Not always perfect 2/2
"You don't have to go; I'll make an excuse for you,"
Hyukjae sent Donghae a short glare but the latter didn't take any notice as he was busy searching the room for some file he was supposed to bring to work following day. Hyukjae remembered Donghae walking into the bathroom with them and coming out empty-handed, but didn't bother to tell him that since Donghae hadn't even asked for his help. "He'd just get annoyed with me even more,"
"Why? It's been a while since I met your parents; it would be rude not to go,"
"Because," Donghae started exasperated and walked up to Hyukjae and snapped the invitation card out of Hyukjae's fingers while looking down at the latter sitting on the bed. "I know you think it's a pain in the ass to meet my family, so just don't come."
Hyukjae frowned at the younger male.
"I've never thought tha--"
"Just give it a break, okay?" Donghae snarled and ruffled his hair in annoyance as he closed the last drawer of the study desk where he couldn't find the files as well.
"If you could just--"
"I'll go order some food, go and cook for yourself."
Hyukjae stared unbelievingly at his husband's back disappearing out of the bedroom and he felt the urge of punching Donghae for real, came back. The un-locking sound of the door indicated that Donghae was leaving.
"Asshole!" Hyukjae yelled, but the apartment door closed in the same moment, so he didn't know if Donghae had heard it or not. Hyukjae dug his face into the pillows and continued yelling all the insults he could come up with, just to take out his frustration somehow. He felt like crying because he felt so angry. Problem was that Donghae refused to listen, and when he did that, Hyukjae exploded.
Minutes of cursing passed and Hyukjae lay motionless on the bed, only movements came from the heavy breaths that made his chest rise and fall painfully slow.
"This is it," Hyukjae thought. "If he only listened to me and trusted me, then we wouldn't have been here in the first place. But I can't blame him, the fault is mine from the beginning," Hyukjae rolled over on his back to stare up into the white ceiling that was getting filled up with shadows as the night drew closer. "I shouldn't have gone so far as letting Siwon even kiss me,"
Everything was a mess, and Hyukjae just felt that Donghae probably hated him more for each day passing. He had hoped for the last months that Donghae would actually try to hear him out for once, that they would have solved this issue long time ago, and that was why they were still together because Donghae wanted to melt things first before talking. But nothing had happened, and Hyukjae was almost sure of it that Donghae would leave any time soon. And for himself, he just couldn't handle trying over and over to explain to Donghae. "I guess I'm the one who's responsible for why we still are in this state,"
Hyukjae closed his eyes and fisted the sheets to calm down his nerves.
Simply, they weren't that perfect couple everyone saw them as after all.
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Donghae returned in approximately one hour later when the dark had already fallen, his stomach now being filled with instant noodles bought from the closest convenient store. The lights in the apartment were still lit so he was a bit surprised to find Hyukjae already asleep on the bed, messily tangled in the bed sheets. Still, he was looking peaceful with his face rid of all the frowns he had whenever he was looking at Donghae. Donghae closed the distance and crouched down next to the bed and next to Hyukjae.
That was when he spotted his files lying neatly on op of the night stand table where he was sure they hadn't been placed earlier. He gaped at them before his eyes continued traveling over to Hyukjae's lifeless body on the bed, and a sigh slipped through his lips and his whole body felt heavier.
Fingers brushed away some of the stands covering Hyukjae's forehead before Donghae leaned in and pecked the smooth skin lightly.
"I'm causing you pain as well, aren't I?" he asked softly, still hearing the cursing word Hyukjae had yelled at him before he left, echoing in his head. When thinking about the way they fight all the time he could sense Hyukjae's rancor towards him, and all the time remembering Hyukjae with Siwon and the times Hyukjae gone somewhere without telling him. That's where Donghae thought Hyukjae wanted to be. "We should stop this, so you can be happy," his voice became a little raspy as he thought about it.
Hyukjae sighed heavily in his sleep and turned to lie on his stomach while his face faced the other way. Donghae glanced over the back that was turned to him and gave the sleeping man's cheek one last caress before bringing his files to settling down in the living room instead so he wouldn't wake up his husband.
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Hyukjae woke up next morning alone in bed, still dressed in his clothes from previous day. Donghae was out of the apartment already, as well as the files Hyukjae actually bothered to take out for him.
“The only ‘thanks’ I’ll get is to not have him taunting me in the morning,” Hyukjae thought as he lazily descended the stairs and walked into the living room to crashed on the couch instead. He felt relieved that he wasn’t needed at work until later that day so there wouldn’t be any need to stress. But at the same time, having spare time to kill in no other way than just lying around doing nothing was quite disturbing since he couldn’t seem to have any pleasant thoughts. At least the work would be a distraction.
Hyukjae was just about to get up to prepare to leave anyways, but stopped mid-ways as he noticed a slice of a paper sticking out just by the corner underneath the couch. He figured it must be Donghae who had dropped one of his documents while working. He fell flat on his stomach again and reached out for the sheet. Suddenly, Hyukjae perked up when his eyes caught words as the headliner of the document.
Divorce Decree.
