The Circle of Us 1/5 - Jared/Jensen - NC-17
Title: The Circle of Us
Author: anyothergirl415
Artist: bt_kady
Pairing: Jared/Jensen, Christian/Sandy
Words: ~30,800
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 - underage (the boys are 17), teen pregnancy, mpreg, homophobia
Summary: Jared and Jensen have been friends from Kindergarten and Jensen fell for Jared without meaning too. But coming together, sharing everything for the first time, is the least of the challenges waiting for them in the not too distant future.
There were quite a few gifts Jared received for his seventeenth birthday that fit into the category of epically awesome. Not the least of which being the used Ford Escape his mom had surprised him with; that could definitely fit all of his friends as long as they never told their parents someone had to ride in back without a seat belt. Or if they didn't mind squishing.
Danneel got him a summer pass to Water World - which meant all the water slides Jared could handle - Sandy got him the new fun. CD - which meant bad singing in his new car and it couldn't get much better than that. Chris had been practically beaming as he presented Jared with a starter car kit full of tools and jumper cables and a bunch of other shit Jared didn't know about - which obviously meant he was one of the only people who didn't know he was finally getting a car for his birthday.
All he got from Chad was a couple of candy bars and toothbrush but well, Jared had honestly been surprised to receive anything from the blond so he'd thanked him with a bright grin.
But the best gift - better than the car, the promise of a million trips to the best water park ever, or even really bad singing to too loud music - was the one from his best friend. Jensen had been twitchy and unsure as he offered the package, a nervous smile on his lips - the kind that always made Jared's own smile grow because his best friend was kind of ridiculous. There was no way Jared wouldn't absolutely love anything Jensen got him.
This particular something was so much more than anything Jared could have thought up. It was a scrapbook, the front decorated in a collection of items that would mean something only to them. A torn page from a coloring book - from Kindergarten, that first day when Jensen had shared his Spiderman book - a movie stub - from the first PG-13 film they'd snuck in to see together - candy wrappers that spelled out a bright J and handwritten notes and napkins covered in tic-tac-toe games. Something had been sealed over the items, keeping them in place and safe on the cover of the album and Jared's eyes pinched with tears at the swell of emotion.
"Jen..."
"You haven't even opened it yet," Jensen laughed softly and inched a little closer, reaching out to trace the edge of the mahogany book.
Jared wasn't sure he wanted to look at the rest of the book with all his friends and his mother watching curiously. But Jensen was so eager, his bright green eyes shining with excitement, so he slowly lifted the cover. The scrapbook pages were chronologically ordered, starting with pictures from their childhood, arms thrown around each other, matching shining grins and Ninja Turtle backpacks. There were pictures from their classrooms - one with Sandy, paint smeared on her cheeks; one with Christian in a Peter Pan costume and a deep scowl; another with Danneel and Chad pulling each other's hair.
It was quiet in the living room - probably quieter than it had ever been when all his friends were over - but Jared couldn't tear his eyes from the pictures covering each page he turned. Jensen had always had an artistic eye and the scrapbook clearly reflected that, photos bordered by drawings, stickers, angled in just the right way.
By the time Jared made it to their middle school years there were tears streaming down his cheeks. But the best kind of tears, full of warmth and happiness, and Jared traced a picture of them all dressed up for their first Spring Fling - the one where they'd gone as a group with matching flowers and everything - with a choked laugh.
The last page in the book was covered in photos from just a few weeks before, the Fourth of July, and Jared couldn't stop staring at the image of Jensen looking his way, eyes warm and crinkled at the edges. Something about that particular picture stirred the strangest sensation in his chest but he shrugged it off. The entire book was emotional; it was probably that.
"God, Jen, this is so amazing." Jared flipped to the next page, which was blank, and beamed brightly up at his best friend. "It's not finished?"
"Well, we still have one more year of high school. Pretty sure we'll fill up those last pages by the time it's over." Jensen's smile was the same one in that picture from the Fourth of July and Jared leaned forward to hug the boy before he could question it any further.
"Thank you so much," Jared whispered against the boy's ear and squeezed him tight.
As far as birthdays went, Jared was pretty sure this one was the absolute best.
"That was such a sweet gift Jensen; it must have taken a really long time."
A smile twitched at Jensen's lips as he lifted his shoulder in a shrug, tossing a stack of paper plates into the trash. His eyes drifted to the back door, where he could see Jared tackling Chad into the grass, then back to Mama. "Not too long. I mean, tracking down all the pictures was kind of hard. Thanks for those by the way."
"Lord knows I've been meaning to organize them for years. And you did a better job than I ever could have." Mama stepped forward, pulling Jensen into a tight hug. "You know I'm here for you, if you ever need to talk."
Jensen had first met Sharon Padalecki his second day of Kindergarten, the same day he met Jared Padalecki. She had a bright grin with dimples just like her son and brown curly hair and Jensen could still remember the way she'd shaken his hand with a Hello Jensen, nice to meet you and smelled just like the pink flowers in the park by his house.
It wasn't long after that, that Jensen glued himself to Jared's side and Sharon Padalecki simply became Mama. Jensen called his own mother, Mom, so it wasn't all that hard to give into the name. And it wasn't all that hard now, to know she understood something that he'd never voiced aloud. Never thought he could.
Swallowing thickly, Jensen pulled back and looked up at Mama - just an inch or so, he was definitely growing - barely a hint of a smile on his lips. "Talk about what?"
"Oh, I don't know. The weather." Mama pressed a kiss to his temple and nudged him back. "Will you go stop those boys before they damage one another?"
Jensen laughed and decided to ignore whatever it was Mama was hinting at. He knew what it was, actually, and he wasn't entirely sure how she'd figured it out, but Jared's birthday party was not the time to talk about it.
So he did as she asked, shoving the back door open and shaking his head roughly. "Chad! Don't kill Jared before he has a chance to take us out in his sweet new ride."
There was a wicked sort of gleam to Chad and Jared's gazes as the boys stopped wrestling and turned to face him. Jensen could feel that little burst of heat that he'd learned to associate with Jared a little too often as of late. His palms began to sweat as he took a step back and roughly shook his head.
"No. No way. Don't even. I am warning you guys." Jensen barely managed to swallow the squeak rising up in his throat a beat later when Jared's arms locked hard around his waist, lifting him swiftly off the ground in a quick spin.
Jensen's stomach flipped and twisted in knots he'd rather not think too much about as Jared's hands framed his form and held him close. Sometimes, the way Jared made his heart race, it kind of hurt.
He'd never forget the first time he felt... this.
It was nearly a year ago, exactly. The day before Jared's sixteenth birthday, and Jensen had stayed the night the way he had a million times in the past. It was such a common occurrence they were completely comfortable with each other, even sharing the large King sized bed Mama had needed to purchase when Jared hit three growth spurts, one right after another.
Nothing about that particular night had seemed unusual and maybe it would have stayed that way, maybe Jared would have stayed just his best friend and life would have gone on like normal. But there had been some chocolate smeared on the edge of his lip from the cookies Mama had baked and Jensen hadn't known. Not until Jensen trailed him into the bedroom and his best friend turned with a laugh, reaching out to wipe the chocolate away.
And, for whatever the reason, that one little moment changed absolutely everything. It wasn't as if Jared hadn't taken care of him before - God, this wasn't even that big of a deal - but for some reason Jensen's heart and mind and dick chose that moment to react. All at once, the blood rushed from his ears and down to his crotch. His heart sped up and his cheeks flushed as he watched Jared lick the chocolate from his thumb.
Jared turned away then, carrying on with life as usual, and Jensen... fell. Pretty damn hard.
"Let me guess, thinking about getting a head start on your school reading?" Jared asked with a laugh, setting Jensen down and stumbling back, dizzy from the quick spin.
Schoolwork was the absolute last thing Jensen was thinking about but he wasn't going to tell Jared that. Instead, he gave his best friend a sheepish smile and he lifted his shoulders in an innocent shrug. "Something like that."
Jensen laughed and turned away, chasing after Chad again, and Jensen rode out the little flutter in his chest. Being in love with his best friend wasn't all that bad; at least Jensen got to have the boy in his own special way. Even if it wasn't entirely the way he wanted.
It sucked that summer was pretty much over. Or would be, in less than twelve hours when they were stepping into Wilson West High once more.
There was nothing better than the long stretch of endless days, especially since his birthday and the addition of a vehicle and the Water World pass that they'd used nearly every single day. Jared was pretty sure his ears were permanently waterlogged, but he wouldn't trade a single fucking moment of it.
"Man, this was the best summer ever," Jared sighed wistfully, flopping over on his bed, letting his arm drop over Jensen's chest. "Seriously. Nothing will ever top this summer."
"I'm pretty sure you said that at the end of last summer," Jensen laughed and pushed his arm away, rolling onto his side to face Jared and peering at him through the darkness. "Next summer we'll be celebrating no more high school, you'll turn eighteen, pretty sure all of that is going to be way more epic than Water World."
"Maybe..." Jared mumbled, rolling to face Jensen and inching just a little closer. "Maybe we'll have girlfriends. That'd be pretty awesome."
Silence lingered between them, the kind that didn't happen very often - if ever. He could categorize all of their silences - the intense ones, during epic video game marathons, and the comfortable ones, when they'd used up all their words for the day - and this wasn't one of those. This was... something else. Jared pulled back a little, frowning down at Jensen. There was something he didn't know and when it came to Jensen? That never happened.
"You don't..." Jared rolled his lower lip beneath his teeth, looking away then back. "You would tell me, wouldn't you, if you had a girlfriend? You wouldn't keep something like that secret."
"Jared, don't be an idiot." Jensen huffed a laugh - it didn't sound all that real and Jared's brows drew together - and fell onto his back, eyes closing slowly. "There is no girlfriend."
"Then what is it?" Jared inched closer once more and leaned into Jensen's side, working up the puppy dog eyes that always got him his way. Jensen called them lethal and Jared could tell by the way his best friend was purposefully looking away that whatever he wasn't saying had to be pretty big.
It made Jared nervous, knowing Jensen had a secret from him, and he couldn't even say why.
"Come on Jen. You gotta tell me. I'll never be able to sleep. Come on. Come on. Please?" Jared nuzzled against Jensen's shoulder, tickling the boy's side a moment later. When all else failed - including the killer puppy dog eyes - always go for the tickling.
