The best lesson of May
The best lesson of May is the lesson of courage of talking directly to a person to whom I've got things to say - and towards whom I am the most silent.
Have you ever complained about your relationship with someone to a third person? If that sounds familiar to you, then it might be a sign that there are things you want to tell to that someone but you are afraid to do just that.
You might be afraid of a few things. (I'll continue with "I")
I'm afraid that what I'm going to tell will ruin the good image of me which the other person has; my ego will be hurt;
I'm afraid that it will ruin the good atmosphere and the pleasant mood of our relationship;
- and, I think, the main is: "I'm afraid that if I say what I want will hurt the person I love".
I think, it's one of the most vulnerable deeds - to face those fears and start talking. Staying mute, giving in and not letting yourself be seen doesn't help you be alive and real - wholehearted - in the relationship and in your life. Dan suggested that talking to a third person might help you understand something which is a blind spot for you. While this may be true I think that this doesn't help you make direct progress in the relationship in question: you are not facing difficulties and dealing with them together. The other might be hurting while you are discussing the relationship with her/him with the third person. Well, as Dan rightly noted, s/he might not.
I'm not saying that I'm going to erase the option of talking to a third person about the relationship with someone. For now I'm going to stick to several decisions:
- if I want to talk to a person, I do it directly to him/her and as soon as possible,
- if I'm asked about a certain relationship, I answer about things I have already done or about how I feel at the moment - if I want to answer. Maybe - about what I'm going to do in the near future,
- if for some reason I can't face the person and talk about the relationship - and it's hard for me to be alone and I ask for help, I talk about how I feel and I try not to give the details. I take this time as a possibility to let myself be seen to myself, to let myself be alive in my pain and confusion. Through this I heal and become strong enough to face - and heart - people that are dear to me.
Thank you:
Dan, S.O., Sandy, F.F. - for being there for me;
Cane and Wizard - for the practice.