To much happiness to sit still
I really should be writing a report about Teilhard de Chardin. Or a report about contemporary history textbooks. Or a summary of one part of Fernand Braudel's Civilization and Capitalism. Or reports on education in Pakistan and Tajikistan. Or I should be moving forward with the application of quantitative methods to the analysis of... doesn't matter. Or I should be translating love letters, or reading for my thesis, or... thousand things to do, sleep included.
But today was so special...
Today was the day of Choice. Actually, the choice was made yesterday and today would have been the day of the realization of the chosen alternative.
There were two events today that I didn't want to miss.
The first one was from the Ego world. I was planning to take the Japanese Language Proficiency Test, the First level (the highest in this test). The attempt to take the test was prepaid, about $70. The exam is held twice a year and I didn't want to try again in summer. That time in summer I wanted to be sowewhere away, surfing. What privileges does this certificate give? Well, I believe, that some employers know that this certificate exists. Maybe, if they have to choose, they will choose the candidate with the First level other than the candidate with the Second level. I hope, I'm not applying for a job in a 'decent' company in any near future (though Mom stlil is still hoping that I am), so for me the First level is just so very cool. Like bowties;)
The second one was an unusual session of spiritual practice which actually could be held on any weekend but we had decided that this day would be good. So some arrangements about time and place had been made.
I had thought that I would have time for both.
But yesterday I looked at the exam voucher and found out that I had had the wrong time in my mind. And if had stayed till the end of the exam, no way I would have been in time for the session. I had to choose.
The choice was easy. I chose to write the first part (the usage of language) and to miss the listening part. This way I at least would have got the idea of my level. No certificate, of course, and no coolness. And I would have been in time for the other event. I repeat, the choice was easy. As if I didn't have to choose. And I remembered, the Teacher told once or twice that it's okay if you have to sacrifice something from the world of Ego in order to make some steps on the spiritual way. /sounds a bit off but still/
Important. There was a moment when the decision had been firmly made. And I really let go my wish to be very cool. My mind was very calm and clear for I knew what I was choosing.
Then my Beloved told me that actually if he picked me after the exam and we went by car we would be still practically on time. This was Hope. But this would be decided today, while I would be writing the first part of the exam. During the break I was told that maybe it would be okay. So I stayed for the second part, and luckily got my coat quickly (there was an enormous line), and there were no traffic jams, and my Beloved had some food for the hungry me, and we got where we needed to be just 15 minutes late.
As for the session, I don't have adequate words to describe it. I have three hokku in Russian, but they catch only glimpses.
I don't know why I deserve this. I bow in deep gratitude.
But that was not all for today.
In the evening I finally started reading a book by Teilhard de Chardin which I had got yesterday in a magical (like underwater) bookshop, led there by an oceanic current carrying the scent of happiness of the newborn winter. I love every word of it. I started wondering why I haven't read it earlier because one part of "Hyperion"'s phylosophy is built on Teilhard's ideas and how could I miss it out? But some words tell me that this precise moment is perfect. And the "Hyperion" is mentioned in the introduction...
And then one of my friends tells me that he's started reading and the first story is stunning ("potryasayushche" in Russian). I jump to my feet, start dacning around the room, then remember how to breathe, and it's all so beautiful because only the day before yesterday my Faraway Friend was telling me that he was already more than a half into the book!
And again I don't know why I deserve all these miracles of time, and space, and people.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, thank you...
But today was so special...
Today was the day of Choice. Actually, the choice was made yesterday and today would have been the day of the realization of the chosen alternative.
There were two events today that I didn't want to miss.
The first one was from the Ego world. I was planning to take the Japanese Language Proficiency Test, the First level (the highest in this test). The attempt to take the test was prepaid, about $70. The exam is held twice a year and I didn't want to try again in summer. That time in summer I wanted to be sowewhere away, surfing. What privileges does this certificate give? Well, I believe, that some employers know that this certificate exists. Maybe, if they have to choose, they will choose the candidate with the First level other than the candidate with the Second level. I hope, I'm not applying for a job in a 'decent' company in any near future (though Mom stlil is still hoping that I am), so for me the First level is just so very cool. Like bowties;)
The second one was an unusual session of spiritual practice which actually could be held on any weekend but we had decided that this day would be good. So some arrangements about time and place had been made.
I had thought that I would have time for both.
But yesterday I looked at the exam voucher and found out that I had had the wrong time in my mind. And if had stayed till the end of the exam, no way I would have been in time for the session. I had to choose.
The choice was easy. I chose to write the first part (the usage of language) and to miss the listening part. This way I at least would have got the idea of my level. No certificate, of course, and no coolness. And I would have been in time for the other event. I repeat, the choice was easy. As if I didn't have to choose. And I remembered, the Teacher told once or twice that it's okay if you have to sacrifice something from the world of Ego in order to make some steps on the spiritual way. /sounds a bit off but still/
Important. There was a moment when the decision had been firmly made. And I really let go my wish to be very cool. My mind was very calm and clear for I knew what I was choosing.
Then my Beloved told me that actually if he picked me after the exam and we went by car we would be still practically on time. This was Hope. But this would be decided today, while I would be writing the first part of the exam. During the break I was told that maybe it would be okay. So I stayed for the second part, and luckily got my coat quickly (there was an enormous line), and there were no traffic jams, and my Beloved had some food for the hungry me, and we got where we needed to be just 15 minutes late.
As for the session, I don't have adequate words to describe it. I have three hokku in Russian, but they catch only glimpses.
I don't know why I deserve this. I bow in deep gratitude.
But that was not all for today.
In the evening I finally started reading a book by Teilhard de Chardin which I had got yesterday in a magical (like underwater) bookshop, led there by an oceanic current carrying the scent of happiness of the newborn winter. I love every word of it. I started wondering why I haven't read it earlier because one part of "Hyperion"'s phylosophy is built on Teilhard's ideas and how could I miss it out? But some words tell me that this precise moment is perfect. And the "Hyperion" is mentioned in the introduction...
And then one of my friends tells me that he's started reading and the first story is stunning ("potryasayushche" in Russian). I jump to my feet, start dacning around the room, then remember how to breathe, and it's all so beautiful because only the day before yesterday my Faraway Friend was telling me that he was already more than a half into the book!
And again I don't know why I deserve all these miracles of time, and space, and people.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, thank you...