Some dirty jokes.
Wow, IM SO BORED. These are dirty, But i thought these were funny, hhaha.
Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at
work. One day, she was in bed with her boyfriend Ralph, when she heard
her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph,
"Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband is home early!".
Ralph looked out the window and said,
"I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there.".
Mary cried, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!".
So, Ralph grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window. When he landed
outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race, so he started
running along side the others, only he was still in the nude, carrying his
clothes on his arm.
One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?".
Ralph answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, it feels so free having the
air blow over your skin while you are running.".
Then another runner asked, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your
arm?".
Ralph answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end
of the run and get in my car to go home.".
Then another runner asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?".
Ralph answered, "Only when it rains.".
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Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do
first,
Kim?" asked the man. "I want to get weighed," said the girl.
They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She
got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe
again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she
said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there
before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to
next.
"I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she
was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a
handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
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Mickey and Minnie Mouse were at court for divorce proceedings. The
judge told Mickey, "Look here Mickey Mouse, I can't grant you a
divorce from Minnie!"
Mickey Mouse was stunned and asked, "Why not??!!"
The Judge said, "I've reviewed all the information you gave to the
court, but I can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds
that she is crazy!"
Mickey Mouse says, "Your Honor! I didn't say she was CRAZY, I said
she was fucking Goofy!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question: What did 50 Cent say when his mum gave him a sweater?
Answer: Gee, you knit?
hahah yeah thats it. Wow. IM SO BORED
Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at
work. One day, she was in bed with her boyfriend Ralph, when she heard
her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph,
"Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband is home early!".
Ralph looked out the window and said,
"I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there.".
Mary cried, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!".
So, Ralph grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window. When he landed
outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race, so he started
running along side the others, only he was still in the nude, carrying his
clothes on his arm.
One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?".
Ralph answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, it feels so free having the
air blow over your skin while you are running.".
Then another runner asked, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your
arm?".
Ralph answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end
of the run and get in my car to go home.".
Then another runner asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?".
Ralph answered, "Only when it rains.".
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do
first,
Kim?" asked the man. "I want to get weighed," said the girl.
They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She
got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe
again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she
said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there
before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to
next.
"I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she
was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a
handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mickey and Minnie Mouse were at court for divorce proceedings. The
judge told Mickey, "Look here Mickey Mouse, I can't grant you a
divorce from Minnie!"
Mickey Mouse was stunned and asked, "Why not??!!"
The Judge said, "I've reviewed all the information you gave to the
court, but I can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds
that she is crazy!"
Mickey Mouse says, "Your Honor! I didn't say she was CRAZY, I said
she was fucking Goofy!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question: What did 50 Cent say when his mum gave him a sweater?
Answer: Gee, you knit?
hahah yeah thats it. Wow. IM SO BORED