A Private Email to Oxenstierna

[mathias_danmark]

Subject: I Need a Favor
From: TheGr3atDane@hjemmeside .dk To: You

>>> I was wondering if maybe I could hire you to give me some help. See, everything's calmed down now. The yelling and fighting has stopped but I have some pretty bad news. Siguard's been formally disowned by his mother and I hadn't thought about it until he brought it up yesterday. At

Comments

[mathias_danmark]

Can't head home early. I asked him if he wanted to, but he was firm that he wasn't leaving his brother in Oslo until he certainly had to. He wants to be in the same city in case his brother needs him. I personally don't know if he's going to actually be able to leave and visit with Siguard at the hotel, but my little Siggy is terrified of the 'what if I leave and then he comes looking for me and then I've abandoned him!?' scenario. I want to ask him to marry me, but, part of me is afraid to do it right now... because I'm worried that he'd just say yes too fast, but then a little while, maybe even years down the road, he'll hate me and be resentful and feel like I took advantage of his distress. I don't wanna trap him into a union with me, I want him to be stable when I ask him, so if he ever regrets loving me it'll be his own fault for falling for my charms and not mine for taking advantage of an emotionally compromised fella. Maybe I'll buy a ring when we get back to the island, I'll take Francis with me, he understand these kinds of romantic things. You have mamas and grandmothers to go with you, I don't. Gonna have to rely on Big Gay Francis. And thanks for being willing to teach me, I have to eat a little less pride that way. This has been a crazy few weeks, I'm surprised I've been remembering my medicine so well. only missed two or three pills the entire time here. I just can't wait to get back home to the island, get Siguard out of Oslo and adjusted to the separation again.

[berwaldsverige]

Do what you feel you must, just know Ti and I are literally an hour flight away if you need anything.

Tino will probably call Siguard later if I know him, he'll worry himself to death until he talks to Siguard personally.

All I can say is hang in there, even if it sounds shallow even to my ears.

[mathias_danmark]

Thanks man, I grant you one 'get out of harassment free card.' Use it the next time I'm being a dick and remind me that I'm a slug of the earth. Siguard's waking up. I'm going to tell him that Tino's probably going to call so he can steel himself for it. I think he'll make it though, he's been separated from his brother before, this is no different, and once his brother's an adult and outside the sphere of his mother's control perhaps they can be together again. And hey, they can still email each other and video chat like Tino and his folks do. It won't be so bad. I just gotta keep telling him that.

[berwaldsverige]

Yes they can, and hey this actually always helps me believe it or not...

sometimes you have to look at the SHIT all around you and laugh at it or it's going to make you swallow a bullet. We all have the shittiest parents on the planet (With the exception of Tino.)

We do however have each other, even if you do make me want to stick my foot up your ass most days.

I vote we do something stupid at the house before School starts. Like a marathon of bad viking movies and we have to do shots every time Hollywood fucks up and puts horns on our helmets and someone named SVEN or BJORN enters the scene.

That at least is safe mindless stupidity at home with some laughs. I have more bad viking B-movies on DVD than you can shake a stick at.

[mathias_danmark]

First and foremost. That video makes me want to say 1: This is evidence enough that you're not a practicing Christian and 2: You're so incredibly gay. Like. At least gayer than me. Maybe not as gay as Francis.

And on serious matters, yes, we should do shots while watching bad viking movies. But I'm not drinking your Absolut crap. There's still more than one of Ivan's bottles lingering around the place in hidden areas. (*cough* under my bed I stole them and didn't have the heart to chuck them all *cough* ) That we should polish off before they're left to linger down there.

[berwaldsverige]

I thought the garbage can looked lighter when I took it out to the curb. I should have known it was you.

And No vodka for me, I'm a terrible drunk on that shit I'd have to chase the shots with your pills. No thanks.

I'll stick to something I don't react as badly too. I have no intention of getting that drunk again. I'm not a pretty sight on the best of days... Drunk off my ass? Yeah,... No.

[mathias_danmark]

Hey, I hate to see good booze go to waste. There are children in Africa with no booze.

And I think once Tino mentioned vodka didn't go over well with you, what happened? Are you a mean or mouthy guy on vodka? If it's any consolation, I'm a mouthy drunk on whiskey. If I drink whiskey I run my fucking mouth until someone punches me in it.

And, just so you know, NO ONE is a pretty sight drunk off their asses, I won't claim that you're ever one, but to be fair, we all look like shit when we're drunk.

[berwaldsverige]

Seeing as I can't remember much, according to Tino I'm a suicidal depressed drunk and I felt like a bus ran me over the next day. I promised Tino I would never drink like that again, he had to clean up the mess. I'll stick to beer, I don't get drunk on beer.

As for pretty sights... Tino and Siguard have the monopoly on that. I say Tino needs glasses more than I do when I wonder why they hell he's with me. (Which is pretty much every day.)