Jensen squirmed and huffed and tried not to laugh - Jared could tell by the way he kept making those funny little squeaks. "Damn it Jared, fucking knock it off. I will shave your hair off!"
"You would never, you love my hair." Jared sighed and dropped back, pouting at his best friend. "Or maybe you don't love me at all anymore. We don't keep secrets from each other."
"I don't want a girlfriend," Jensen spat with a little more force than Jared expected.
Sure, he'd been laying it on a little thick but Jensen didn't have to get all testy with him. And then, Jensen's words sank in, and Jared slowly blinked his eyes open and sat up. There were a lot of things that could be meant by those words but there was nothing he knew like he knew Jensen and to Jared, the implication was obvious. "You, um... okay. So... when did you figure this out? I mean, that you're, you know."
"Gay?" Jensen whispered, pulling his legs up to his chest and tugging them in close. When he spoke again his head was tucked between his knees, the words barely loud enough for Jared to hear. "Been a while, I guess."
"A while? Jesus, Jen, why didn't you say anything?" For some reason, knowing Jensen kept such a huge secret from him made Jared's blood boil. He slid off the edge of the bed and paced across his room, remembering just in time not to make too much noise. The last thing he needed was Mama lecturing them about getting a good night's sleep before their first day back. "This is not the type of thing you keep from your fucking best friend."
"I was scared you'd freak out."
Jared stopped pacing and spun to Jensen, eyes wide. "Seriously? Why the hell would you think I'd do that?"
"Uh, maybe because that's exactly what you're doing right now." Jensen finally stopped whispering, pushing off the bed to stand as well and reaching out quickly for his shirt. "I think I'm just gonna go home."
"Wait, Jen, come on. I just... you surprised me is all. I had no idea. Not a fucking clue that you were into guys." Jared's frown deepened when Jensen stopped and looked up, a flash of hurt crossing his face and disappearing so quick he thought he had to be seeing things. "Jensen... you know I would never judge you about something like that. I love you; you're like the most important person in my life. Being gay totally doesn't change that."
Jensen considered him for a very long and silent minute and Jared felt his gut swirling unpleasantly. How could Jensen even doubt Jared's words, after so many years of friendship? Jensen was like his brother, only more than that, something Jared could never even name.
"Please Jensen, I swear I didn't mean to freak out, you've gotta believe me." Jared lifted his arms, hands raised out like whenever he tried to approach Chris' mutt dog that was the most skittish thing Jared had ever seen.
Then - and finally - a slow smile stretched across Jensen's lips and he laughed, head tipping back with his forward sway. "Oh, my God."
Dude, you suck." Jared dropped his hands and pouted, rubbing his sweaty palms over his thighs. Jensen had really freaked him out, made him think he'd really fucked things up by being completely shocked over his best friend's preferences.
Okay, not completely shocked, but Jared couldn't really think about that right now.
"Just, your face," Jensen snorted a laugh and fell back onto the bed, laying fingers over his eyes. "You were totally losing it. I should have made you feel guiltier; maybe I could have gotten something out of it."
"I hate you." Jared fell down beside Jensen on the bed, a little exhausted now that the relief was washing through him. Jensen snorted a laugh again and Jared elbowed his side. "Man seriously. I have blackmail on you. Bathtub. Tutu. Nail polish."
Jensen abruptly stopped laughing; rolling over and slapping his hand hard enough over Jared's lips, it caused them to tingle. Not altogether unpleasantly. "Okay. I get it. And you're not freaking out?"
It probably wasn't meant to be a question but as Jensen's hand drew back, Jared could see the uncertainty in those familiar green eyes. It brought a small smile to Jared's lips and he leaned in, sliding his arms around Jensen and tugging him in for a tight hug. Jared thought maybe it should be a little weird - they were both in boxers and t-shirts, hugging in his bed in the dark, after his best friend had just come out of the closet - but it wasn't.
That was another one of those things Jared should probably not think about. Changing topics was probably the best idea.
"So, got your eye on some guy?" Jared asked without releasing Jensen, squeezing him tight and smirking into the boy's shoulder.
"Hell no, we are not going there." Jensen pulled back and shoved at Jared but there was a wide grin on his lips. "Did you know you're kind of awesome?"
"Only always."
As it turned out, being a senior wasn't all that different from being a Junior. The classes were about the same level of challenging - though maybe just a little bit more, mostly because it wasn't harder to care - and the teachers treated you with that same generic indifference. Chris got a thrill out of bossing freshmen around and scaring the shit out of them, and Danneel had mini-me's in training who followed her around like the perfect lemmings.
For the most part though, it was just the same as ever, including his friendship with Jared. Some part of Jensen had thought maybe things would change, once he'd confessed to liking guys - maybe he'd harbored some secret idea that Jared would suddenly confess the same thing and they'd... do stuff. But none of that had happened, not the bad or the good. It was just life as usual.
"I swear to Allah and everything holy, Mrs. O'Brien gets hotter every single year," Chad sighed dramatically, dropping heavily in the seat across from Jensen and letting his lunch tray slam loudly on the table.
Jensen choked on his too-dry pasta, eyes watering even when Jared clapped him hard on the back. "Gross, Chad. She's like seventy," Jensen grumbled around lingering coughs, waving Jared off before he could smack him once more. "Brain rape."
Seventy or not, that woman is fine and I would let her teach me all sorts of lessons. Mainly with her ruler. Bent over her desk. If you get what I'm saying." The waggle of Chad's eyebrows was completely unnecessary and Jensen was pretty sure he was going to be sick.
"You are a disgusting and foul person Chad Michael. I can't believe I choose to associate with you," Danneel sighed and brushed long red hair over her shoulder.
"Just goes to show what a kind and generous person you are," Sandy patted Danneel's shoulder comfortingly and Jensen smirked over at Jared, both ducking down to stifle their laughter.
The funny thing about Chad was his ability to say some of the most vile, filthy shit Jensen had ever heard then in the same breath, be ridiculously sensitive. He was maybe the most easily offensive person Jensen had ever met and it never stopped being funny. He was pretty sure it was one of the major reasons they kept Chad around. And, well, he was a good friend when you really needed one.
"I vote topic change. Let's discuss how Jensen's gay and Jared somehow didn't know, thought it was probably the most obvious thing ever." Chris smirked their way, sending a bright blush almost instantly up Jensen's cheeks.
He really didn't need everyone discussing this, because the four people at this table excluding Jared had known him nearly as long and they didn't have Jared's best friend goggles. They weren't as oblivious as he would have liked - at least, not at all of them - and Jensen would rather not have someone else confessing secrets that were his to keep.
"Or how about the Back to School dance? We going together again this year? Or have any of you actually managed to scrounge up dates?" Jensen quickly steered the conversation onto something else, shooting a glare at Chris just in case he was one of those not-so-oblivious ones.
The Back to School dance was a step down from the Winter Formal or Prom, dressing up wasn't even required. But usually the dancing was fun - especially when they were dancing as a group and Jensen didn't have to be jealous over anyone in particular - and afterward they always shared burgers and fries at The Shack. Which was maybe one of the more shady diners in town but it had been their go-to food joint for three years and counting.
So Jensen always looked forward to it and this year would be their last, so they had to make it their best.
"Actually, um, I guess this is something I should probably do in private but uh, I was kind of thinking of asking Sandy," Jared muttered, ducking his head down so his hair fell and covered the blush on his cheeks.
Jensen - who had just been in the middle of considering what they might do this year to make it even better than the three years before - had never felt anything like the way his heart dropped heavy in his chest. It was quiet at the table and Jensen was afraid to look at anyone because there had to be something like heartbreak in his eyes.
"Wow, never knew this was the magic way to get you all to shut up at once," Jared laughed in that nervous, shy, adorable sort of way he had.
Jensen's heart panged and he knew it wouldn't be long before Jared freaked out, got all upset. This was his best friend and Jensen had no right to be selfish about any of this. So, Jared wanted to go to the dance with Sandy; that was fine, Jensen could go by himself. Or with Chris, Chad and Danneel. Yeah, Jensen could totally handle that.
"I think you just surprised us is all," Jensen finally managed to pull himself together, looking up and giving Jared the best friend smile. He wasn't sure if Jared could tell that it didn't hold all the warmth it usually did but he hoped not. "Um... maybe we should give you two some time to talk?"
Before anyone else could answer, Jensen pushed up and grabbed his tray, a little relieved when he saw Chad doing the same. He looked up long enough to watch the blonde boy slip Jared a thumbs up and well, honestly Jensen hadn't expected Chad to be one of the one's who'd already figured it out but still... it kind of hurt.
"Jen?" Jared grabbed his arm before he could turn away and Jensen made himself freeze though he was so tempted to turn around and flee. When the boy spoke again, his voice was quiet, just loud enough for them, and that ache in Jensen's heart burned. "It's okay right? That I wanna ask her I mean... just thought, it might be nice. To have an official date and all."
Jared's words were like a punch in the gut and Jensen closed his eyes and pulled free from the too warm fingers on his arm. "Yeah. I get it. You do what you want. Maybe I won't even go."
"You have to go, though. Hey, maybe you can ask someone too. We could double date," Jared suggested brightly, forgetting that Sandy was still at the table waiting to have whatever conversation was to follow.
Jensen could tell himself all he wanted that he was going to be a good best friend and support Jared. It was the right thing to do and all, but he really hadn't anticipated the way his heart was going to hurt so badly. There were tears in his eyes when he finally forced them open and looked down at Jared, sad smile on his lips. "Pretty sure anyone I'd want to ask is not interested. See you later, Jay."
With that, he finally gave in to the urge to flee, turning from Jared and Sandy and their usual lunch table and walking swiftly across the Quad. Danneel was waiting for him by the large double doors that led inside and he fell into her side as a thin arm hooked over his shoulder.
"Sorry, Jen," she breathed softly, pressing a kiss to his temple.
It didn't surprise him that Danneel knew, but it didn't really make it any easier.
A frown pulled at Jared's lips as he watched Jensen tuck up against Danneel's side, head ducked down, shoulders hunched. He didn't really understand what Jensen had meant by saying no one would be interested. Jensen was a good-looking guy. At least, Jared was pretty sure Jensen was good looking. It wasn't like Jared was the right person to judge those kinds of things.
