(no subject)
One last thought before I go sleep.
I was looking back at my life... reading some of the entries of the past... when it occurred to me how odd it is, that I don't think I've ever been quite this isolated (since jr. high at least), and yet.... I've never been better.
I don't talk to many of the people I used to know. Few of them talk to me. Even then, for a few of those few there are few times that we interact... like on a consistently occasionally basis.
And it's not that I don't have friends... I do.
It does seem like I'm closer to fewer people though...
And yet... I'm happy.
I still have days every once in a while that remind me of how I used to feel, but even then it's different. There's always some sort of... internalized smile attached to whatever negative I've feeling. Not to mention it seems like I can let go of just about anything at all given a minute or two.
I'd say that it would be nice to go back and do it all again with what I... understand now. But I'm not sure if that in the end would have changed all that much. I suppose the main difference is that I would have been happy. But I seem to recall trying to not make decisions, or base actions off of emotions.. I'm not sure how true that really is, and I know I failed to do that many times. But... I don't know... I guess all I'm missing here is... well... I'm not entirely sure. I lost my train of thought.
There's a thought or a feeling here, but I'm not quite sure how to explain it. It's like... I'm working towards something that I had at some point, but when I had it I didn't understand it. But because I didn't, I'm also not sure if I ever did. I could be just missing something that I've never had. I just... uh.. don't know at this point. Either way it's somewhat irrelevant, because all of that... is somewhere else not here anyway.
Well, this has turned into more than just one last thought.
I've heard that most people spent most of their time in the past, or in the future. Both places are neat for sure, but I am finding that I like it most right here... now.
I was looking back at my life... reading some of the entries of the past... when it occurred to me how odd it is, that I don't think I've ever been quite this isolated (since jr. high at least), and yet.... I've never been better.
I don't talk to many of the people I used to know. Few of them talk to me. Even then, for a few of those few there are few times that we interact... like on a consistently occasionally basis.
And it's not that I don't have friends... I do.
It does seem like I'm closer to fewer people though...
And yet... I'm happy.
I still have days every once in a while that remind me of how I used to feel, but even then it's different. There's always some sort of... internalized smile attached to whatever negative I've feeling. Not to mention it seems like I can let go of just about anything at all given a minute or two.
I'd say that it would be nice to go back and do it all again with what I... understand now. But I'm not sure if that in the end would have changed all that much. I suppose the main difference is that I would have been happy. But I seem to recall trying to not make decisions, or base actions off of emotions.. I'm not sure how true that really is, and I know I failed to do that many times. But... I don't know... I guess all I'm missing here is... well... I'm not entirely sure. I lost my train of thought.
There's a thought or a feeling here, but I'm not quite sure how to explain it. It's like... I'm working towards something that I had at some point, but when I had it I didn't understand it. But because I didn't, I'm also not sure if I ever did. I could be just missing something that I've never had. I just... uh.. don't know at this point. Either way it's somewhat irrelevant, because all of that... is somewhere else not here anyway.
Well, this has turned into more than just one last thought.
I've heard that most people spent most of their time in the past, or in the future. Both places are neat for sure, but I am finding that I like it most right here... now.