Changing the Past
Cross-posted from Theatrical Muse
I’ve played this “what if” game so many times in my head, it seems poor sport to do it at the behest of someone else. But I’ve thought long and hard about this, trying to analyze what might happen if I had done this instead of that. I can think of many things that I might have wanted to do differently, but not badly enough that I would actually put forth an effort to change things if given opportunity. Except for one occasion.
That occasion is the fall of my previous Padawan learner, Xanatos. When his father and I fought, I knew that this would not end well - in fact, the Force was practically screaming in my ear to stop, to do something else, to find some other way. But Crion would not give me the opportunity, and short of throwing down my light saber and allowing him to kill me, I could find no alternative to the dilemma. And even that would have had disastrous consequences for the planetary population. Crion died, and his son tried to kill me, tossing aside years of teaching, companionship, and friendship in the short duration of our battle.
What I should have done was to kill my Padawan, and I knew it. But I could not bring myself to it. I still cannot contemplate it with any equanimity at all. I know what I should have done.
But even now, I am not sorry I stayed my hand.
I’ve played this “what if” game so many times in my head, it seems poor sport to do it at the behest of someone else. But I’ve thought long and hard about this, trying to analyze what might happen if I had done this instead of that. I can think of many things that I might have wanted to do differently, but not badly enough that I would actually put forth an effort to change things if given opportunity. Except for one occasion.
That occasion is the fall of my previous Padawan learner, Xanatos. When his father and I fought, I knew that this would not end well - in fact, the Force was practically screaming in my ear to stop, to do something else, to find some other way. But Crion would not give me the opportunity, and short of throwing down my light saber and allowing him to kill me, I could find no alternative to the dilemma. And even that would have had disastrous consequences for the planetary population. Crion died, and his son tried to kill me, tossing aside years of teaching, companionship, and friendship in the short duration of our battle.
What I should have done was to kill my Padawan, and I knew it. But I could not bring myself to it. I still cannot contemplate it with any equanimity at all. I know what I should have done.
But even now, I am not sorry I stayed my hand.