But Jensen did have those pouty lips, everyone enjoyed lips like those. And there were all those freckles covering the bridge of his nose and his cheeks, Jared had watched them steadily appear over the years and they were kind of adorable. Also, Jensen's hair was always really soft and silky, Jared could imagine the way it would run so easily through his fingers, the perfect combination of warm and gentle.
Or, someone else's fingers, not Jared's. Why would he think about caressing Jensen's hair?
"Jared?" Sandy was the only one left at the table with him but Jared had kind of forgotten she was there, too distracted wondering about Jensen's strange exit.
He blinked a few times then looked down at the girl, reminding himself to smile after a minute. It had seemed so important, just a few minutes before, to have a date to the dance. Now everything felt so strange and he couldn't even figure out why this had mattered so much.
"So um, are you really going to ask me to the dance?" Sandy asked a little breathless, hands fluttering back through his hair.
Jared thought maybe she was excited, or nervous, or whatever it was girls got whenever they were about to be asked out. But when he looked over at the girl her face was red, small frame shifting uncomfortably along the chair.
It hit him then that this wasn't about to play out the way he had hoped it would. Or at least was so sure it would. Jared frowned and rubbed fingers back through his hair. "You're going to say no aren't you?"
"Jared... it's not that I don't like you. It's just, you know, I like someone else, even if he's maybe not interested. And then there's the whole Jensen thing." Sandy sighed, turning toward him with a small smile. "Please don't let things get weird between us, okay? You're one of my best friends and I don't want that to change."
"It won't, nothing will change, I promise." Jared smiled and well, he wasn't really lying. Actually, Jared was only a little disappointed that Sandy said no, which was probably weird. "Wait, what Jensen thing?"
"Oh honey, it really is a good thing you're so cute." Sandy laughed softly and laid her hand on Jared's arm, squeezing softly as she pushed up to her feet and dipped down to kiss his cheek.
Jared frowned; maybe this was why he was okay with Sandy not wanting to go. Girls were so damn confusing sometimes. "Who's the someone else? That you think isn't interested?"
"It... doesn't matter. Tell you what though, when you figure things out with yourself, I'll let you in on my secrets. See you later Jay."
Jared turned to watch her leave, considering why it suddenly felt like everyone else knew something that he hadn't. He knew that sometimes he could be a little oblivious about some things; people tended to tease him about that pretty often, but usually someone took pity and filled him in on whatever major thing he was missing.
Usually that someone was Jensen.
"God, seriously," Jared groaned, finally pushing up to leave the lunch table as well. There was no way he'd be able to focus in his afternoon classes if he didn't have some pieces of the puzzle in place. Jared didn't do confusion very well.
The warning bell signaling five minutes to class sounded just as Jared had finally tracked down his best friend. Relief washed through him as he watched the boy lingering at his locker, like maybe he was waiting for Jared. Which he wasn't, of course, and Jared wasn't really sure why that would matter either way.
"Man, you'd tell me if I'm missing something major right?" Jared said by way of a greeting, slumping against the locker beside Jensen's.
The boy jumped and looked wide eyed up at Jared, gaze flickering beyond his shoulder then back. "Where's Sandy?"
"I don't know, class probably." Jared shrugged and reached out, picking at the fraying hem of his shirt. "So, something major? Am I being stupid again?"
"You're-" Jensen sighed and stepped back, shutting his locker and shrugging. Jared frowned at the way Jensen wouldn't lift his eyes, and was shifting back like he was ready to bolt. "Look, don't worry about it okay? I'll see you later."
In the next moment, Jensen was spinning on his heels and weaving through the thick throng of teenagers. And yeah, maybe Jared was a little oblivious sometimes, but he'd have to be an idiot to not realize that something was definitely wrong.
Waiting for Jared after school was something he always did, so natural and normal that it took actual force to move himself from the front steps. He just wasn't sure he could handle spending the afternoon with Jared, hearing him gush about his and Sandy's plans for the dance. He didn't want to know how much Jared liked Sandy or if he planned to kiss her - or more - and it fucking sucked that this was expected of him as the best friend.
Walking home was strange and Jensen kept his eyes down on the sidewalk because he was a little worried he'd trip over something. Or maybe just worried that he'd catch Jared's eye from the distance and have to see how the obvious brush off would hurt the boy.
Falling in love with your best friend sucked.
"Hey, Jen." Sandy's arm looped through his, pacing quickening to keep up with Jensen's almost jog. "What's up?"
Jensen wasn't technically running away, that would be such a pussy thing to do, and well it didn't matter anyway because here was Sandy. The problem with having the same friends for the good majority of your life was their uncanny ability to read your emotions so easily. Jensen could tell Sandy was eyeing him with sympathy and sadness, no matter how casual she was pretending to be.
"I'm fine," Jensen muttered, slowing his pace a little, as they reached the edge of the school grounds.
"Um, hmm. You know I said no," Sandy murmured, leaning her head on Jensen's shoulder, sighing softly. "To Jared."
Jensen frowned and stopped, pulling back from the girl and turning to face her knowing dark eyes. Apparently, she was one of the not-so-oblivious ones, go figure. "You didn't have to do that."
"Oh yeah and spend the entire evening watching you make heartbroken puppy dog eyes at him and feel like a complete bitch? No thanks." Sandy laughed and reached out, brushing a few specs of dirt from his shirt. "There's someone else I'm holding out on anyway, hoping he'll wise up and ask me himself."
"Chris wise up? Yeah, that'll happen, right after Jared comes waltzing out of the closet professing his undying love for me." It sounded bitter - probably a little too harsh, judging from the way Sandy's delicately shaped eyebrow arched up - and Jensen's frown deepened.
"Well then there's hope for me yet." Sandy finally laughed, stepping in and throwing her arms around Jensen in a tight hug. "He'll figure it out Jensen, trust me. And if not then, we'll help him along."
Jensen was pretty sure the last thing he wanted was their crazy group of friends intervening for them. Sure, Jensen would give anything to have Jared look at him with love and adoration that went beyond friendship but not if someone was making him feel that way. Jensen was pretty damn smart in all things Jared, the boy could be convinced he really wanted to mop the floor while singing Justin Bieber if you talked to him just right.
"Jensen!" Whenever Jared said his name, Jensen had to stop himself from shivering. The rush of warmth it sent through him was a little unnerving honestly and even now - when he was trying to avoid his best friend - he felt the swell of heat.
"I can't see him right now," Jensen whispered in a rush to Sandy, grabbing her hand and giving her pleading eyes. "I just... I just need some time, to get my head on straight. Please?"
"Jen... you shouldn't..." Sandy sighed and glanced toward Jared who was quickly heading their way before nodding and shoving Jensen back. "Go on. I'll come up with an excuse."
"Thank you. Just for a little while I swear." Jensen spared a quick finally glance at his best friend - who was grinning with those dimples, the kind Jensen sometimes pretended were meant for him alone - before turning and running off.
Isn't it strange, the way things can change, life that you lead-
Jensen hit the side of his phone to stop the ring from playing any further. The moment the call connected to voicemail, he lifted the device, quickly turning off the volume. Jensen didn't bother looking up because he was pretty sure his entire family had to be eyeing him curiously. After all, they might have a rule about not taking calls during dinner but Jared was the one exception to it.
His parents usually didn't care so much if he answered just long enough to tell Jared it was dinnertime and he'd call him back. That honestly kind of sucked because Jensen couldn't even use the meal as a logical excuse for ignore Jared's call. This one, that is. There was no way he'd come up with a convincing lie for ignore the previous five that had come before dinner.
Jared: dude stop ignoring me!! whats going on??
Jensen blinked down at the new text and his heart twisted unpleasantly. Why was it hitting him so hard now all of a sudden? God, Jensen had been in love with Jared for over a year and he'd dealt with it just fine.
"Are you and Jared having a fight, honey?" His mom finally asked a few minutes later after Jensen managed to turn his gaze away from the phone and pick at his meal once more.
God, this was so not something Jensen could explain to his parents. They loved him, he knew it, but there were some things they could never understand, and his feelings for Jared definitely fit into that category. Actually, the entire gay didn't fit into that category but that was something he was currently not thinking about.
Like Jared, for instance.
"Nah, it's nothing. We just... I just need a break." Jensen ducked his head down even further, too close to his plate of food to really eat, but he needed to hide somehow. Need a break, who the hell said that about their best friend?
"Alright, well, I'm sure you two will be just fine." His mom dismissed it easily and the conversation at the table shifted onto something else - his mother's day, his father's most recent client, his sister's school project. But Jensen couldn't focus on any of the normal stuff.
All he could think about was Jared, the phone calls and text messages he was pretending weren't mocking him on his cell, and the harsh reminder this entire Sandy thing was. That's what it really boiled down to, this whole avoiding Jared thing.
Because Jared was seventeen now and was wanting to be with someone - a girl, someone who wasn't Jensen - and it was going to be a more pressing urge than ever. Who wanted to be their age and a virgin? It sucked. Everything sucked.
Jared: Jensen? Ur freaking me out. Please?
"Can I be excused?" Jensen asked quietly, already pushing back from the table as soon as his dad said it was okay. He held his thumb over the phone until the device shut down and tried to ignore the guilt that stirred up in him.
"Jensen! God, dude, I've completely been freaking out!" Jared dodged around a swarm of freshmen, entirely too relieved at the sight of his best friend standing in front of his open locker.
Jensen looked up at the sound of his name and Jared's smile grew, trying not to shove the much smaller boy that was standing between him and the path forward. For a moment their eyes met, Jared watched the bright green of Jensen's widen before the boy was suddenly spinning and all but running off down the hall. Jared's heart sank, something unpleasant twisting in his gut as he watched his best friend disappear into the crowd.
Because it was one thing to rationalize last night - Sandy had said Jensen had a family emergency and had to run off, and that family emergency could have easily kept Jensen from answering the phone or returning his texts. But this? There was no denying that Jensen was avoiding him now, fleeing from Jared as if the idea of even a simple hello was terrifying.
It made Jared feel a little sick.
How could you be best friends with someone almost your entire life and suddenly have everything change in less than twenty-four hours? Jared didn't even understand what he'd done wrong or what would cause Jensen to suddenly treat him like he had the plague.
