What do you expect! Leave me alone.

[matchbookblondi]

ugh. today wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great either. I didn't get caught for cutting and it makes me wonder what happened to me. I wonder where i've gone and why i'm doing the things I do. I don't seem to care about anything anymore and it's effecting everything I do. I have no one to just express my entire feelings towards.. I don't understand it myself. I have so much to prove to myself and I'm falling into the same old, bad habits and I don't like it. I'm feeling so much like the old amy.. too much of the old amy and I don't think I like it. I need to calm down and stop being some troublesome. I'm so incredibly tired.. and confused about everything and as a result I don't care. I feel like breaking down.. and this time it's not the world around me, but what I've created.. maybe that's what it's been all along.. all along everything has been about me, instead of everyone else. Everyone's noticed a significant change.. and i'm torn, yet again. I can't ever win. You don't know what it's like, I have such.. such potential and I waste it on stupid shit, because I don't care. I can't get this.. I can't seem to make sense.. and I don't know why.. welcome to my life.
Tomorrow i'm going back for tryouts.. I want to work so hard and prove to everyone I can play on this level.. i told coach d, and she knows exactly what I do to myself.. I over analyze and I get down on myself... I can't do that, and I just need to play the game. I just needa play..

:-/
-amy