CLASS, OR SHOULD I SAY, "LACK THEROF"?
I'm aware of my tendency to ramble, so I'm going to keep this short. There is a girl who is in EVERY ONE OF MY CLASSES who is in imminent danger of being given severe head trauma with a hammer courtesy of yours truly.
It started yesterday. I was tired. I'm not used to being up at eight. So, I was a little grumpy. Plus, I'm not much of a nice guy until I know someone in the first place. This girl, whom I'll refer to from this point as "Legba" since I don't know her real name, started off as kind of the victim here. Admittedly, I was a little harsh on her the first day of class. But, I was trying to be the "I'm quiet. Leave me alone" kind of guy, but she kept on probing and goading me until I had to turn into the "elitist, better-than-you, expose you for the outright bottom-feeder that you are" kind of guy. I don't like having to be that guy, but when cornered, the gloves come off. It went down like this.
Legba: (In reference to a book I was reading) Oooh, what class is that for?
Me: It's not for a class. I'm just reading it.
Legba: What do you mean, it's not for a class?
Me: I'm reading it because I bought it. I wanted to read it.
Legba: You mean that book wasn't assigned to you?
Me: (sigh) No.
Legba: Hmmmmm. I like to read too.
Me: (Blatently non-interested, but not willing YET to be rude) Oh, really? What kind of stuff do you normally read?
Legba: Well, I'm really into Dean Koontz.
Now at this point, I'm in a position where I have to QUICKLY make a decision. I believe that Dean Koontz is single handedly responsible for allowing illiterate people to experience the sense of achievement you get after reading a book, without actually having to read anything remotely resembling a well-crafted story. If they had a law concerning "crimes against literature", I'd recommend that he be given the chair.
SO now, I've got a choice to make: Give her a story along the lines of "oh my friend so and so really likes him, but he's not my kind of stuff..." or just kind of ignore the comment and hope that she drops it. I go with that one. Unfortunately, I couldn't stop my involuntary muscle spasm, which came in the form of the kind of expression I would have if a dirty bum approached me and asked me to wash his asshole.
So just to prove her status as the "queen of all punishment-gluttons", she says:
Legba: I take it you don't like Dean Koontz.
Now, I hate to admit it, but I actually perked up upon hearing this question, for one reason: the ball was placed firmly in her court, and she had every chance not to hit it back to me. But she did anyway. Now I have no choice but to engage her.
Me: Dean Koontz is the "Road Rules" of Literature.
Now, when someone puts you in this kind of a culture-related DDT move, the last thing on EARTH you want to do is say anything else that can be used as ammo against you. But, God bless her, she was DETERMINED to make this a cake-walk for me. I swear, I could not make this up:
Legba: What do you mean by that?
I gave up. This wasn't just a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent... this opponent was purposely shooting itself in every non-lethal limb it had. I just kinda said some variation of "eh, forget it", and I thought that would be it.
WRONG.
Today, I'm in another class, and she comes walking in. She appears to be ready to sit elsewhere then spots ME, and comes and sits right next to me.
Legba: You're the only person I know here, so I'm gonna sit here, K?
Me: (head in book) mmm k.
Legba: Read any Dean Koontz lately? hahaha.
Me: I'd rather contract gonorhrea.
Then, our teacher comes in. And guess what? It's Mrs. Phifer, who also taught me at Tulane. She's one of the only teachers on earth that I LOVE...one of the only teachers who I feel can make ANY class interesting. She's just great. So she looks at me and says, "Hey! What are you doing here?" and I say "I was just wondering the same thing about you." So she explains to the class that she teaches at both schools, etc,etc. Then, she's explaining how "debate is encouraged" for this class (Administrative Legal Research) and she points at ME and says "And I know that SOME of you can argue!" Because I really got into the other class I had with her. So, of course Legba has to chime in:
Legba: Yeah, some of us already know he's good at THAT.
Like she's known for me years!! This chick has received but a TASTE of the saccharine bite of my verbal sparring skillz, yo. But I have taken it upon myself to see it as a personal quest... nay, a DUTY... to incite this dipshit to drop this class so as to never have to share a room with me again.
