(no subject)
I have never been so scatter-brained and disorganized in my entire life. My shit from Smith is still in the kitchen, my car, my room, the garage...you name it. I used to be the one who was reliable and always on time and now I am alllllllllll over the place.
My brain is in a similar state. Last week on my roadtrip I was 100% happy and hopeful about life. I come back to Long Island and I range from slightly drunk and mildly entertained to sort of normal to balls to the wall insane, convinced that there is no hope in the world and that nothing will ever be okay. It's not even something in the water, there is something in the AIR of this place. Ugh.
The problem is I know I'm not actually upset. I have nothing to truly be sad about. Actually, I have some cool shit going on and some badass future plans. I don't even have any residual angst from high school I can blame for the fact that this place makes me a loose cannon. Kapow.
Mostly I need to just get all my shit done instead of sitting around all day and then going out for the night so I can stop freaking out about what I need to do. I don't even know for a fact when my job starts. I need to get on this bullshit.
I'm excited for my job to start in a week so I can regain some structure in my life. Then England and Brighton Pride and friends! Then Prague!
I was talking to RJ the other day about graduating and he said something along the lines of this being when I actually get to start writing my story. Now I mean, I've been writing my story all along, but this will be the first time it doesn't get put on hold by school starting up again in September. Can you believe that? This is the first year since I still carried a doll with me everywhere I went (Puffy, who used to be white and is now gray with my young adoration and dirty baby self's hands) and sucked my thumb that I won't be trekking back towards academia in the fall. I guess this is where my story will really get interesting. Graduating didn't really start to sink in until now, as my brain likes to process everything a month later and leave me the awkward unemotional one at all those life-changing events where I'm supposed to feel something.
I just can't wait for all the Goodbyes to be over, as they leave me shattered every time. I should get used to it. However much I'd love it, my friends will never follow me around and live in my pocket. There will always be more Goodbyes.
This time next year I'll probably be in Prague. Maybe I'll have even mastered the accusative case of Czech by then. Or maybe I'll hate it there and be somewhere completely different. Wherever the wind takes me, it seems. I hope my future friends in Prague are some badass motherfuckers.
My brain is in a similar state. Last week on my roadtrip I was 100% happy and hopeful about life. I come back to Long Island and I range from slightly drunk and mildly entertained to sort of normal to balls to the wall insane, convinced that there is no hope in the world and that nothing will ever be okay. It's not even something in the water, there is something in the AIR of this place. Ugh.
The problem is I know I'm not actually upset. I have nothing to truly be sad about. Actually, I have some cool shit going on and some badass future plans. I don't even have any residual angst from high school I can blame for the fact that this place makes me a loose cannon. Kapow.
Mostly I need to just get all my shit done instead of sitting around all day and then going out for the night so I can stop freaking out about what I need to do. I don't even know for a fact when my job starts. I need to get on this bullshit.
I'm excited for my job to start in a week so I can regain some structure in my life. Then England and Brighton Pride and friends! Then Prague!
I was talking to RJ the other day about graduating and he said something along the lines of this being when I actually get to start writing my story. Now I mean, I've been writing my story all along, but this will be the first time it doesn't get put on hold by school starting up again in September. Can you believe that? This is the first year since I still carried a doll with me everywhere I went (Puffy, who used to be white and is now gray with my young adoration and dirty baby self's hands) and sucked my thumb that I won't be trekking back towards academia in the fall. I guess this is where my story will really get interesting. Graduating didn't really start to sink in until now, as my brain likes to process everything a month later and leave me the awkward unemotional one at all those life-changing events where I'm supposed to feel something.
I just can't wait for all the Goodbyes to be over, as they leave me shattered every time. I should get used to it. However much I'd love it, my friends will never follow me around and live in my pocket. There will always be more Goodbyes.
This time next year I'll probably be in Prague. Maybe I'll have even mastered the accusative case of Czech by then. Or maybe I'll hate it there and be somewhere completely different. Wherever the wind takes me, it seems. I hope my future friends in Prague are some badass motherfuckers.