not an unreasonable ask but despising it nonetheless. Such a restriction would surely impact his ability to play the games but as he recalled the dreadful feeling that had enveloped him after the six of clubs, he realised Yamazaki was not only asking this of him for the sake of the other players, but for him as well.
As if to drive home this fact, he added, “I doubt your friends would have approved of you resorting to such malicious methods.”
Nino looked at him sharply. Yamazaki’s expression was easy to read and Nino could tell that he knew he hit a nerve, having done so deliberately to get his point across.
“Fine,” he conceded after much deliberation. His voice dropped to a dark whisper when he spoke again. “But don’t you dare throw that in my face again.”
“Deal,” Yamazaki agreed.
Nino nodded reluctantly. “Then from tonight onwards, I will be on my best behaviour,” he said mockingly.
“I knew you’d see it my way.” Yamazaki beamed. “But we’re not playing tonight.”
“But-”
“Your best chance at winning any game is to be well rested and strong. How many days do you have left on your visa?”
Nino did a quick tally count in his head. “Seven.”
“Perfect,” said Yamazaki. “That gives us a week to rest up and figure out our best strategy.”
“First of all, I already have a strategy,” Nino pointed out. “Second of all, I’m not waiting a whole week to win my next game.” He scoffed under his breath, remarking, “I’m beginning to regret this team up idea already.”
“You assume you even will win,” Yamazaki retorted. “Don’t forget you nearly timed out in our last game because you were too exhausted to run a homerun.”
Nino’s smirk fell. Unable to think of a suitable comeback, he settled for pouting in annoyance.
“Play smart, not hard. I thought you of all people would know that best,” Yamazaki went on, amusement sparkling in his gaze upon seeing he was winning the argument. “The visas give players a fighting chance because it allows them to rest between games. You should be using that to your advantage.”
“We’re not waiting a week,” Nino repeated through clenched teeth, his voice as stubborn as his claim.
“It doesn’t have to be a full week. Just a few days off to relax and enjoy ourselves,” said Yamazaki. He walked around the table to place his hands on Nino’s shoulders and began massaging them gently. “There’s more to this world than playing games, you know.”
Despite the distracting albeit pleasant massage that seemed to melt away the tension in his upper back, Nino rolled his eyes at how familiar that criticism was.
“Now you sound like my mother,” he grumbled.
“A wise woman, no doubt,” Yamazaki replied without missing a beat. “Must skip a generation.”
Nino whipped around in offence. Seeing the cheeky grin plastered across the young guy’s face, he beat him hard in the shoulder. He felt not an ounce of guilt when he spun back around with a pout adorning his lips. Feeling the massage continue, his annoyance didn’t last. The corners of his mouth twisted upwards in the beginnings of a grin. He did his best to prevent his companion from seeing it, though he sensed his efforts were in vain from the smugness he could feel radiating behind him.
“A couple of days rest,” he muttered eventually. “But then we get back to playing, got it?”
Yamazaki nodded feverishly in agreement. As the conversation drew to a close, a wave of exhaustion suddenly befell Nino. He wasn’t sure if it was due to the relaxing massage he was receiving, a lingering effect of the onsen or the result of finally giving himself permission to stop for the first time in weeks, but he inexplicably found himself incapable of doing more than keeping his eyes open. Even that proved somewhat of a struggle. His body lost its tension and he sunk into the soothing massage, his entire torso shrugging with every tug and pull of his shoulders. He would never admit to such a revelation, of course, but perhaps there was some sense in Yamazaki’s suggestion of taking a few days to relax.
---
The next couple of days sped by in a blur. While Yamazaki spent his mornings exercising, Nino killed time relaxing in the onsen or solving the puzzle around his neck. There was something gratifying about once more using the handheld piece for its original purpose rather than the comfort aid he’d turned it into. Their evenings were reminiscent of those which Nino spent with his friends before their deaths. Using Yamazaki’s knowledge of the land, they would harvest fresh produce from around the city and prepared it at the ryokan. Nino handled most of the cooking himself. The dishes were always simple; soups and stews mostly, or a serving of fish or vegetables over rice. But they were a far cry from the stale packaged dinners he’d lived off prior.
Hearing the scuffling of feet outside, Nino glanced up from where he was lounging comfortably on one of the chairs in the reception. He turned his attention to the sliding door just as Yamazaki entered. He was dressed in his usual workout gear but what was in his hand had Nino furrowing his brows. It wasn’t unusual for his companion to bring back an assortment of random objects that he found around the city-he seemed absurdly fascinated by the relics of the old world and would often venture out specifically to look for them, with Nino sometimes even accompanying him on his endeavours-but it was the first time Nino had seen him return from a run with something. While he had no idea where the young man went on his morning jogs, Nino did know that his focus was always singular when he worked out.
“Do I even want to know?” he asked as he stared at the guitar his companion was holding.
Yamazaki beamed at him and gestured to the instrument. “Cool, huh? I found it and thought you might want it.”
“Me?” Nino raised an eyebrow.
“During the seven of diamonds game, you were really knowledgeable about music and stuff, so I thought maybe you’d like it,” Yamazaki said. “I’m not sure if it can still be played though.”
He passed it to Nino, who took his time examining the guitar. It was an acoustic and a similar design to the one he owned in their old version of Tokyo, albeit worse for wear. Its body was a bit scuffed up and the fourth string was missing. But after a quick tune up, Nino discovered it still played fairly well. A childlike grin worked its way onto his lips as his fingers plucked at the remaining strings, muscle memory working its magic to create a pleasing melody that rang through the reception. Out of the corner of his eye, he registered a satisfied smile watching him, but he was too caught up in the music he’d sorely missed to care.
