Take My Hand, 1/? (Femshep/Saren AU)
anonymous
November 16 2014, 12:37:35 UTC
Hello, anons! So this fill Is for an old prompt.
"Femshep/Saren: Don't care about the hows or whys, just something fluffy and sweet, please!
An additional sexy would be fine too."
This takes place right after ME3 in an AU where Saren survived ME1, worked with Shepard and entered a relationship with her. There are no sex scenes yet, but they will be coming.
Shepard woke in a hazy softness. She had trouble focusing her eyes, seeing only vague grey shapes, and felt oddly unperturbed by this.
Fine. Probably sedated. Probably in a hospital. That made sense, considering the last thing she remembered was the Crucible exploding around her. Fire. Falling, and searing pain along her side that brought blackness with it.
She concentrated on what her fingers could tell her instead. They felt oddly numb, but she was definitely laying on a mattress. She could hear the rustle of the sheets, but only dimly, as if they were much further away than her fingertips.
"Shepard?"
"I'm... in a bed." she said, helpfully.
She felt the snort of muffled laughter along her cheek more than she heard it. "So. The savior of the galaxy's first words upon regaining consciousness. Truly inspiring."
She frowned and opened her eyes again, squinting. That blob beside her had a turian silhouette, and she only knew of one with two long spines extending from his face. She reached out her hand towards him and felt him catch it in his own.
"Saren? What happened...?"
His mandibles twitched in something like a smile. "The war is over, Shepard. The Reapers are gone, and since I know you're going to ask, your crew is fine. The Normandy is fine, your Admiral Hackett is fine. You, on the other hand, just barely made it. How do you feel?"
She settled against her pillows and didn't answer him for awhile, digesting this information.
Over. It was done. They had actually won. She hadn't been sure at all that her decisions in the end had had any effect on the battle raging below in London, but evidently, they had.
She expected to feel relieved, or at the very least, happy. Instead she only felt a sort of numbness, and a sudden desire to take a very long walk outside, on her own.
Saren's hand twitched on hers impatiently, and she looked over at him. "Can't see very well. Feel sort of floaty. Hands feel funny."
"They're wrapped, you ridiculous creature. Much of you is, in fact." She saw his omni-tool light up, and tried to bring it into focus. "Doctor, she's awake. She seems alert enough, though she says she feels 'sort of floaty' and cannot see well." He paused, and she could hear Chakwas's voice come through.
"Thank you, Mr. Arterius. Please make sure she remains in bed, and I will be there shortly." said the doctor.
Shepard blinked. "I'm not going anywhere. I don't think."
"You are correct. You're not, not in your condition." He rose from his chair and paused when he felt her hand close around his wrist.
"Saren. Are you... with the Reapers gone, are you okay?" she asked, insistently tugging him closer.
He turned his hand in her grip so that he could grasp her wrist in return. "I am better than I've been for a very long time. Don't worry. Focus on your own recovery. We will talk more later."
"Yeah, but-" Shepard began, only to be interrupted when Chakwas arrived, pushing a cart of medical supplies in front of her. She nodded briskly at Saren, who slipped his hand from Shepard's and nodded in return.
"I trust you're holding up well, Mr. Arterius?" the doctor asked, checking over Shepard's readouts. "I gave you permission to sit up with the Commander, but you remember it was on the condition that you would go back to your room if your injuries were bothering you."
Saren huffed. "I am fine. You should be more concerned with her."
"I am plenty concerned, my dear turian." Saren huffed. "However, you are my patient as well, and it would be remiss of me to not ask about your well being."
"I'm -fine.- Let me know if I am needed." Both women watched with amusement as he huffed right out the door.
"What's gotten up his ass?" Shepard asked, watching the doctor check the adhesive on a couple of electrodes.
Take My Hand, 2/?
anonymous
November 16 2014, 12:41:29 UTC
"Oh, he just hates to be fussed over, Commander. Your vision, by the way, will clear up on its own. We had to replace some of your cybernetics, and the delayed calibration is simply due to the extent of your injuries. They were quite impressive, by the way. Please do not ever do that again."
Shepard grinned sharply. "I'll try my best, but you know me. What about my hearing? You sound sort of like you're underwater."
"The same as your vision. Urdnot Wrex has composed a few odes to the scars you'll have. You won't have trouble hearing -those- at any rate. How are you feeling otherwise?"
