Dear New York City Subway Riders
1. do not step on my foot, look down and not apologize or acknowledge the fact that you did it because we both fucking know you did.
2. dudes, your nuts are not the size of basketballs. close your legs so 2 more people can sit down.
3. dudes, if you are under 60 and there is a women of any age pregnant, disabled, or just looking plain tired from working all day and carrying multiple bags get your ass up because you'd want someone to do it for your mother, sister, grandmother, wife or daughter.
4. If the train is full and I am standing at the door don't fucking come behind me and press up against me so I can't breath, if it doesn't look like you fit then guess what YOU DON'T. The L/4 or 5 comes like every 2 minutes, fucking wait for the next one!
5. don't cough in your hand and proceed to touch the pole, thats nasty and I don't want your nasty germs.
6. teenagers or loud people, rush hour trains are filled with people tired from a long day at work most are trying to take a short nap before getting home to work even more cooking/cleaning for their families it's not a fucking party train, keep your yelling and foul language to yourself, I don't need to hear you from across the car telling your friend that her twat smells.
7. if I am going to hear your music just fucking bring a boombox because it's the same shit.
8. tourists, bringing your kids on the train on rush hour to go to 42nd street and completely ignoring them while they sit on their knees looking out at the black tunnel while they proceed to kick big black ladies is not cool.
9. REMEMBER THAT TIME IT WAS RUSH HOUR AND YOU DECIDED TO WALK LIKE MY GRANDMA INTO THE TRAIN, FUCKING MOVE IT BITCH I HAVE TO GO TO WORK!
10. when leaning over someone to look at the train map say excuse me or just ask them for help, don't put your fucking underarm in my face and lean over me pretending i'm invisible, you're gross.
11. Don't stare, it's fucking creepy and I hate you.
12. Hey, I know the train is full but your crotch and my face don't need to meet.
EDITED
13. If you are wearing a backpack, please account for the 12 EXTRA inches added to your back.
14. If the train is crowded and your bag is pressed against someone or hitting them etc. acknowledge it by apologizing and/or holding your bag in front of you to avoid doing it again. DO NOT continue to hit me/press your bag against me especially if it is wide open, it makes me want to steal your highlighter/pen/mirror just to fuck with your day/head.
15. Remember that time you decided to hold the train so you and 10 of your friends could get on and make everyone late. Don't laugh nervously about either, everyone hates you and you laughing just makes us want to stab you even more.
16. Remember when we were getting on the same train/going through the same door and you decided to cut in front of me? Am I unaware that there is a VIP list on the train that you are on and I'm just missing out? Cause we're getting on the same train no matter if you bumrush me or not you moron.
17. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take note of the ass to seat ratio technique, glance at the free seat, consider the size of your ass/hips then make a smart decision on either you fit or not because most likely you DO NOT and it is annoying when you're sitting on the edge.
18. When we are sitting next to each other on a packed bench and our shoulders/arms are touching, it's probably not a good idea to talk with your hands, I don't need your dirtiness rubbing off on my coat.
19. Stop selling boxes of candy because you're trying to stay off the streets because most likely you want to buy weed and I'm not spending a dollar on a candy bar when you bought that entire box of 36 packs of skittles at Cosco/Bjs/Sams for $12.95. This is New York City and it really isn't that hard to get a job in retail making way more money than selling candy on a train.
please feel free to add more!
I could go on and on but I thought I'd spare you.
2. dudes, your nuts are not the size of basketballs. close your legs so 2 more people can sit down.
3. dudes, if you are under 60 and there is a women of any age pregnant, disabled, or just looking plain tired from working all day and carrying multiple bags get your ass up because you'd want someone to do it for your mother, sister, grandmother, wife or daughter.
4. If the train is full and I am standing at the door don't fucking come behind me and press up against me so I can't breath, if it doesn't look like you fit then guess what YOU DON'T. The L/4 or 5 comes like every 2 minutes, fucking wait for the next one!
5. don't cough in your hand and proceed to touch the pole, thats nasty and I don't want your nasty germs.
6. teenagers or loud people, rush hour trains are filled with people tired from a long day at work most are trying to take a short nap before getting home to work even more cooking/cleaning for their families it's not a fucking party train, keep your yelling and foul language to yourself, I don't need to hear you from across the car telling your friend that her twat smells.
7. if I am going to hear your music just fucking bring a boombox because it's the same shit.
8. tourists, bringing your kids on the train on rush hour to go to 42nd street and completely ignoring them while they sit on their knees looking out at the black tunnel while they proceed to kick big black ladies is not cool.
9. REMEMBER THAT TIME IT WAS RUSH HOUR AND YOU DECIDED TO WALK LIKE MY GRANDMA INTO THE TRAIN, FUCKING MOVE IT BITCH I HAVE TO GO TO WORK!
10. when leaning over someone to look at the train map say excuse me or just ask them for help, don't put your fucking underarm in my face and lean over me pretending i'm invisible, you're gross.
11. Don't stare, it's fucking creepy and I hate you.
12. Hey, I know the train is full but your crotch and my face don't need to meet.
EDITED
13. If you are wearing a backpack, please account for the 12 EXTRA inches added to your back.
14. If the train is crowded and your bag is pressed against someone or hitting them etc. acknowledge it by apologizing and/or holding your bag in front of you to avoid doing it again. DO NOT continue to hit me/press your bag against me especially if it is wide open, it makes me want to steal your highlighter/pen/mirror just to fuck with your day/head.
15. Remember that time you decided to hold the train so you and 10 of your friends could get on and make everyone late. Don't laugh nervously about either, everyone hates you and you laughing just makes us want to stab you even more.
16. Remember when we were getting on the same train/going through the same door and you decided to cut in front of me? Am I unaware that there is a VIP list on the train that you are on and I'm just missing out? Cause we're getting on the same train no matter if you bumrush me or not you moron.
17. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take note of the ass to seat ratio technique, glance at the free seat, consider the size of your ass/hips then make a smart decision on either you fit or not because most likely you DO NOT and it is annoying when you're sitting on the edge.
18. When we are sitting next to each other on a packed bench and our shoulders/arms are touching, it's probably not a good idea to talk with your hands, I don't need your dirtiness rubbing off on my coat.
19. Stop selling boxes of candy because you're trying to stay off the streets because most likely you want to buy weed and I'm not spending a dollar on a candy bar when you bought that entire box of 36 packs of skittles at Cosco/Bjs/Sams for $12.95. This is New York City and it really isn't that hard to get a job in retail making way more money than selling candy on a train.
please feel free to add more!
I could go on and on but I thought I'd spare you.