The thoughtful gift that Yamazaki had found and brought back for him became a fixture in Nino’s daily routine. Whenever he was bored or starting to slip back into dark thoughts, he found himself reaching for it. He lost himself to the music. Even with the broken string, he was able to strum a number of delightful tunes, both old favourites and those of his own creation. He even offered to teach Yamazaki how to play, not that either of them had much luck overcoming his virtual tone-deaf talent.
Nino found himself growing more curious about Yamazaki by the day. Although he adored the gift given to him, the sentiment behind it had him sceptical. He didn’t buy it being pure luck that his companion knew of his passion for music, while the reminder of their first game rekindled old suspicions. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Yamazaki; his gut instinct told him otherwise and he genuinely felt safe in his company. He just didn’t believe the man was telling him everything. Recalling what the former once confessed to him, Nino decided it was time to breach that barrier and put to rest some of his suspicions.
“You said you had companions, before,” he remarked, speaking the word with shrewd emphasis. It had bothered him since the moment he heard it. “Can I take it that means you’ve also lost someone you care about in this place?”
A flicker of sadness crossed Yamazaki’s face as he mulled over the question. He gave a timid nod, his gaze being drawn to the ground.
“More people than I care to count,” he confessed. “Allies, friends, even the girl I loved.”
Nino recognised the look in his eye as a pained smile played on his features. It was the same look he got whenever he relived a private memory of his dear friends and knew then that every word the young man had spoken to him was honest truth. A part of him thought he should stop the conversation there before he crossed a line, but his curiosity got the better of him.
“Did you know them before coming here?”
Yamazaki shook his head. “I met them here, but it felt like I’d known them my whole life.”
“So you do understand,” Nino murmured, his gaze dropping away.
“Yes and no,” Yamazaki replied. “I know what it’s like to lose people I care about-I understand that pain well. But I didn’t know my companions like you did yours. The five of you were friends before coming here. You said so yourself, they were like the air you breathe. That is something I will never truly understand.”
“Even so, why aren’t you mad?” Nino asked. “You should be furious at the game master for taking your loved ones from you, just like he did with me.”
Yamazaki shrugged. “Game master or not, this world operates beyond human control. I believe that they died because it was their time to die; as sad as I am that they’re gone, it brings me peace knowing they’re at least in a better place.” His voice dropped to a sheepish whisper when he admitted, “My only true regret is that I never got the chance to tell Suzu-chan how I felt before she died.”
“Never?” Nino asked, his eyebrow raising in astonishment.
Yamazaki shook his head sadly. “I tried telling myself that I didn’t realise my feelings for her before she was gone but truthfully I just never plucked up the nerve to say it until it was too late. That’s something I will always regret.”
“After she died, did you ever think to give up?” Nino dared to ask. Despite Yamazaki’s claims that he didn’t fully understand, Nino needed to know if he too experienced the debilitating pain that he had. “I mean, if you really believe the happenings of this world are out of our control, why keep fighting at all?”
“What else can I do?” Yamazaki said. “Giving up isn’t an option for me and the way I think about it, at least I have the memories of them. It doesn’t always feel like enough but I wouldn’t trade them for anything.” He stared straight at Nino with an earnest gaze. “Isn’t that why you’re still fighting too?”
Nino couldn’t bring himself to answer. In truth, he didn’t know. He’d tried to end his life and failed, though he couldn’t be certain if that had more to do with his will to live or his fear of dying. He was committed to winning these games for the sake of avenging his friends but once he’d done just that, he had no clue what would become of him. Would he fall into another pit of despair, from which this time there would be no hope of escape? Would he find the strength to move on with his life, assuming he ever could? Would he finally die and join them in whatever afterlife awaited them? He wasn’t sure. Thinking about his life post-revenge made his skin crawl. It scared him even more than the thought of playing his next game, so he used every shred of his concentration to not think about it.
Until now. As the various scenarios played on his mind, not one of them making him feel any more at ease about what the future held, he began to once again doubt whether it was worth fighting at all. He wanted to honour his friends and bring them the justice they deserved, as well as keep their memories alive, but he was beginning to question if it was even possible to achieve that goal. Yamazaki’s theory of some higher power at work played on his mind, leaving him doubtful that winning was even an option. If the other was right and the players really were dying simply because it was their time, then nothing he did would stop death from eventually taking him as well.
Feeling himself slip into the dangerous mindset that came with accepting such terms of life, Nino furiously shook them away. Whether it was true or not, he refused to settle for anything less than the revenge he craved. He needed to remain focused on beating the games and finding the person responsible for his pain, not dwell on existential speculations. And if Yamazaki proved in any way a hindrance to this cause, Nino was ready to severe any and all ties, fatally if need be. He secretly hoped it wouldn’t come to that but new friends or not, he refused to let anything get in his way.
---
The smell of chlorine filled the air. Shimmering blue ricocheted off the walls, creating the illusion of being underwater as Nino and Yamazaki made their way through the aquatic centre that was to play host to their next game.
“I still say we should have followed my analysis instead of blindly choosing an arena,” Nino grumbled even as they stepped over the border and collected their phones from the table that was set up at the bottom of the diving platforms.
Next to the phones were an equal number of strange looking eyewear. They resembled swimming goggles, though they were fitted with latches on the back of the straps. Reluctantly following the instructions, the two of them fitted themselves with a pair. Nino cringed at how tight the strap was, almost feeling like he had a vice fastened around his skull. That it didn’t impair his vision in the slightest offered him little assurance as he looked to the deep water beside them.
When Yamazaki suggested they play another game that evening, Nino hadn’t questioned him. There were three days left on his visa and he was excited to get back into the routine of playing and seizing victory after what felt like an eternity on hiatus. In hindsight, he knew his overenthusiasm had played a significant role in the predicament in which he currently found himself. The arena they’d come to was not one he’d previously registered on his reconnaissance, leaving him at a complete loss for what to prepare for. Even now, he was struggling to figure out exactly how his new teammate succeeded in leading him somewhere completely off his radar.
