Ninjas > Pirates - I have said it, thus it is true
Earlier today, I said in passing: Of course, my main problem with pastafarianism is the pirate obsession; everyone knows ninjas are better than pirates.
This, it appears, was a controversial statement. innerbrat posted a link to her own journal, in which she claims to have solved the dilemma, but this is in fact mere sophistry, and besides, her assumptions about what ninjas are like are way off base. After this, poifaerie tried to win the argument by comparing Captain Jack Sparrow (a Disney character played by the coolest actor alive) with Naruto (some anime cartoon thing I'm not that aware of). The biggest flaw in this of course being that both are fictional, and are not even like for like.
Fortunately, lokean comes to the rescue (because I'm busy doing other things):Fact: any individual waku beats all pirates with a big stick and any individual ninja beats all waku with his bare hands. Thus, by a process of irrefutable logic, ninja are better than pirates.
This irrefutable fact can be seen illustrated in the fact that the third PotC film takes place in east asian waters, since waku are so much cooler than mere pirates...
On an unrelated note, Naruto is about the worst example of a ninja in popular culture imaginable. Try Shredder from the Mirage Comics series. Disciplined martial artist and psychotically brutal, revenge mad lunatic with more cutlery than Windsor castle? That's a pop culture ninja, a study in opposites, each pared down to its most perfect, fused together into the ultimate assassin.
And these are irrefutable points methinks. In the meantime, poifaerie has used her graphics tablet to attempt a diagram 'proving' her point. This would of course be fine, except her diagram is horribly flawed, lokean again: Points of error in your diagram of a ninja:
Ninjas did not wear skin tight outfits, they wore robes, or lamellar armor, or whatever they felt like (boots, corsets, you name it) in a variety of colours.
Ninjas did not use swords most of the time, they used cool weapons like chigiriki and kusarigama.
Ninjas wore headpieces tied from large swatches of cloth, vaguely resembling an arab smagh in intent. They were meant to be securely fastened but flexible in configuration.
Ninjas drank sake. Sake actually refers to more than just fermented rice beer, it refers to things like distilled sugar cane spirit, for example. Y'know, the same stuff as rum?
Ninjas invented the cannon, that's how cool they are!!*
Ninja were often criminalised; japanese criminals were know for their complex and gorgeously rendered tattoos.
Okay, you've got me on the pet front. Ninja probably kept those fucking hideous toy dogs as pets.
So we come to the conclusion. Pirates are cool. Everyone knows pirates are cool. Well, unless you're in, for example, the Brazilian navy, and have to fight against the bastards every day, or your ship gets attacked by them and you get killed. Ninjas? Ninjas don't exist, they have never existed, they are a figment of your imagination, peasant superstitions, foolishness. That shadow you think you saw? Merely a curtain in the moonlight. Those shuriken taking out your guards? Don't be silly man, it didn't happen.
Completely incidental aside, before I turn in. lokean has had an LJ for longer than me, reads his friends list a lot but rarely posts. I think he a) needs more LJ friends and b) should post more often. For those at nadriel's birthday last weekend, he was the lunatic that kept buying me drinks (thanks for them BTW mate, much appreciated). So, well, you all know what to do, right?
This, it appears, was a controversial statement. innerbrat posted a link to her own journal, in which she claims to have solved the dilemma, but this is in fact mere sophistry, and besides, her assumptions about what ninjas are like are way off base. After this, poifaerie tried to win the argument by comparing Captain Jack Sparrow (a Disney character played by the coolest actor alive) with Naruto (some anime cartoon thing I'm not that aware of). The biggest flaw in this of course being that both are fictional, and are not even like for like.
Fortunately, lokean comes to the rescue (because I'm busy doing other things):Fact: any individual waku beats all pirates with a big stick and any individual ninja beats all waku with his bare hands. Thus, by a process of irrefutable logic, ninja are better than pirates.
This irrefutable fact can be seen illustrated in the fact that the third PotC film takes place in east asian waters, since waku are so much cooler than mere pirates...
On an unrelated note, Naruto is about the worst example of a ninja in popular culture imaginable. Try Shredder from the Mirage Comics series. Disciplined martial artist and psychotically brutal, revenge mad lunatic with more cutlery than Windsor castle? That's a pop culture ninja, a study in opposites, each pared down to its most perfect, fused together into the ultimate assassin.
And these are irrefutable points methinks. In the meantime, poifaerie has used her graphics tablet to attempt a diagram 'proving' her point. This would of course be fine, except her diagram is horribly flawed, lokean again: Points of error in your diagram of a ninja:
Ninjas did not wear skin tight outfits, they wore robes, or lamellar armor, or whatever they felt like (boots, corsets, you name it) in a variety of colours.
Ninjas did not use swords most of the time, they used cool weapons like chigiriki and kusarigama.
Ninjas wore headpieces tied from large swatches of cloth, vaguely resembling an arab smagh in intent. They were meant to be securely fastened but flexible in configuration.
Ninjas drank sake. Sake actually refers to more than just fermented rice beer, it refers to things like distilled sugar cane spirit, for example. Y'know, the same stuff as rum?
Ninjas invented the cannon, that's how cool they are!!*
Ninja were often criminalised; japanese criminals were know for their complex and gorgeously rendered tattoos.
Okay, you've got me on the pet front. Ninja probably kept those fucking hideous toy dogs as pets.
So we come to the conclusion. Pirates are cool. Everyone knows pirates are cool. Well, unless you're in, for example, the Brazilian navy, and have to fight against the bastards every day, or your ship gets attacked by them and you get killed. Ninjas? Ninjas don't exist, they have never existed, they are a figment of your imagination, peasant superstitions, foolishness. That shadow you think you saw? Merely a curtain in the moonlight. Those shuriken taking out your guards? Don't be silly man, it didn't happen.
Completely incidental aside, before I turn in. lokean has had an LJ for longer than me, reads his friends list a lot but rarely posts. I think he a) needs more LJ friends and b) should post more often. For those at nadriel's birthday last weekend, he was the lunatic that kept buying me drinks (thanks for them BTW mate, much appreciated). So, well, you all know what to do, right?