His first class was with Jensen, Human Health, so Jared decided he would just head there now. Jensen couldn't avoid class forever and they sat right beside each other, Jensen would have to give in and talk to him eventually.
Maybe just long enough for Jared to apologize for whatever idiot thing he'd done to upset Jensen.
But, as the clock ticked closer to the final bell and Jared kept his eyes glued on the classroom door, his last little hope seemed to fade away. Jared's heart was heavy in his chest, his palms damp with sweat, and he was pretty sure he was going to burst into tears right there in the middle of class. That would be so beyond pathetic, Jared couldn't even go there.
Just as the bell rang, Jensen slipped into the class, skirting past their teacher and quickly taking his seat as far from Jared as he could. The way Jared's heart sped up again was unnerving and he shifted closer, dropping his voice in the lowest whisper he could.
"Jen? Please talk to me? What did I do wrong?" Jared reached out, laying his hand over Jensen's arm and squeezing tightly.
Jensen's eyes lifted to his and Jared was a little shocked by the sadness there. It was like Jensen was really hurting, the green of his eyes glistening with unshed tears, and Jared sucked in a quick surprised breath.
"Alright, everyone settle down. Today we're going to be discussing the male reproductive system. Specifically pregnancies and how the evolution of man's body has changed over the years to allow for these rare pregnancies to happen," Mrs. Hughes spoke loudly over the groans of the classroom, turning toward the board to start writing.
Jared's hand on Jensen's arm tightened but the warmth beneath his fingers faded a moment later as Jensen slowly pulled away. The boy was staring intently down at his open Health book, like learning about male pregnancies was the most fascinating thing imaginable, but Jared couldn't get himself to look away.
It felt like the answer to everything was there, just under the surface of his understanding, and Jared wasn't entirely sure he was ready for whatever it might be.
Four days.
Four days of avoiding his best friend and the boy he was completely head over heels in love with and Jensen thought he was maybe losing his mind. He spent his lunchtime hiding in the library, tucked behind bookshelves and eating as fast as he could just in case he needed a quick break away. Jensen had seven out of eight classes with Jared, all of which he usually sat beside him, and Jensen had never been almost late to so many classes, skirting in just when the bell rang.
In the end - when Jensen looked back on this time with a bitter taste in the back of his mouth - Jensen would never be able to say how he'd managed to avoid Jared for as long as he did. They were the longest, most painful days of Jensen's life and he could barely make his rationale for staying away stick.
He kept thinking, one more day. One more day and he'd stop loving Jared so much, it would stop hurting knowing Jared would never feel the same. But even after four days, the feelings weren't lessening in the slightest and Jensen wasn't ready to accept the idea of what that might mean. Like maybe he'd have to cut Jared out of his life entirely, and Jensen wasn't entirely sure he could actually do that.
"I wish you two would just kiss and make up already," Danneel sighed and leaned into Jensen's side, reaching out to snag some fries from his plate.
Jensen scrunched his face up and shifted against the squishy seat. The Shack had the best booths, all worn in and comfortable, and Jensen couldn't begin to count how many hours they'd spent occupying them. Tonight felt weird though, the tension of the last few days hanging heavy over the group.
He'd kind of forgotten how he and Jared being at odds could affect the rest of their group. No one had called either of them on it - not directly at least - but Jensen was pretty sure they all knew by now what was going on. Except Jared, who was always the last one to catch up on the most important things.
"It's never gonna happen," Jensen muttered and dipped his own fries into the ranch puddle on his plate, more than ready for the distraction of greasy food. "I just need to get over... everything. And it'll get better, I promise."
"Bull shit. You two need to get your shit together and profess your undying love already," Chris groaned, balling up the wrapper from his fries and tossing it at Jensen. "I am fucking sick of the emo."
Jensen knew the feeling, he was sick of the emo too. He was sick of missing his best friend and sick of loving him far more than he should. "I know, I know. How do I make it better though? It's not like I can make him love me like that."
"Well maybe if you'd stop being such a chicken shit you could have a legit conversation and actually work out some of the hormonal angst you're both reeking of." Chad slumped back on the bench beside Chris, across from Jensen, and if he weren’t so right Jensen probably would have been more annoyed.
It really was his own damn fault that the group dynamics were so off. Maybe if Jensen could just suck it up, stuff all those feelings back down to that secret place he'd kept them secretly tucked away for more than a year, they could go back to having their usual awesome Friday nights. Now Jared wasn't even here and Jensen felt the absence like an ache in his chest.
He was sure they all felt it. They always sat in the back booths at The Shack, where the benches were wide enough to fit three, and even the waitress had looked a little confused when they'd settled in minus one. Sandy, Chris, and Chad sat on one side, Danneel beside Jensen on the other and no matter how much he fidgeted, there was no way to make that space disappear.
"God, I hate my life," Jensen groaned and fell forward, dropping his head down hard on the diner table.
If Jensen had been sitting up he probably would have realized something was about to happen. Maybe he should have paid a little more attention to whomever it was that kicked his ankle. At least then, he would have had some kind of warning.
"Jensen. We need to talk."
Sitting up in a flash, Jensen blinked his eyes open and lifted them to the boy at their side. For a moment his gaze lingered on Jared's thin tapered waist before dragging up, fixing on sad hazel gazing down on him. Jensen swallowed thickly and tore his gaze away, scanning over the nervous anticipation on their friend's faces.
"Can we go outside please?" Jared slid his hands into his pockets, frown tugging his lips down.
And finally, Jensen could no longer dodge and ignore his best friend. He felt the guilt of the last few days weigh heavily on his shoulders and he had no choice but to nod and slowly slide to the edge of the bench. Jared stepped back to give Jensen room to stand but somehow Jensen still felt the heat of his body like a magnet he couldn't pull away from.
"Play nice!" Chris hollered after them, and though it was meant to be a joke, Jensen couldn't help noticing the warning.
It wasn't like he really thought they would get into some type of fight. Jensen could never physically hurt Jared - but the emotional hurt was sometimes so much worse. The door of The Shack squeaked as it fell closed behind them, too loud to Jensen's already frayed nerves.
"I don't know what I did..." Jared whispered, slowly walking across the parking lot, his feet shuffling over the gravel-covered pavement. "I can't figure out why I've pissed you off so much."
"You didn't do anything." Jensen's heart did that unpleasant clench twist again and he slid a step forward, hovering a few inches back just to be safe. The urge to touch Jared was pressing, overwhelming, but Jensen wasn't sure where they stood. Their entire friendship was up in the air and Jensen hated it. "It's all... it's my fault."
"Is it? Because I mean, it sure doesn't seem like anything really happened. I've spent all week trying to figure it out and I know I'm missing something pretty damn major." Jared finally tore his hands from his pockets and shoved his hands through his hair, spinning quickly to Jensen. "It started after I asked Sandy right? You didn't want me to ask her? Because she said no, so I don't even know why it matters."
"God, it's not- Jared. I'm sorry, okay? I've been stupid about everything I know and I wish I could explain it. But it's... god it's complicated." Jensen was running out of anything plausible to use as an excuse and he knew it. Not to mention the fact that Jensen could never pull off a lie, not when it came to someone who'd known him so long.
"Complicated is not a reason to give me the fucking cold shoulder for a week, Jensen." Jared's hand flailed out causing Jensen to step back to miss the swing. He'd always loved how passionate Jared could get about things but it wasn't so great being on the receiving end.
"It was only four days," Jensen muttered, ducking his head when Jared scoffed loudly. "I really am sorry."
"Well you're gonna have to give me more than that. God Jen, do you realize how fucking lonely I've been? You're my best friend-"
"I don't want to be!" Jensen yelled out, interrupting Jared, eyes shooting up long enough to watch the boy's mouth and eyes widen in shock. There was a definite flash of hurt over his features so Jensen continued because that was really the only choice. Might as well go all out, there was no hiding the truth now. "Goddamnit, Jared...you can be so stupid sometimes. It's so fucking obvious I don't know how you've never put it together."
Jared's fingers curled into fists at his sides but Jensen was more caught by the look on his face. It was that adorable, puzzled little look he got whenever he was so close to figuring something out but couldn't quite make it click. It made Jensen's heart twist again. "Would you just spell it out for me already? Because this shit is really starting to-"
"I'm in love with you," Jensen interrupted once more, this time in a quiet rush, the words falling from his lips even as he desperately wished he could pull them back. This time he couldn't make himself look up at Jared, too afraid of the expression on his face; he just pressed on because he had to get it all out and be done with it, even if it meant losing Jared for good. "I was hurt that you wanted to ask Sandy because I wanted you to ask me. And, and even though she said no it made me realize how hard it is to be in love with your best friend for a year and never have him feel the same. So I thought I'd just pull away for a while, get over it, then we'd be better."
"You... what?" Jared was clearly shocked, his voice quiet and breathy, and out of the corner of his eye Jensen could see the familiar slide of fingers through hair. "Holy shit. This is... god I had no idea. This is... damn it! Jensen, how could you keep something like this from me?"
Jensen had never tried to guess how Jared might react if he found out the truth about his feelings but he was pretty sure anger never would have come into it if he had. Jensen swallowed thickly and forced his gaze up, unsure by the haywire of emotions on Jared's face. "I didn't want things to change between us. How was I supposed to tell you?"
"You didn't want things to change? I mean, fuck, Jensen, we sleep in the same bed! We share damn near everything! And you just kept this from me?" Jared shook his head roughly and stepped back, holding up a hand when Jensen moved forward to follow. "Just, leave me alone. I need some time. I need to figure shit out."
Watching Jared walk away after Jensen had poured out his entire heart had definitely never been an outcome he'd anticipated. For some reason, Jensen had thought Jared would accept him no matter what, and maybe they wouldn't sleep in the same bed together anymore but they'd still be best friends. He'd definitely never thought Jared would just... leave.
"Jensen?" Danneel's whisper of his name came countless minutes later, after Jared had already slid behind the wheel of his car and driven off in a squeal of tires on pavement.
Jensen turned slowly and blinked at his group of friends, the four people he'd relied on so many times through every twist and turn in his life. Minus one, the most important one. Jensen opened his mouth to answer but all that came out was a pained sob.