Yamazaki rolled his eyes. “Your analysis is still flawed,” he pointed out, a near exact echo of the criticism he made when he walked in on Nino and his map several nights ago. “If you fool yourself into the mindset of preparing for one suit, only for the game to be something different, you’re just putting yourself at a disadvantage. Besides, it’s kind of exciting not knowing what to expect. You get more of an adrenaline rush that way.”
Nino grumbled a few more grievances under his breath, claiming adrenaline was overrated and that with the likelihood of the sporting location hosting a kind of physical-based challenge, it was no wonder Yamazaki was now the more enthusiastic one between them.
With no real choice in the matter now that they were registered, Nino and Yamazaki ascended the first of many staircases to reach the top platform as instructed. It wasn’t long into the climb that Nino’s pace slowed, not out of exhaustion but sheer lack of motivation. Yamazaki turned back and tried to egg him onwards; when verbal encouragement failed, he resorted to backtracking the couple of steps necessary to grab his wrist and physically drag him, ignoring Nino’s complaints the whole way.
By the time they reached the top, Nino was actually starting to feel tired. He gave himself a couple of moments to catch his breath before surveying the scenery of their arena tonight. Close to seven other players were already gathered atop the platform and with another two minutes left on the countdown, it was anyone’s guess what the total number of players would be. The view was both magnificent and frightening, and was enough to make Nino nervous when he dared to take a peek over the side. Two pools lay beneath them, divided by a two-metre wide pathway decorated with diving blocks. At a height of ten metres, they were on the topmost platform. Most curious of all was the rope that hung from the ceiling. One end was attached to the middle of the roof while its other was tied to the end of their diving platform.
“I don’t like this,” Nino remarked.
An uneasy feeling bubbled up within him as he looked between the rope and the seemingly benign water below. The idea of jumping from this height didn’t appeal to him even without the unknown factor of what else the game might throw at them, and he dreaded to think what dangers that water contained.
“Nino?”
Nino’s eyes went wide, not at the mention of his name but at the voice that spoke it. He knew that voice. He’d known it for years.
While every fibre of his being was screaming for him to turn around, he couldn’t move. He couldn’t bear to look, knowing he had to be mistaken or else he would discover it was his imagination playing yet another vicious trick on him. His heart was pounding yet felt as if it had stopped just the same. Slowly but surely, he forced his head to turn.
Pairing: OT5, Matsumiya
Genre: AU, Angst, Dark Fantasy
Disclaimer: Plot is mine, Arashi is not. Unfortunately.
Summary: Down the rabbit hole they fell.
Author's Note: Happy Birthday Tama-chan! Some bonding, a short break from the angst and the moment you've been waiting for.
Waking to the faded smell of rain and morning dew, Nino struggled to pull himself from the unconscious world. It was his first decent night’s sleep in so long and while it left him feeling refreshed for the day to come, he was not ready to give it up just yet. He clung desperately to the peaceful blackness in his mind; he’d almost forgotten what it felt like to sleep uninterrupted by torturous images of his friends’ demise. But while he may have longed to remain lost in that undisturbed slumber, the sounds of movement from across the hall had him stirring. He shut his eyes that much tighter and rubbed his face against the soft material of his pillow, hoping to lull himself back into a state of total comfort that would have him drifting off again. His efforts proved fruitless, however. As he heard another clatter and thud, his eyelids pried themselves open. Light flooded his vision at once and chased away the comforting darkness that had cradled him all night long. He lifted his head and glared at the wall where he could hear the noise coming from.
Making no effort to get up, Nino rolled onto his back. He stretched his limbs, a groan of exertion sounding as he felt his muscles pull. He reached behind his neck to reposition his necklace, pulling the flower out from where it lay uncomfortably beneath the ridge of his shoulder, and flopped back on his futon. His listless gaze swept his surroundings. The sketchbook lay on the ground nearby, having dropped away from him at some point during the night. Nino’s expression softened in both endearment and sadness as he gazed at it, remembering his moment of weakness before falling asleep last night.
Yet another scuffle echoed from down the hall. Nino lifted his head. Distracted by the sound, he all but forgot his heartache as his curiosity got the better of him. It was with a soft grunt that he pulled himself upright. Grabbing Sho’s parka from where it lay on the floor above his pillow, he zipped it halfway up his torso, crossed the room and slipped out into the hallway, following the string of noises until he came across its source. The door was open to a sliver. He tapped the frame in a half-hearted gesture of politeness before pushing it all the way open. Yamazaki was inside, crouched by a futon of his own as he did up the laces of his sneakers. He glanced up and greeted Nino with a kindly smile.
“If you’re trying to sneak out, you’re doing a lousy job,” Nino remarked dryly.
Yamazaki’s smile became somewhat bashful and he offered a fleeting apology, one Nino could tell he didn’t truly mean from the amusement that glinted in his gaze. Choosing to ignore it for the time being, Nino looked his companion over.
“Are you going jogging or something?”
Try as he might to disguise it, a flicker of intrigue still found its way into his tone. It was less the activity itself that surprised him and more the resemblance that stood before him. Dressed in his activewear, the young man was a near splitting image of his two friends before they used to run together. Seeing it made Nino’s heart ache.
“Got to keep active if I’m going to win the games,” Yamazaki answered. Finishing tying his shoes, he rose to his feet. “Want to join me?”
“I’m good,” Nino grumbled. While running wouldn’t have appealed to him even at the best of times, the reminder of his friends had him feeling sick to his stomach.
Yamazaki shrugged. “Suit yourself. I should be back in an hour or so.”