"Okay, I guess. Kind of... numb, hearing that the war is over. Glad that it is, I just... wish I felt something more about it."
Chakwas smoothed the thin blanket covering her Commander. "Of course you are. This war defined your life for two years. When any great undertaking is finished, we feel a sort of emptiness where it once was. You are not a terrible person for not leaping from your bed with joy."
Shepard tried to let this sink in. "Did you feel it?"
"Not at first. Too much to do. As time passed... yes, I think I did, though tempered by the immediate relief of helping others recover. I do suggest you remain active and involved, by the way. It won't do you any good to simply lay here once I've cleared you to be up and about."
"When will that be?"
"Depends on how well you respond to a little physical therapy. Mr. Arterius has already asked, -demanded-, to help you through it, by the way.
"For someone who doesn't like others fussing over him, he sure as hell can raise a stink, huh? Okay. I'll keep it in mind."
"Good. Now, do you think you could manage a little solid food?"
Shepard smiled.
For awhile, the days passed in a lazy doze for Shepard. Warm light came in through her window every sunrise (she'd asked Garrus to lighten the dimmed panes because she was so determined to see the sun after that hellish London night) and her friends and allies regularly came to see her in a steady stream. As Chakwas had said, listening to them talk was helping her spirit fill up again. There was rebuilding. Lines of communication were re-opening. Order was being restored. There was embarrassing talk of Shepard being made Admiral.
"I don't want it." she'd said. "That's not why I took this mission."
Hackett scratched briefly at the scar on his face. "Yeah. I figured you'd say that. This isn't about just a promotion, Shepard. You and your crew saved every spark of life in the galaxy, and they want to celebrate you. It's a key part of recovery, thanking the ones who helped us."
"You're telling me to swallow it so everyone else will feel better."
"That's a little unfair, Shepard. You did this for everyone else. This goes way beyond the call of duty, this is the making of a myth. Keeping you a commander would be ridiculous."
Shepard fiddled with the edge of her blanket. "I really just wanted to retire, sir."
Hackett nodded. "I expected that too. And you can, but after the ceremony."
She sighed, then looked back at him with a smirk, accented with a healing scab. "One more mission, is that it?"
"You could say that. Or to put it more bluntly, you're gonna take my thank you and like it."
Take My Hand, 3/?
anonymous
November 16 2014, 12:45:42 UTC
Shepard woke with a start as Saren poked her with a datapad. She swore at him and swung her pillow, which he caught with an unfortunate shredding noise. He stared at her patiently through the snowy stuffing.
"You are better. Your reflexes have recovered, you can see well enough to focus on a target, and your energy levels allow you to see several visitors a day." he said, passing her the datapad with his right arm.
His left... wasn't there?
"What happened?!" Shepard yelled, grabbing at him.
"Calm yourself, Shepard. What do you think happened? When the Reapers were beaten, several of my cybernetics were... damaged as a result. You've only just noticed it was missing?"
"I couldn't see you clearly before. Come here, let me get a look."
Saren rolled his eyes. "For what? Do you happen to have a new prosthetic just laying about?" he said, but sat at her side readily enough. Shepard took hold of the edges of his cowl and turned him this way and that, taking stock of all the changes in him.
The first thing she noticed was the lack of blue lights. His eyes no longer glowed either, and upon a second look, she realized that they had actually been replaced entirely.
The tubing that had once woven in and out of him was gone too, even the ones that had attached to the back of his skull. Everywhere that was missing a tube was covered with bandaging instead, most of it on his left side where his geth arm had once been.
There were new dark blue scars everywhere on him, everywhere the Reapers had once touched. Shepard gently stroked one that ran up the side of his neck.
"You must have been in pretty bad shape."
Saren watched her fingers intertwine with his and gave a soft rumble in his chest. "No one was more surprised to find that I had lived than I. I did not expect the doctor to be so determined to save me."
"Why?"
Saren's new eyes rose to meet hers. "I would not have done it. The resources, the time required... And then, considering my own history with the Reapers..."
Shepard pulled him close suddenly just then, shutting him up with a kiss. "Well. I'm glad she did."
His mandibles clicked with amusement. "Yes. I suppose I am as well."
"So what's going to happen with your arm? New prosthetic?"
"She has one on its way. In the meantime, we can focus on your physical therapy. My goal is to get you back to fighting shape," and here he paused to flick a mandible at her, "and perhaps better than before, if you think you can handle my training again."
