And so this is how I pray
My G-d, keep my tongue from evil, my lips from lies. Help me to ignore those who would slander me...oh, fuck no, help me to have the courage to demand respectful language and thoughtful discourse. Let me be humble before all. Open my heart to Your Torah, that I may pursue your mitzvot. Help me to be kind, and help me to appreciate kindness. Help me to strengthen this community, and be strengthened by this community; to remain grateful for finding this community, and to understand my purpose here. Help me to lead fairly and wisely. And, fuck you, fix this. Frustrate the designs of those who plot evil against anyone; fuck you, fix this; make nothing of their schemes. Act for the sake of your compassion, Your power, Your holiness, and Your Torah; fuck you, fix this. Answer my prayer for the deliverance of all people; fuck you, fix this. May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to You, my Rock and my Redeemer and, if they aren't, the fuck you, because shit is broken down here. May the One who brings peace to His universe bring to us all of us, the whole world, no more you-damned exceptions.
Fuck you. Fix this.
Adapted, with ever-present exasperation, from the USCJ's Siddur Sim Shalom.
Fuck you. Fix this.
Adapted, with ever-present exasperation, from the USCJ's Siddur Sim Shalom.