(no subject)
Lately I've been tired and everyone thinks I'm depressed. Why? that's all i ask...Why? I have a job that I would like to keep and I work my ass off to keep it and try satisfying everyone around me at the same time. It's hard and i don't know what to do cause I'm getting so much grief from this like it's my fault, now I'm depressed because I love her, but I don't have alot of money or free time. I want her to be happy and have friends, but i can't help that anymore. Apparently I have become something that I don't like. I try to look at the bright side of things but all i think is negative thoughts because I was brought up to expect the worst. what do I have to do to get rid of it? I have so many questions that just go unanswered. Why can't I be carefree and happy all the time? What do I need to work on? Why? I sat alone last night really late thinking about what had been said and I still can't believe she said those things. Why am I boring? Why is it that she feels like I don't do stuff with her anymore? I've had thoughts that I should't be having because I love her so much. Not like cheating that's totally off!!! I'm not an asshole. More along the lines of maybe taking a break, but i can't live without her. I talked to my friend about this today and see if he had any advice. That's how desperate I am... I need help I tell him and he said that it sounds like we should take a break. I told him I can't because I need her. She means the wold to me man. He tried convincing me that a break would do us good. It's harder than it seems... I can't picture myself without her... she means everything and more to me... She's changed me in so many good ways and I'm thankful for that. "I'm a better person." I tell myself that everyday, but from what I heard it's as though I've been lying to myself this whole time. I don't know what to do anymore... I've told myself this alot, but it always gets fixed somehow or another and then comes back to haunt me.
Why?
Why?