I Haven't Posted In Too Long

Jul 22, 2012 22:37

That's becoming a bad habit of mine. I'll try to do better. I promise.

This weekend was the first weekend that I spent not going to Dmitri's. It actually wasn't difficult on me. He and I have been chatting via IM and SMS so it's been a "long" distance checking in with each other. Both of us have so many things to say to the other person. I think we both realized that this weekend. We've both hinted at wanting to say certain things, but we've both seem to want to wait until we're face to face to say it. I have a feeling that there will be much crying and holding in the coming weeks together. I think this is a much better way to break up with someone than I have any other time, except with Steve II.

That was fairly painless. I still contend that he has Asperger's Syndrome. He's just socially... not able to cut it. Never the right reaction to social situations. I don't understand him. I think unless I had Asperger's Syndrome that I will never understand him well. He's just an odd duck. However, he seems happy with himself and that's important. The whole pre-op transsexual girlfriend thing... I just... my head can't wrap about that. I just don't think it'll work for him in the end. He's just not emotionally/socially intelligent enough to understand that, yet. Of course, as with all things, I could be wrong. So who's to say it won't work? Well, me... but I shouldn't say it. I don't know it for a fact.

I know that it's going to be hard, being single again. At least in the beginning. I'll adjust of course. Adapt or die. Sometimes I do well with that and sometimes I fail at that. I know this about myself. I am working on that, however. It may be slow going but there is progress being made. I will say that the shooting in Aurora, Colorado at the theater's midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises makes me, naturally, think of senseless death. Which inevitably lead to me thinking about Second John. Which, of course, makes me miss him and become sadder about everything than it should. The song I'm listening to now is by a YouTube artist named Tyler Ward. If you haven't seen his singing then you're missing out. He's making his first album and using only donated money sent directly to a PayPal account by fans to do it. He's got a Wall of Fame for anyone that donates and sends a screen shot of the actual donation receipt to an e-mail address. Once you've done that there's a separate e-mail address to send your name and a small photo of yourself that he's got on his website. http://www.tylerwardmusic.com/fame/ You can find me in all my blondeness about 2/3 of the way down. And everyone on the Wall of Fame will have their name included in the booklet insert in the Thank You section of the insert. So my name will listed there. Of course, he's put some of his own money into this as well. But he took a day off, on the day of the shooting, to make a Tribute song. There's a free to download of that song from the YouTube page where he's posted about Aurora being his home town and sings the song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=270xXOOt_Wo If you notice in the icon while he's singing the song that where the hollow space is in between the two sides of the ribbon is an image of Batman looking down. The song is touching. Which is what distressing me (if you notice my Current Mood). It's also a very pretty song. The song can be applied (loosely) to Second John's death as well. I haven't cried since I heard it for the first time on YouTube so, see... progress and growth. Okay, so I get a bit misty listening to it, but there you have it.

Okay, I should get to bed. It's far past my bedtime and I'm going to cry soon if I don't take my mind off this. But the song is worth listening to. I really recommend listening to it.

john, dmitri, touched, fail

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