I'm so tired of apologizing to myself for you...and what you've done to me
I am just so well tired...i don't like the person that stares back at me in the mirror, i don't like who i am period...I've been in the hospital more times this term than i actually care to disclose...i am from now on internalizing EVERYTHING..i've found other people to be judgemental and only tell you want you want to hear...and then if they get drunk...or something...they make fun of me. So fuck that...i from this point on refuse to open up to anyone. This is my final catharsis...
Ima just work out and keep to myself...i was lonely as hell...but i wasnt confused...or in any emotional pain...i don't have tod eal with stupid girls who seem to live to mess with my head. I'm tired of my brothers making fun of me. No one gets me period...no one probably ever will. I guess i am one of those people who just doesnt fit in. I don't drink all that much, i don't use drugs, and i'm probably going to be in love with the same person for the rest of my damn life...and that sucks...because honestly...i can't get close to anyone...because everyone lets me down in some way or another, or passes judgement on me and makes me feel terrible for opening up to them. I guess i'll just go back to the way things used to be...where i would just snap at people for seeminly little things, because honestly who am i going to talk to...devin?...yea, he'll just make fun of me when he's drunk...ashley? No because everytime i do it just pushes her away and makes her even more scared to be with me. My mom...she won't listen to me anyway. And then there is my dad...i'm too much of a burden on him already.
Don't sit here and say "Oh i'm here for you..." or "it'll get better" The fact of the matter is for the past year i have felt nothing but depressed and angry, so obviously its not going to get better, and people have shown they really arent there for me.
Then again, maybe if i just got shitface drunk, got high all the time...and fucked every girl i come in contact with...maybe i'll fit in and get over everything that i am feeling. Ha what a plan...then iw ould be like everyone else...then again...i'd also be a pretty big waste of life if i did that.
If this hits a nerve with anyone...really fuck off...its my feelings, and i really REALY could care less about who's toes i step on, or who's feelings i hurt..because chances are...some of you who are reading this and are offended...it's because i called you out! Deal with it...we're not all perfect, no one can change overnight (though i wish it were possible), and everyone can be guilty of being a bad friend.
Oh and if you even mention how all i have to do is look to god for help...really...when has that gotten anyone anywhere...seriously? thats what i thought...jesus freaks can shut up too!
Ima just work out and keep to myself...i was lonely as hell...but i wasnt confused...or in any emotional pain...i don't have tod eal with stupid girls who seem to live to mess with my head. I'm tired of my brothers making fun of me. No one gets me period...no one probably ever will. I guess i am one of those people who just doesnt fit in. I don't drink all that much, i don't use drugs, and i'm probably going to be in love with the same person for the rest of my damn life...and that sucks...because honestly...i can't get close to anyone...because everyone lets me down in some way or another, or passes judgement on me and makes me feel terrible for opening up to them. I guess i'll just go back to the way things used to be...where i would just snap at people for seeminly little things, because honestly who am i going to talk to...devin?...yea, he'll just make fun of me when he's drunk...ashley? No because everytime i do it just pushes her away and makes her even more scared to be with me. My mom...she won't listen to me anyway. And then there is my dad...i'm too much of a burden on him already.
Don't sit here and say "Oh i'm here for you..." or "it'll get better" The fact of the matter is for the past year i have felt nothing but depressed and angry, so obviously its not going to get better, and people have shown they really arent there for me.
Then again, maybe if i just got shitface drunk, got high all the time...and fucked every girl i come in contact with...maybe i'll fit in and get over everything that i am feeling. Ha what a plan...then iw ould be like everyone else...then again...i'd also be a pretty big waste of life if i did that.
If this hits a nerve with anyone...really fuck off...its my feelings, and i really REALY could care less about who's toes i step on, or who's feelings i hurt..because chances are...some of you who are reading this and are offended...it's because i called you out! Deal with it...we're not all perfect, no one can change overnight (though i wish it were possible), and everyone can be guilty of being a bad friend.
Oh and if you even mention how all i have to do is look to god for help...really...when has that gotten anyone anywhere...seriously? thats what i thought...jesus freaks can shut up too!