Re: FILL: To Break A Hero (F!Shep/Kaidan) 7/?
anonymous
February 25 2014, 23:36:16 UTC
Some days, Kaidan couldn’t even really remember Shepard anymore.
He had built Shepard up in his mind as the ideal woman, his hero, his savior, embellishing his memories of her with a faith that she would come and find him.
Because the alternative - that he was destined to become a tool of Cerberus, the way he’d seen Shepard on Horizon - was almost too terrifying to contemplate.
He tried to keep the memories fresh. Tried to conjure up every bit of detail of the time they’d had together, before and after Ilos. He wasn’t sure how much of that was real and how much was fake, anymore.
It didn’t matter. It wasn’t working the way it was supposed to. Kaidan was losing ground to Shadow-Kaidan every day that passed, and Shepard was still under arrest on Earth. He’d found a handful of news stories relating to his disappearance back when it had first happened, but they all included something along the lines of “no leads”.
Worse, Kaidan looked forward to Eva’s visits - and not just for the contact with another human being. He wanted her, sometimes so badly that just the thought of her had him reaching towards his hardening cock. Sometimes after sex he just stared at her face, feeling a rush of giddiness as he thought about this woman choosing to be with him. At those times, he felt as though he could just stare at her for hours.
At other times, he remembered Shepard, and missed her painfully. With her it had been laughter and companionship. Eva dominated him - there really was no other word for it. All his capacity for rational thought went out the window as soon as she stepped into his cell. He was putty in her hands, responsive to her every word and gesture. Everything about her was wonderful, magnificent, deserving of worship…
Kaidan jerked out of his reverie to find that his hand had already moved down to start stroking his cock. He groaned, partially from the lust swimming through him, and partially over the knowledge that she had made him like this. He tried to summon up Shepard’s face, her voice, but Eva kept drifting into his mind instead. You’re mine, Kaidan, she whispered to him, a sensation as acute as though she was standing right behind him. Body and soul, you are mine to do with as I please. Submit to me. Once you do, I’ll show you even more than you could have ever dreamed of … the things I can do for you, Kaidan.
He didn’t know if that was indoctrination, or his own fractured mind putting words in her mouth. Neither option was an appealing one.
“Kaidan.”
His head whipped around at the sound of Eva’s voice - when had she come in? She smiled at him, which finished the job his earlier reverie had started, his erection visible through his pants.
“Such a welcome,” she murmured, approaching him and running a hand down the side of his face. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, enjoying the intimacy.
No. No. This isn’t right. Don’t give in to her.
Alliance-Kaidan was stubborn and didn’t know when he was beaten. Kaidan did his best to ignore him, the vestige of the person he used to be. He smiled at Eva adoringly.
Shepard…
Shepard abandoned us. If it wasn’t for her, we wouldn’t be here. I suppose I should thank you for that … I’d never have been here if it wasn’t for the fact that you loved her.
When did we become a we? Alliance-Kaidan asked.
The minute you were carried through the door, I was born. I’ve been growing ever since, controlling more of your mind. My mind, really. Your time is done.
No! Alliance-Kaidan raged. Fuck. No. Get out of my head, you asshole. Stop this. Stop giving into her.
No, you get out of my head, Kaidan thought. While the battle was raging inside his head, Eva had continued stroking his body, moving her hands up and down while he just stood there. He’d have been concerned, except that the last time this had happened she’d commented on how much she liked the glassy-eyed look.
He had built Shepard up in his mind as the ideal woman, his hero, his savior, embellishing his memories of her with a faith that she would come and find him.
Because the alternative - that he was destined to become a tool of Cerberus, the way he’d seen Shepard on Horizon - was almost too terrifying to contemplate.
He tried to keep the memories fresh. Tried to conjure up every bit of detail of the time they’d had together, before and after Ilos. He wasn’t sure how much of that was real and how much was fake, anymore.
It didn’t matter. It wasn’t working the way it was supposed to. Kaidan was losing ground to Shadow-Kaidan every day that passed, and Shepard was still under arrest on Earth. He’d found a handful of news stories relating to his disappearance back when it had first happened, but they all included something along the lines of “no leads”.
Worse, Kaidan looked forward to Eva’s visits - and not just for the contact with another human being. He wanted her, sometimes so badly that just the thought of her had him reaching towards his hardening cock. Sometimes after sex he just stared at her face, feeling a rush of giddiness as he thought about this woman choosing to be with him. At those times, he felt as though he could just stare at her for hours.
At other times, he remembered Shepard, and missed her painfully. With her it had been laughter and companionship. Eva dominated him - there really was no other word for it. All his capacity for rational thought went out the window as soon as she stepped into his cell. He was putty in her hands, responsive to her every word and gesture. Everything about her was wonderful, magnificent, deserving of worship…
Kaidan jerked out of his reverie to find that his hand had already moved down to start stroking his cock. He groaned, partially from the lust swimming through him, and partially over the knowledge that she had made him like this. He tried to summon up Shepard’s face, her voice, but Eva kept drifting into his mind instead. You’re mine, Kaidan, she whispered to him, a sensation as acute as though she was standing right behind him. Body and soul, you are mine to do with as I please. Submit to me. Once you do, I’ll show you even more than you could have ever dreamed of … the things I can do for you, Kaidan.
He didn’t know if that was indoctrination, or his own fractured mind putting words in her mouth. Neither option was an appealing one.
“Kaidan.”
His head whipped around at the sound of Eva’s voice - when had she come in? She smiled at him, which finished the job his earlier reverie had started, his erection visible through his pants.
“Such a welcome,” she murmured, approaching him and running a hand down the side of his face. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, enjoying the intimacy.
No. No. This isn’t right. Don’t give in to her.
Alliance-Kaidan was stubborn and didn’t know when he was beaten. Kaidan did his best to ignore him, the vestige of the person he used to be. He smiled at Eva adoringly.
Shepard…
Shepard abandoned us. If it wasn’t for her, we wouldn’t be here. I suppose I should thank you for that … I’d never have been here if it wasn’t for the fact that you loved her.
When did we become a we? Alliance-Kaidan asked.
The minute you were carried through the door, I was born. I’ve been growing ever since, controlling more of your mind. My mind, really. Your time is done.
No! Alliance-Kaidan raged. Fuck. No. Get out of my head, you asshole. Stop this. Stop giving into her.
No, you get out of my head, Kaidan thought. While the battle was raging inside his head, Eva had continued stroking his body, moving her hands up and down while he just stood there. He’d have been concerned, except that the last time this had happened she’d commented on how much she liked the glassy-eyed look.
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