...*crash*
so many things i am looking forward to....
so much that i feel will make me truly happy...
so many hopes and aspirations..
so many possibilities.
and they all rest on one thing...
i'm now really starting to grow a little disturbed...i hope as much as i ever had about anything that i get accepted.
if i don't...i just don't know what i will do....but i feel it will not be something that is in my best interest.
if i do...i'm not sure many of you will recognize me for long...
but for now all i can do is wait...and wait...and hope i don't lose all of my sanity before i get word.
as simple of a thing this really is...a simple yes or no...it is really going to make or break me.
and now when i look back on it all...i now see my biggest mistake and regret was not listening to those around me during senior year. I ignored and made ll kinds of excuses as to why i wasn't applying to UT then...and why i wasn't doing any scholarship applications....i laughed when all my friends spent days and many a long night working on all that stuff...i laughed even though i cried inside as to how foolish and lazy i was...and how apathetic i was to not even wanna change. I was the overlord of fools. Some might say i still am to some degree....okay most would say so...and i wouldn't refute it.
I have done untold amounts of stupid shit over the course of my life...but the one thing i actually regret is turning my back on those who wanted everything for me...those who wanted me to succeed with them and ensure that we did indeed make the most of our lives...and i know it is something that will haunt me even if i get accepted...
this isn't to say i don't cherish the time i have spent with those who chose to stay here as well...i had a great time...and if things don't pan out...i might be having more of those times.
right now i am just so filled with regret and worry...i get ready for sleep now wondering if the retribution for my actions will befall me soon.
so much that i feel will make me truly happy...
so many hopes and aspirations..
so many possibilities.
and they all rest on one thing...
i'm now really starting to grow a little disturbed...i hope as much as i ever had about anything that i get accepted.
if i don't...i just don't know what i will do....but i feel it will not be something that is in my best interest.
if i do...i'm not sure many of you will recognize me for long...
but for now all i can do is wait...and wait...and hope i don't lose all of my sanity before i get word.
as simple of a thing this really is...a simple yes or no...it is really going to make or break me.
and now when i look back on it all...i now see my biggest mistake and regret was not listening to those around me during senior year. I ignored and made ll kinds of excuses as to why i wasn't applying to UT then...and why i wasn't doing any scholarship applications....i laughed when all my friends spent days and many a long night working on all that stuff...i laughed even though i cried inside as to how foolish and lazy i was...and how apathetic i was to not even wanna change. I was the overlord of fools. Some might say i still am to some degree....okay most would say so...and i wouldn't refute it.
I have done untold amounts of stupid shit over the course of my life...but the one thing i actually regret is turning my back on those who wanted everything for me...those who wanted me to succeed with them and ensure that we did indeed make the most of our lives...and i know it is something that will haunt me even if i get accepted...
this isn't to say i don't cherish the time i have spent with those who chose to stay here as well...i had a great time...and if things don't pan out...i might be having more of those times.
right now i am just so filled with regret and worry...i get ready for sleep now wondering if the retribution for my actions will befall me soon.