Donghae’s name, Hyukjae's name, everything was already filled in in the small square boxes, everything except his’ and Donghae’s signatures at the bottom.
Hyukjae’s nerves, veins, limbs, brains, whole body stiffened into an immobile mass as he continued staring over the filled form and forgetting how to breathe. Even though he knew everything was a mess, it was all misunderstandings and mistakes after all. That’s how he saw it, and never really expected it would come to an end like this.
But to Donghae everything was seen out of another point of view, where everything was based on what he had witnessed.
“Shit,” Hyukjae cursed and shot up from the couch, with the paper still clenched in his fist.
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“I’m sorry to say this but, I told you so,”
“That doesn’t help a shit Sungmin, so don’t come with that now!”
Sungmin sighed and dragged Hyukjae out of the office before he made a too big scene for everyone to see. He pried the paper out of the younger’s hand and read through the content while Hyukjae was standing next to him, body shaking.
As well as Hyukjae had seen, everything was finished except their signatures. But clearly there was a small, dark mark on Donghae’s space that he had pressed his pen against the paper as if he was ready to sign it. So something had to make him hesitate.
“Hyukjae, come and sit,” Sungmin said and carefully pulled on his friend’s sleeve to help him find the way towards a nearby bench. “Just take a few deep breaths, okay? You’re going to pass out if don’t calm down,”
Hyukjae did just as he was told, closed his eyes and leaned back. His head was all a blur at the moment and unable to think correctly.
“Whether you want to tell me or not, you have to say what’s going on? You obviously don’t want this,” Sungmin gestured with the paper in his hand to point out their current situation. “So whatever stupid attitude you’re having towards Hae and vice versa, there is something more behind it,"
Hyukjae hesitated, but in the end he eventually gave in and told Sungmin about his story, how he had lived it. The elder stayed silence for the whole time until Hyukjae carefully called his name him to wake up from the probably deep thinking he had turned into.
“S-Siwon did that?” It was obvious that Sungmin was nervous and a weak trace of anger filled up his aura.
“I’m sorry Sungmin,” Hyukjae whispered and nudged at the elder’s arm to have his attention. “I didn’t mean to hold it as a secret from you, but you looked so happy when talking about him. I think he’s changed… But I guess this will still affect you two now,”
“You should have told me earlier," answered Sungmin sternly, but his face quickly softened again. “But now I think you definitely need to tell Donghae this. If it's all misunderstandings then it can be solved. Don't go around and make things worse than it is by stupid argues and bickering!"
"Don't you think I have tried telling him that ever since the start? It's just that he won't hear me out whn I try to explain, and when I did get to speak, he wouldn't believe me!"
“How can he not trust you? You’ve been together for so many years!”
“That’s the reason why he can’t trust me. He trusted me to the content that he never expected I would do anything like that to him after all this time,” Hyukjae had to take a few breaths to not break down. "I wouldn't have trusted him either if I saw him kissing someone else..."
Sungmin became quiet again and Hyukjae understood that the blonde still felt disappointed and uncomfortable talking about Siwon.
"What will you do about Siwon now?" Sungmin gave the younger a questioning look. "Isn't it a little bit like me and Donghae? You trust him and think he would never do such thing, but yet he still did. Though the two of you weren't a couple back then,"
“You know,” Sungmin started quietly. “I was planning on meeting up with Siwon after work. If you would like to come…?”
“No… I need to think first,” Hyukjae heaved a deep sigh before standing up and walked back to the office in silence, with all thoughts still spinning violently inside his head. But now he was sure of one thing, it was time to talk properly with Donghae.
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Hyukjae couldn’t get his previous conversation with Sungmin out of his mind, and was surprised that he already had clocked out of work and was standing at the front door to his shared apartment with Donghae. He pushed the key though the lock and was surprised when he found it already unlocked. Usually Donghae came home later than him. As he walked inside, he was greeted by Donghae leaning against the wall with a raised eyebrow.
“Why are you home early?” Hyukjae asked softly with a light frown before throwing off his shoes and jacket. He got a scoff in return from his husband and he felt his heart just tug by the sound of it.
“I’m not early. I got off of work an hour ago, so the question is: why are you home late?”
The older male looked confused and then glanced at his watch. It was already seven p.m. and his work usually ended at four. He really must have been absorbed by his thoughts and lost track of time. But he, himself, was surprised that it took him so long to come home. “I guess I was too caught up with how I am going to talk with Donghae,” Hyukjae thought and mentally hit his head.
“Had someone else to fuck you better than me?”
The sudden comment shocked Hyukjae and immediately he felt his mood drop to the pit of hell just hearing those words and just pushed past Donghae instead and walked into the kitchen, mumbling “None of your fucking business,”
And already from there, Hyukjae succeeded once again with pushing up his plan on talking with Donghae. His mood was far from good and because of that he was sure he'd lose his temper if he tried to talk with the other at the moment.
Instead he ignored his husband and opened the fridge to see if there was anything to eat but Donghae had followed him and slammed the fridge door closed, while staring at Hyukjae.