Part Two
Master Post
Art Master Post
Author: anyothergirl415
Artist: bt_kady
Pairing: Jared/Jensen, Christian/Sandy
Words: ~30,800
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 - underage (the boys are 17), teen pregnancy, mpreg, homophobia
Summary: Jared and Jensen have been friends from Kindergarten and Jensen fell for Jared without meaning too. But coming together, sharing everything for the first time, is the least of the challenges waiting for them in the not too distant future.
There were quite a few gifts Jared received for his seventeenth birthday that fit into the category of epically awesome. Not the least of which being the used Ford Escape his mom had surprised him with; that could definitely fit all of his friends as long as they never told their parents someone had to ride in back without a seat belt. Or if they didn't mind squishing.
Danneel got him a summer pass to Water World - which meant all the water slides Jared could handle - Sandy got him the new fun. CD - which meant bad singing in his new car and it couldn't get much better than that. Chris had been practically beaming as he presented Jared with a starter car kit full of tools and jumper cables and a bunch of other shit Jared didn't know about - which obviously meant he was one of the only people who didn't know he was finally getting a car for his birthday.
All he got from Chad was a couple of candy bars and toothbrush but well, Jared had honestly been surprised to receive anything from the blond so he'd thanked him with a bright grin.
But the best gift - better than the car, the promise of a million trips to the best water park ever, or even really bad singing to too loud music - was the one from his best friend. Jensen had been twitchy and unsure as he offered the package, a nervous smile on his lips - the kind that always made Jared's own smile grow because his best friend was kind of ridiculous. There was no way Jared wouldn't absolutely love anything Jensen got him.
This particular something was so much more than anything Jared could have thought up. It was a scrapbook, the front decorated in a collection of items that would mean something only to them. A torn page from a coloring book - from Kindergarten, that first day when Jensen had shared his Spiderman book - a movie stub - from the first PG-13 film they'd snuck in to see together - candy wrappers that spelled out a bright J and handwritten notes and napkins covered in tic-tac-toe games. Something had been sealed over the items, keeping them in place and safe on the cover of the album and Jared's eyes pinched with tears at the swell of emotion.
"Jen..."
"You haven't even opened it yet," Jensen laughed softly and inched a little closer, reaching out to trace the edge of the mahogany book.
Jared wasn't sure he wanted to look at the rest of the book with all his friends and his mother watching curiously. But Jensen was so eager, his bright green eyes shining with excitement, so he slowly lifted the cover. The scrapbook pages were chronologically ordered, starting with pictures from their childhood, arms thrown around each other, matching shining grins and Ninja Turtle backpacks. There were pictures from their classrooms - one with Sandy, paint smeared on her cheeks; one with Christian in a Peter Pan costume and a deep scowl; another with Danneel and Chad pulling each other's hair.
It was quiet in the living room - probably quieter than it had ever been when all his friends were over - but Jared couldn't tear his eyes from the pictures covering each page he turned. Jensen had always had an artistic eye and the scrapbook clearly reflected that, photos bordered by drawings, stickers, angled in just the right way.
By the time Jared made it to their middle school years there were tears streaming down his cheeks. But the best kind of tears, full of warmth and happiness, and Jared traced a picture of them all dressed up for their first Spring Fling - the one where they'd gone as a group with matching flowers and everything - with a choked laugh.
The last page in the book was covered in photos from just a few weeks before, the Fourth of July, and Jared couldn't stop staring at the image of Jensen looking his way, eyes warm and crinkled at the edges. Something about that particular picture stirred the strangest sensation in his chest but he shrugged it off. The entire book was emotional; it was probably that.
"God, Jen, this is so amazing." Jared flipped to the next page, which was blank, and beamed brightly up at his best friend. "It's not finished?"
"Well, we still have one more year of high school. Pretty sure we'll fill up those last pages by the time it's over." Jensen's smile was the same one in that picture from the Fourth of July and Jared leaned forward to hug the boy before he could question it any further.
"Thank you so much," Jared whispered against the boy's ear and squeezed him tight.
As far as birthdays went, Jared was pretty sure this one was the absolute best.
"That was such a sweet gift Jensen; it must have taken a really long time."
A smile twitched at Jensen's lips as he lifted his shoulder in a shrug, tossing a stack of paper plates into the trash. His eyes drifted to the back door, where he could see Jared tackling Chad into the grass, then back to Mama. "Not too long. I mean, tracking down all the pictures was kind of hard. Thanks for those by the way."
"Lord knows I've been meaning to organize them for years. And you did a better job than I ever could have." Mama stepped forward, pulling Jensen into a tight hug. "You know I'm here for you, if you ever need to talk."
Jensen had first met Sharon Padalecki his second day of Kindergarten, the same day he met Jared Padalecki. She had a bright grin with dimples just like her son and brown curly hair and Jensen could still remember the way she'd shaken his hand with a Hello Jensen, nice to meet you and smelled just like the pink flowers in the park by his house.
It wasn't long after that, that Jensen glued himself to Jared's side and Sharon Padalecki simply became Mama. Jensen called his own mother, Mom, so it wasn't all that hard to give into the name. And it wasn't all that hard now, to know she understood something that he'd never voiced aloud. Never thought he could.
Swallowing thickly, Jensen pulled back and looked up at Mama - just an inch or so, he was definitely growing - barely a hint of a smile on his lips. "Talk about what?"
"Oh, I don't know. The weather." Mama pressed a kiss to his temple and nudged him back. "Will you go stop those boys before they damage one another?"
Jensen laughed and decided to ignore whatever it was Mama was hinting at. He knew what it was, actually, and he wasn't entirely sure how she'd figured it out, but Jared's birthday party was not the time to talk about it.
So he did as she asked, shoving the back door open and shaking his head roughly. "Chad! Don't kill Jared before he has a chance to take us out in his sweet new ride."
There was a wicked sort of gleam to Chad and Jared's gazes as the boys stopped wrestling and turned to face him. Jensen could feel that little burst of heat that he'd learned to associate with Jared a little too often as of late. His palms began to sweat as he took a step back and roughly shook his head.
"No. No way. Don't even. I am warning you guys." Jensen barely managed to swallow the squeak rising up in his throat a beat later when Jared's arms locked hard around his waist, lifting him swiftly off the ground in a quick spin.
Jensen's stomach flipped and twisted in knots he'd rather not think too much about as Jared's hands framed his form and held him close. Sometimes, the way Jared made his heart race, it kind of hurt.
He'd never forget the first time he felt... this.
It was nearly a year ago, exactly. The day before Jared's sixteenth birthday, and Jensen had stayed the night the way he had a million times in the past. It was such a common occurrence they were completely comfortable with each other, even sharing the large King sized bed Mama had needed to purchase when Jared hit three growth spurts, one right after another.
Nothing about that particular night had seemed unusual and maybe it would have stayed that way, maybe Jared would have stayed just his best friend and life would have gone on like normal. But there had been some chocolate smeared on the edge of his lip from the cookies Mama had baked and Jensen hadn't known. Not until Jensen trailed him into the bedroom and his best friend turned with a laugh, reaching out to wipe the chocolate away.
And, for whatever the reason, that one little moment changed absolutely everything. It wasn't as if Jared hadn't taken care of him before - God, this wasn't even that big of a deal - but for some reason Jensen's heart and mind and dick chose that moment to react. All at once, the blood rushed from his ears and down to his crotch. His heart sped up and his cheeks flushed as he watched Jared lick the chocolate from his thumb.
Jared turned away then, carrying on with life as usual, and Jensen... fell. Pretty damn hard.
"Let me guess, thinking about getting a head start on your school reading?" Jared asked with a laugh, setting Jensen down and stumbling back, dizzy from the quick spin.
Schoolwork was the absolute last thing Jensen was thinking about but he wasn't going to tell Jared that. Instead, he gave his best friend a sheepish smile and he lifted his shoulders in an innocent shrug. "Something like that."
Jensen laughed and turned away, chasing after Chad again, and Jensen rode out the little flutter in his chest. Being in love with his best friend wasn't all that bad; at least Jensen got to have the boy in his own special way. Even if it wasn't entirely the way he wanted.
It sucked that summer was pretty much over. Or would be, in less than twelve hours when they were stepping into Wilson West High once more.
There was nothing better than the long stretch of endless days, especially since his birthday and the addition of a vehicle and the Water World pass that they'd used nearly every single day. Jared was pretty sure his ears were permanently waterlogged, but he wouldn't trade a single fucking moment of it.
"Man, this was the best summer ever," Jared sighed wistfully, flopping over on his bed, letting his arm drop over Jensen's chest. "Seriously. Nothing will ever top this summer."
"I'm pretty sure you said that at the end of last summer," Jensen laughed and pushed his arm away, rolling onto his side to face Jared and peering at him through the darkness. "Next summer we'll be celebrating no more high school, you'll turn eighteen, pretty sure all of that is going to be way more epic than Water World."
"Maybe..." Jared mumbled, rolling to face Jensen and inching just a little closer. "Maybe we'll have girlfriends. That'd be pretty awesome."
Silence lingered between them, the kind that didn't happen very often - if ever. He could categorize all of their silences - the intense ones, during epic video game marathons, and the comfortable ones, when they'd used up all their words for the day - and this wasn't one of those. This was... something else. Jared pulled back a little, frowning down at Jensen. There was something he didn't know and when it came to Jensen? That never happened.
"You don't..." Jared rolled his lower lip beneath his teeth, looking away then back. "You would tell me, wouldn't you, if you had a girlfriend? You wouldn't keep something like that secret."
"Jared, don't be an idiot." Jensen huffed a laugh - it didn't sound all that real and Jared's brows drew together - and fell onto his back, eyes closing slowly. "There is no girlfriend."
"Then what is it?" Jared inched closer once more and leaned into Jensen's side, working up the puppy dog eyes that always got him his way. Jensen called them lethal and Jared could tell by the way his best friend was purposefully looking away that whatever he wasn't saying had to be pretty big.
It made Jared nervous, knowing Jensen had a secret from him, and he couldn't even say why.
"Come on Jen. You gotta tell me. I'll never be able to sleep. Come on. Come on. Please?" Jared nuzzled against Jensen's shoulder, tickling the boy's side a moment later. When all else failed - including the killer puppy dog eyes - always go for the tickling.