She tapped her fist against his chin, smiling. "Last time ended with you and me, in my bed. How could we possibly top that?"
Saren gave her a patient look, then leaned in to rest his forehead on hers, his eyes closed. When he stayed there without saying anything more, she prodded him gently, wondering if he'd fallen asleep.
"It's nothing, Shepard. It..." He pulled back and pressed the side of his face to hers. "It was... very boring, watching you sleep."
She snorted. Ah, right. That was Sarenese for "I missed you very much, please never leave me again."
He stayed like that for bit longer, then stood up, pulling gently at her hand. "It's time you got back on your feet, Shepard. The doctor wishes to know if you're feeling strong enough to walk again."
"I guess there's one way to find out."
Gingerly she swung her legs out and placed her feet on the floor. Saren hovered nearby with his hand slightly extended in case she needed him as she stood, and her legs almost immediately gave out. Saren caught her with his one arm and growled softly.
"You are not ready." he said.
"The hell I'm not," she answered with sudden heat. "Help me or get out of my way, Arterius!"
Saren gave her a once over, considering those options. He knew very well that once Shepard's mind was fixed on something, she would pursue it. There was no point in trying to dissuade her. The best he could do would be to support her when she needed him, and he was sure she would.
Take My Hand, 4/?
anonymous
November 16 2014, 12:49:17 UTC
He nodded, slowly. "Very well. I will come for you every other day, and you will rest in between. I will tolerate no arguments," he said as she opened her mouth, "as it will be counterproductive if your body does not have time to recuperate. I am again your mentor and I will have your obedience."
Shepard glared at him for a long time, and when his ice wall of a face showed no signs of thaw, she softened into a small smile.
"You know, it's kind of... sexy, when you talk like that." she said.
Saren frowned hugely and carted her off to begin their work.
*********
"Damn it."
"Try again, Shepard. Take your time."
Days had passed. Shepard was gripping the parallel bars, her arms shaking and slick with sweat. Saren was standing at the other end, observing with his arms crossed.
Shepard couldn't help thinking that merely walking wouldn't have been nearly enough to make her break into a sweat before. Probably not a helpful thought, but she couldn't let it go. It twined itself around her thoughts and trickled into her hands. She squeezed the bars harder as though to crush the thought and set her jaw, her breath coming in a hiss as she willed herself to take a step. MOVE, she screamed internally, ordering her legs to do what they had always done on their own.
A step. She adjusted her grip on the bars. Her foot dragged, nothing like the confident stride she'd once had, caught on the mat, she fell--
Saren leapt forward and caught her, just as he had done the first time she'd fallen when trying to stand again, just as he had done every time after. Shepard screamed at him in sudden rage, hitting him in the chest with both fists. This too, he bore patiently, and snagged her wrists in one hand.
"You have nowhere to be, Shepard," he said to her, with infuriating calm. "No appointments, no worlds to save. There is no rush, no one needs you to walk right now."
"Ineed it, you bastard!" she yelled. "Ineed myself to walk, do you get that?! I need to stop being... this! Weak!"
He weathered the force of her glare and stared at her.
"Weak? You think yourself weak?"
"If you're going to give me a fucking pep talk-"
He tapped his forehead against hers, with a bit more force than usual.
"I don't bother with such things. What I say is truth. You are not weak. We exist today because of you. Your crew exists, your homeworld exists. You have led us all to beat the greatest threat the galaxy has ever known. And yet you say you are weak because of this? Because you were hurt, and need to recover?"
She rolled her eyes at him. "I know what you're trying to do, I've done it with soldiers hundreds of times-"
Saren put his hand over her mouth with an exasperated expression. "May I finish? I need you to understand and accept this. You are not weak for being unable to walk on your first try."
"This isn't my first try!" she said, pulling his hand away. "We've been at this for days-"
He stood abruptly, letting her flop to the floor.
"I should not have to tell you this, Shepard. You have lived most of your life in the military. You know that people are hurt. Recovery is not simple. You are not special, you are no different from any wounded creature."
"Saren, I swear to god-"
He knelt down and grasped her shoulders, pulling her up to look at him. "You are only weak if you choose to give up, and I don't believe that is in your nature. That being true, are you going to continue sniveling like a quarian, or are we going to get back to work?"
She narrowed her eyes at him. "I can't complain about not being able to walk?"
