Koan #4. I want/expect/was promised to be answered - I'm not answered. Am I alive?
I swear, I don't do anything. They just appear and I'm not free and I can't think clearly unless I solve them. This one was short and almost easy.
I don't like meaningless conversations, like "How are you? - Fine, thanks, and you? - Not bad, thanks. So, I guess, I'll see you around. - Okay, have a nice day. - Yeah, you too". I love Eric Burne's transactional analysis, so I understand that this conversation is just an exchange of "strokes". I do it and I usually like to give a bit more of them than it's expected, especially with strangers. Not really often, though.
This summer I involuntarily had a training of similar conversations. That was an exchange of sms once a day or once in two days. One person was sending me an sms meaning only "I remember that you are alive" and my task was to write something similar. That was a lesson for me which now transformed into a koan.
If you say 'hello', acknowledging someone's being alive, and you don't get an answer, are you alive then? If you ask tons of questions and you are promised to be answered and you wait but no answer comes, are you alive?
There are good consolations, though.
- the one who promised to answer is just busy, and I deeply believe myself and tell repeatedly that this person's activity is a great deal more important than answering some (in)significant questions; and it really can be so;
- it's a lesson for me to give freedom and not to form an emotional attachment; to respect the other's freedom ultimately;
- this is a training for the new, protected Ego and I feel with pleasure that the Ego does not react, the Ego is silent and calm. This is not the question of Ego. This is a question of the balance of interactions; and this is a training for Rule number one - do not expect/want;
- and - oh, yes. This can be a special karmic relationship when you just have to give, give, give and not to ask for anything in return.
So, the question is: am I alive if/when I spend much energy on the interactions and don't receive an equal answer, especially when promised?
I even didn't have time to formulate it clearly enough - I got the answer too quickly.
One of my friends was traveling by train this night and was deeply insulted when his greetings were not answered by the fellow travelers in the same train compartment and he didn't meet the level of politeness he had been expecting.
My Beloved read his notes about the trip and said: "Well, if we react to such trifles, that for sure will be the world of sufferings".
And then.
YES.
The solution. I just don't live in the world of sufferings (a good buddhist I am;)).
This consciousness is wider and stronger in me than the part of me that participates in interactions, reacts and asks if I am alive. It was like with Anahata and Ego: I found something wider and stronger and embraced the more vulnerable part. For me the world of sufferings is not an existing condition. It's something that you choose in your head when you start craving for something, expecting something from people - and not letting things just happen with ease. And I don't choose that.
One more knot undone.
I don't like meaningless conversations, like "How are you? - Fine, thanks, and you? - Not bad, thanks. So, I guess, I'll see you around. - Okay, have a nice day. - Yeah, you too". I love Eric Burne's transactional analysis, so I understand that this conversation is just an exchange of "strokes". I do it and I usually like to give a bit more of them than it's expected, especially with strangers. Not really often, though.
This summer I involuntarily had a training of similar conversations. That was an exchange of sms once a day or once in two days. One person was sending me an sms meaning only "I remember that you are alive" and my task was to write something similar. That was a lesson for me which now transformed into a koan.
If you say 'hello', acknowledging someone's being alive, and you don't get an answer, are you alive then? If you ask tons of questions and you are promised to be answered and you wait but no answer comes, are you alive?
There are good consolations, though.
- the one who promised to answer is just busy, and I deeply believe myself and tell repeatedly that this person's activity is a great deal more important than answering some (in)significant questions; and it really can be so;
- it's a lesson for me to give freedom and not to form an emotional attachment; to respect the other's freedom ultimately;
- this is a training for the new, protected Ego and I feel with pleasure that the Ego does not react, the Ego is silent and calm. This is not the question of Ego. This is a question of the balance of interactions; and this is a training for Rule number one - do not expect/want;
- and - oh, yes. This can be a special karmic relationship when you just have to give, give, give and not to ask for anything in return.
So, the question is: am I alive if/when I spend much energy on the interactions and don't receive an equal answer, especially when promised?
I even didn't have time to formulate it clearly enough - I got the answer too quickly.
One of my friends was traveling by train this night and was deeply insulted when his greetings were not answered by the fellow travelers in the same train compartment and he didn't meet the level of politeness he had been expecting.
My Beloved read his notes about the trip and said: "Well, if we react to such trifles, that for sure will be the world of sufferings".
And then.
YES.
The solution. I just don't live in the world of sufferings (a good buddhist I am;)).
This consciousness is wider and stronger in me than the part of me that participates in interactions, reacts and asks if I am alive. It was like with Anahata and Ego: I found something wider and stronger and embraced the more vulnerable part. For me the world of sufferings is not an existing condition. It's something that you choose in your head when you start craving for something, expecting something from people - and not letting things just happen with ease. And I don't choose that.
One more knot undone.