Jensen squirmed and huffed and tried not to laugh - Jared could tell by the way he kept making those funny little squeaks. "Damn it Jared, fucking knock it off. I will shave your hair off!"
"You would never, you love my hair." Jared sighed and dropped back, pouting at his best friend. "Or maybe you don't love me at all anymore. We don't keep secrets from each other."
"I don't want a girlfriend," Jensen spat with a little more force than Jared expected.
Sure, he'd been laying it on a little thick but Jensen didn't have to get all testy with him. And then, Jensen's words sank in, and Jared slowly blinked his eyes open and sat up. There were a lot of things that could be meant by those words but there was nothing he knew like he knew Jensen and to Jared, the implication was obvious. "You, um... okay. So... when did you figure this out? I mean, that you're, you know."
"Gay?" Jensen whispered, pulling his legs up to his chest and tugging them in close. When he spoke again his head was tucked between his knees, the words barely loud enough for Jared to hear. "Been a while, I guess."
"A while? Jesus, Jen, why didn't you say anything?" For some reason, knowing Jensen kept such a huge secret from him made Jared's blood boil. He slid off the edge of the bed and paced across his room, remembering just in time not to make too much noise. The last thing he needed was Mama lecturing them about getting a good night's sleep before their first day back. "This is not the type of thing you keep from your fucking best friend."
"I was scared you'd freak out."
Jared stopped pacing and spun to Jensen, eyes wide. "Seriously? Why the hell would you think I'd do that?"
"Uh, maybe because that's exactly what you're doing right now." Jensen finally stopped whispering, pushing off the bed to stand as well and reaching out quickly for his shirt. "I think I'm just gonna go home."
"Wait, Jen, come on. I just... you surprised me is all. I had no idea. Not a fucking clue that you were into guys." Jared's frown deepened when Jensen stopped and looked up, a flash of hurt crossing his face and disappearing so quick he thought he had to be seeing things. "Jensen... you know I would never judge you about something like that. I love you; you're like the most important person in my life. Being gay totally doesn't change that."
Jensen considered him for a very long and silent minute and Jared felt his gut swirling unpleasantly. How could Jensen even doubt Jared's words, after so many years of friendship? Jensen was like his brother, only more than that, something Jared could never even name.
"Please Jensen, I swear I didn't mean to freak out, you've gotta believe me." Jared lifted his arms, hands raised out like whenever he tried to approach Chris' mutt dog that was the most skittish thing Jared had ever seen.
Then - and finally - a slow smile stretched across Jensen's lips and he laughed, head tipping back with his forward sway. "Oh, my God."
Dude, you suck." Jared dropped his hands and pouted, rubbing his sweaty palms over his thighs. Jensen had really freaked him out, made him think he'd really fucked things up by being completely shocked over his best friend's preferences.
Okay, not completely shocked, but Jared couldn't really think about that right now.
"Just, your face," Jensen snorted a laugh and fell back onto the bed, laying fingers over his eyes. "You were totally losing it. I should have made you feel guiltier; maybe I could have gotten something out of it."
"I hate you." Jared fell down beside Jensen on the bed, a little exhausted now that the relief was washing through him. Jensen snorted a laugh again and Jared elbowed his side. "Man seriously. I have blackmail on you. Bathtub. Tutu. Nail polish."
Jensen abruptly stopped laughing; rolling over and slapping his hand hard enough over Jared's lips, it caused them to tingle. Not altogether unpleasantly. "Okay. I get it. And you're not freaking out?"
It probably wasn't meant to be a question but as Jensen's hand drew back, Jared could see the uncertainty in those familiar green eyes. It brought a small smile to Jared's lips and he leaned in, sliding his arms around Jensen and tugging him in for a tight hug. Jared thought maybe it should be a little weird - they were both in boxers and t-shirts, hugging in his bed in the dark, after his best friend had just come out of the closet - but it wasn't.
That was another one of those things Jared should probably not think about. Changing topics was probably the best idea.
"So, got your eye on some guy?" Jared asked without releasing Jensen, squeezing him tight and smirking into the boy's shoulder.
"Hell no, we are not going there." Jensen pulled back and shoved at Jared but there was a wide grin on his lips. "Did you know you're kind of awesome?"
"Only always."
As it turned out, being a senior wasn't all that different from being a Junior. The classes were about the same level of challenging - though maybe just a little bit more, mostly because it wasn't harder to care - and the teachers treated you with that same generic indifference. Chris got a thrill out of bossing freshmen around and scaring the shit out of them, and Danneel had mini-me's in training who followed her around like the perfect lemmings.
For the most part though, it was just the same as ever, including his friendship with Jared. Some part of Jensen had thought maybe things would change, once he'd confessed to liking guys - maybe he'd harbored some secret idea that Jared would suddenly confess the same thing and they'd... do stuff. But none of that had happened, not the bad or the good. It was just life as usual.
"I swear to Allah and everything holy, Mrs. O'Brien gets hotter every single year," Chad sighed dramatically, dropping heavily in the seat across from Jensen and letting his lunch tray slam loudly on the table.
Jensen choked on his too-dry pasta, eyes watering even when Jared clapped him hard on the back. "Gross, Chad. She's like seventy," Jensen grumbled around lingering coughs, waving Jared off before he could smack him once more. "Brain rape."
Seventy or not, that woman is fine and I would let her teach me all sorts of lessons. Mainly with her ruler. Bent over her desk. If you get what I'm saying." The waggle of Chad's eyebrows was completely unnecessary and Jensen was pretty sure he was going to be sick.
"You are a disgusting and foul person Chad Michael. I can't believe I choose to associate with you," Danneel sighed and brushed long red hair over her shoulder.
"Just goes to show what a kind and generous person you are," Sandy patted Danneel's shoulder comfortingly and Jensen smirked over at Jared, both ducking down to stifle their laughter.
The funny thing about Chad was his ability to say some of the most vile, filthy shit Jensen had ever heard then in the same breath, be ridiculously sensitive. He was maybe the most easily offensive person Jensen had ever met and it never stopped being funny. He was pretty sure it was one of the major reasons they kept Chad around. And, well, he was a good friend when you really needed one.
"I vote topic change. Let's discuss how Jensen's gay and Jared somehow didn't know, thought it was probably the most obvious thing ever." Chris smirked their way, sending a bright blush almost instantly up Jensen's cheeks.
He really didn't need everyone discussing this, because the four people at this table excluding Jared had known him nearly as long and they didn't have Jared's best friend goggles. They weren't as oblivious as he would have liked - at least, not at all of them - and Jensen would rather not have someone else confessing secrets that were his to keep.
"Or how about the Back to School dance? We going together again this year? Or have any of you actually managed to scrounge up dates?" Jensen quickly steered the conversation onto something else, shooting a glare at Chris just in case he was one of those not-so-oblivious ones.
The Back to School dance was a step down from the Winter Formal or Prom, dressing up wasn't even required. But usually the dancing was fun - especially when they were dancing as a group and Jensen didn't have to be jealous over anyone in particular - and afterward they always shared burgers and fries at The Shack. Which was maybe one of the more shady diners in town but it had been their go-to food joint for three years and counting.
So Jensen always looked forward to it and this year would be their last, so they had to make it their best.
"Actually, um, I guess this is something I should probably do in private but uh, I was kind of thinking of asking Sandy," Jared muttered, ducking his head down so his hair fell and covered the blush on his cheeks.
Jensen - who had just been in the middle of considering what they might do this year to make it even better than the three years before - had never felt anything like the way his heart dropped heavy in his chest. It was quiet at the table and Jensen was afraid to look at anyone because there had to be something like heartbreak in his eyes.
"Wow, never knew this was the magic way to get you all to shut up at once," Jared laughed in that nervous, shy, adorable sort of way he had.
Jensen's heart panged and he knew it wouldn't be long before Jared freaked out, got all upset. This was his best friend and Jensen had no right to be selfish about any of this. So, Jared wanted to go to the dance with Sandy; that was fine, Jensen could go by himself. Or with Chris, Chad and Danneel. Yeah, Jensen could totally handle that.
"I think you just surprised us is all," Jensen finally managed to pull himself together, looking up and giving Jared the best friend smile. He wasn't sure if Jared could tell that it didn't hold all the warmth it usually did but he hoped not. "Um... maybe we should give you two some time to talk?"
Before anyone else could answer, Jensen pushed up and grabbed his tray, a little relieved when he saw Chad doing the same. He looked up long enough to watch the blonde boy slip Jared a thumbs up and well, honestly Jensen hadn't expected Chad to be one of the one's who'd already figured it out but still... it kind of hurt.
"Jen?" Jared grabbed his arm before he could turn away and Jensen made himself freeze though he was so tempted to turn around and flee. When the boy spoke again, his voice was quiet, just loud enough for them, and that ache in Jensen's heart burned. "It's okay right? That I wanna ask her I mean... just thought, it might be nice. To have an official date and all."
Jared's words were like a punch in the gut and Jensen closed his eyes and pulled free from the too warm fingers on his arm. "Yeah. I get it. You do what you want. Maybe I won't even go."
"You have to go, though. Hey, maybe you can ask someone too. We could double date," Jared suggested brightly, forgetting that Sandy was still at the table waiting to have whatever conversation was to follow.
Jensen could tell himself all he wanted that he was going to be a good best friend and support Jared. It was the right thing to do and all, but he really hadn't anticipated the way his heart was going to hurt so badly. There were tears in his eyes when he finally forced them open and looked down at Jared, sad smile on his lips. "Pretty sure anyone I'd want to ask is not interested. See you later, Jay."
With that, he finally gave in to the urge to flee, turning from Jared and Sandy and their usual lunch table and walking swiftly across the Quad. Danneel was waiting for him by the large double doors that led inside and he fell into her side as a thin arm hooked over his shoulder.
"Sorry, Jen," she breathed softly, pressing a kiss to his temple.
It didn't surprise him that Danneel knew, but it didn't really make it any easier.
A frown pulled at Jared's lips as he watched Jensen tuck up against Danneel's side, head ducked down, shoulders hunched. He didn't really understand what Jensen had meant by saying no one would be interested. Jensen was a good-looking guy. At least, Jared was pretty sure Jensen was good looking. It wasn't like Jared was the right person to judge those kinds of things.