Re: Take My Hand, 4/?
anonymous
November 16 2014, 12:53:39 UTC
"You may." he replied, "but you are not allowed to insult yourself in my presence. You are, after all, mine, and I don't tolerate abuse of what's mine."
Shepard snorted loudly. "You give the worst pep talks."
He flicked his mandibles at her in amusement. "Most of my Spectre career was solo work. Perhaps I'm simply out of practice."
"Perhaps you're an idiot. Alright, point taken. Help me up."
Their sessions together went on for quite some time. Under Chakwas and Saren's supervision, Shepard was back on her feet, but still wasn't cleared for anything more strenuous than short walks. If she tried anything more, she was quickly cowed into submission by the joined turian and human glares.
It was during one of these walks that found her outside of Saren's own hospital room, quietly sitting on the edge of his bed and slowly flexing his new artificial arm, holding a small weight. Shepard quietly knocked on the doorframe.
"I could hear you coming from miles away, Shepard. We will have to work on your stealth. Enter."
"I can never catch a break with you, can I?" she said, settling beside him on the bed.
"I don't coddle, you know that. Did you want something?"
She watched him put down the weight, noting that it was much less than he was usually able to lift. He gave a small grunt and uncomfortably rubbed where the prosthetic joined to his body.
"... I've been really terrible, haven't I?" she said after a brief silence.
"You will have to specify when, Shepard." came the response, one mandible quirked in a smirk.
"I meant... all this time you've been helping me, getting me back into shape with me giving you a terrible attitude, and I never even thought of how you're getting along. I'm not the only one recovering."
Saren didn't answer for awhile, trying to choose his next words carefully. He wasn't easily given to displays of emotion, and when it came to talkingabout his feelings, well, he was frankly piss poor at it. He suspected that his relationship with Shepard was only lasting as long as it did because of her patience, and her seemingly supernatural ability to get into his head.
Still, he knew she responded well when he made the Herculean effort to show her, tell her how he felt about her, and that it was... important to her that he tried.
It was with that in mind that he gave her a sidelong look. "It's nothing, Shepard. I... you've done enough for me. It's my turn to help you."
She raised an eyebrow in response. Oh, infuriating human. She knew perfectly well what he meant, she just wanted... elaboration.
Take My Hand, 5/?
anonymous
November 16 2014, 12:54:59 UTC
Someday I'll get the hand of LJ's character limits.
"You led the assault on the Reapers, Shepard. You set me free. I am myself again, onlymyself. My thoughts, my will, my dreams are my own. I. My. Mine. I can say these words and actually meanthem now, Shepard. I am Saren Arterius, and only Saren Arterius, and it is because of you."
He reached out and grabbed the little weight again, holding it out for her to see.
"This little thing, Shepard. Its weight gives me some trouble, because I am not yet used to this arm. It gives me discomfort at night when I sleep and yesterday I spilled my tea when its temperature sensors were too sensitive. So what? I am free to experience all this on my own, and even these small annoyances are precious to me because they are mine Why should I burden you with them, when it is you who enabled me to be here, as myself?"
Shepard was at a total loss for words as he set the weight down again and took her hand in both of his. His mandibles wavered in a tentative smile as his synthetic fingers gently rubbed over her knuckles.
"Astonishing. You grant me freedom and you are surprised at the breadth of my gratitude? You are a singularly ridiculous creature, Shepard."
She looked down at their hands, at the way the dark metal of his fingers traced abstract patterns on her skin, at how its movements weren't quite perfect. This finger moved a bit too slowly, that one jerked a bit and lacked organic movement. She cradled the artificial hand in hers and kissed the back of it, getting a surprised grunt in return.
"I still want to do something for you, Saren."
He huffed. "Stubborn creature. Fine." He paused. "I can't think of anything."
"... Do you want a handjob?"
The unplated parts of his neck blushed blue and he flailed at her irritably. "NO. ... Perhaps. N-not now!" he amended hurriedly as she moved towards him. "When we're out of this place!"
She grinned at him. "Alright, alright. Future handjob. Is there -anything- I could do for you? Right now?"
He considered her carefully, the bright color slowly fading. "... Yes. I think so." He reached out with his true hand, carefully pushing a bit of her hair from her face, and stroked the skin of her cheek. "Be... patient with me. When we are both fully recovered, I wish to show you something. However, I admit to having some difficulty in regaining my manual dexterity with this prosthetic, and I may require your... assistance." He smirked at her, infuriatingly. "I take to recovery about as graciously as you."