Nino accompanied him to the entrance and watched him jog at a leisurely pace across the road until he was out of sight. His gaze surveyed the silent cityscape, thoroughly sodden after last night’s downpour. Nino placed his hands on his hips and sighed under his breath, turning back to re-enter the ryokan. As nice as it was in the fresh morning air, he had no intention of going anywhere. He wandered the empty residence, scanning each room and floor with much fascination. So many details were familiar, triggering memories from that night weeks ago when he and his friends participated in the seven of diamonds, and yet in the light of day, everything seemed completely different. He caught himself unknowingly retracing his steps from the game. Ambling around reception, his gaze drifted from the pottery adorning the wall to the lamp and old-fashioned phone on the desk. He experimentally picked up the receiver; not a sound could be heard. His fingers ghosted the lampshade, flicking it with just enough power to spin it one rotation. As he did, the riddle replayed in his recollection.
Slipping upstairs once more, he snuck a glance into one of the many rooms on the upper floor. Like the one he slept in last night, it too bore many similarities to the one that hosted the second level of their escape room challenge. This room was also decorated with traditional furnishings and artistic wall hangings. The low-set table had a flower arrangement at its centre, though the flowers were not nearly as fresh as the ones from the game. A quick check of the arrangement confirmed there were no hidden clues tucked away in this one either. It wasn’t the only difference. The tatami was perfectly aligned, a fact that unwittingly brought a bittersweet smile to Nino’s face as his gaze traced the symmetrical lines on the floor. The rainbow sliding tile game was missing while the cupboard had only two futons stacked neatly inside. There was a tea set in the cabinet, though it was more standard with only four cups and a teapot. The sliding door on the far side of the room also opened to reveal a view of the small yet pretty garden outside.
He left the room soon after and worked his way through the rest of the corridor, past the bathroom and down to the courtyard. Despite the melody that played in the back of his mind as he traversed the tiles, he couldn’t help thinking more about the conversation he’d had with his new companion than the game they once played together. Even now, he was struggling to comprehend how candid he was. He’d let down every one of his walls and allowed his emotions to pour free in a verbal torrent that he couldn’t hope to stop. It was a wonder he could look Yamazaki in the eye after everything he said last night.
But there was no denying how much better he felt. It was like in confessing his deepest thoughts and innermost truths, the weight he’d been carrying had finally lifted. It freed him from his nightmares and the fear that had plagued him for too long; it freed him from the burden of bearing his loss alone. The pain of that loss lingered on but somehow it didn’t seem so impossible to live with anymore.
Looking to distract himself from the thoughts of last night’s embarrassing revelation, Nino trekked onwards out of the courtyard. He followed the signage through the picturesque gardens, down the hill towards the hot spring. He observed his surroundings with quiet curiosity. The last time he was here, he hadn’t truly been able to appreciate how pretty it all was. They’d raced through this exact garden with so much haste, their lives literally dependant on it, and in the process missed out on scenery he could only describe as breathtaking.
Azalea bushes blanketed the slope leading down to an oriental style woodland. Nino followed the tree-flanked pathway down to the lower grounds. The pine trees dispersed as he entered a clearing. Encircled by trees, it reached as far as Nino could see. The sound of rushing water and the smell of sulphur enveloped him, bringing with it pleasant memories of the graduation onsen trip he and his friends took years back. As he gazed around the clearing, he caught a glimpse of steam rising from behind the rock hill and made his way over to it. Several small ponds cut through the earth. The surface of the pools was perfectly still, making for a flawless projection of the sky and all its surroundings to be cast upon water so clear. A trail of steppingstones circled the springs to create a crossing of sorts to reach the stone statues that stood erect all around the waters’ edge. It was the picture of serenity.
Too great a temptation to resist, Nino slipped out of his attire and stepped up to one of the larger springs. The heat rising from the clear pool was intoxicatingly calming; from the moment he slid into the crystalline water, he felt all his tension melt away. Deeper than expected, he sunk up to his neck when the ground beneath his feet suddenly dropped away. He treaded water for a bit before paddling back towards the rocks. Every breath of steam filled his lungs like toxic fumes, leaving him feeling lightheaded and utterly giddy. His tender skin sizzled under the intense heat, the sensation oddly pleasant as it seemed to numb him to the soreness of the rest of his body. He cupped some of the water in his hands and gently splashed his face with it, allowing the water’s warmth and minerals to revitalise him. With a relaxed sigh as it did just that, he stretched his neck back and let his head rest against one of the rocks behind him. The feel of the hot water caressing his naked flesh after so long was invigorating in ways words couldn’t hope to describe.
Blinking the droplets from his eyes, he swept his sodden hair back from his face. He startled at how unexpectedly silky it felt as his wet locks ran through his fingers. He couldn’t tell if it was an effect of the onsen’s natural minerals or just an illusion of his own making, but his hair felt more nourished than it had in weeks. His skin too felt softer as he cleansed himself properly for the first time in so long.
Immersed in the nourishing pool, his mind too was cleansed. His thoughts drifted to his friends and how much they would have enjoyed this. But rather than guilt-ridden scenarios like why they hadn’t just stayed at this arena after their game there, he thought about the onsen trip they’d taken years ago. He chuckled to himself as he recalled himself and Sho having to share the only other free shower after losing to the others in a game of janken, and Aiba’s embarrassment of accidentally performing a kancho to a complete stranger after mistaking the man for one of them. Needless to say, despite the four of them immediately jumping in to help defuse the situation, they never let him live it down afterwards.
Comforted by the memory of their companionship, his mind wandered from his friends to Yamazaki’s proposition. He recalled the last time he was in this place and the way he’d helped them achieve victory, accidental or not. His friends’ words replayed as he remembered their reassurance that the other guy was nothing but trustworthy when he first voiced his suspicions of him. Nino smiled wistfully while he allowed the echoes from his memories to cradle him, offering him a seed of hope that it was okay to open his heart again.