[mathias_danmark]

Beer is my specialty. I know what's good. Carlsberg is the best, but Pilsner isn't half bad... neither is Black Forest... really anything Bavarian is pretty good. The holiest of manly missions is finding your drink. How can you become an adult if you don't know what you like to drink? How can you get married? Have kids? Or file for separation if you don't know what to drink during those occasions!? Your beer. We are going to find it. It's a quest more noble than finding the holy grail. (I personally believe Norsemen probably got their hands on it and melted the bitch down. That's just what we be good at.)

And yes, Siguard is a fine piece of tail, and Tino is cute. Cute never really turned me on, but judging from your little 'baby' of a dog it does for you. Pink man? Really? Get your ass to the back of the long boat.

And what Tino sees in you? I have no fuckin' clue. I mean, it's not like I know why Siguard bothers to stay with me, I'm a fuckin' worthless sack of shit y'know? But, well, I've raided the minibar here and I've kind of bled it dry so I'm a little tipsy *a.k.a he's drunk, but he's a high functioning drunk* so I'm gonna just say this once. I don't personally think you're a catch or anything, but Tino's a really great kid, but he's also a pretty good judge of character... You may be an asshole, but, y'know your HIS choice in lovers and he's important to me, ergo, that makes you MY asshole. And as my asshole I'm hear to tell you that I don't know what it is you do to make him love you, but you must do it really well, so in a way you've earned his affections.

[berwaldsverige]

You are the KING of back-handed compliments. I may be your asshole, but you're the PAIN in mine! Good God man.

Also have you never looked in our Fridge and seen my Pripps Blå? I know my beer Rovhal! A real Viking Beer! Brewed by Carlsberg Sverige... we took your week brew and improved it and gave it more kick.

[mathias_danmark]

It's a talent. It takes 18 years to perfect it to my level.

That's your beer? I thought was some crap Tino drank, little freak'll drink anything, even swill, he just can't legally buy any of it himself yet. I never touched it.

[berwaldsverige]

You gotta try my beer before you judge it. Twice the alcohol content of your water and three times the flavor. It's also made by Carlsberg... just the one in Stockholm.

Like I said we made it better. Tino doesn't drink beer, at least I've never seen him drink it, but give him that horrible Salmiakki Korsenkova and he'll be three sheets to the giddy wind before we can stop him.

My little amorous lush. (I love him tipsy!)

[mathias_danmark]

Well now, just so you know, I may just swallow a mouthful of pride and drink your beer, after all, Carlsberg is still Danish even if it's on Swedish soil.

I didn't necessarily call your beer swill, as I said, never tried it. I thought it might have been something of Tino's and that's why I didn't touch it. Tino likes things that taste like crap, like salami, sardine and pineapple pizza. Jeeze, I feel like I could gag just watching him eat that stuff. So, therefore, if it be Tino's the chance of it being crappy tasting are high. He's right when he says Finn must have iron stomachs. Xp

And, yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if he WOULD drink beer, but I do know that he prefers vodka, but he especially loves that Korsenkova crap. I think he polished off that bottle your hockey captain before you guys even left.

Have you ever seen him any more than tipsy? I've never seen him plowed. I've seen him drink men twice his size under the table and all he got was a stomach ache. (Then again, that was some pretty heavy vodka and he was pretty tipsy and huggy on Siguard afterwards.) He's one of those 'I love you so much, here's hugs and kisses' tipsy guys. But I've never seen him just drunker than a skunk have you?

[berwaldsverige]

Hell has frozen over...

I'm agreeing with you.

Tino eats the most god awful things, he's worse than a pregnant woman. Have you ever seen Mämmi? It looks like a bowl of SHIT covered in Milk.

It tastes worse.

And No I've never seen him drunk, just very tipsy. (I like Tipsy. If you think he's lovey-dovey and kisses on Siguard? Imagine what he's like with me? *nudge nudge wink wink* I **** L O V E **** him tipsy!!!!)

He stops drinking when he gets a belly ache. Which is a good thing. It may not be IRON, but it's at least a hardy constitution.

[mathias_danmark]

Mammi, I've heard him talk about it, but I've never seen it, but the link you sent? Yeah. That doesn't look so good. Ick. I think Siguard's tried it through, he said it wasn't terrible, but not good. I dunno. I think I might be with you, I don't think anything that looks like that would taste very good, it's like... soggy rye bread. Ick.

But what's weirdest is that it's not like he just CAN stomach that stuff, he CHOOSES to. He LIKES shit that tastes weird or gross. You know, I bet he would LIKE those rotten little fishes you eat if he'd try them. The smell just keeps him away.

And I don't think I wanna know of all the things he's doing to you when he's riding high on the buzz dragon. I don't need the weirdo mental image.

[berwaldsverige]

I admit, even I think my Surstromming really smells terrible. But even you eat pickled Herring, it's just a variant of that, half the salt which is why it ferments.

And I know you don't want to KNOW what he does... it's why I elaborate. Because it annoys you and gives you mental candy to chew on.

He hums the Finnish National Anthem sometimes... Good God... It's so good. He blows more than my mind when he does that.

*waggles eyebrows*