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Mass Effect Kink Meme: PART XXII
Jun 23, 2014 13:30
The Mass Effect Kink Meme has moved to Dreamwidth. The Dreamwidth URL for this part is:
https://masseffectkink.dreamwidth.org/8063.html
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Painting the Target
anonymous
June 26 2014, 23:10:15 UTC
((First fic in this entire fandom and it's for one of the silliest prompts I've ever seen. This is wonderful. :D
Also, first ever anything at a kinkmeme. Ever. Eep.))
--
“Shepard, I'm really not sure I want to see this.”
“What's the matter, Garrus? Afraid you won't measure up?”
“...what? No, that's--”
“I love you, but if you think you have Fornax-grade equipment, you're wrong.”
“Thank the Spirits for that.”
“Yeah. I like my vagina nice and unruptured, thanks.”
“...Wonderful mental images aside, I'm actually concerned about being able to look my friends in the eye ever again.”
“We're making fun of it, aren't we? We're... defending their honour. Or something.”
“You're not letting me out of this, are you.”
“Not a chance, Vakarian.”
-
“Those are the worst fake scars I've ever seen.”
“On me or on you?”
“On everyone-wait. This is the Saren mission. I didn't even have those yet.”
“Are you asking for historical accuracy from a vid called 'Mass Erect'?”
“...I suppose not. But still. What are they going to do about Archang-is that supposed to be--”
“...oh god.”
“Shepard. Just to be clear. Is that... particularly endowed man with the full head of hair supposed to be Pressly?”
“Oh god.”
“And is Pressly bending Anderson over the galaxy map and encouraging him to, quote, 'fuck the geth like I'm fucking you'?”
“Oh god.”
“And is this only in the first five minutes?”
“...shit.”
“No, no. They'll save that for the ten-minute mark at least.”
-
“Okay, Garrus. What's wrong.”
“Nothing.”
“You've been sitting there, whirring, ever since-wait. Wait. Are you-no. You can't be.”
“...”
“...Are you jealous right now?”
“...”
“You are. You--”
“And you're laughing.”
“It's funny!”
“...”
“You have to admit, it's a little funny.”
“...He doesn't even look like me.”
“At least he's still got your skill with headshots.”
“Very funny, Shepard.”
“Knew you'd see things my way.”
-
“That is, by far, the largest emergency induction port I have ever seen.”
“...”
“How do you suppose she even sanitised that? Quarians can't even hug each other without getting infections, and-Shepard?”
“Not so funny anymore.”
“Would it make you feel better if you joined-oh. Well. ...I didn't think you actually would.”
“Didn't think I would try and seduce Saren away from the Reapers, either.”
“Point taken.”
-
“Did porn star me just strip naked, sprawl across your console, and suggest that you 'calibrate' her?”
“Um. Yes.”
“Damn. Wish I'd thought of that.”
“It, ah. Would have worked. Probably.”
“...You're a little turned on right now, aren't you?”
“Uh. ...Is there an answer that doesn't make it sound like I was lying about this whole human fetish... thing?”
“Mm. That one works.”
“Oh. Good.”
“Kinda... vocal, isn't she?”
“It's really ruining it for me. You don't sound like that at all.”
“You've made me scream before, Vakarian. Forget about that?”
“Never. ...But, if you'd like, I could always use a refresher.”
“Well, you can't tell me why she doesn't sound like me unless you remember exactly what I sound like, can you?”
“...Pause the vid?”
“Meh. I know how it ends.”
“Maybe not. Maybe you seduce the Reapers into surrendering and--”
“I can think of a lot of things that mouth could be doing right now. Wanna maybe try some of them instead?”
“Absolutely, love.”
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Re: Painting the Target
anonymous
June 27 2014, 02:01:57 UTC
Haha this is great! I love that it's just script, it works really well. Great job for your first ME fan fic!
Reply
Re: Painting the Target
anonymous
June 27 2014, 02:10:04 UTC
Hilarious and cute. Well done!
Reply
Re: Painting the Target
anonymous
July 2 2014, 20:16:55 UTC
this was funny. The simple dialogue only let you fantasize about what they were watching. Great fill.
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Up
Also, first ever anything at a kinkmeme. Ever. Eep.))
--
“Shepard, I'm really not sure I want to see this.”
“What's the matter, Garrus? Afraid you won't measure up?”
“...what? No, that's--”
“I love you, but if you think you have Fornax-grade equipment, you're wrong.”
“Thank the Spirits for that.”
“Yeah. I like my vagina nice and unruptured, thanks.”
“...Wonderful mental images aside, I'm actually concerned about being able to look my friends in the eye ever again.”
“We're making fun of it, aren't we? We're... defending their honour. Or something.”
“You're not letting me out of this, are you.”
“Not a chance, Vakarian.”
-
“Those are the worst fake scars I've ever seen.”
“On me or on you?”
“On everyone-wait. This is the Saren mission. I didn't even have those yet.”
“Are you asking for historical accuracy from a vid called 'Mass Erect'?”
“...I suppose not. But still. What are they going to do about Archang-is that supposed to be--”
“...oh god.”
“Shepard. Just to be clear. Is that... particularly endowed man with the full head of hair supposed to be Pressly?”
“Oh god.”
“And is Pressly bending Anderson over the galaxy map and encouraging him to, quote, 'fuck the geth like I'm fucking you'?”
“Oh god.”
“And is this only in the first five minutes?”
“...shit.”
“No, no. They'll save that for the ten-minute mark at least.”
-
“Okay, Garrus. What's wrong.”
“Nothing.”
“You've been sitting there, whirring, ever since-wait. Wait. Are you-no. You can't be.”
“...”
“...Are you jealous right now?”
“...”
“You are. You--”
“And you're laughing.”
“It's funny!”
“...”
“You have to admit, it's a little funny.”
“...He doesn't even look like me.”
“At least he's still got your skill with headshots.”
“Very funny, Shepard.”
“Knew you'd see things my way.”
-
“That is, by far, the largest emergency induction port I have ever seen.”
“...”
“How do you suppose she even sanitised that? Quarians can't even hug each other without getting infections, and-Shepard?”
“Not so funny anymore.”
“Would it make you feel better if you joined-oh. Well. ...I didn't think you actually would.”
“Didn't think I would try and seduce Saren away from the Reapers, either.”
“Point taken.”
-
“Did porn star me just strip naked, sprawl across your console, and suggest that you 'calibrate' her?”
“Um. Yes.”
“Damn. Wish I'd thought of that.”
“It, ah. Would have worked. Probably.”
“...You're a little turned on right now, aren't you?”
“Uh. ...Is there an answer that doesn't make it sound like I was lying about this whole human fetish... thing?”
“Mm. That one works.”
“Oh. Good.”
“Kinda... vocal, isn't she?”
“It's really ruining it for me. You don't sound like that at all.”
“You've made me scream before, Vakarian. Forget about that?”
“Never. ...But, if you'd like, I could always use a refresher.”
“Well, you can't tell me why she doesn't sound like me unless you remember exactly what I sound like, can you?”
“...Pause the vid?”
“Meh. I know how it ends.”
“Maybe not. Maybe you seduce the Reapers into surrendering and--”
“I can think of a lot of things that mouth could be doing right now. Wanna maybe try some of them instead?”
“Absolutely, love.”
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