When Yamazaki returned to the ryokan nearly ninety minutes later, a healthy sheen of perspiration making his forehead glisten like the surface of the onsen, he was fully expecting the silence that greeted him. He traversed the hallways in quiet reflection, checking every empty room along the way. It saddened him to think Nino had upped and left again; he enjoyed Nino’s company as much as the latter seemed to enjoy his. But while they may have helped each other feel less lonely, he’d sensed Nino’s reluctance last night when he suggested they stick together. While he hoped time might change his mind and allow him to see that he really was only trying to help, Yamazaki doubted it would make much difference. Nino’s admissions last night proved he was far from over the loss of his friends and even if he did want someone else in his life to fill the void, he wasn’t nearly ready to move on. Yamazaki respected this-it was why he never pushed for Nino to stick around all those times he visited him at his previous campsite-but that wasn’t to say he wouldn’t be disappointed to see him go.
So when he entered the courtyard and spotted a familiar figure emerging from the garden, he could only smile. He halted in the doorway and looked on silently. Nino’s hair was damp and he had a small towel draped around his neck, his new shirt speckled with droplets of water. He walked over to the portable stove that was sitting on one of the tables. He stirred the contents of the pot before sampling a mouthful. His brows creased and he turned to rummage through the bag that was at his feet. From it, he plucked what appeared to be shiso and tore off a few sprigs, which he then added to the pot. He tasted it again, the satisfactory smile that graced his lips unmissable.
“You know that’s not your stove to use, right?” Yamazaki said as he finally made his presence known.
He chuckled when Nino jumped at the sound of his voice. A combination of guilt and embarrassment flashed simultaneously across his face before it disappeared behind what Yamazaki knew to be the other guy’s usual unreadable front.
Choosing to ignore his rhetorical question, Nino looked sternly at his companion. “You’re late.”
“I didn’t realise you’d be timing me,” Yamazaki replied. His smile twisted coquettishly, a knowing glint in his eyes as he stared at his companion’s unimpressed expression. “And what exactly have you been up to while I was gone?”
Nino didn’t answer, instead affixing his gaze on the stove he was tending to. Without saying a word more to their conversation, he stirred the simmering contents another few times before pouring a couple of spoonfuls over the small serving of rice. He offhandedly passed one to Yamazaki, who startled at the action.
“You made this…for me?”
“Well, it didn’t make itself,” Nino said with a roll of his eyes. When he saw the other was still staring, he added, “Don’t read too much into it. I was hungry and god knows I wasn’t about to let you cook again.”
Yamazaki ignored the thinly veiled insult and accepted the food given to him, taking a hearty sip. Flavours of shiitake, carp and taro all found their way to his palate, complimenting one another and the rice wonderfully. The soup, while thin, was not nearly as watery in taste as his own thanks in no small part to the herbs Nino had used to season the dish. It was simple but tasty.
“Delicious!” Yamazaki praised.
A soft pink coloured Nino’s cheeks at the sheer honesty of his reaction. He didn’t have much experience cooking, so it was nice to have someone appreciate his efforts, even if it was embarrassing just the same. He took a silent mouthful of his own meal, relishing in the delightful flavours of his making. More than his own skill, however, he felt it was the sheer pleasure of eating with company again that made the moment so much more enjoyable.
“I’ve got to say, I didn’t expect you to hang around,” Yamazaki said after a couple of minutes. “After your reaction last night, I thought you’d take off without a word.”
There was a beat of silence.
“I thought about it,” Nino replied eventually.
It surprised Yamazaki to hear him admit it so easily, having expected the other to put up more of a fight when it came to revealing his actions. He stared at Nino. While there was mild annoyance adorning his face, it was more self-directed, as if frustrated that his assumption had hit close to home. Yamazaki decided to push his luck to see if he could get him to open up more.
“What changed your mind?”
After voicing his query, he fell quiet, watching and waiting in the hopes Nino might say more. He read the complexity of emotions that flickered across his expression too fast to truly comprehend.
Nino didn’t answer at first, not because he didn’t want to but simply due to him not understanding the reason himself. Sticking with Yamazaki was not something he intended to be a long-term arrangement. Seeking to quell his loneliness, he made the decision to stay close to the young man for the time being, during the day at least. He would indulge in his base desire for companionship until he felt strong enough to venture out on his own again. He was confident this change within himself was a fleeting experience; as the rawness of both his grief and anger began to fade, it left him in an agonising and lonely limbo. He was convinced this was the reason for his emotional turmoil and with Yamazaki already proving to be a useful distraction to cure his isolation, Nino felt it only sensible to keep him around. It wouldn’t last forever. Sooner or later, he would regain his inner strength or else tire of the boy’s antics and return to his ronin lifestyle.
The more time he spent with the other guy, however, the more he realised he didn’t want to strike out on his own again. He’d almost forgotten the joy that came from having someone answer when he spoke or feeling the heat of another living body sitting beside him. Yamazaki was easy to be around and was so akin to his friends, in more ways than he was willing to admit.
Nino had always been the type of person who got lonely easy; even back when he was a child, he tended to keep proximity with his peers. It comforted him and helped him feel strong. There were plenty who didn’t appreciate his desire to be near them, with some even calling him weird or clingy or claiming he had no respect for personal space. Such comments usually ignited his impudence and resulted in him sticking even closer purely to antagonise them. Other people grew closer to him because of his nature. He could go from total strangers to friends in next to no time-in fact, it was this habit of his that was the reason he and his friends became so close in the first place.
And it appeared he was having that same effect on Yamazaki.
“Something about you just reminds me of them,” Nino confessed.