She turned her head to kiss his palm. "Well then. I think we've got quite a full schedule ahead of us."
Re: Take My Hand, 5/?
anonymous
November 16 2014, 18:01:19 UTC
oooh, I love this! I'm not the OP, but I am going to adore this forever and ever and ever! There isn't enough Saren in the world, and this satisfies that itch perfectly.
Re: Take My Hand, 5/?
anonymous
November 18 2014, 02:45:49 UTC
A!A here. Thank you both for the comments! I love Saren, I also wish there was more of him on the kink meme.
I just wanted to let you know that I'll be out of town this week and part of next week, and then the holidays begin, so I'll probably start updating this in December. Not too far off!
"Femshep/Saren: Don't care about the hows or whys, just something fluffy and sweet, please!
An additional sexy would be fine too."
This takes place right after ME3 in an AU where Saren survived ME1, worked with Shepard and entered a relationship with her. There are no sex scenes yet, but they will be coming.
Shepard woke in a hazy softness. She had trouble focusing her eyes, seeing only vague grey shapes, and felt oddly unperturbed by this.
Fine. Probably sedated. Probably in a hospital. That made sense, considering the last thing she remembered was the Crucible exploding around her. Fire. Falling, and searing pain along her side that brought blackness with it.
She concentrated on what her fingers could tell her instead. They felt oddly numb, but she was definitely laying on a mattress. She could hear the rustle of the sheets, but only dimly, as if they were much further away than her fingertips.
"Shepard?"
"I'm... in a bed." she said, helpfully.
She felt the snort of muffled laughter along her cheek more than she heard it. "So. The savior of the galaxy's first words upon regaining consciousness. Truly inspiring."
She frowned and opened her eyes again, squinting. That blob beside her had a turian silhouette, and she only knew of one with two long spines extending from his face. She reached out her hand towards him and felt him catch it in his own.
"Saren? What happened...?"
His mandibles twitched in something like a smile. "The war is over, Shepard. The Reapers are gone, and since I know you're going to ask, your crew is fine. The Normandy is fine, your Admiral Hackett is fine. You, on the other hand, just barely made it. How do you feel?"
She settled against her pillows and didn't answer him for awhile, digesting this information.
Over. It was done. They had actually won. She hadn't been sure at all that her decisions in the end had had any effect on the battle raging below in London, but evidently, they had.
She expected to feel relieved, or at the very least, happy. Instead she only felt a sort of numbness, and a sudden desire to take a very long walk outside, on her own.
Saren's hand twitched on hers impatiently, and she looked over at him. "Can't see very well. Feel sort of floaty. Hands feel funny."
"They're wrapped, you ridiculous creature. Much of you is, in fact." She saw his omni-tool light up, and tried to bring it into focus. "Doctor, she's awake. She seems alert enough, though she says she feels 'sort of floaty' and cannot see well." He paused, and she could hear Chakwas's voice come through.
"Thank you, Mr. Arterius. Please make sure she remains in bed, and I will be there shortly." said the doctor.
Shepard blinked. "I'm not going anywhere. I don't think."
"You are correct. You're not, not in your condition." He rose from his chair and paused when he felt her hand close around his wrist.
"Saren. Are you... with the Reapers gone, are you okay?" she asked, insistently tugging him closer.
He turned his hand in her grip so that he could grasp her wrist in return. "I am better than I've been for a very long time. Don't worry. Focus on your own recovery. We will talk more later."
"Yeah, but-" Shepard began, only to be interrupted when Chakwas arrived, pushing a cart of medical supplies in front of her. She nodded briskly at Saren, who slipped his hand from Shepard's and nodded in return.
"I trust you're holding up well, Mr. Arterius?" the doctor asked, checking over Shepard's readouts. "I gave you permission to sit up with the Commander, but you remember it was on the condition that you would go back to your room if your injuries were bothering you."
Saren huffed. "I am fine. You should be more concerned with her."
"I am plenty concerned, my dear turian." Saren huffed. "However, you are my patient as well, and it would be remiss of me to not ask about your well being."
"I'm -fine.- Let me know if I am needed." Both women watched with amusement as he huffed right out the door.
