the dreams in which im dying are the best i've ever had.
i like movies. i was driving tonight, listening to pinback. and i got a rush of motivation to do something that would amaze people, mainly myself. i want to look at something that i've made or done and not be able to believe that i did that. i want to do amazing things. i want my parents to be proud of me. i want my friends to think im going places. im sick of waking up everyday and feeling like getting out of bed is a huge struggle. i want to accomplish more. im sick of waking up at 12, eating, watching tv, sitting... doing nothing. nothing is a nice break, but i get these urges to do big things. and i can feel something good coming on. i love that feeling. i had some good conversations tonight. about human de-evolution vs. passion/love for people. mainly medical technological advances... weather it's right or wrong. human vs. animals. kemmer talk i guess one could say. if you know kemmer you know what im talking about. anyway, i sure as hell miss those talks. i need to visit that man and go to some of his classes, strike up some conversations. i made him a scarf and a painting that i've been meaning to deliver to him. so i fly out to tucson thursday. so random. i haven't seen keely in over three years. it will be nice to be some place warm away from here, just a break. take some pictures. i need to start my photography ideas before they fade. but arizona.... and i get to fly. i love planes. i've always wanted to be a flight attendant for a while so i can fly, and go almost anywhere i want (and places i don't want to, but whateve.) and it pays well. i was bored last night and made a list of things i want to do in my life. someday i might type it up on here if i remember and care enough. anyway, this post doesn't seem like something i would usually write. it's been a different day today. i also get my GED scores in three days, when im gone. as well as a big fat paycheck.