He fidgeted a little, the words sounding a bit off as he said it aloud, but there was no denying the sentiment behind them. It was true, after all. There was something comforting about his presence and Nino instinctively knew it was due to the parallels to his friends. Yamazaki possessed a special sort of kindness that reminded him so much of Jun, it was almost painful; he wasn’t afraid to be brutally honest at times and yet his actions always seemed to stem from genuine compassion. Despite his blatant airheadedness, having seemingly not a thought in his brain at times, he could also be surprisingly insightful with the things he said, just like Ohno. Nino had also witnessed an honourable side to him that bordered on fierce, same as Sho. But the biggest thing was his smile. It was so carefree, so innocent and open, and shone with a unique gentleness, the likes of which Nino had only ever seen from Aiba. Together, it made for an agonising mix that he couldn’t bring himself to part with.
“In a good way?” Yamazaki asked hesitantly.
Nino shook his head. “In a torturous way. You’re so much like them, I can’t stand it.” He closed his eyes as he felt a torrent of emotion overwhelm him. His head dropped to his chest and he sniffled loudly, taking a moment to collect himself before speaking again. “I’m not myself without them but it’s almost like through you, I can hear them, see their faces, feel their presence. With you, I feel…less lonely somehow. It’s not the same, but it’s better than nothing.”
“Does that mean you want to work together?” There was no mistaking the twang of disbelief that laced Yamazaki’s voice as he read between the lines of Nino’s passionate remark.
Nino sighed. “I honestly don’t know.” He kept his tone as collected as he could to keep from letting his emotions get the better of him again.
It was true that playing these games without anyone to have his back and offset his personal weaknesses was a struggle, one that had come close to claiming his life a number of times. Deliberating the young man’s past performances only improved his inclination towards the idea. Their last game proved he possessed far more athletic capability than he appeared; he’d also previously demonstrated having a sort of blind luck, something Nino felt he himself was seriously lacking of late. His own intelligence and cunning would be good to counteract Yamazaki’s airheaded nature as well, while the latter’s undeniable likeability would surely prove useful when it came to cooperative games.
“I’ve thought a lot about what you said and realised you might have a point,” Nino said after a while. “We balance each other out-I’m good in diamonds and hearts games, and you’re good in spades and clubs. I’m still not sure it’s the smartest move, but I’m willing to try.”
“I’m in,” Yamazaki said enthusiastically. His voice turned sharp when he added, “On one condition.”
Nino narrowed his eyes in question, the other’s sudden change in demeanour catching him unaware. He waited for him to elaborate.
“No more killing people.”
“You sound like Aiba-kun.”
“Well, you did say I reminded you of your friends.”
“Regardless, I can’t promise that,” Nino argued, despite the tightness he felt in his chest at yet another echo of his fallen comrades. “Sometimes people have to die in these games, and more often than not if you aren’t the killer, you’re the killed.”
“That’s a very black and white way to look at things,” said Yamazaki. “And for what it’s worth, I think you’re wrong. If you can figure out the correct path, make all the right moves and have a bit of luck on your side, then you can clear these games without the need for anyone dying.”
Nino was sceptical of his idealistic reasoning. It sounded more like wishing thinking than anything else, the deluded rants of a die-hard optimistic, not unlike what he would expect to hear from Aiba. As much as he could confirm Yamazaki’s theory in relation to most other games, he simply couldn’t believe the game master would design these challenges with that sort of loophole included, particularly when he seemed to thrive on the destruction of the players. Yamazaki read his lack of response as a sign of continued doubt and reworked his argument from a different angle.
“I’m not asking you to go out of your way to save others,” he pointed out. “I’m just asking you not to go out of your way to sabotage them either. Everyone deserves a chance to save their own life in these games, and I’d hate to see you take that opportunity away from someone else.”
Nino clicked his tongue, knowing it was not an unreasonable ask but despising it nonetheless. Such a restriction would surely impact his ability to play the games but as he recalled the dreadful feeling that had enveloped him after the six of clubs, he realised Yamazaki was not only asking this of him for the sake of the other players, but for him as well.
As if to drive home this fact, he added, “I doubt your friends would have approved of you resorting to such malicious methods.”
Nino looked at him sharply. Yamazaki’s expression was easy to read and Nino could tell that he knew he hit a nerve, having done so deliberately to get his point across.
“Fine,” he conceded after much deliberation. His voice dropped to a dark whisper when he spoke again. “But don’t you dare throw that in my face again.”
“Deal,” Yamazaki agreed.
Nino nodded reluctantly. “Then from tonight onwards, I will be on my best behaviour,” he said mockingly.
“I knew you’d see it my way.” Yamazaki beamed. “But we’re not playing tonight.”
“But-”
“Your best chance at winning any game is to be well rested and strong. How many days do you have left on your visa?”
Nino did a quick tally count in his head. “Seven.”
“Perfect,” said Yamazaki. “That gives us a week to rest up and figure out our best strategy.”
“First of all, I already have a strategy,” Nino pointed out. “Second of all, I’m not waiting a whole week to win my next game.” He scoffed under his breath, remarking, “I’m beginning to regret this team up idea already.”
“You assume you even will win,” Yamazaki retorted. “Don’t forget you nearly timed out in our last game because you were too exhausted to run a homerun.”
Nino’s smirk fell. Unable to think of a suitable comeback, he settled for pouting in annoyance.
“Play smart, not hard. I thought you of all people would know that best,” Yamazaki went on, amusement sparkling in his gaze upon seeing he was winning the argument. “The visas give players a fighting chance because it allows them to rest between games. You should be using that to your advantage.”
“We’re not waiting a week,” Nino repeated through clenched teeth, his voice as stubborn as his claim.
“It doesn’t have to be a full week. Just a few days off to relax and enjoy ourselves,” said Yamazaki. He walked around the table to place his hands on Nino’s shoulders and began massaging them gently. “There’s more to this world than playing games, you know.”
Despite the distracting albeit pleasant massage that seemed to melt away the tension in his upper back, Nino rolled his eyes at how familiar that criticism was.
“Now you sound like my mother,” he grumbled.
“A wise woman, no doubt,” Yamazaki replied without missing a beat. “Must skip a generation.”
