Stress & Fear Suck
Work
Graduation time at work sucks. People are just overly annoying. Especially our students who have done NOTHING to inform us they plan to finish (as they are supposed to by January), and come at us less than a month from graduation all, “Yeah, so I’m graduating.” Uh… no. Yet we let them, because we’re just small enough that it’s doable… but it’s so fucking annoying and happens every year. Why are people such slackers? I can’t wait for this month to be over.
We’re also transitioning a LOT here at work. We’re getting a new President (finally) in July… so we’re all getting prepped for his arrival and things are a little tense around here because I do not think the old Pres wanted to leave (long story, not going into it). We’re also going to get an interim Dean (who is my boss’s boss, so I’ll report to him too and this one will directly affect me). The guy is nice though, so I do not see any issues there. It’s just a lot of change around here, and I’m not typically good with change … haha!
The only positive this week has been the weather. It has finally warmed up and feels like spring. I totally get the saying, “spring in your step”, because this weather has put one in mine.
World of Warcraft
Last night we actually raided. Felt good to bash in bosses. Though, I died on the dogs fight… I HATE when I die to bad luck. I got like 3 different bad buffs on me at the same time and went down so fast, no healer could have saved me. Of course, one of the tanks was all, “What happened to you?” As if to say, what ‘fail’ did you do… but thankfully two of the guildies that were with me on the dog we were fighting told him it was shit luck cuz I had multiple buffs on me that pretty much insta-killed me. One was a healer and I could tell he felt bad he couldn’t save me LOL.
We also had to deal with weird lag. It wasn’t awful, but every now and then it would spike and cause me to sit still for a few seconds, which could be bad if you are in the path of something you need to avoid. So that was frustrating, but it was all fine and I ended up doing decent DPS on all the fights (minus the dogs of course, cuz I was down for a good chunk of the fight).
In good news, I FINALLY replaced one of my 915 LFR tier pieces with a 945. TWO more to go. AH! I also got 950 shoulders I really want to use, but at the moment, I have a 915 tier piece, so I need a different tier piece so I can use the 950 shoulders lol. No luck man!
A couple of us hung out after the Eonar fight just messing around with toys, pets and mounts (showing off, etc lol) and renaming our pets to ridiculous or sexual things lol… like my tentacle pet I got last week I named ‘ribbed pleasure’ LOL. So yeah, shenanigans that had me laughing a little too hard. At one point, the GM got on his sled toy and was like SOMEONE PULL MEH! LOL and I had set down a pyre, so one of the guildies pulled him around and then she dropped him the pyre lol… too bad it didn’t actually cook his toon, but I still got a good SS of it.
Afterward four guildies were kind enough to do the speed run through the Kara dungeon for the mount. I’d gotten it a few months ago, but I gave it to a different guildie, because he’d been the one to request the run for it. So, tonight they were nice enough to take me through it. With our gear though, we smoked that place pretty quickly.
It’s so PURTY!
Tonight we should reach where we are on our lockout (Aggramar), but I REALLY do not want to do the coven fight. It’s just so painful and it stresses me out so much. If I could avoid that fight all together, I would be so damn happy. Every other fight has it’s difficulties, but when it comes to RNG, the Coven wins it. And our luck with that boss fight is ridiculous.
Reading and Writing
Been a reading machine this year. I’ve finished 29 of my 60 books already. I love getting lost in fiction … I really do. And some authors write so amazingly well that I wish I could read their stories forever. It’s why I love authors that do a series … make the characters last a little bit longer. Sometimes though, I wish there were more than 3 books lol.
I wish I could stop giving myself issues and would just actually finish a damn book. I actually have written some things that I have found truly funny/action packed and good enough to share with others, but something always stops me from finishing these books… fear. I hate fear. It ruins my life. Even in something as simple as RAIDING, fear can take such a hold on me. Fear of sucking, failure and disappointing others. Why am I like this? Some people this shit just rolls off their shoulders. They fail? They get right back up and try again. I fail? I curl into a ball for months and go over things again and again in my head, torturing myself to no end about something as simple as dying to dumb shit! Or not finishing a book!
I wish I could stab fear in the face and tell it to fuck off and leave me be. I wish I knew the magic trick. I am POSITIVE other authors go through this or have gone through this… but HOW did they get past it all? How’d they overcome it and finish their work? I wish I had the answer, but I don’t. Sigh.
Friendships
In final news … I have a friend I’ve known for 10+ years. We were kind of a ‘thing’ for a little bit, but then I became more of a ‘friend’ toward him, and he was fine with that… but NOW he’s acting all crazy and wanting to force more on me and I have told him MANY times I love him as a friend, but I am not into him like that… but he’s making my life crazy right now. He’s always messaging me shit to make me feel guilty. I have been putting some distance between us in the hopes he’ll move on with his feelings, but I haven’t shut him out completely … but he acts as if I should be talking to him 24/7 … No! I do NOT talk to ANYONE in my life like that … and I just hate feeling this way EVERY DAY.
A part of me just wants to cut him out of my life, but I am not that type of person. Plus, I am hoping he’ll come to terms with shit and stop pushing me to feel a certain way I do not feel. He’s always like “Oh you don’t have time for me but you have time for your guildies?” Like really? I shouldn’t be made to feel like shit for playing something that brings me joy. Half the time I am not even doing anything with the guildies except on raid nights or when I run the occasional Mythic dungeon with them… but even if I was doing nightly crap with them and having a blast, a TRUE friend would be happy that I was having fun and NOT give me shit about.
It's just so frustrating and giving me unnecessary stress.
Long post is long… Off to be a productive part of society.
