Putting it out there... maybe?

[masterfiremaam]

I'm  considering writing up exactly what it is I'd REALLY like to have in my life at the moment, romantically. However, I are hesitant to do it. The first question to answer is WHY am I hesitant? Possible reasons:

1. Doing this means that I have to fully acknowledge that the relationship with Andrew is over. This is hard because he did it so terribly that I have no closer and still feel like I'm in limbo. I haven't written anything about it because, other than my confusion, pain and feelings of betrayal, there hasn't been anything to write about. Absolutely zip.
2. I feel guilty for wanted what I want. In many ways, I feel I should be happy with whatever Spirit sends me, but then again, am I supposed to be completely passive? I mean, who knows I'm looking if I don't tell people, right? But, how do you balance longing with contentment?
3. I'm afraid of getting what I want. The fear of success is often as strong as the fear of failure! This isn't conscious, of course.
4. I'm afraid of being disappointed. What if I sink a lot of energy into this project only to find that Spirit says no?

So, some self analysis to do. I did reactivate my okcupid account... mostly just to meet some guys and go out. But, this is my old pattern of finding a vanilla guy who is "almost" what I want. Still, some could be fun. We'll see.