Nino whipped around in offence. Seeing the cheeky grin plastered across the young guy’s face, he beat him hard in the shoulder. He felt not an ounce of guilt when he spun back around with a pout adorning his lips. Feeling the massage continue, his annoyance didn’t last. The corners of his mouth twisted upwards in the beginnings of a grin. He did his best to prevent his companion from seeing it, though he sensed his efforts were in vain from the smugness he could feel radiating behind him.
“A couple of days rest,” he muttered eventually. “But then we get back to playing, got it?”
Yamazaki nodded feverishly in agreement. As the conversation drew to a close, a wave of exhaustion suddenly befell Nino. He wasn’t sure if it was due to the relaxing massage he was receiving, a lingering effect of the onsen or the result of finally giving himself permission to stop for the first time in weeks, but he inexplicably found himself incapable of doing more than keeping his eyes open. Even that proved somewhat of a struggle. His body lost its tension and he sunk into the soothing massage, his entire torso shrugging with every tug and pull of his shoulders. He would never admit to such a revelation, of course, but perhaps there was some sense in Yamazaki’s suggestion of taking a few days to relax.
---
The next couple of days sped by in a blur. While Yamazaki spent his mornings exercising, Nino killed time relaxing in the onsen or solving the puzzle around his neck. There was something gratifying about once more using the handheld piece for its original purpose rather than the comfort aid he’d turned it into. Their evenings were reminiscent of those which Nino spent with his friends before their deaths. Using Yamazaki’s knowledge of the land, they would harvest fresh produce from around the city and prepared it at the ryokan. Nino handled most of the cooking himself. The dishes were always simple; soups and stews mostly, or a serving of fish or vegetables over rice. But they were a far cry from the stale packaged dinners he’d lived off prior.
Hearing the scuffling of feet outside, Nino glanced up from where he was lounging comfortably on one of the chairs in the reception. He turned his attention to the sliding door just as Yamazaki entered. He was dressed in his usual workout gear but what was in his hand had Nino furrowing his brows. It wasn’t unusual for his companion to bring back an assortment of random objects that he found around the city-he seemed absurdly fascinated by the relics of the old world and would often venture out specifically to look for them, with Nino sometimes even accompanying him on his endeavours-but it was the first time Nino had seen him return from a run with something. While he had no idea where the young man went on his morning jogs, Nino did know that his focus was always singular when he worked out.
“Do I even want to know?” he asked as he stared at the guitar his companion was holding.
Yamazaki beamed at him and gestured to the instrument. “Cool, huh? I found it and thought you might want it.”
“Me?” Nino raised an eyebrow.
“During the seven of diamonds game, you were really knowledgeable about music and stuff, so I thought maybe you’d like it,” Yamazaki said. “I’m not sure if it can still be played though.”
He passed it to Nino, who took his time examining the guitar. It was an acoustic and a similar design to the one he owned in their old version of Tokyo, albeit worse for wear. Its body was a bit scuffed up and the fourth string was missing. But after a quick tune up, Nino discovered it still played fairly well. A childlike grin worked its way onto his lips as his fingers plucked at the remaining strings, muscle memory working its magic to create a pleasing melody that rang through the reception. Out of the corner of his eye, he registered a satisfied smile watching him, but he was too caught up in the music he’d sorely missed to care.
The thoughtful gift that Yamazaki had found and brought back for him became a fixture in Nino’s daily routine. Whenever he was bored or starting to slip back into dark thoughts, he found himself reaching for it. He lost himself to the music. Even with the broken string, he was able to strum a number of delightful tunes, both old favourites and those of his own creation. He even offered to teach Yamazaki how to play, not that either of them had much luck overcoming his virtual tone-deaf talent.
Nino found himself growing more curious about Yamazaki by the day. Although he adored the gift given to him, the sentiment behind it had him sceptical. He didn’t buy it being pure luck that his companion knew of his passion for music, while the reminder of their first game rekindled old suspicions. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Yamazaki; his gut instinct told him otherwise and he genuinely felt safe in his company. He just didn’t believe the man was telling him everything. Recalling what the former once confessed to him, Nino decided it was time to breach that barrier and put to rest some of his suspicions.
“You said you had companions, before,” he remarked, speaking the word with shrewd emphasis. It had bothered him since the moment he heard it. “Can I take it that means you’ve also lost someone you care about in this place?”
A flicker of sadness crossed Yamazaki’s face as he mulled over the question. He gave a timid nod, his gaze being drawn to the ground.
“More people than I care to count,” he confessed. “Allies, friends, even the girl I loved.”
Nino recognised the look in his eye as a pained smile played on his features. It was the same look he got whenever he relived a private memory of his dear friends and knew then that every word the young man had spoken to him was honest truth. A part of him thought he should stop the conversation there before he crossed a line, but his curiosity got the better of him.
“Did you know them before coming here?”
Yamazaki shook his head. “I met them here, but it felt like I’d known them my whole life.”
“So you do understand,” Nino murmured, his gaze dropping away.
“Yes and no,” Yamazaki replied. “I know what it’s like to lose people I care about-I understand that pain well. But I didn’t know my companions like you did yours. The five of you were friends before coming here. You said so yourself, they were like the air you breathe. That is something I will never truly understand.”
“Even so, why aren’t you mad?” Nino asked. “You should be furious at the game master for taking your loved ones from you, just like he did with me.”
Yamazaki shrugged. “Game master or not, this world operates beyond human control. I believe that they died because it was their time to die; as sad as I am that they’re gone, it brings me peace knowing they’re at least in a better place.” His voice dropped to a sheepish whisper when he admitted, “My only true regret is that I never got the chance to tell Suzu-chan how I felt before she died.”
“Never?” Nino asked, his eyebrow raising in astonishment.