"What's gotten up his ass?" Shepard asked, watching the doctor check the adhesive on a couple of electrodes.
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Shepard grinned sharply. "I'll try my best, but you know me. What about my hearing? You sound sort of like you're underwater."
"The same as your vision. Urdnot Wrex has composed a few odes to the scars you'll have. You won't have trouble hearing -those- at any rate. How are you feeling otherwise?"
"Okay, I guess. Kind of... numb, hearing that the war is over. Glad that it is, I just... wish I felt something more about it."
Chakwas smoothed the thin blanket covering her Commander. "Of course you are. This war defined your life for two years. When any great undertaking is finished, we feel a sort of emptiness where it once was. You are not a terrible person for not leaping from your bed with joy."
Shepard tried to let this sink in. "Did you feel it?"
"Not at first. Too much to do. As time passed... yes, I think I did, though tempered by the immediate relief of helping others recover. I do suggest you remain active and involved, by the way. It won't do you any good to simply lay here once I've cleared you to be up and about."
"When will that be?"
"Depends on how well you respond to a little physical therapy. Mr. Arterius has already asked, -demanded-, to help you through it, by the way.
"For someone who doesn't like others fussing over him, he sure as hell can raise a stink, huh? Okay. I'll keep it in mind."
"Good. Now, do you think you could manage a little solid food?"
Shepard smiled.
For awhile, the days passed in a lazy doze for Shepard. Warm light came in through her window every sunrise (she'd asked Garrus to lighten the dimmed panes because she was so determined to see the sun after that hellish London night) and her friends and allies regularly came to see her in a steady stream. As Chakwas had said, listening to them talk was helping her spirit fill up again. There was rebuilding. Lines of communication were re-opening. Order was being restored. There was embarrassing talk of Shepard being made Admiral.
"I don't want it." she'd said. "That's not why I took this mission."
Hackett scratched briefly at the scar on his face. "Yeah. I figured you'd say that. This isn't about just a promotion, Shepard. You and your crew saved every spark of life in the galaxy, and they want to celebrate you. It's a key part of recovery, thanking the ones who helped us."
"You're telling me to swallow it so everyone else will feel better."
"That's a little unfair, Shepard. You did this for everyone else. This goes way beyond the call of duty, this is the making of a myth. Keeping you a commander would be ridiculous."
Shepard fiddled with the edge of her blanket. "I really just wanted to retire, sir."
Hackett nodded. "I expected that too. And you can, but after the ceremony."
She sighed, then looked back at him with a smirk, accented with a healing scab. "One more mission, is that it?"
"You could say that. Or to put it more bluntly, you're gonna take my thank you and like it."
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"You are better. Your reflexes have recovered, you can see well enough to focus on a target, and your energy levels allow you to see several visitors a day." he said, passing her the datapad with his right arm.
His left... wasn't there?
"What happened?!" Shepard yelled, grabbing at him.
"Calm yourself, Shepard. What do you think happened? When the Reapers were beaten, several of my cybernetics were... damaged as a result. You've only just noticed it was missing?"
"I couldn't see you clearly before. Come here, let me get a look."
Saren rolled his eyes. "For what? Do you happen to have a new prosthetic just laying about?" he said, but sat at her side readily enough. Shepard took hold of the edges of his cowl and turned him this way and that, taking stock of all the changes in him.
The first thing she noticed was the lack of blue lights. His eyes no longer glowed either, and upon a second look, she realized that they had actually been replaced entirely.
The tubing that had once woven in and out of him was gone too, even the ones that had attached to the back of his skull. Everywhere that was missing a tube was covered with bandaging instead, most of it on his left side where his geth arm had once been.
There were new dark blue scars everywhere on him, everywhere the Reapers had once touched. Shepard gently stroked one that ran up the side of his neck.
"You must have been in pretty bad shape."
Saren watched her fingers intertwine with his and gave a soft rumble in his chest. "No one was more surprised to find that I had lived than I. I did not expect the doctor to be so determined to save me."
"Why?"
Saren's new eyes rose to meet hers. "I would not have done it. The resources, the time required... And then, considering my own history with the Reapers..."
Shepard pulled him close suddenly just then, shutting him up with a kiss. "Well. I'm glad she did."
His mandibles clicked with amusement. "Yes. I suppose I am as well."
"So what's going to happen with your arm? New prosthetic?"
