Distraction or Girlfriend?
Well me and joel had a talk as I may have mentioned in other entries about his ex-girlfriend Lindsey. NOT GOOD...ya see Joel doesnt know why he broke up with her and it still bothers him so much that he doesnt even like to think about let alone see her...this scares me because he must still have feelings for her. If there was nothing wrong and you just break up with someone you dont just stop loving them. Which is an uh-ooh for me. If he still loves her where does that leave me...am I just a distraction? He said that we can talk about it when I get there because its a sob story that I probably dont want to hear...But Id rather hear it than just sit there believing that he is happy with me. You cant be truly happy with someone new if your heart belongs to some from your past...you're never quite as happy as you would be with that person. With that..I am terrified that he likes me but that while he is with me...he is thinking of her. It made me have a bad dream that he dumped me and started hanging out with some other girl...just like the last one I had. I hate those dreams...and I hate being scared all the time. We will talk about it when I get there and I am going to ask him some questions that I need answered and if he cant do it or gives me the answers I dont want to hear ...Im going to have to go for a looong walk and get my shit together :(