Nostalgia and a ring
I still have the ring that Audrey gave me. It's long tarnished and doesn't fit my finger anymore. In retrospect, I think that ring was quite representative of our relationship. I remember of all the times we broke up and got back together, I only ever took it off once and that marked the official end of our relationsip. But I really loved that ring. It took a surprising amount of willpower to remove the thing, and I remember crying when I finally did. That was the night I sat in a pile of the letters she'd written me, drunk and depressed.
It really does seem like a lifetime ago since we were together, and I can finally look back on our relationship with fondness. I've used livejournal to say a lot of really nasty, hurtful and hate-filled things about Audrey, but in the end, I'm sitting here alone, wondering how she's doing. For all the terrible things that we did to each other throughout the course of knowing each other, there were a lot of really good times.
I remember religiously going over to her house after dinner to spend time with her. Lying on her bed, looking at all the stuff on her walls, her room was always such a mess. She never really spent as much time at my house, however I'll always remember that she spent the first night with me in my new (and current) house. I remember picking her up from school, seeing countless movies at Paramount, going on walks, watching Twin Peaks while eating chicken and potato wedges. I remember when I did Problem Child, our last performance and after we'd broken up. She was there, in the back. I threw up before the show, I was so nervous, I wanted to be good. I wanted to impress her.
Our relationship wasn't a mistake. We got to be exactly what we were; teenagers. We were in love, we stayed out late, we wore rings and pretended we were married. In fact, we talked about it frequently, thought about names for our kids and it all seemed so real. I was utterly convinced that our daydreams of the future would come true.
These were the good times. As I read over them, I realized that this entry really doesn't do much justice to the impact Audrey had on my life, but I'll close with this:
Anyone who knows me has probably heard me say some pretty mean things about her, and for that I apoligize. When I really think about things and look back on my experiences unclouded, I can see that it wasn't as terrible as I've depicted it to be in the past. Although I seldom speak of these good times, they did exist and for that I am greatful.
It really does seem like a lifetime ago since we were together, and I can finally look back on our relationship with fondness. I've used livejournal to say a lot of really nasty, hurtful and hate-filled things about Audrey, but in the end, I'm sitting here alone, wondering how she's doing. For all the terrible things that we did to each other throughout the course of knowing each other, there were a lot of really good times.
I remember religiously going over to her house after dinner to spend time with her. Lying on her bed, looking at all the stuff on her walls, her room was always such a mess. She never really spent as much time at my house, however I'll always remember that she spent the first night with me in my new (and current) house. I remember picking her up from school, seeing countless movies at Paramount, going on walks, watching Twin Peaks while eating chicken and potato wedges. I remember when I did Problem Child, our last performance and after we'd broken up. She was there, in the back. I threw up before the show, I was so nervous, I wanted to be good. I wanted to impress her.
Our relationship wasn't a mistake. We got to be exactly what we were; teenagers. We were in love, we stayed out late, we wore rings and pretended we were married. In fact, we talked about it frequently, thought about names for our kids and it all seemed so real. I was utterly convinced that our daydreams of the future would come true.
These were the good times. As I read over them, I realized that this entry really doesn't do much justice to the impact Audrey had on my life, but I'll close with this:
Anyone who knows me has probably heard me say some pretty mean things about her, and for that I apoligize. When I really think about things and look back on my experiences unclouded, I can see that it wasn't as terrible as I've depicted it to be in the past. Although I seldom speak of these good times, they did exist and for that I am greatful.