Graduation time at work sucks. People are just overly annoying. Especially our students who have done NOTHING to inform us they plan to finish (as they are supposed to by January), and come at us less than a month from graduation all, “Yeah, so I’m graduating.” Uh… no. Yet we let them, because we’re just small enough that it’s doable… but it’s so fucking annoying and happens every year. Why are people such slackers? I can’t wait for this month to be over.
We’re also transitioning a LOT here at work. We’re getting a new President (finally) in July… so we’re all getting prepped for his arrival and things are a little tense around here because I do not think the old Pres wanted to leave (long story, not going into it). We’re also going to get an interim Dean (who is my boss’s boss, so I’ll report to him too and this one will directly affect me). The guy is nice though, so I do not see any issues there. It’s just a lot of change around here, and I’m not typically good with change … haha!
The only positive this week has been the weather. It has finally warmed up and feels like spring. I totally get the saying, “spring in your step”, because this weather has put one in mine.
World of Warcraft
Last night we actually raided. Felt good to bash in bosses. Though, I died on the dogs fight… I HATE when I die to bad luck. I got like 3 different bad buffs on me at the same time and went down so fast, no healer could have saved me. Of course, one of the tanks was all, “What happened to you?” As if to say, what ‘fail’ did you do… but thankfully two of the guildies that were with me on the dog we were fighting told him it was shit luck cuz I had multiple buffs on me that pretty much insta-killed me. One was a healer and I could tell he felt bad he couldn’t save me LOL.
We also had to deal with weird lag. It wasn’t awful, but every now and then it would spike and cause me to sit still for a few seconds, which could be bad if you are in the path of something you need to avoid. So that was frustrating, but it was all fine and I ended up doing decent DPS on all the fights (minus the dogs of course, cuz I was down for a good chunk of the fight).
In good news, I FINALLY replaced one of my 915 LFR tier pieces with a 945. TWO more to go. AH! I also got 950 shoulders I really want to use, but at the moment, I have a 915 tier piece, so I need a different tier piece so I can use the 950 shoulders lol. No luck man!
A couple of us hung out after the Eonar fight just messing around with toys, pets and mounts (showing off, etc lol) and renaming our pets to ridiculous or sexual things lol… like my tentacle pet I got last week I named ‘ribbed pleasure’ LOL. So yeah, shenanigans that had me laughing a little too hard. At one point, the GM got on his sled toy and was like SOMEONE PULL MEH! LOL and I had set down a pyre, so one of the guildies pulled him around and then she dropped him the pyre lol… too bad it didn’t actually cook his toon, but I still got a good SS of it.
Afterward four guildies were kind enough to do the speed run through the Kara dungeon for the mount. I’d gotten it a few months ago, but I gave it to a different guildie, because he’d been the one to request the run for it. So, tonight they were nice enough to take me through it. With our gear though, we smoked that place pretty quickly.
It’s so PURTY!
Tonight we should reach where we are on our lockout (Aggramar), but I REALLY do not want to do the coven fight. It’s just so painful and it stresses me out so much. If I could avoid that fight all together, I would be so damn happy. Every other fight has it’s difficulties, but when it comes to RNG, the Coven wins it. And our luck with that boss fight is ridiculous.
Reading and Writing
Been a reading machine this year. I’ve finished 29 of my 60 books already. I love getting lost in fiction … I really do. And some authors write so amazingly well that I wish I could read their stories forever. It’s why I love authors that do a series … make the characters last a little bit longer. Sometimes though, I wish there were more than 3 books lol.
I wish I could stop giving myself issues and would just actually finish a damn book. I actually have written some things that I have found truly funny/action packed and good enough to share with others, but something always stops me from finishing these books… fear. I hate fear. It ruins my life. Even in something as simple as RAIDING, fear can take such a hold on me. Fear of sucking, failure and disappointing others. Why am I like this? Some people this shit just rolls off their shoulders. They fail? They get right back up and try again. I fail? I curl into a ball for months and go over things again and again in my head, torturing myself to no end about something as simple as dying to dumb shit! Or not finishing a book!
I wish I could stab fear in the face and tell it to fuck off and leave me be. I wish I knew the magic trick. I am POSITIVE other authors go through this or have gone through this… but HOW did they get past it all? How’d they overcome it and finish their work? I wish I had the answer, but I don’t. Sigh.
Friendships
In final news … I have a friend I’ve known for 10+ years. We were kind of a ‘thing’ for a little bit, but then I became more of a ‘friend’ toward him, and he was fine with that… but NOW he’s acting all crazy and wanting to force more on me and I have told him MANY times I love him as a friend, but I am not into him like that… but he’s making my life crazy right now. He’s always messaging me shit to make me feel guilty. I have been putting some distance between us in the hopes he’ll move on with his feelings, but I haven’t shut him out completely … but he acts as if I should be talking to him 24/7 … No! I do NOT talk to ANYONE in my life like that … and I just hate feeling this way EVERY DAY.
A part of me just wants to cut him out of my life, but I am not that type of person. Plus, I am hoping he’ll come to terms with shit and stop pushing me to feel a certain way I do not feel. He’s always like “Oh you don’t have time for me but you have time for your guildies?” Like really? I shouldn’t be made to feel like shit for playing something that brings me joy. Half the time I am not even doing anything with the guildies except on raid nights or when I run the occasional Mythic dungeon with them… but even if I was doing nightly crap with them and having a blast, a TRUE friend would be happy that I was having fun and NOT give me shit about.
It's just so frustrating and giving me unnecessary stress.
Long post is long… Off to be a productive part of society.