Dive now. 6/?
anonymous
September 13 2015, 18:14:36 UTC
« Garrus ? »
No reaction.
« Garrus, lift your left hand and put it on top of your head. »
After a couple of seconds wondering what the hell she was going for, he obliges. Slowly, hesitantly, he presses the palm of his hand between his forehead plate and fringe root. No sudden movements, it could give him away. Her eyes widen again.
« I'll be damned. »
She takes a moment to think, looking at the turian in front of her. The deadly and fearless sniper, always so cocky and witty, looking a bit silly with a hand on top of his head. Now that is a sight worth a million creds.
Now is time for step two, though. She needs to give him a hint that he indeed was out for real, a proof that she could induce beahviors without him knowing. Looking around her, she has an idea. If she can order him to move a hand, she probably can order him to walk a few steps. And since carrying him is still beyond her otherwise impressive strength, that should be proof enough.
She stands up and walks towards the foot of the bed. Still standing, she beckons him.
« Garrus, come here and sit on the edge of the bed. »
After a moment of silence, he drops his hand, slowly stands up and starts walking, his back slightly arched, and a subtle stagger in his step. He's doing his best not to overact and probably does a good job at it, since she lost that suspicious look in her eyes. Standing beside her, he slowly turns his back to the bed and lowers himself on it. She sits with him. Part of him is a bit surprised she's already gone far beyond what they agreed on, but he gets what she's trying to do. Fair enough. Nothing to worry about.
Seeing him sat on her bed because he was ordered to, with no hope for him to remember the order itself, has an unexpected effect on her. She never saw it coming. Her face is suddently blank, but inside, a dam is breaking loose.
All at once, she is flooded with memories. Shards of the past when she felt on the verge of explosion, when the pressure, the guilt, the stress became too much to bear. Times when she could feel her inner demons tearing her insides with regrets, loss and helplessness. Mindoir, Torfan, Virmire, Horizon, Vancouver... All those instances when she could remember distinctly wishing she could still time or slip into another dimension and let it all out, because she didn't have that freedom when and where she stood.
All those times, she always imagined she would be the one who would swap dimensions. Never the other way around.
And Garrus, her beautiful friend, her anchor, her precious right hand, the very reason she still has the strength to cling on the last slivers of her sanity, did just that.
Re: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guillemet#Uses
anonymous
September 14 2015, 22:12:11 UTC
And further, the space between the guillemet and the text is classic French usage.
Indeed, while your English is very good, the subtle errors of grammar that remain indicate to me clearly that your name is Emilie, you live in La Rochelle above a boulangerie, but you were educated in Chicoutimi by nuns, who forced you to play outside in the cold Quebec winters.
Also, I am enjoying the story very much and encourage you to continue.
Re: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guillemet#Uses
anonymous
September 15 2015, 12:54:31 UTC
Hehe, Not to far from reality :) I did live in LR for a while! Though I never went to Canada, but I'd love to someday.
I'd love it if you could correct some of the biggest errors I made, it would help a lot. If you're willing and have the time, that is. I always appreciate having opportunities to improve my English.
Anyways, thanks a million for the praise and encouragement, it means a lot. I'm grinning like an idiot right now. ^^
Re: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guillemet#Uses
anonymous
September 15 2015, 17:29:53 UTC
I should make clear, I who speculates upon your La-Rochelle-ness, am not the same Anon as just above. Sorry for any confusion. For my part I just don't have time for proofreading but hopefully another anon will step up!
Re: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guillemet#Uses
anonymous
September 16 2015, 17:29:40 UTC
No problem :) I'm very happy to receive feedback anyway (I can live without corrections, as long as I don't make anyone's eyes bleed), and the more the merrier! ;)
Re: Dive now. 6/?
anonymous
September 14 2015, 19:48:37 UTC
Yeah, sorry, those were the default settings on my word processor. I changed it to English standards, but unfortunately I can't edit what's already posted. I didn't think it would get lost in translation. :/
No reaction.
« Garrus, lift your left hand and put it on top of your head. »
After a couple of seconds wondering what the hell she was going for, he obliges. Slowly, hesitantly, he presses the palm of his hand between his forehead plate and fringe root. No sudden movements, it could give him away. Her eyes widen again.
« I'll be damned. »
She takes a moment to think, looking at the turian in front of her. The deadly and fearless sniper, always so cocky and witty, looking a bit silly with a hand on top of his head. Now that is a sight worth a million creds.
Now is time for step two, though. She needs to give him a hint that he indeed was out for real, a proof that she could induce beahviors without him knowing. Looking around her, she has an idea. If she can order him to move a hand, she probably can order him to walk a few steps. And since carrying him is still beyond her otherwise impressive strength, that should be proof enough.
She stands up and walks towards the foot of the bed. Still standing, she beckons him.
« Garrus, come here and sit on the edge of the bed. »
After a moment of silence, he drops his hand, slowly stands up and starts walking, his back slightly arched, and a subtle stagger in his step. He's doing his best not to overact and probably does a good job at it, since she lost that suspicious look in her eyes. Standing beside her, he slowly turns his back to the bed and lowers himself on it. She sits with him. Part of him is a bit surprised she's already gone far beyond what they agreed on, but he gets what she's trying to do. Fair enough. Nothing to worry about.
Seeing him sat on her bed because he was ordered to, with no hope for him to remember the order itself, has an unexpected effect on her. She never saw it coming. Her face is suddently blank, but inside, a dam is breaking loose.
All at once, she is flooded with memories. Shards of the past when she felt on the verge of explosion, when the pressure, the guilt, the stress became too much to bear. Times when she could feel her inner demons tearing her insides with regrets, loss and helplessness. Mindoir, Torfan, Virmire, Horizon, Vancouver... All those instances when she could remember distinctly wishing she could still time or slip into another dimension and let it all out, because she didn't have that freedom when and where she stood.
All those times, she always imagined she would be the one who would swap dimensions. Never the other way around.
And Garrus, her beautiful friend, her anchor, her precious right hand, the very reason she still has the strength to cling on the last slivers of her sanity, did just that.
Her mouth suddently has a mind on its own.
« Garrus, hug me. »
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Indeed, while your English is very good, the subtle errors of grammar that remain indicate to me clearly that your name is Emilie, you live in La Rochelle above a boulangerie, but you were educated in Chicoutimi by nuns, who forced you to play outside in the cold Quebec winters.
Also, I am enjoying the story very much and encourage you to continue.
Reply
I'd love it if you could correct some of the biggest errors I made, it would help a lot. If you're willing and have the time, that is. I always appreciate having opportunities to improve my English.
Anyways, thanks a million for the praise and encouragement, it means a lot. I'm grinning like an idiot right now. ^^
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