But Jensen did have those pouty lips, everyone enjoyed lips like those. And there were all those freckles covering the bridge of his nose and his cheeks, Jared had watched them steadily appear over the years and they were kind of adorable. Also, Jensen's hair was always really soft and silky, Jared could imagine the way it would run so easily through his fingers, the perfect combination of warm and gentle.
Or, someone else's fingers, not Jared's. Why would he think about caressing Jensen's hair?
"Jared?" Sandy was the only one left at the table with him but Jared had kind of forgotten she was there, too distracted wondering about Jensen's strange exit.
He blinked a few times then looked down at the girl, reminding himself to smile after a minute. It had seemed so important, just a few minutes before, to have a date to the dance. Now everything felt so strange and he couldn't even figure out why this had mattered so much.
"So um, are you really going to ask me to the dance?" Sandy asked a little breathless, hands fluttering back through his hair.
Jared thought maybe she was excited, or nervous, or whatever it was girls got whenever they were about to be asked out. But when he looked over at the girl her face was red, small frame shifting uncomfortably along the chair.
It hit him then that this wasn't about to play out the way he had hoped it would. Or at least was so sure it would. Jared frowned and rubbed fingers back through his hair. "You're going to say no aren't you?"
"Jared... it's not that I don't like you. It's just, you know, I like someone else, even if he's maybe not interested. And then there's the whole Jensen thing." Sandy sighed, turning toward him with a small smile. "Please don't let things get weird between us, okay? You're one of my best friends and I don't want that to change."
"It won't, nothing will change, I promise." Jared smiled and well, he wasn't really lying. Actually, Jared was only a little disappointed that Sandy said no, which was probably weird. "Wait, what Jensen thing?"
"Oh honey, it really is a good thing you're so cute." Sandy laughed softly and laid her hand on Jared's arm, squeezing softly as she pushed up to her feet and dipped down to kiss his cheek.
Jared frowned; maybe this was why he was okay with Sandy not wanting to go. Girls were so damn confusing sometimes. "Who's the someone else? That you think isn't interested?"
"It... doesn't matter. Tell you what though, when you figure things out with yourself, I'll let you in on my secrets. See you later Jay."
Jared turned to watch her leave, considering why it suddenly felt like everyone else knew something that he hadn't. He knew that sometimes he could be a little oblivious about some things; people tended to tease him about that pretty often, but usually someone took pity and filled him in on whatever major thing he was missing.
Usually that someone was Jensen.
"God, seriously," Jared groaned, finally pushing up to leave the lunch table as well. There was no way he'd be able to focus in his afternoon classes if he didn't have some pieces of the puzzle in place. Jared didn't do confusion very well.
The warning bell signaling five minutes to class sounded just as Jared had finally tracked down his best friend. Relief washed through him as he watched the boy lingering at his locker, like maybe he was waiting for Jared. Which he wasn't, of course, and Jared wasn't really sure why that would matter either way.
"Man, you'd tell me if I'm missing something major right?" Jared said by way of a greeting, slumping against the locker beside Jensen's.
The boy jumped and looked wide eyed up at Jared, gaze flickering beyond his shoulder then back. "Where's Sandy?"
"I don't know, class probably." Jared shrugged and reached out, picking at the fraying hem of his shirt. "So, something major? Am I being stupid again?"
"You're-" Jensen sighed and stepped back, shutting his locker and shrugging. Jared frowned at the way Jensen wouldn't lift his eyes, and was shifting back like he was ready to bolt. "Look, don't worry about it okay? I'll see you later."
In the next moment, Jensen was spinning on his heels and weaving through the thick throng of teenagers. And yeah, maybe Jared was a little oblivious sometimes, but he'd have to be an idiot to not realize that something was definitely wrong.
Waiting for Jared after school was something he always did, so natural and normal that it took actual force to move himself from the front steps. He just wasn't sure he could handle spending the afternoon with Jared, hearing him gush about his and Sandy's plans for the dance. He didn't want to know how much Jared liked Sandy or if he planned to kiss her - or more - and it fucking sucked that this was expected of him as the best friend.
Walking home was strange and Jensen kept his eyes down on the sidewalk because he was a little worried he'd trip over something. Or maybe just worried that he'd catch Jared's eye from the distance and have to see how the obvious brush off would hurt the boy.
Falling in love with your best friend sucked.
"Hey, Jen." Sandy's arm looped through his, pacing quickening to keep up with Jensen's almost jog. "What's up?"
Jensen wasn't technically running away, that would be such a pussy thing to do, and well it didn't matter anyway because here was Sandy. The problem with having the same friends for the good majority of your life was their uncanny ability to read your emotions so easily. Jensen could tell Sandy was eyeing him with sympathy and sadness, no matter how casual she was pretending to be.
"I'm fine," Jensen muttered, slowing his pace a little, as they reached the edge of the school grounds.
"Um, hmm. You know I said no," Sandy murmured, leaning her head on Jensen's shoulder, sighing softly. "To Jared."
Jensen frowned and stopped, pulling back from the girl and turning to face her knowing dark eyes. Apparently, she was one of the not-so-oblivious ones, go figure. "You didn't have to do that."
"Oh yeah and spend the entire evening watching you make heartbroken puppy dog eyes at him and feel like a complete bitch? No thanks." Sandy laughed and reached out, brushing a few specs of dirt from his shirt. "There's someone else I'm holding out on anyway, hoping he'll wise up and ask me himself."
"Chris wise up? Yeah, that'll happen, right after Jared comes waltzing out of the closet professing his undying love for me." It sounded bitter - probably a little too harsh, judging from the way Sandy's delicately shaped eyebrow arched up - and Jensen's frown deepened.
"Well then there's hope for me yet." Sandy finally laughed, stepping in and throwing her arms around Jensen in a tight hug. "He'll figure it out Jensen, trust me. And if not then, we'll help him along."
Jensen was pretty sure the last thing he wanted was their crazy group of friends intervening for them. Sure, Jensen would give anything to have Jared look at him with love and adoration that went beyond friendship but not if someone was making him feel that way. Jensen was pretty damn smart in all things Jared, the boy could be convinced he really wanted to mop the floor while singing Justin Bieber if you talked to him just right.
"Jensen!" Whenever Jared said his name, Jensen had to stop himself from shivering. The rush of warmth it sent through him was a little unnerving honestly and even now - when he was trying to avoid his best friend - he felt the swell of heat.
"I can't see him right now," Jensen whispered in a rush to Sandy, grabbing her hand and giving her pleading eyes. "I just... I just need some time, to get my head on straight. Please?"
"Jen... you shouldn't..." Sandy sighed and glanced toward Jared who was quickly heading their way before nodding and shoving Jensen back. "Go on. I'll come up with an excuse."
"Thank you. Just for a little while I swear." Jensen spared a quick finally glance at his best friend - who was grinning with those dimples, the kind Jensen sometimes pretended were meant for him alone - before turning and running off.
Isn't it strange, the way things can change, life that you lead-
Jensen hit the side of his phone to stop the ring from playing any further. The moment the call connected to voicemail, he lifted the device, quickly turning off the volume. Jensen didn't bother looking up because he was pretty sure his entire family had to be eyeing him curiously. After all, they might have a rule about not taking calls during dinner but Jared was the one exception to it.
His parents usually didn't care so much if he answered just long enough to tell Jared it was dinnertime and he'd call him back. That honestly kind of sucked because Jensen couldn't even use the meal as a logical excuse for ignore Jared's call. This one, that is. There was no way he'd come up with a convincing lie for ignore the previous five that had come before dinner.
Jared: dude stop ignoring me!! whats going on??
Jensen blinked down at the new text and his heart twisted unpleasantly. Why was it hitting him so hard now all of a sudden? God, Jensen had been in love with Jared for over a year and he'd dealt with it just fine.
"Are you and Jared having a fight, honey?" His mom finally asked a few minutes later after Jensen managed to turn his gaze away from the phone and pick at his meal once more.
God, this was so not something Jensen could explain to his parents. They loved him, he knew it, but there were some things they could never understand, and his feelings for Jared definitely fit into that category. Actually, the entire gay didn't fit into that category but that was something he was currently not thinking about.
Like Jared, for instance.
"Nah, it's nothing. We just... I just need a break." Jensen ducked his head down even further, too close to his plate of food to really eat, but he needed to hide somehow. Need a break, who the hell said that about their best friend?
"Alright, well, I'm sure you two will be just fine." His mom dismissed it easily and the conversation at the table shifted onto something else - his mother's day, his father's most recent client, his sister's school project. But Jensen couldn't focus on any of the normal stuff.
All he could think about was Jared, the phone calls and text messages he was pretending weren't mocking him on his cell, and the harsh reminder this entire Sandy thing was. That's what it really boiled down to, this whole avoiding Jared thing.
Because Jared was seventeen now and was wanting to be with someone - a girl, someone who wasn't Jensen - and it was going to be a more pressing urge than ever. Who wanted to be their age and a virgin? It sucked. Everything sucked.
Jared: Jensen? Ur freaking me out. Please?
"Can I be excused?" Jensen asked quietly, already pushing back from the table as soon as his dad said it was okay. He held his thumb over the phone until the device shut down and tried to ignore the guilt that stirred up in him.
"Jensen! God, dude, I've completely been freaking out!" Jared dodged around a swarm of freshmen, entirely too relieved at the sight of his best friend standing in front of his open locker.
Jensen looked up at the sound of his name and Jared's smile grew, trying not to shove the much smaller boy that was standing between him and the path forward. For a moment their eyes met, Jared watched the bright green of Jensen's widen before the boy was suddenly spinning and all but running off down the hall. Jared's heart sank, something unpleasant twisting in his gut as he watched his best friend disappear into the crowd.
Because it was one thing to rationalize last night - Sandy had said Jensen had a family emergency and had to run off, and that family emergency could have easily kept Jensen from answering the phone or returning his texts. But this? There was no denying that Jensen was avoiding him now, fleeing from Jared as if the idea of even a simple hello was terrifying.
It made Jared feel a little sick.
How could you be best friends with someone almost your entire life and suddenly have everything change in less than twenty-four hours? Jared didn't even understand what he'd done wrong or what would cause Jensen to suddenly treat him like he had the plague.