"She has one on its way. In the meantime, we can focus on your physical therapy. My goal is to get you back to fighting shape," and here he paused to flick a mandible at her, "and perhaps better than before, if you think you can handle my training again."
She tapped her fist against his chin, smiling. "Last time ended with you and me, in my bed. How could we possibly top that?"
Saren gave her a patient look, then leaned in to rest his forehead on hers, his eyes closed. When he stayed there without saying anything more, she prodded him gently, wondering if he'd fallen asleep.
"It's nothing, Shepard. It..." He pulled back and pressed the side of his face to hers. "It was... very boring, watching you sleep."
She snorted. Ah, right. That was Sarenese for "I missed you very much, please never leave me again."
He stayed like that for bit longer, then stood up, pulling gently at her hand. "It's time you got back on your feet, Shepard. The doctor wishes to know if you're feeling strong enough to walk again."
"I guess there's one way to find out."
Gingerly she swung her legs out and placed her feet on the floor. Saren hovered nearby with his hand slightly extended in case she needed him as she stood, and her legs almost immediately gave out. Saren caught her with his one arm and growled softly.
"You are not ready." he said.
"The hell I'm not," she answered with sudden heat. "Help me or get out of my way, Arterius!"
Saren gave her a once over, considering those options. He knew very well that once Shepard's mind was fixed on something, she would pursue it. There was no point in trying to dissuade her. The best he could do would be to support her when she needed him, and he was sure she would.
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Shepard glared at him for a long time, and when his ice wall of a face showed no signs of thaw, she softened into a small smile.
"You know, it's kind of... sexy, when you talk like that." she said.
Saren frowned hugely and carted her off to begin their work.
*********
"Damn it."
"Try again, Shepard. Take your time."
Days had passed. Shepard was gripping the parallel bars, her arms shaking and slick with sweat. Saren was standing at the other end, observing with his arms crossed.
Shepard couldn't help thinking that merely walking wouldn't have been nearly enough to make her break into a sweat before. Probably not a helpful thought, but she couldn't let it go. It twined itself around her thoughts and trickled into her hands. She squeezed the bars harder as though to crush the thought and set her jaw, her breath coming in a hiss as she willed herself to take a step. MOVE, she screamed internally, ordering her legs to do what they had always done on their own.
A step. She adjusted her grip on the bars. Her foot dragged, nothing like the confident stride she'd once had, caught on the mat, she fell--
Saren leapt forward and caught her, just as he had done the first time she'd fallen when trying to stand again, just as he had done every time after. Shepard screamed at him in sudden rage, hitting him in the chest with both fists. This too, he bore patiently, and snagged her wrists in one hand.
"You have nowhere to be, Shepard," he said to her, with infuriating calm. "No appointments, no worlds to save. There is no rush, no one needs you to walk right now."
"Ineed it, you bastard!" she yelled. "Ineed myself to walk, do you get that?! I need to stop being... this! Weak!"
He weathered the force of her glare and stared at her.
"Weak? You think yourself weak?"
"If you're going to give me a fucking pep talk-"
He tapped his forehead against hers, with a bit more force than usual.
"I don't bother with such things. What I say is truth. You are not weak. We exist today because of you. Your crew exists, your homeworld exists. You have led us all to beat the greatest threat the galaxy has ever known. And yet you say you are weak because of this? Because you were hurt, and need to recover?"
She rolled her eyes at him. "I know what you're trying to do, I've done it with soldiers hundreds of times-"
Saren put his hand over her mouth with an exasperated expression. "May I finish? I need you to understand and accept this. You are not weak for being unable to walk on your first try."
"This isn't my first try!" she said, pulling his hand away. "We've been at this for days-"
He stood abruptly, letting her flop to the floor.
"I should not have to tell you this, Shepard. You have lived most of your life in the military. You know that people are hurt. Recovery is not simple. You are not special, you are no different from any wounded creature."
"Saren, I swear to god-"
He knelt down and grasped her shoulders, pulling her up to look at him. "You are only weak if you choose to give up, and I don't believe that is in your nature. That being true, are you going to continue sniveling like a quarian, or are we going to get back to work?"
She narrowed her eyes at him. "I can't complain about not being able to walk?"
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Shepard snorted loudly. "You give the worst pep talks."
He flicked his mandibles at her in amusement. "Most of my Spectre career was solo work. Perhaps I'm simply out of practice."
