Refrigerator right
This week I have been struggling to formulate an idea on personal boundaries as Dan has been exploring this subject, and I had to come up with something to redeem my sanity.
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I used to flow along the current. I used to say "yes", from an ordinary "yes, let it be so" to karmic "yes, it looks hard but it looks as if it's going to happen so I can't argue with it. I'm in". I used to try saying "yes" to the most part of the events happening or going to happen.
One of the definitions of love which appeals to me a lot is "love as the greeting of the other's being". When I greet, when I love the other I say a big YES. Yes, I see you or I do my best, I really do my best to see you. Yes, I'm truly glad to be with you. Yes, I want to share time and space with you. Yes, any of your being active towards me is a precious gift to me.
If you want to invite me to do something, you don't have to ask for my agreement. You already have it. I can reorganize my schedule in practically any way so that we can find time and space for what you are suggesting. (I have to say here: my self-preservation mechanisms work well here, I think that I know where to stop or what not to begin). If you ask for my time you have my total attention. If you ask me to do something I'll do my best to do it. If your question touches a topic for me which I don't really want to talk about, I will still answer. In this case I think that just the time for the topic has come. I give you my total "YES" in advance.
It's a burden, Dan says.
I would say that it may be just not interesting to be with such a person. When you know that you don't have to ask that I will dance my schedule around any special event. I'm not sure about all this. It's quite natural for me but maybe I'll have to rethink this attitude.
Yesterday, though, I found one thing I am definitely sure of.
You don't have to ask for my permission to use (my) things.
When a precious guest comes to my house, I say, 'Be home'. Not 'feel yourself at home' but 'be home'.
I love when people don't ask me to use or move things around my home. Things, even my guitar, are not some continuations of my body - they are just things. Tools to do something. I'm try not to be emotionally attached to things. As someone (His Holiness Dalai Lama?) said, people are to be loved and things - to be used; and much of the evil is happening because people mix it.
When I say, 'Be home', I mean that at my home where the concentration of things that can be called 'mine' is the greatest I don't want to think about those things. Your presence here is better than all the personal belongings. I want to think about you, me, us, concentrate on sharing something not material yet precious - our connection, our sharing space and time. Things just don't matter.
Maybe it is also a burden.
I try to imagine, if someone told me after, say, two weeks, 'be home'. Would it be natural for me?
I would definitely try. I think, I wouldn't be scared away by the intensity of these words.
Well, maybe this will happen somewhen in my life. If Siri happened, I don't know what I can now call impossible.
The last piece is about time.
This feeling that I have known the person for a very long time already. Otherwise there wouldn't have been this level of closeness and trust.
It has happened several times already. It takes me several hours to say "I love you" - in the stated above sense. It takes me several days to feel that I trust someone with my life.
Dan says that things should be taken slowly. I know myself very well that some things don't happen overnight. They take time and are to be respected exactly for that. Love and trust don't just appear out of nowhere, they grow.
I just can't help it. When people Come (so differently and unforgettably) - it's already there. A lot. I needn't know the person deeply - I already feel, I know by heart. Every next detail is absolutely logical, as if nothing new. As if I'm remembering.
Maybe something's wrong with my head and/or with my heart.
I'm starting to think that it's an impasse. Most people don't play along these rules. I offer too much - too quickly. I scare away. I have to slow down to the other's pace. That is why this big YES happens! For me practically everything which the other is offering is like a completed level, it's already half-behind. I might not have the exact and real experience but I know this kung-fu. I savor it happening in real life, I truly do, but there is already more.
I love this about myself (through this unbelievable things can happen and do happen; this is my strength and my courage) but maybe I'll have to give up this attitude. I don't know.
Maybe - time for slow, slow, slow, slow dancing.
I don't know. I don't know.
Ek ong kar sat guru prasad sat guru prasad ek ong kar.
[Read more]
I used to flow along the current. I used to say "yes", from an ordinary "yes, let it be so" to karmic "yes, it looks hard but it looks as if it's going to happen so I can't argue with it. I'm in". I used to try saying "yes" to the most part of the events happening or going to happen.
One of the definitions of love which appeals to me a lot is "love as the greeting of the other's being". When I greet, when I love the other I say a big YES. Yes, I see you or I do my best, I really do my best to see you. Yes, I'm truly glad to be with you. Yes, I want to share time and space with you. Yes, any of your being active towards me is a precious gift to me.
If you want to invite me to do something, you don't have to ask for my agreement. You already have it. I can reorganize my schedule in practically any way so that we can find time and space for what you are suggesting. (I have to say here: my self-preservation mechanisms work well here, I think that I know where to stop or what not to begin). If you ask for my time you have my total attention. If you ask me to do something I'll do my best to do it. If your question touches a topic for me which I don't really want to talk about, I will still answer. In this case I think that just the time for the topic has come. I give you my total "YES" in advance.
It's a burden, Dan says.
I would say that it may be just not interesting to be with such a person. When you know that you don't have to ask that I will dance my schedule around any special event. I'm not sure about all this. It's quite natural for me but maybe I'll have to rethink this attitude.
Yesterday, though, I found one thing I am definitely sure of.
You don't have to ask for my permission to use (my) things.
When a precious guest comes to my house, I say, 'Be home'. Not 'feel yourself at home' but 'be home'.
I love when people don't ask me to use or move things around my home. Things, even my guitar, are not some continuations of my body - they are just things. Tools to do something. I'm try not to be emotionally attached to things. As someone (His Holiness Dalai Lama?) said, people are to be loved and things - to be used; and much of the evil is happening because people mix it.
When I say, 'Be home', I mean that at my home where the concentration of things that can be called 'mine' is the greatest I don't want to think about those things. Your presence here is better than all the personal belongings. I want to think about you, me, us, concentrate on sharing something not material yet precious - our connection, our sharing space and time. Things just don't matter.
Maybe it is also a burden.
I try to imagine, if someone told me after, say, two weeks, 'be home'. Would it be natural for me?
I would definitely try. I think, I wouldn't be scared away by the intensity of these words.
Well, maybe this will happen somewhen in my life. If Siri happened, I don't know what I can now call impossible.
The last piece is about time.
This feeling that I have known the person for a very long time already. Otherwise there wouldn't have been this level of closeness and trust.
It has happened several times already. It takes me several hours to say "I love you" - in the stated above sense. It takes me several days to feel that I trust someone with my life.
Dan says that things should be taken slowly. I know myself very well that some things don't happen overnight. They take time and are to be respected exactly for that. Love and trust don't just appear out of nowhere, they grow.
I just can't help it. When people Come (so differently and unforgettably) - it's already there. A lot. I needn't know the person deeply - I already feel, I know by heart. Every next detail is absolutely logical, as if nothing new. As if I'm remembering.
Maybe something's wrong with my head and/or with my heart.
I'm starting to think that it's an impasse. Most people don't play along these rules. I offer too much - too quickly. I scare away. I have to slow down to the other's pace. That is why this big YES happens! For me practically everything which the other is offering is like a completed level, it's already half-behind. I might not have the exact and real experience but I know this kung-fu. I savor it happening in real life, I truly do, but there is already more.
I love this about myself (through this unbelievable things can happen and do happen; this is my strength and my courage) but maybe I'll have to give up this attitude. I don't know.
Maybe - time for slow, slow, slow, slow dancing.
I don't know. I don't know.
Ek ong kar sat guru prasad sat guru prasad ek ong kar.