Yamazaki shook his head sadly. “I tried telling myself that I didn’t realise my feelings for her before she was gone but truthfully I just never plucked up the nerve to say it until it was too late. That’s something I will always regret.”
“After she died, did you ever think to give up?” Nino dared to ask. Despite Yamazaki’s claims that he didn’t fully understand, Nino needed to know if he too experienced the debilitating pain that he had. “I mean, if you really believe the happenings of this world are out of our control, why keep fighting at all?”
“What else can I do?” Yamazaki said. “Giving up isn’t an option for me and the way I think about it, at least I have the memories of them. It doesn’t always feel like enough but I wouldn’t trade them for anything.” He stared straight at Nino with an earnest gaze. “Isn’t that why you’re still fighting too?”
Nino couldn’t bring himself to answer. In truth, he didn’t know. He’d tried to end his life and failed, though he couldn’t be certain if that had more to do with his will to live or his fear of dying. He was committed to winning these games for the sake of avenging his friends but once he’d done just that, he had no clue what would become of him. Would he fall into another pit of despair, from which this time there would be no hope of escape? Would he find the strength to move on with his life, assuming he ever could? Would he finally die and join them in whatever afterlife awaited them? He wasn’t sure. Thinking about his life post-revenge made his skin crawl. It scared him even more than the thought of playing his next game, so he used every shred of his concentration to not think about it.
Until now. As the various scenarios played on his mind, not one of them making him feel any more at ease about what the future held, he began to once again doubt whether it was worth fighting at all. He wanted to honour his friends and bring them the justice they deserved, as well as keep their memories alive, but he was beginning to question if it was even possible to achieve that goal. Yamazaki’s theory of some higher power at work played on his mind, leaving him doubtful that winning was even an option. If the other was right and the players really were dying simply because it was their time, then nothing he did would stop death from eventually taking him as well.
Feeling himself slip into the dangerous mindset that came with accepting such terms of life, Nino furiously shook them away. Whether it was true or not, he refused to settle for anything less than the revenge he craved. He needed to remain focused on beating the games and finding the person responsible for his pain, not dwell on existential speculations. And if Yamazaki proved in any way a hindrance to this cause, Nino was ready to severe any and all ties, fatally if need be. He secretly hoped it wouldn’t come to that but new friends or not, he refused to let anything get in his way.
---
The smell of chlorine filled the air. Shimmering blue ricocheted off the walls, creating the illusion of being underwater as Nino and Yamazaki made their way through the aquatic centre that was to play host to their next game.
“I still say we should have followed my analysis instead of blindly choosing an arena,” Nino grumbled even as they stepped over the border and collected their phones from the table that was set up at the bottom of the diving platforms.
Next to the phones were an equal number of strange looking eyewear. They resembled swimming goggles, though they were fitted with latches on the back of the straps. Reluctantly following the instructions, the two of them fitted themselves with a pair. Nino cringed at how tight the strap was, almost feeling like he had a vice fastened around his skull. That it didn’t impair his vision in the slightest offered him little assurance as he looked to the deep water beside them.
When Yamazaki suggested they play another game that evening, Nino hadn’t questioned him. There were three days left on his visa and he was excited to get back into the routine of playing and seizing victory after what felt like an eternity on hiatus. In hindsight, he knew his overenthusiasm had played a significant role in the predicament in which he currently found himself. The arena they’d come to was not one he’d previously registered on his reconnaissance, leaving him at a complete loss for what to prepare for. Even now, he was struggling to figure out exactly how his new teammate succeeded in leading him somewhere completely off his radar.
Yamazaki rolled his eyes. “Your analysis is still flawed,” he pointed out, a near exact echo of the criticism he made when he walked in on Nino and his map several nights ago. “If you fool yourself into the mindset of preparing for one suit, only for the game to be something different, you’re just putting yourself at a disadvantage. Besides, it’s kind of exciting not knowing what to expect. You get more of an adrenaline rush that way.”
Nino grumbled a few more grievances under his breath, claiming adrenaline was overrated and that with the likelihood of the sporting location hosting a kind of physical-based challenge, it was no wonder Yamazaki was now the more enthusiastic one between them.
With no real choice in the matter now that they were registered, Nino and Yamazaki ascended the first of many staircases to reach the top platform as instructed. It wasn’t long into the climb that Nino’s pace slowed, not out of exhaustion but sheer lack of motivation. Yamazaki turned back and tried to egg him onwards; when verbal encouragement failed, he resorted to backtracking the couple of steps necessary to grab his wrist and physically drag him, ignoring Nino’s complaints the whole way.
By the time they reached the top, Nino was actually starting to feel tired. He gave himself a couple of moments to catch his breath before surveying the scenery of their arena tonight. Close to seven other players were already gathered atop the platform and with another two minutes left on the countdown, it was anyone’s guess what the total number of players would be. The view was both magnificent and frightening, and was enough to make Nino nervous when he dared to take a peek over the side. Two pools lay beneath them, divided by a two-metre wide pathway decorated with diving blocks. At a height of ten metres, they were on the topmost platform. Most curious of all was the rope that hung from the ceiling. One end was attached to the middle of the roof while its other was tied to the end of their diving platform.
“I don’t like this,” Nino remarked.
An uneasy feeling bubbled up within him as he looked between the rope and the seemingly benign water below. The idea of jumping from this height didn’t appeal to him even without the unknown factor of what else the game might throw at them, and he dreaded to think what dangers that water contained.
“Nino?”
Nino’s eyes went wide, not at the mention of his name but at the voice that spoke it. He knew that voice. He’d known it for years.
While every fibre of his being was screaming for him to turn around, he couldn’t move. He couldn’t bear to look, knowing he had to be mistaken or else he would discover it was his imagination playing yet another vicious trick on him. His heart was pounding yet felt as if it had stopped just the same. Slowly but surely, he forced his head to turn.