"Perhaps you're an idiot. Alright, point taken. Help me up."
Their sessions together went on for quite some time. Under Chakwas and Saren's supervision, Shepard was back on her feet, but still wasn't cleared for anything more strenuous than short walks. If she tried anything more, she was quickly cowed into submission by the joined turian and human glares.
It was during one of these walks that found her outside of Saren's own hospital room, quietly sitting on the edge of his bed and slowly flexing his new artificial arm, holding a small weight. Shepard quietly knocked on the doorframe.
"I could hear you coming from miles away, Shepard. We will have to work on your stealth. Enter."
"I can never catch a break with you, can I?" she said, settling beside him on the bed.
"I don't coddle, you know that. Did you want something?"
She watched him put down the weight, noting that it was much less than he was usually able to lift. He gave a small grunt and uncomfortably rubbed where the prosthetic joined to his body.
"... I've been really terrible, haven't I?" she said after a brief silence.
"You will have to specify when, Shepard." came the response, one mandible quirked in a smirk.
"I meant... all this time you've been helping me, getting me back into shape with me giving you a terrible attitude, and I never even thought of how you're getting along. I'm not the only one recovering."
Saren didn't answer for awhile, trying to choose his next words carefully. He wasn't easily given to displays of emotion, and when it came to talkingabout his feelings, well, he was frankly piss poor at it. He suspected that his relationship with Shepard was only lasting as long as it did because of her patience, and her seemingly supernatural ability to get into his head.
Still, he knew she responded well when he made the Herculean effort to show her, tell her how he felt about her, and that it was... important to her that he tried.
It was with that in mind that he gave her a sidelong look. "It's nothing, Shepard. I... you've done enough for me. It's my turn to help you."
She raised an eyebrow in response. Oh, infuriating human. She knew perfectly well what he meant, she just wanted... elaboration.
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"You led the assault on the Reapers, Shepard. You set me free. I am myself again, onlymyself. My thoughts, my will, my dreams are my own. I. My. Mine. I can say these words and actually meanthem now, Shepard. I am Saren Arterius, and only Saren Arterius, and it is because of you."
He reached out and grabbed the little weight again, holding it out for her to see.
"This little thing, Shepard. Its weight gives me some trouble, because I am not yet used to this arm. It gives me discomfort at night when I sleep and yesterday I spilled my tea when its temperature sensors were too sensitive. So what? I am free to experience all this on my own, and even these small annoyances are precious to me because they are mine Why should I burden you with them, when it is you who enabled me to be here, as myself?"
Shepard was at a total loss for words as he set the weight down again and took her hand in both of his. His mandibles wavered in a tentative smile as his synthetic fingers gently rubbed over her knuckles.
"Astonishing. You grant me freedom and you are surprised at the breadth of my gratitude? You are a singularly ridiculous creature, Shepard."
She looked down at their hands, at the way the dark metal of his fingers traced abstract patterns on her skin, at how its movements weren't quite perfect. This finger moved a bit too slowly, that one jerked a bit and lacked organic movement. She cradled the artificial hand in hers and kissed the back of it, getting a surprised grunt in return.
"I still want to do something for you, Saren."
He huffed. "Stubborn creature. Fine." He paused. "I can't think of anything."
"... Do you want a handjob?"
The unplated parts of his neck blushed blue and he flailed at her irritably. "NO. ... Perhaps. N-not now!" he amended hurriedly as she moved towards him. "When we're out of this place!"
She grinned at him. "Alright, alright. Future handjob. Is there -anything- I could do for you? Right now?"
He considered her carefully, the bright color slowly fading. "... Yes. I think so." He reached out with his true hand, carefully pushing a bit of her hair from her face, and stroked the skin of her cheek. "Be... patient with me. When we are both fully recovered, I wish to show you something. However, I admit to having some difficulty in regaining my manual dexterity with this prosthetic, and I may require your... assistance." He smirked at her, infuriatingly. "I take to recovery about as graciously as you."
She turned her head to kiss his palm. "Well then. I think we've got quite a full schedule ahead of us."
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I'm not the OP, but I am going to adore this forever and ever and ever! There isn't enough Saren in the world, and this satisfies that itch perfectly.
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I just wanted to let you know that I'll be out of town this week and part of next week, and then the holidays begin, so I'll probably start updating this in December. Not too far off!
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http://archiveofourown.org/works/3810901/chapters/8492689
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