Great Sleep & Missing Dad
I was just SO happy this morning. I was totally riding on cloud nine. It is actually very sad how I often I told myself how happy I was as I danced around the house getting ready … *snort*
I’ve been emotional lately. In a little over a month, it will mark 1 year since my dad passed away. Part of me is in a state of shock that it has been that long, and another part of me can’t believe it as it feels like it was just yesterday.
I have no proper words to describe how much I miss him.
Today a friend was joking around with me about biking (I used to bike with her a lot before dad took a turn for the worst). Well it brought back a FLOOD of memories and it took everything to hold tears back in front of her. My dad was off work when I got the bike because he was getting chemo and the treatments hit him pretty hard, so he stopped working.
There’s the first memory of him going with me to pick up the bike and I got the most hilarious photo of him eying the bike and … yeah. Then there are the memories of him being up and watching me leave for my bike rides, standing at the door and waving me off. The memories of him coming with me a few times… It’s just. A flood. Just writing this has my throat all tight, my eyes watery, weight on my chest and it just hurts.
My father was the most amazing man. I am not just saying that because he is my dad. He never had a bad thing to say about anyone. He worked so hard all his life (and never got to enjoy retirement). He always … ALWAYS … put his family above his own needs/desires/wants. His laugh was the most beautiful thing in the world.
And I’m crying. But, it’s good to get it out. I need to get it out. Too often I bottle these feelings and emotions and just pretend they do not exist. I pretend he’s just on a very long trip (and my spiritual beliefs make that something of a reality for me).
I just want him here, now. I don’t want to wait to see him again. I want to hear his laugh. I want to hear his voice. I want to hug him again. I want to tell him I love him and hear his ‘grunt’ response because he was a man who found it hard to say he loved us but we knew to the core that he did.
He was is a beautiful soul.
Well, now that I am properly sad, I must admit I am looking forward to this weekend. People have asked if I wanted to hang out, but I just want to be in my own little world and enjoy the quiet. Especially since next week is work’s graduation and the week is always a pain with phone calls, emails asking a billion that have already been answered in the countless emails I’ve sent these graduates … *rawr*. Yeah… I 90% of the time enjoy my job, but this is the one week of the year (and graduation day is the absolute worst), that I despise … ha!
On a positive note, the weather here has been absolutely amazing. Breezy, sunny and perfect. I love this time of year. I wish it lasted more than a couple of weeks, but pretty sure the humid/hot/gross weather is just around the corner, so I am trying to enjoy every possible second. Yesterday I had the windows thrown open and it felt wonderful in my room.
I played quite a bit of world of Warcraft. I’ve given up on this expansion so I am taking the time to level the characters I want to level since it’s a brand new account. Working on my third one, a Hunter. So far I am really enjoying her. Between the Hunter, Paladin and Monk, I am not sure which one I want to make my MAIN (the one I play the most/end content wise). I have main-ed a Paladin since Cataclysm, so she is always my go-to, but I am feeling a change brewing. Guess I will see how the Hunter actually performs end-game… she’s only level 60.
Anyway … now that I have properly distracted myself, I am going to see if I feel like doing any creative writing. This book will NEVER get written at the rate I’m going.
I’ve been emotional lately. In a little over a month, it will mark 1 year since my dad passed away. Part of me is in a state of shock that it has been that long, and another part of me can’t believe it as it feels like it was just yesterday.
I have no proper words to describe how much I miss him.
Today a friend was joking around with me about biking (I used to bike with her a lot before dad took a turn for the worst). Well it brought back a FLOOD of memories and it took everything to hold tears back in front of her. My dad was off work when I got the bike because he was getting chemo and the treatments hit him pretty hard, so he stopped working.
There’s the first memory of him going with me to pick up the bike and I got the most hilarious photo of him eying the bike and … yeah. Then there are the memories of him being up and watching me leave for my bike rides, standing at the door and waving me off. The memories of him coming with me a few times… It’s just. A flood. Just writing this has my throat all tight, my eyes watery, weight on my chest and it just hurts.
My father was the most amazing man. I am not just saying that because he is my dad. He never had a bad thing to say about anyone. He worked so hard all his life (and never got to enjoy retirement). He always … ALWAYS … put his family above his own needs/desires/wants. His laugh was the most beautiful thing in the world.
And I’m crying. But, it’s good to get it out. I need to get it out. Too often I bottle these feelings and emotions and just pretend they do not exist. I pretend he’s just on a very long trip (and my spiritual beliefs make that something of a reality for me).
I just want him here, now. I don’t want to wait to see him again. I want to hear his laugh. I want to hear his voice. I want to hug him again. I want to tell him I love him and hear his ‘grunt’ response because he was a man who found it hard to say he loved us but we knew to the core that he did.
He was is a beautiful soul.
Well, now that I am properly sad, I must admit I am looking forward to this weekend. People have asked if I wanted to hang out, but I just want to be in my own little world and enjoy the quiet. Especially since next week is work’s graduation and the week is always a pain with phone calls, emails asking a billion that have already been answered in the countless emails I’ve sent these graduates … *rawr*. Yeah… I 90% of the time enjoy my job, but this is the one week of the year (and graduation day is the absolute worst), that I despise … ha!
On a positive note, the weather here has been absolutely amazing. Breezy, sunny and perfect. I love this time of year. I wish it lasted more than a couple of weeks, but pretty sure the humid/hot/gross weather is just around the corner, so I am trying to enjoy every possible second. Yesterday I had the windows thrown open and it felt wonderful in my room.
I played quite a bit of world of Warcraft. I’ve given up on this expansion so I am taking the time to level the characters I want to level since it’s a brand new account. Working on my third one, a Hunter. So far I am really enjoying her. Between the Hunter, Paladin and Monk, I am not sure which one I want to make my MAIN (the one I play the most/end content wise). I have main-ed a Paladin since Cataclysm, so she is always my go-to, but I am feeling a change brewing. Guess I will see how the Hunter actually performs end-game… she’s only level 60.
Anyway … now that I have properly distracted myself, I am going to see if I feel like doing any creative writing. This book will NEVER get written at the rate I’m going.