I feel sick... I feel like whatever alone time I have now is a punishment I deserve.
I am feeling very depressed. I want to do so much, I have so many things on my mind right now. I have been beating my body into submission and I have been losing a lot of sleep. My back keeps spasming and I can't focus on simple tasks.
I feel weak all over and I don't have any faith in myself right now because I am fucking all kinds of things up at the same time. The one that is the most important to me wants to go away. The feelings I have are being beaten around like a raquetball. High and happy with simplicity like a good joke and then crashing down when I am alone in my bed at night. Everyone around me knows something is up. They can all sense that I am down and ask me whats up... I have no coherent thought to answer such a question when it is asked because I keep hoping that I can help it. All I want is for things to work, and I seem to be messing everything up.
I want to curl into a ball, roll into a corner, cry, and be left alone with that feeling until it is spent instead of leaking it out slowly troughout the day... my heart is hurting.
I feel weak all over and I don't have any faith in myself right now because I am fucking all kinds of things up at the same time. The one that is the most important to me wants to go away. The feelings I have are being beaten around like a raquetball. High and happy with simplicity like a good joke and then crashing down when I am alone in my bed at night. Everyone around me knows something is up. They can all sense that I am down and ask me whats up... I have no coherent thought to answer such a question when it is asked because I keep hoping that I can help it. All I want is for things to work, and I seem to be messing everything up.
I want to curl into a ball, roll into a corner, cry, and be left alone with that feeling until it is spent instead of leaking it out slowly troughout the day... my heart is hurting.