(no subject)
Holy mother of God... this has been the most beautiful, amazing weekend
of my life. Steve woke me up when he got home from work Friday morning
and we were laying there all snuggly and half-asleep, and I told him
how Angela thinks that by October she'll have enough money to buy the
condo in December when the lease is up, which would mean Eric, Mark and
I would have nowhere to go. We're sitting there, wrapped up tight
against each other and he had his chin on the top of my head and he
said that the reason he hasn't moved back out of his parents' house yet
is because he's worried about not being able to afford it alone. I told
him I would help him out if he ever needed it, and he of course told me
no, just like I knew he would. But then he turned around and dropped a
total bombshell on me... "You should just move in and pay half the rent
and it will be OUR house." He told me he would never want to live with
anyone else, ever. And that he can't imagine anything better than every
day waking up or coming home to me. He fucking asked me to move in with
him. And then later that night while I'm still reeling from that
shock... again, we were laying there all snuggled, getting ready to
watch a movie, and I was all tangled up with him like always, and I was
playing with the long hair beind his ears and I hugged him real close
and told him I loved him. Now, this is nothing out of the ordiary for
us at all... there are a lot of times when I tell him I love him. The
thing that makes this different? His reaction. "I love you too." HE
SAID IT BACK. He's never done that before. It took my so much by
surprise that I literally gasped. He's said it back quite a few times
since then, and even a few times completely on his own out of nowhere.
My personal favorite so far? It was a time just like any other random
moment over here at his house... neither of us talking, him playing on
the computer with his back to me, and me reading a book on the bed,
backwards with my feet by the pillows instead of at the bottom where
they belong. He just whirled around in his chair so fast and grabbed me
up so tight and suddenly and even spilled some of my wine on the book,
and just said with so much emotion and force in his voice, "I love you
so much!!!!" And he kissed me, and I stared back at him and told him I
loved him, too. And then his voice got way softer and he said, "I
really, really do, you know. So much."
Tonight before he left for work, I was laying there while he was waking
up and he was holding me right up against his chest, and I was staring
at his beautiful face, so smooth and calm in sleep, and all the love I
have for him came rushing full force right at me and made me cry. This
happens sometimes, me being so happy and in love with him that it makes
me cry. But this weekend he has taken me to a whole new level of happy
and in love.
So now my question is... do I do it? Do I move in with him? I have been
asking him all weekend to make sure HE'S sure, and he is. Now I have to
make sure I'M sure. I know whole-heartedly that I want nothing more
than to be with him for the rest of my life. I told him I would give
anything to have him there all the time, and I mean it. But I've never
been faced with the option of actually LIVING with someone I was in
love with. I've never had someone love me like this. What do I do? I
want to do it, and I think I should do it, except... my poor mother,
she's freaking out over it. I shouldn't have said anything to her about
it until I could be there to discuss it with her and make all my
points. Instead I told her almost as soon as he asked me and the poor
thing has been stressing over it all weekend, I'm sure. I need to talk
to her about this... she said (direct quote) "YOU CANNOT LIVE WITH HIM
UNTIL YOU GET SOME BLING-BLING AND GET MARRIED!!!!!"
I think I'm going to do it.