“It is my business. We’re married, damn it, do you know what that means?” Donghae had pushed Hyukjae up against the wall and was holding him still, preventing him from escaping. Donghae didn’t know what he was thinking; instead, emotions had taken control as he glared straight into Hyukjae’s eyes.
"Donghae, what are you doing? Let the hell go off me!" The redhead struggled, and Donghae realized what he was doing once he looked at Hyukjae's face showing emotions of panic and anger. He let himself calm down, but still held Hyukjae in his grip.
“You’re supposed to stop acting like a slut and stay with me, that’s what it means!” he said through gritted teeth.
“Then sign that damn divorce form then if it’s a problem!” Hyukjae yelled and Donghae looked startled that Hyukjae already had found out about that paper.
Anger, frustration, confusion, all of it was mixed in the air between the couple.
Donghae stared into the eyes of his husband and let go of the wrists he had been holding on to, letting them fall back to Hyukjae’s sided.
“Maybe that’s what we should do,” he said surprisingly calm, eye contact broken along with his heart.
Hyukjae let out a rude “Fine!” before he ran for the bathroom and slammed the door shut. He sat down on the toilet seat and tried holding his tears back, but they were already pouring out to no end. His fingers found the shower tap and the sound of water drowned out the sound of his sobs.
Just as he had wanted to explain everything all over again, here came the proof that Donghae still just saw him as an unfaithful person. And because of that, he failed to say anything.
"If we have this kind of big problem in our relationship, I don't think I will handle holding it up for very long. Sooner or later, something similar would have occurred." Hyukjae was convinced about this.
Right next to the shower Hyukjae spotted the blue shirt he had seen hanging the other day - the one he had purposely poured cologne over. It was still damp and Hyukjae knew Donghae must have tried to wash away the stain he had caused. Hyukjae noticed that the stain was still there and he could smell the scent of washing powder, but the cologne’s scent was still dominant.
Once he had calmed down and washed his face to hide the evidence of his crying, he went back to the bedroom and saw Donghae had already gone to bed, his breaths sounding much deeper and raspier than normal. The brunette hadn’t mentioned anything at all about the shirt anymore and Hyukjae felt slightly guilty about that. In a slow pace, he undressed and crept under the covers, back facing back with a large gap in between the two bodies.
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For the second morning in row, Hyukjae woke up alone in the bed but managed distinguish the sounds coming from the TV in the living room and knew he had to face Donghae again. He sighed as he got up and made his way out of the bedroom. As usual, he ignored Donghae, with the latter doing the same, and headed for the kitchen to make himself breakfast. Thinking that Donghae hadn't said a single word to him about the previous day, Hyukjae thought that it had only been empty words. He hoped that those had only been empty words.
He placed his cup of tea and fried eggs on the table and settled down to eat. Just then, he realized the TV had gone quiet and Donghae silently walked in and began to prepare his own breakfast. They ate their breakfast, but today none of them left the dining table after finishing up. Hyukjae had a feeling that Donghae wanted to say something and it was making Hyukjae extremely nervous. The brunette then looked at Hyukjae seriously, making him shiver.
“Hyukjae-ah,” Donghae started and Hyukjae wanted to interrupt him because he really hated when the other talked formally to him.
“What I said yesterday…about the divorce.”
The elder's interest suddenly perked up. "You’re taking it back? Good."
“I think we should really consider that”
Donghae kept his face emotionless as he stared into Hyukjae’s dark orbs.
“W-what? Why?”
The brunette let out a small chuckle. “Hyukjae, do you even realize what we have been doing for the last four months? We obviously don’t love each other anymore and we fight all the time while having meaningless sex. Don’t you think we should go on and find someone we can be happy with?” Donghae sounded calm through his whole talking. As if splitting up wasn't the slightest problem in the world.
Hyukjae didn’t say anything. He sat quietly and tried to take in what Donghae was actually saying. Why did Donghae have to be so blind as to not see that Hyukjae was happy with him already? Happy in his own way because Donghae was still in his life.
“You…You like Siwon, right?” The younger suddenly asked and that was it. Hyukjae stood up and leaned over the table to slap Donghae, making his palm hit the latter's temple. Donghae widened his eyes because he had never been hit by anyone before like that.
“Why do you think I stayed with you if I loved someone else? I have never had sex with anyone else than you! Why won’t you believe me?!”
“So you just accidently jumped in bed with him and just lay there?” Donghae started raising his voice too. “I saw what you were doing, and you were fucking covered with marks!”
“No, I had a reason! But you were too damn busy with pitying yourself for thinking you married a slut that you didn’t even bother to listen!”
“Tell me then!” Donghae yelled. “Tell me what was so important that you had to be fucked by someone else other than your husband!”
Tears had formed in Hyukjae’s eyes as he harshly dropped a small object in front of Donghae.
“I just wanted to protect it,”
And then Hyukjae was already on his way out of the house. The brunette looked down at the table where his father’s necklace lay spread out. He couldn’t understand what the other meant. He took up the chain in his hand. ‘I just wanted to protect it’. How does that explain the situation?
But too late for Donghae as he tried following the other, because Hyukjae was already long gone from their neighborhood.
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