Jane Squared - Part XXI
anonymous
September 10 2015, 21:51:55 UTC
(A!A: I'm really stuck between pure silliness and some hint of plot here. So, I'm just writing what comes to me and I hope whoever is reading this likes it.)
“Do you think everyone’s in love with me?”
“Good to see after everything, that your ego is still intact.”
Jane looked up at Liara and made a face.
“What? That was a serious question?”
Shepard looked back down at her feet. She was carefully trimming her toenails and was actually employing a file. “It was just something Abby said.”
Liara came up closer to Jane, scooting alongside of her so that she was leaning against the desk while Shepard sat in the office chair. “And what did the little viper say?”
“She wasn’t trying to hurt me.”
“She has your wit. You don’t always mean to hurt people, either.”
Jane stopped what she was doing and leaned back in the chair. “Touche.”
The Asari crossed her arms. “So what did she say?”
“Just that. That ‘everyone is in love with me’.”
“And this bothered you?”
Jane stood and began to pace. “Well, yeah.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean: why? Because unless you have a really liberal open bed policy, there’s gonna be a little bit of an issue on this ship.”
Liara smiled and stood. “It’s cute how you think there haven’t been any issues already. Besides, love is not just about sex, Shepard. Do you think Urdnot Wrex wants to sleep with you?”
Shepard frowned, then made a face that indicated that it wasn’t out of the realm of all possibilities and shrugged her shoulders meekly.
Liara returned her frown. “Okay,” she replied. “What about Joker or Dr. Chakwas?”
Jane shrugged again and feigned a hint of embarrassment.
“Really?” Liara didn't look amused. “Well then, how about Legion? EDI? Hackett? Kasumi? Should I even go on?”
Jane tried to stop a bubble of laughter climbing up her throat. She pointed at the extranet terminal and said, “I’m not crazy. You should see some of the things people write about on these free forums.”
Liara’s cool, blue hue flared violet. “I’m an information broker, Shepard, of course I’ve seen those things. That doesn’t mean that I believed them.”
“I’m just saying,” Shepard argued. “You didn’t see Legion’s…you didn’t see the way he was looking at me.”
“He can’t look at you, he doesn’t have eyes.”
“He has that light and those flaps and he keeps telling me that there’s ‘no data available’ when he’s nothing but data. What is that supposed to mean?”
“I think it means that it’s good we’re headed to the Citadel. It sounds like you could use some shore leave.”
“Yeah,” Jane replied absently and ran her fingers through her hair. “That’d be good, to…”
“Get away from everyone,” Liara clarified. “I was not suggesting a Normandy orgy.”
“Right, good. Yes. That’s what I thought.”
Liara shook her head and went back to her terminal while Shepard continued to groom her toes.
The pair was quiet for a long while until Shepard suddenly snapped her fingers and said, “Anderson. Yes!” She repeated excitedly, pointing her nail file at Liara in triumph. “Anderson,” she said definitively. “Totally loves me. Absolutely no sex. No way.”
Jane went back to grooming her toes and there was a long pause before Liara replied, “Yes, we’ll go with that.”
Shepard stopped what she was doing and jerked her head in Liara’s direction. She could easily read the look on her lover’s face. Jane knew that she had never read anything about Anderson, but Liara was the Shadow Broker, if it was out there, she would know about it. “What?” Shepard asked. “No. Not Anderson? That’s just…just…oh my god.”
“Oh, Shepard. Don’t think about it. Do you know how many deranged beings there are in this universe? Just because someone thinks of something and writes it down, doesn’t make it true. And it certainly doesn’t mean it demands any of your time or attention.”
“Yeah,” Jane replied halfheartedly.
“Stay in your happy place, sweetheart,” Liara implored. “Total love. No sex. Don’t think about the other. Really. You don’t want to know.”
“Uh-hum,” Jane replied absentmindedly, all the while knowing full well what her next private extranet search was going to be…
“Do you think everyone’s in love with me?”
“Good to see after everything, that your ego is still intact.”
Jane looked up at Liara and made a face.
“What? That was a serious question?”
Shepard looked back down at her feet. She was carefully trimming her toenails and was actually employing a file. “It was just something Abby said.”
Liara came up closer to Jane, scooting alongside of her so that she was leaning against the desk while Shepard sat in the office chair. “And what did the little viper say?”
“She wasn’t trying to hurt me.”
“She has your wit. You don’t always mean to hurt people, either.”
Jane stopped what she was doing and leaned back in the chair. “Touche.”
The Asari crossed her arms. “So what did she say?”
“Just that. That ‘everyone is in love with me’.”
“And this bothered you?”
Jane stood and began to pace. “Well, yeah.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean: why? Because unless you have a really liberal open bed policy, there’s gonna be a little bit of an issue on this ship.”
Liara smiled and stood. “It’s cute how you think there haven’t been any issues already. Besides, love is not just about sex, Shepard. Do you think Urdnot Wrex wants to sleep with you?”
Shepard frowned, then made a face that indicated that it wasn’t out of the realm of all possibilities and shrugged her shoulders meekly.
Liara returned her frown. “Okay,” she replied. “What about Joker or Dr. Chakwas?”
Jane shrugged again and feigned a hint of embarrassment.
“Really?” Liara didn't look amused. “Well then, how about Legion? EDI? Hackett? Kasumi? Should I even go on?”
Jane tried to stop a bubble of laughter climbing up her throat. She pointed at the extranet terminal and said, “I’m not crazy. You should see some of the things people write about on these free forums.”
Liara’s cool, blue hue flared violet. “I’m an information broker, Shepard, of course I’ve seen those things. That doesn’t mean that I believed them.”
“I’m just saying,” Shepard argued. “You didn’t see Legion’s…you didn’t see the way he was looking at me.”
“He can’t look at you, he doesn’t have eyes.”
“He has that light and those flaps and he keeps telling me that there’s ‘no data available’ when he’s nothing but data. What is that supposed to mean?”
“I think it means that it’s good we’re headed to the Citadel. It sounds like you could use some shore leave.”
“Yeah,” Jane replied absently and ran her fingers through her hair. “That’d be good, to…”
“Get away from everyone,” Liara clarified. “I was not suggesting a Normandy orgy.”
“Right, good. Yes. That’s what I thought.”
Liara shook her head and went back to her terminal while Shepard continued to groom her toes.
The pair was quiet for a long while until Shepard suddenly snapped her fingers and said, “Anderson. Yes!” She repeated excitedly, pointing her nail file at Liara in triumph. “Anderson,” she said definitively. “Totally loves me. Absolutely no sex. No way.”
Jane went back to grooming her toes and there was a long pause before Liara replied, “Yes, we’ll go with that.”
Shepard stopped what she was doing and jerked her head in Liara’s direction. She could easily read the look on her lover’s face. Jane knew that she had never read anything about Anderson, but Liara was the Shadow Broker, if it was out there, she would know about it. “What?” Shepard asked. “No. Not Anderson? That’s just…just…oh my god.”
“Oh, Shepard. Don’t think about it. Do you know how many deranged beings there are in this universe? Just because someone thinks of something and writes it down, doesn’t make it true. And it certainly doesn’t mean it demands any of your time or attention.”
“Yeah,” Jane replied halfheartedly.
“Stay in your happy place, sweetheart,” Liara implored. “Total love. No sex. Don’t think about the other. Really. You don’t want to know.”
“Uh-hum,” Jane replied absentmindedly, all the while knowing full well what her next private extranet search was going to be…
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