It's the least I can do for Mrs. Phifer.
P.S. I love Carrie.
It started yesterday. I was tired. I'm not used to being up at eight. So, I was a little grumpy. Plus, I'm not much of a nice guy until I know someone in the first place. This girl, whom I'll refer to from this point as "Legba" since I don't know her real name, started off as kind of the victim here. Admittedly, I was a little harsh on her the first day of class. But, I was trying to be the "I'm quiet. Leave me alone" kind of guy, but she kept on probing and goading me until I had to turn into the "elitist, better-than-you, expose you for the outright bottom-feeder that you are" kind of guy. I don't like having to be that guy, but when cornered, the gloves come off. It went down like this.
Legba: (In reference to a book I was reading) Oooh, what class is that for?
Me: It's not for a class. I'm just reading it.
Legba: What do you mean, it's not for a class?
Me: I'm reading it because I bought it. I wanted to read it.
Legba: You mean that book wasn't assigned to you?
Me: (sigh) No.
Legba: Hmmmmm. I like to read too.
Me: (Blatently non-interested, but not willing YET to be rude) Oh, really? What kind of stuff do you normally read?
Legba: Well, I'm really into Dean Koontz.
Now at this point, I'm in a position where I have to QUICKLY make a decision. I believe that Dean Koontz is single handedly responsible for allowing illiterate people to experience the sense of achievement you get after reading a book, without actually having to read anything remotely resembling a well-crafted story. If they had a law concerning "crimes against literature", I'd recommend that he be given the chair.
SO now, I've got a choice to make: Give her a story along the lines of "oh my friend so and so really likes him, but he's not my kind of stuff..." or just kind of ignore the comment and hope that she drops it. I go with that one. Unfortunately, I couldn't stop my involuntary muscle spasm, which came in the form of the kind of expression I would have if a dirty bum approached me and asked me to wash his asshole.
So just to prove her status as the "queen of all punishment-gluttons", she says:
Legba: I take it you don't like Dean Koontz.
Now, I hate to admit it, but I actually perked up upon hearing this question, for one reason: the ball was placed firmly in her court, and she had every chance not to hit it back to me. But she did anyway. Now I have no choice but to engage her.
Me: Dean Koontz is the "Road Rules" of Literature.
Now, when someone puts you in this kind of a culture-related DDT move, the last thing on EARTH you want to do is say anything else that can be used as ammo against you. But, God bless her, she was DETERMINED to make this a cake-walk for me. I swear, I could not make this up:
Legba: What do you mean by that?
I gave up. This wasn't just a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent... this opponent was purposely shooting itself in every non-lethal limb it had. I just kinda said some variation of "eh, forget it", and I thought that would be it.
WRONG.
Today, I'm in another class, and she comes walking in. She appears to be ready to sit elsewhere then spots ME, and comes and sits right next to me.
Legba: You're the only person I know here, so I'm gonna sit here, K?
Me: (head in book) mmm k.
Legba: Read any Dean Koontz lately? hahaha.
Me: I'd rather contract gonorhrea.
Then, our teacher comes in. And guess what? It's Mrs. Phifer, who also taught me at Tulane. She's one of the only teachers on earth that I LOVE...one of the only teachers who I feel can make ANY class interesting. She's just great. So she looks at me and says, "Hey! What are you doing here?" and I say "I was just wondering the same thing about you." So she explains to the class that she teaches at both schools, etc,etc. Then, she's explaining how "debate is encouraged" for this class (Administrative Legal Research) and she points at ME and says "And I know that SOME of you can argue!" Because I really got into the other class I had with her. So, of course Legba has to chime in:
Legba: Yeah, some of us already know he's good at THAT.
Like she's known for me years!! This chick has received but a TASTE of the saccharine bite of my verbal sparring skillz, yo. But I have taken it upon myself to see it as a personal quest... nay, a DUTY... to incite this dipshit to drop this class so as to never have to share a room with me again.
It's the least I can do for Mrs. Phifer.
P.S. I love Carrie.