No one wants to hear this.
It was around 80 degrees outside that night a few weeks ago. It was 11 at night... and 80 degrees? Can you believe it? That was strange enough, but even stranger... I was outside. I dont know why I was. I never go outside let alone at 11 at night.
I stood out in the middle of the yard... just staring up at the sky. The stars. I breathed in the air. It was different. Refreshing. It was a lot nicer going down into my lungs than the air in my room. I spend all my time there. The outside air was almost foreign to me.
Staring at the stars fills me with this interesting feeling inside. I sprawled my arms out and fell backwards into the yard. There wasnt even any evening dew. The grass was dry. The peepers were peeping and the crickets were chirping.
I just laid there... and I thought.
What a fucking mess youve gotten yourself into, Brodie.
Why are all these people asking you to smile?
The world does not stop turning for you.
Some peoples lives are better without you in them. This is something you have to learn.
Your sister got away, why cant you?
What would getting away fix? You would still have the same emotional problems, just in a different area.
Your mother probably thinks you hate her. You just sit in your room all day and never come out.
Where would you be without your friends?
Why do you insist on digging yourself into an emotional hole that seems impossible to climb out of?
Why do you bank so much on finding a girl?
Why arent you being accepted into any of the jobs you apply for?
What have you really got to live for? You come home, sit and watch netflix, sleep, work. Repeat.
You really need an outlet for this shit.
Why does no one seem to care?
What the fuck did you do to mess it up so bad, Brodie? It was going so well.
Did she ever even have time to hurt?
I could feel them coming on. Something I dont feel often. Tears. Now wouldnt be an exception.
You hate your life and you need help.
And with that I stood up... dragging me feet.
When I came back into the house it was like I was in some sort of emotional bubble. I was numb in every sense of the word. And empty spirit. A zombie. It was as if I didnt really exist. It was the most bizarre feeling I have ever had in my entire life.
I was out there, lying in the grass, staring at the sky, thinking... for over an hour.
Im so tired of this.
So so tired of this.
I stood out in the middle of the yard... just staring up at the sky. The stars. I breathed in the air. It was different. Refreshing. It was a lot nicer going down into my lungs than the air in my room. I spend all my time there. The outside air was almost foreign to me.
Staring at the stars fills me with this interesting feeling inside. I sprawled my arms out and fell backwards into the yard. There wasnt even any evening dew. The grass was dry. The peepers were peeping and the crickets were chirping.
I just laid there... and I thought.
What a fucking mess youve gotten yourself into, Brodie.
Why are all these people asking you to smile?
The world does not stop turning for you.
Some peoples lives are better without you in them. This is something you have to learn.
Your sister got away, why cant you?
What would getting away fix? You would still have the same emotional problems, just in a different area.
Your mother probably thinks you hate her. You just sit in your room all day and never come out.
Where would you be without your friends?
Why do you insist on digging yourself into an emotional hole that seems impossible to climb out of?
Why do you bank so much on finding a girl?
Why arent you being accepted into any of the jobs you apply for?
What have you really got to live for? You come home, sit and watch netflix, sleep, work. Repeat.
You really need an outlet for this shit.
Why does no one seem to care?
What the fuck did you do to mess it up so bad, Brodie? It was going so well.
Did she ever even have time to hurt?
I could feel them coming on. Something I dont feel often. Tears. Now wouldnt be an exception.
You hate your life and you need help.
And with that I stood up... dragging me feet.
When I came back into the house it was like I was in some sort of emotional bubble. I was numb in every sense of the word. And empty spirit. A zombie. It was as if I didnt really exist. It was the most bizarre feeling I have ever had in my entire life.
I was out there, lying in the grass, staring at the sky, thinking... for over an hour.
Im so tired of this.
So so tired of this.