Situation Normal 3/3
anonymous
March 2 2016, 20:41:55 UTC
“I'm still a maiden,” Liara says carefully. “I'm not even capable of having children yet.”
“Oh, but there was just a war,” says Aria. “In which, I might add, you were personally quite a major player, much as you preferred to let your, hmm, Shepard take the spotlight, while you yourself scuttled about in the shadows. It’s unwise not to take such things into account. Don't you agree?”
Shepard and Liara share another uncertain look.
“So, what,” says Shepard, “you're saying that means we should settle down and adopt?”
Aria opens her mouth, but Aethyta beats her to the punch, saying, “Nah, she means sometimes that kind of planet-shaking galaxy-ending shit screws with biology a bit, makes the life stage transitions happen ahead of or behind schedule.”
“I… didn't know that,” says Liara, sounding unsettled. Under the table, Shepard places a reassuring hand on her knee.
Aethyta adds, “They always go and take it outta the standard sex ed curriculum a couple centuries after every major conflict, too, usually just in time for the next one to roll through and catch a new batch of maidens by surprise. And then we all end up with a shit-ton of accidental post-war babies.”
“Why didn't you mention it before?” says Liara.
“Well, I thought surely Benezia must have told you about it at some point,” says Aethyta. “See, this is why we hold these little meetings though, so stuff like this gets caught before it causes problems.”
“I don't think I'm transitioning early, in any case,” says Liara.
Aria, however, clears her throat and looks significantly at Liara’s chest before meeting her eyes. “Really, you're quite sure?” she says, with another feline smile.
Liara makes an affronted face, her mouth opening and closing soundlessly a couple times.
Shepard says, “No, we are not currently planning on having kids. Now that we’re aware it might be an option, we can discuss it later. In private.”
Aethyta guffaws, and Aria says, “You know, Shepard, traditionally, this is considered to be in private.”
“Really?” says Shepard flatly. “That's nice.”
“Really, Shepard,” says Aria, mimicking her pitch and intonation. In her own usual voice, she adds, “Your privacy is sacrosanct and nothing said here will be repeated elsewhere--not by myself nor by Aethyta. Honestly, you have the combined wisdom--” Aethyta’s laughter, having nearly subsided, picks up again at this-- “the combined wisdom of two matriarchs, with our many collective centuries of experience, at your immediate disposal. Surely you should make good use of it, while we’re all here anyway?”
“And that's the official reason we’re doing this?” says Shepard.
“Oh yes,” says Aria. “Very officially.”
“Because it occurs to me,” says Shepard, “that if I were a thousand years old, then culturally-mandated opportunity to embarrass prospective in-laws would be the sort of thing I'd do for--” she glances at Aethyta, who is still chuckling-- “well, you know. Shits and giggles.”
“Oh, of a certainty,” says Aria, “that too. Really, you have no idea. One of my granddaughters chose to bond with Tevos’s niece just over a century ago. It was probably the most fun I've ever had with all my clothes on.”
“Hey, why wasn't I invited to that one?” says Aethyta. “I just know Tevos is the sort who'd take it way too seriously.”
“As I recall,” says Aria serenely, “you were rather preoccupied at the time with conceiving this one.”
Liara groans and covers her face with both hands as Aethyta starts laughing again.
“Anyway,” says Aria, “welcome to the family, Shepard. Feel free to come to either of us with any lingering questions you may have about the arcane details of asari culture or biology. And be sure to let me know if you change your mind and need a babysitter. I'm sure Bray or Grizz would be delighted to help.”
“Oh, but there was just a war,” says Aria. “In which, I might add, you were personally quite a major player, much as you preferred to let your, hmm, Shepard take the spotlight, while you yourself scuttled about in the shadows. It’s unwise not to take such things into account. Don't you agree?”
Shepard and Liara share another uncertain look.
“So, what,” says Shepard, “you're saying that means we should settle down and adopt?”
Aria opens her mouth, but Aethyta beats her to the punch, saying, “Nah, she means sometimes that kind of planet-shaking galaxy-ending shit screws with biology a bit, makes the life stage transitions happen ahead of or behind schedule.”
“I… didn't know that,” says Liara, sounding unsettled. Under the table, Shepard places a reassuring hand on her knee.
Aethyta adds, “They always go and take it outta the standard sex ed curriculum a couple centuries after every major conflict, too, usually just in time for the next one to roll through and catch a new batch of maidens by surprise. And then we all end up with a shit-ton of accidental post-war babies.”
“Why didn't you mention it before?” says Liara.
“Well, I thought surely Benezia must have told you about it at some point,” says Aethyta. “See, this is why we hold these little meetings though, so stuff like this gets caught before it causes problems.”
“I don't think I'm transitioning early, in any case,” says Liara.
Aria, however, clears her throat and looks significantly at Liara’s chest before meeting her eyes. “Really, you're quite sure?” she says, with another feline smile.
Liara makes an affronted face, her mouth opening and closing soundlessly a couple times.
Shepard says, “No, we are not currently planning on having kids. Now that we’re aware it might be an option, we can discuss it later. In private.”
Aethyta guffaws, and Aria says, “You know, Shepard, traditionally, this is considered to be in private.”
“Really?” says Shepard flatly. “That's nice.”
“Really, Shepard,” says Aria, mimicking her pitch and intonation. In her own usual voice, she adds, “Your privacy is sacrosanct and nothing said here will be repeated elsewhere--not by myself nor by Aethyta. Honestly, you have the combined wisdom--” Aethyta’s laughter, having nearly subsided, picks up again at this-- “the combined wisdom of two matriarchs, with our many collective centuries of experience, at your immediate disposal. Surely you should make good use of it, while we’re all here anyway?”
“And that's the official reason we’re doing this?” says Shepard.
“Oh yes,” says Aria. “Very officially.”
“Because it occurs to me,” says Shepard, “that if I were a thousand years old, then culturally-mandated opportunity to embarrass prospective in-laws would be the sort of thing I'd do for--” she glances at Aethyta, who is still chuckling-- “well, you know. Shits and giggles.”
“Oh, of a certainty,” says Aria, “that too. Really, you have no idea. One of my granddaughters chose to bond with Tevos’s niece just over a century ago. It was probably the most fun I've ever had with all my clothes on.”
“Hey, why wasn't I invited to that one?” says Aethyta. “I just know Tevos is the sort who'd take it way too seriously.”
“As I recall,” says Aria serenely, “you were rather preoccupied at the time with conceiving this one.”
Liara groans and covers her face with both hands as Aethyta starts laughing again.
“Anyway,” says Aria, “welcome to the family, Shepard. Feel free to come to either of us with any lingering questions you may have about the arcane details of asari culture or biology. And be sure to let me know if you change your mind and need a babysitter. I'm sure Bray or Grizz would be delighted to help.”
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment