Jane Squared - Part XIV
anonymous
August 28 2015, 03:59:41 UTC
“I didn’t-” Jane stopped and stared at Liara. “Is that what this is all about? You’re jealous of Garrus-”
“I am not jealous of Garrus-”
“I told you, he’s not… He’s…,” she stopped and ran her fingers through her hair and turned away, her thoughts going back to her recollections from this morning. She drew in another deep breath and let it out. “He’s my best friend,” she whispered, not knowing what else to say and not understanding why she had to apologize for that. This whole long-term relationship thing was new to her. For all she knew she was doing it all wrong. It wasn’t like any of her background or her training or even her goddamn sixth sense had prepared her for this. She just talked when she wanted to talk and she didn’t when she didn’t want to. Was that so wrong?
Liara came up behind Shepard and placed her hands on her shoulders. “I’m not jealous of Garrus,” she said. “At least not in that way.”
Jane turned around and met Liara’s gaze.
“There’s just,” the Asari said, her voice soft and thoughtful. “There’s just so little of you that doesn’t belong to your friends and your crew, to the Alliance and to the entire universe, for that matter.” Liara took her hand and trailed the backs of her fingers against Jane’s cheek. “Selfishly and perhaps unfairly, I would just like some special part of you all to myself.”
Jane took Liara’s hand into her own. “You’ve got that.”
“I know and I apologize for my tirade. It wasn’t fair. I was upset. Jane,” Liara stopped and softened her eyes, squeezing Jane’s hand with her own. “You have memories of your mother?”
Immediately Jane felt herself tense up. Liara had been right, she was a fairly closed book when it came to talking about these things. But she forced herself to relax and to answer, “They’re very vague, really, but yes.” She took a breath and swallowed. “Yes, I remember her.”
“And what happened? How did you end up on the streets? I had always assumed-”
Jane shut her eyes. Here, down this path were feelings and memories long-suppressed and it was a small and scared Jane Shepard that lived there. The recurring nightmares of the boy that she could not save were somehow entrenched and intertwined with the cold, blankness that lied deep within her, deep where the memories of her mother lay hidden. “They took me away,” she said, opening her eyes and then dropping Liara’s hand and turning away. “Against my will.” She remembered how she had felt so powerless then and how she had vowed never to feel that way again.
“Jane, do you think she could still-”
She spun around and pointed at Liara, stopping the Asari mid-thought and feeling a fire flare up in her that surprised her. “Don’t,” she said, nearly growling. “Don’t even think about trying to dig into this, T’Soni. This isn’t some archeological dig site for you to excavate. Some things are better off just staying where they are. Staying buried.”
Liara stared at her for a long moment, seemingly unperturbed by Jane’s outburst. “Can I ask why?” She finally said, taking a step towards her. “Seeing that you all but forced me to confront my own-”
“This is different and you know it. Aethyta was standing ten feet away from you. My mother-”
“Your mother could be looking for you, watching you from afar like-”
“Goddamnit, Liara, don’t,” Jane nearly screamed. “Just leave it,” she said, turning around and heading back out the door. “Just for fucking once please just leave it a-fucking-lone.”
“I am not jealous of Garrus-”
“I told you, he’s not… He’s…,” she stopped and ran her fingers through her hair and turned away, her thoughts going back to her recollections from this morning. She drew in another deep breath and let it out. “He’s my best friend,” she whispered, not knowing what else to say and not understanding why she had to apologize for that. This whole long-term relationship thing was new to her. For all she knew she was doing it all wrong. It wasn’t like any of her background or her training or even her goddamn sixth sense had prepared her for this. She just talked when she wanted to talk and she didn’t when she didn’t want to. Was that so wrong?
Liara came up behind Shepard and placed her hands on her shoulders. “I’m not jealous of Garrus,” she said. “At least not in that way.”
Jane turned around and met Liara’s gaze.
“There’s just,” the Asari said, her voice soft and thoughtful. “There’s just so little of you that doesn’t belong to your friends and your crew, to the Alliance and to the entire universe, for that matter.” Liara took her hand and trailed the backs of her fingers against Jane’s cheek. “Selfishly and perhaps unfairly, I would just like some special part of you all to myself.”
Jane took Liara’s hand into her own. “You’ve got that.”
“I know and I apologize for my tirade. It wasn’t fair. I was upset. Jane,” Liara stopped and softened her eyes, squeezing Jane’s hand with her own. “You have memories of your mother?”
Immediately Jane felt herself tense up. Liara had been right, she was a fairly closed book when it came to talking about these things. But she forced herself to relax and to answer, “They’re very vague, really, but yes.” She took a breath and swallowed. “Yes, I remember her.”
“And what happened? How did you end up on the streets? I had always assumed-”
Jane shut her eyes. Here, down this path were feelings and memories long-suppressed and it was a small and scared Jane Shepard that lived there. The recurring nightmares of the boy that she could not save were somehow entrenched and intertwined with the cold, blankness that lied deep within her, deep where the memories of her mother lay hidden. “They took me away,” she said, opening her eyes and then dropping Liara’s hand and turning away. “Against my will.” She remembered how she had felt so powerless then and how she had vowed never to feel that way again.
“Jane, do you think she could still-”
She spun around and pointed at Liara, stopping the Asari mid-thought and feeling a fire flare up in her that surprised her. “Don’t,” she said, nearly growling. “Don’t even think about trying to dig into this, T’Soni. This isn’t some archeological dig site for you to excavate. Some things are better off just staying where they are. Staying buried.”
Liara stared at her for a long moment, seemingly unperturbed by Jane’s outburst. “Can I ask why?” She finally said, taking a step towards her. “Seeing that you all but forced me to confront my own-”
“This is different and you know it. Aethyta was standing ten feet away from you. My mother-”
“Your mother could be looking for you, watching you from afar like-”
“Goddamnit, Liara, don’t,” Jane nearly screamed. “Just leave it,” she said, turning around and heading back out the door. “Just for fucking once please just leave it a-fucking-lone.”
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