with the utmost respect to x
thank the motherfuckin gods that thanksgiving is around the corner. not that i truly care about thanksgiving, but I'm just so fuckin' thrilled to have a break from school. nevermind that I need to catch up about eleventy billion pages of regression and probability theory and epidemiology and i need to get a thousand times more familiar with SAS code since it's vital for almost every homework assignment in regression from here on out to forever. blahhh.
i wish it wasn't thanksgiving, i wish i didn't have to devote thursday to family crap, if it was up to me, i'd hole myself up in my hermit's cave (he's always willing to loan it out for studying) and bury myself in statistics. OOOHHHHH statistics, everywhere, up my nose, along my skin, in every possible entryway into my body and mind.
you dont' understand. they're breaking me down. i have only two functions these days. i'm a bivariate function, a bivariate random vector even....the two random variables are "mommy" and "student". There is nothing anymore, nothing but averages, variance, standard deviations, and as crazy as it is, subtle whispers from alternate dimensions are sneaking into my ears. there's much more to variance then you realize. it's not just how far away the data is from the mean, there is a subtle buzz of possibility around an expected value...like a cloud of electrons wizzing thru space...a probability field....potentiality...which one will YOU make the reality!!! which one will you snatch into manifestation. it's very fucking trippy. metaphysical statistics. who knew mathematics could be applicable and yet still so fucking magickally sexy!!!
and so, i decided to take a much more respectful stance towards my education. back in the day, robin and i used to say things like, "linear algebra is my bitch" or "i rocked that test" or "fuck yeah, geometry, take that" when we were succeeding and learning our way thru the numbers and symbols. and even when we were struggling we would say things like, "fuck you advanced calculus, you mothafuckin blah blah blah...." now that I'm doing so fuck ass poor...the level of the material is so above my head...i am NOT even above the median in one class, let alone at the top of the class...now i'm treating it all with a little more respect.
i fell asleep studying for epidemiology hugging the binder to my chest, with my highlighters still clutched in my desperate hands. I spent the night studying for it calmly stroking the pages, whispering sweet nothings towards epid....asking her to give up her secrets, to tell me her ways....by paying attention to her, offering her complements....
and that's not even my major. biostats, oh glorious biostats!!!! in mathematics, when you take a derivative or an integral, you do so to a certain variable. if you are differentiating or integrating over the variable x you say differentiate or integrate with respect to x. and I certainly have been taking that phrase literally. i offer the upmost respect to x, i have begun seriously treating this symbols like the living entities they are. do you understand?!?!?! do you understand how insane I am??!?!?!?!?!?! i mean, it's not just algebra anymore folks!!!! x bar is real and viable and describes things about you you never knew could be described. that symbol has power behind it...it's a sigil of sorts....and I dont' know why i wasn't more respectful before.
anyway, school school school, i dont' have much else to talk about other than school and devi and the wasteland that is my brain. oh yeah, and steve. i guess maybe a trivariate random vector. but the third random variable shouldn't really be there because there's no time...there's not time for the two in the first place. but i still waste tons of time down the steve drain and it's the shining point in a dull and dreary existence.
he fuckin' rocks, even when he's being an insensative prick, cuz at least i can usually laugh about it. usually!!! not always! grrrr....he drives me crazy, in good ways and bad. i certainly dig on his tongue, and good gods damn he's a big fucking help...with devi, with house stuff, with company, and with that huge goofy grin. i mean, who else would still be up with me at six in the morning and come with me to drop off graded homeworks?
devi is just smitten with him, and it seems he's genuinely into her....he smiles huge when he sees her, picks her up and spins her around...jumps to get to her when she falls down, even disciplines her when she gets too whiney. i mean, fuck!
but i'm so stupid when i'm in "_____" I can't quite say i'm in love. i'm not falling in love, but i'm definately falling. and i want to talk about this more, but i have to go to class in about..............
six minutes. regression!!!!!! yippeeeee
i wish it wasn't thanksgiving, i wish i didn't have to devote thursday to family crap, if it was up to me, i'd hole myself up in my hermit's cave (he's always willing to loan it out for studying) and bury myself in statistics. OOOHHHHH statistics, everywhere, up my nose, along my skin, in every possible entryway into my body and mind.
you dont' understand. they're breaking me down. i have only two functions these days. i'm a bivariate function, a bivariate random vector even....the two random variables are "mommy" and "student". There is nothing anymore, nothing but averages, variance, standard deviations, and as crazy as it is, subtle whispers from alternate dimensions are sneaking into my ears. there's much more to variance then you realize. it's not just how far away the data is from the mean, there is a subtle buzz of possibility around an expected value...like a cloud of electrons wizzing thru space...a probability field....potentiality...which one will YOU make the reality!!! which one will you snatch into manifestation. it's very fucking trippy. metaphysical statistics. who knew mathematics could be applicable and yet still so fucking magickally sexy!!!
and so, i decided to take a much more respectful stance towards my education. back in the day, robin and i used to say things like, "linear algebra is my bitch" or "i rocked that test" or "fuck yeah, geometry, take that" when we were succeeding and learning our way thru the numbers and symbols. and even when we were struggling we would say things like, "fuck you advanced calculus, you mothafuckin blah blah blah...." now that I'm doing so fuck ass poor...the level of the material is so above my head...i am NOT even above the median in one class, let alone at the top of the class...now i'm treating it all with a little more respect.
i fell asleep studying for epidemiology hugging the binder to my chest, with my highlighters still clutched in my desperate hands. I spent the night studying for it calmly stroking the pages, whispering sweet nothings towards epid....asking her to give up her secrets, to tell me her ways....by paying attention to her, offering her complements....
and that's not even my major. biostats, oh glorious biostats!!!! in mathematics, when you take a derivative or an integral, you do so to a certain variable. if you are differentiating or integrating over the variable x you say differentiate or integrate with respect to x. and I certainly have been taking that phrase literally. i offer the upmost respect to x, i have begun seriously treating this symbols like the living entities they are. do you understand?!?!?! do you understand how insane I am??!?!?!?!?!?! i mean, it's not just algebra anymore folks!!!! x bar is real and viable and describes things about you you never knew could be described. that symbol has power behind it...it's a sigil of sorts....and I dont' know why i wasn't more respectful before.
anyway, school school school, i dont' have much else to talk about other than school and devi and the wasteland that is my brain. oh yeah, and steve. i guess maybe a trivariate random vector. but the third random variable shouldn't really be there because there's no time...there's not time for the two in the first place. but i still waste tons of time down the steve drain and it's the shining point in a dull and dreary existence.
he fuckin' rocks, even when he's being an insensative prick, cuz at least i can usually laugh about it. usually!!! not always! grrrr....he drives me crazy, in good ways and bad. i certainly dig on his tongue, and good gods damn he's a big fucking help...with devi, with house stuff, with company, and with that huge goofy grin. i mean, who else would still be up with me at six in the morning and come with me to drop off graded homeworks?
devi is just smitten with him, and it seems he's genuinely into her....he smiles huge when he sees her, picks her up and spins her around...jumps to get to her when she falls down, even disciplines her when she gets too whiney. i mean, fuck!
but i'm so stupid when i'm in "_____" I can't quite say i'm in love. i'm not falling in love, but i'm definately falling. and i want to talk about this more, but i have to go to class in about..............
six minutes. regression!!!!!! yippeeeee