His first class was with Jensen, Human Health, so Jared decided he would just head there now. Jensen couldn't avoid class forever and they sat right beside each other, Jensen would have to give in and talk to him eventually.
Maybe just long enough for Jared to apologize for whatever idiot thing he'd done to upset Jensen.
But, as the clock ticked closer to the final bell and Jared kept his eyes glued on the classroom door, his last little hope seemed to fade away. Jared's heart was heavy in his chest, his palms damp with sweat, and he was pretty sure he was going to burst into tears right there in the middle of class. That would be so beyond pathetic, Jared couldn't even go there.
Just as the bell rang, Jensen slipped into the class, skirting past their teacher and quickly taking his seat as far from Jared as he could. The way Jared's heart sped up again was unnerving and he shifted closer, dropping his voice in the lowest whisper he could.
"Jen? Please talk to me? What did I do wrong?" Jared reached out, laying his hand over Jensen's arm and squeezing tightly.
Jensen's eyes lifted to his and Jared was a little shocked by the sadness there. It was like Jensen was really hurting, the green of his eyes glistening with unshed tears, and Jared sucked in a quick surprised breath.
"Alright, everyone settle down. Today we're going to be discussing the male reproductive system. Specifically pregnancies and how the evolution of man's body has changed over the years to allow for these rare pregnancies to happen," Mrs. Hughes spoke loudly over the groans of the classroom, turning toward the board to start writing.
Jared's hand on Jensen's arm tightened but the warmth beneath his fingers faded a moment later as Jensen slowly pulled away. The boy was staring intently down at his open Health book, like learning about male pregnancies was the most fascinating thing imaginable, but Jared couldn't get himself to look away.
It felt like the answer to everything was there, just under the surface of his understanding, and Jared wasn't entirely sure he was ready for whatever it might be.
Four days.
Four days of avoiding his best friend and the boy he was completely head over heels in love with and Jensen thought he was maybe losing his mind. He spent his lunchtime hiding in the library, tucked behind bookshelves and eating as fast as he could just in case he needed a quick break away. Jensen had seven out of eight classes with Jared, all of which he usually sat beside him, and Jensen had never been almost late to so many classes, skirting in just when the bell rang.
In the end - when Jensen looked back on this time with a bitter taste in the back of his mouth - Jensen would never be able to say how he'd managed to avoid Jared for as long as he did. They were the longest, most painful days of Jensen's life and he could barely make his rationale for staying away stick.
He kept thinking, one more day. One more day and he'd stop loving Jared so much, it would stop hurting knowing Jared would never feel the same. But even after four days, the feelings weren't lessening in the slightest and Jensen wasn't ready to accept the idea of what that might mean. Like maybe he'd have to cut Jared out of his life entirely, and Jensen wasn't entirely sure he could actually do that.
"I wish you two would just kiss and make up already," Danneel sighed and leaned into Jensen's side, reaching out to snag some fries from his plate.
Jensen scrunched his face up and shifted against the squishy seat. The Shack had the best booths, all worn in and comfortable, and Jensen couldn't begin to count how many hours they'd spent occupying them. Tonight felt weird though, the tension of the last few days hanging heavy over the group.
He'd kind of forgotten how he and Jared being at odds could affect the rest of their group. No one had called either of them on it - not directly at least - but Jensen was pretty sure they all knew by now what was going on. Except Jared, who was always the last one to catch up on the most important things.
"It's never gonna happen," Jensen muttered and dipped his own fries into the ranch puddle on his plate, more than ready for the distraction of greasy food. "I just need to get over... everything. And it'll get better, I promise."
"Bull shit. You two need to get your shit together and profess your undying love already," Chris groaned, balling up the wrapper from his fries and tossing it at Jensen. "I am fucking sick of the emo."
Jensen knew the feeling, he was sick of the emo too. He was sick of missing his best friend and sick of loving him far more than he should. "I know, I know. How do I make it better though? It's not like I can make him love me like that."
"Well maybe if you'd stop being such a chicken shit you could have a legit conversation and actually work out some of the hormonal angst you're both reeking of." Chad slumped back on the bench beside Chris, across from Jensen, and if he weren’t so right Jensen probably would have been more annoyed.
It really was his own damn fault that the group dynamics were so off. Maybe if Jensen could just suck it up, stuff all those feelings back down to that secret place he'd kept them secretly tucked away for more than a year, they could go back to having their usual awesome Friday nights. Now Jared wasn't even here and Jensen felt the absence like an ache in his chest.
He was sure they all felt it. They always sat in the back booths at The Shack, where the benches were wide enough to fit three, and even the waitress had looked a little confused when they'd settled in minus one. Sandy, Chris, and Chad sat on one side, Danneel beside Jensen on the other and no matter how much he fidgeted, there was no way to make that space disappear.
"God, I hate my life," Jensen groaned and fell forward, dropping his head down hard on the diner table.
If Jensen had been sitting up he probably would have realized something was about to happen. Maybe he should have paid a little more attention to whomever it was that kicked his ankle. At least then, he would have had some kind of warning.
"Jensen. We need to talk."
Sitting up in a flash, Jensen blinked his eyes open and lifted them to the boy at their side. For a moment his gaze lingered on Jared's thin tapered waist before dragging up, fixing on sad hazel gazing down on him. Jensen swallowed thickly and tore his gaze away, scanning over the nervous anticipation on their friend's faces.
"Can we go outside please?" Jared slid his hands into his pockets, frown tugging his lips down.
And finally, Jensen could no longer dodge and ignore his best friend. He felt the guilt of the last few days weigh heavily on his shoulders and he had no choice but to nod and slowly slide to the edge of the bench. Jared stepped back to give Jensen room to stand but somehow Jensen still felt the heat of his body like a magnet he couldn't pull away from.
"Play nice!" Chris hollered after them, and though it was meant to be a joke, Jensen couldn't help noticing the warning.
It wasn't like he really thought they would get into some type of fight. Jensen could never physically hurt Jared - but the emotional hurt was sometimes so much worse. The door of The Shack squeaked as it fell closed behind them, too loud to Jensen's already frayed nerves.
"I don't know what I did..." Jared whispered, slowly walking across the parking lot, his feet shuffling over the gravel-covered pavement. "I can't figure out why I've pissed you off so much."
"You didn't do anything." Jensen's heart did that unpleasant clench twist again and he slid a step forward, hovering a few inches back just to be safe. The urge to touch Jared was pressing, overwhelming, but Jensen wasn't sure where they stood. Their entire friendship was up in the air and Jensen hated it. "It's all... it's my fault."
"Is it? Because I mean, it sure doesn't seem like anything really happened. I've spent all week trying to figure it out and I know I'm missing something pretty damn major." Jared finally tore his hands from his pockets and shoved his hands through his hair, spinning quickly to Jensen. "It started after I asked Sandy right? You didn't want me to ask her? Because she said no, so I don't even know why it matters."
"God, it's not- Jared. I'm sorry, okay? I've been stupid about everything I know and I wish I could explain it. But it's... god it's complicated." Jensen was running out of anything plausible to use as an excuse and he knew it. Not to mention the fact that Jensen could never pull off a lie, not when it came to someone who'd known him so long.
"Complicated is not a reason to give me the fucking cold shoulder for a week, Jensen." Jared's hand flailed out causing Jensen to step back to miss the swing. He'd always loved how passionate Jared could get about things but it wasn't so great being on the receiving end.
"It was only four days," Jensen muttered, ducking his head when Jared scoffed loudly. "I really am sorry."
"Well you're gonna have to give me more than that. God Jen, do you realize how fucking lonely I've been? You're my best friend-"
"I don't want to be!" Jensen yelled out, interrupting Jared, eyes shooting up long enough to watch the boy's mouth and eyes widen in shock. There was a definite flash of hurt over his features so Jensen continued because that was really the only choice. Might as well go all out, there was no hiding the truth now. "Goddamnit, Jared...you can be so stupid sometimes. It's so fucking obvious I don't know how you've never put it together."
Jared's fingers curled into fists at his sides but Jensen was more caught by the look on his face. It was that adorable, puzzled little look he got whenever he was so close to figuring something out but couldn't quite make it click. It made Jensen's heart twist again. "Would you just spell it out for me already? Because this shit is really starting to-"
"I'm in love with you," Jensen interrupted once more, this time in a quiet rush, the words falling from his lips even as he desperately wished he could pull them back. This time he couldn't make himself look up at Jared, too afraid of the expression on his face; he just pressed on because he had to get it all out and be done with it, even if it meant losing Jared for good. "I was hurt that you wanted to ask Sandy because I wanted you to ask me. And, and even though she said no it made me realize how hard it is to be in love with your best friend for a year and never have him feel the same. So I thought I'd just pull away for a while, get over it, then we'd be better."
"You... what?" Jared was clearly shocked, his voice quiet and breathy, and out of the corner of his eye Jensen could see the familiar slide of fingers through hair. "Holy shit. This is... god I had no idea. This is... damn it! Jensen, how could you keep something like this from me?"
Jensen had never tried to guess how Jared might react if he found out the truth about his feelings but he was pretty sure anger never would have come into it if he had. Jensen swallowed thickly and forced his gaze up, unsure by the haywire of emotions on Jared's face. "I didn't want things to change between us. How was I supposed to tell you?"
"You didn't want things to change? I mean, fuck, Jensen, we sleep in the same bed! We share damn near everything! And you just kept this from me?" Jared shook his head roughly and stepped back, holding up a hand when Jensen moved forward to follow. "Just, leave me alone. I need some time. I need to figure shit out."
Watching Jared walk away after Jensen had poured out his entire heart had definitely never been an outcome he'd anticipated. For some reason, Jensen had thought Jared would accept him no matter what, and maybe they wouldn't sleep in the same bed together anymore but they'd still be best friends. He'd definitely never thought Jared would just... leave.
"Jensen?" Danneel's whisper of his name came countless minutes later, after Jared had already slid behind the wheel of his car and driven off in a squeal of tires on pavement.
Jensen turned slowly and blinked at his group of friends, the four people he'd relied on so many times through every twist and turn in his life. Minus one, the most important one. Jensen opened his mouth to answer but all that came out was a pained sob.
Part Two
Master Post
Art Master Post