dear god...

[mastaspammip]

 I know i often write in here complaining about life and little stupid things here and there, but if there was anything for me to write about it would be this..

My mom went for a mama-gram and they found a lump. she is having a biopsy on new years eve unless someone cancels and they can get her in before. If she has cancer, i think i will lose it.. and when i say lose it i mean lose it..  breast cancer runs in our family and just the thought is terrifying me and i cant sleep at night..

I cant lose her...

If i become an orphan at 22 i will end my life..

I went through my dad dieing and almost 6 years later it still kills me.. I know that parents are supposed to die before their kids but they are supposed to die when their kids are like 60 and they have taught them everything they need to know.. not when the kids are barely adults themselves and they still have so much to learn..

i can't do it, i cant lose her..

If there is a God he wont do this to my family... my brothers will lose it too..

I was already so depressed with failing my class and graduation being postponed and then if she has cancer i think i may need to be hospitalized or something so I dont do anything stupid to myself...

I CANNOT watch her die..