A Monday Session (4/17 afternoon)

[master_of_fear]

After weeks and weeks of 16 hour days and then his week in the hospital, it's nice to have his work schedule back into something more managable. It gives him time to concentrate on his studies, visit with friends and most importantly, start seeing his patients. CJ had been easy to fit in and as per the mun's decision they'd been meeting handwavily

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[master_of_fear]

"There will be cake," Tara assures him. "I'm going to make it myself. And I will bring you a piece. Two pieces."

Actual gunfire. She doesn't know if she can handle it, but... "I'll try?"

Back firmly against the couch, couch firmly against the wall, and nobody can get her from behind. Except that some bullets go straight through walls.

"I can't promise anything. But... but I'll try."

He clicks the recorder to 'Play', pressing the button with the green triangle and setting it down on his coffee table.

"Okay Tara, Last time, we were talking about how you didn't feel safe, especially not when you're happy," he says and just as he finishes the 't' sound on 'not' the sound of a gun goes off, one single shot, "With your upcoming hadfasting," a series of three rapid fire shots, "How are you feeling?"

[brambless]

Tara jumps a mile with the first shot, her fists clenching so hard she cries out in pain, and she doesn't hear his question, doesn't process it.

She knows what it is, he prepared her for that, but that doesn't quell the urge to look around wildly, and all of a sudden the dozens of gun posters up on the wall take on a more ominous note than they had a few moments before.

She wants to cast a protective circle, but that would do her no good against a real bullet.

"I... I'm s-sorry," she stutters, ducking her head as she tries to still the frantic beating of her heat. "W-w-w-what did you s-say?"

[master_of_fear]

Remembering how Tara liked to hold onto things when she was emotionally stressed, Jonathan stands up, leaving the recording playing. Opening his hall closet, he takes down the bear he'd had for her last time. The fur still soft, it's body squeezable. Coming back to the couch, he sets it on the cushion between them.

There are 3 individual gunshots from the time he leaves the couch to the time he returns.

"Try and focus on my voice Tara," he says, as the gunfire continues, "Hear the gunshots, but focus on me. I asked, how you were feeling right now, with your handfasting so close. You'd said before that you often felt apprehensive at moments of intense joy, due to your past. I was simpley curious as to your reaction now."

[brambless]

Tara wraps her arms around the bear, bringing it close in to her chest, burying her face in its soft fur. It helps. Not a lot, but enough.

She's still jumping every time she hears a shot, though, the heart that had only just begun to slow down careening wildly.

"I, um... I..." Another shot, and she lets out a soft cry, before deliberately taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. She can do this. How many techniques does she know to calm herself? She can do this.

"It's, um... it's better? Now that I know the Powers aren't going to -bangbang!- oh, god... Aren't going to take me away? But I'm still... still scared. B-because it's... it's too good to be -bang!-... to be... to, um... to be true."

She's speaking directly into the bear's fur, her voice hopelessly muffled, and with each shot she squeezes it tighter, until its poor body is bulging above and below, her arms corseting it brutally around the waist.

[master_of_fear]

Picking up the recorder, he turns the volume down to halfway, the gunshots will still be there, but perhaps at a volume that is less than lifelike, it will be more tolerable to Tara.

"And have you told any of this to Shane? What does she think? It is a day for both of you after all and... it's both of your lives."

[brambless]

The lower volume helps, and her deathgrip releases a little.

"She... I... I don't like upsetting her," Tara says, her voice softer, as if he's turned her volume down at the same time. "I know that, um... I know that I'm just being paranoid. The Powers aren't going to touch us, but that doesn't mean other people can't. You, um... you heard that Shane was kidnapped?"

[master_of_fear]

He nods, "Yes I... a friend of mine told me about it. She was locked in some kind of cube-shaped death maze... right? Does it make you worry, that she's so vulnerable? That she can be taken from you like that? Or are you more concerned with her mental state as it is now? I'm sure the PTSD for something like that must be horrific."

[brambless]

"It really is," Tara whispers, and he's right, it's easier if she concentrates on the voices. His voice, her voice, it doesn't seem to matter as long as she's not focussing on those gunshot sounds. "For about three weeks afterwards she couldn't even leave the house. I've been doing all I can for her, but... but I know it's coming. The bit where I fall apart. It wasn't just her, it was Kate and Faith too," probably the friend he heard it from, they were always close at school, "and... Jonathan, if someone can take Faith against her will, who is safe?"

She's worried about everything, it seems, and she has to be strong for Shane, because when she breaks, Shane breaks. She can't fall apart, not when Shane is there. She can't show anyone how much it hurts inside, but there's a voice screaming in her mind that never seems to run out of breath.

[master_of_fear]

"Tara," he says, not touching her because he needs to remain the professional here, not her friend, "Has Shane ever thought of seeing a therapist on her own? Several of my colleagues at work do individual sessions, I could possibly refer you to one? I'm not saying that you aren't doing an amazing job, because you are, but this is the kind of thing that takes more than just love, even as much as you have for Shane.

I think it's good for you, to stand up like this and take care of her, because it shows you how strong you are, but I don't think anyone could sustain it for any length of time. Because you love Shane, and it must be tearing you apart to see her like this."