We Are Here to Kick Ass and Form Consensus 5/5
anonymous
May 6 2013, 06:09:23 UTC
PRESENT DAY:
"Speaking of which." Bob looked behind him. The Normandy crew gaped as the Prime shoved a batarian out in front of him. "This is Commander Braxine. Say hello."
The batarian, wearing a blue cotton dress, with a blonde wig stuck on his head, and heavy red lipstick on his mouth, couldn't look more defeated if someone had shot him.
"Now, if you will excuse me." Bob pushed through them. "I have to deliver the antidote, and Braxine has a message for Shepard-Commander."
The door closed shut behind him, leaving a shellshocked crew staring at each other.
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Ashley breathed a sigh of relief as Chakwas injected the antidote into her system. There was a happy series of kicks from her stomach, reassurances that all was right with the world. "Thank you, Bob."
"It was the pleasure of the Consensus to assist Shepard-Commander and his sub-units." Bob inclined his head. "Had the batarians not surrendered when they did, we likely would have exterminated their fleet and plucked the antidote from their cold, dead hands."
Ashley blinked slightly at the pure, unadulterated menace in the AI's tone.
"Well, I'm glad it was just one bunch of psychopaths." Shepard stood above her, looking a little weak, but smiling at the sight of her alive and well. "Even though they did destroy our house."
"Rest assured, Shepard, Commander, a small army of batarians are presently at work under the direct supervision of unit-self designated 'Fabulous'. Your dwelling area should be returned to normal in a few days." Bob extended his arm to display the diagrams. "After that, I shall personally supervise the installation of auto-defence turrets, motion sensors, and anti-aircraft missiles."
"That's very generous of you." Shepard nodded. "But...uh...what is the batarian here for?"
"Oh, I almost allowed a thought process to be inserted into the Trash File." Bob turned to the dolled up batarian. "Braxine? Just like we rehearsed."
Brax stepped forward and cleared his throat. "I...I just wanted to say that I'm a girl...and...and I like to wear ribbons in my hair..."
He turned to Bob. "I can't do this..."
"Then your wife will be packraped by gang of Geth Juggernaughts." Bob loomed over the wilting terrorist.
"Alright, alright." Brax turned back to Ashley and Shepard. "And...and I like to kiss all the cute boys."
"Very good." Bob patted him on the shoulder. "Your wife is safe for another hour. Now just repeat that to the extranet reporter outside, and you will have earned the right to begin working on painting Commander Shepard's walls."
The two humans stared in utter amazement. Shepard cleared his throat. "Bob...you weren't actually...going to...."
"Absolutely not." The prime shook his head. "His wife is an ugly bovine. Good day."
Shepard blinked slightly as the geth stomped out. "Well...that was something you don't see everyday."
"Tell me about it."
Looking down, Shepard found a knee high, dog like metal construction. "And...you are...?"
"Oh, Andy, former Messenger of the Geth." The dog sounded downcast. "Bob demoted me for being unprofessional. I've been assigned as your personal guard dog for a while."
Ashley leaned closer to Shepard. "Honey, did I really once think sparing the geth was a bad idea?"
Re: We Are Here to Kick Ass and Form Consensus 5/5
anonymous
May 11 2013, 00:04:10 UTC
I had to bit back my laughter all along. I'm not drinking any liquid, but iI'm in bed with my very asleep husband... WOuld have been hard to explain why I have woken him up at 2 am...
"Speaking of which." Bob looked behind him. The Normandy crew gaped as the Prime shoved a batarian out in front of him. "This is Commander Braxine. Say hello."
The batarian, wearing a blue cotton dress, with a blonde wig stuck on his head, and heavy red lipstick on his mouth, couldn't look more defeated if someone had shot him.
"Now, if you will excuse me." Bob pushed through them. "I have to deliver the antidote, and Braxine has a message for Shepard-Commander."
The door closed shut behind him, leaving a shellshocked crew staring at each other.
----------------------
Ashley breathed a sigh of relief as Chakwas injected the antidote into her system. There was a happy series of kicks from her stomach, reassurances that all was right with the world. "Thank you, Bob."
"It was the pleasure of the Consensus to assist Shepard-Commander and his sub-units." Bob inclined his head. "Had the batarians not surrendered when they did, we likely would have exterminated their fleet and plucked the antidote from their cold, dead hands."
Ashley blinked slightly at the pure, unadulterated menace in the AI's tone.
"Well, I'm glad it was just one bunch of psychopaths." Shepard stood above her, looking a little weak, but smiling at the sight of her alive and well. "Even though they did destroy our house."
"Rest assured, Shepard, Commander, a small army of batarians are presently at work under the direct supervision of unit-self designated 'Fabulous'. Your dwelling area should be returned to normal in a few days." Bob extended his arm to display the diagrams. "After that, I shall personally supervise the installation of auto-defence turrets, motion sensors, and anti-aircraft missiles."
"That's very generous of you." Shepard nodded. "But...uh...what is the batarian here for?"
"Oh, I almost allowed a thought process to be inserted into the Trash File." Bob turned to the dolled up batarian. "Braxine? Just like we rehearsed."
Brax stepped forward and cleared his throat. "I...I just wanted to say that I'm a girl...and...and I like to wear ribbons in my hair..."
He turned to Bob. "I can't do this..."
"Then your wife will be packraped by gang of Geth Juggernaughts." Bob loomed over the wilting terrorist.
"Alright, alright." Brax turned back to Ashley and Shepard. "And...and I like to kiss all the cute boys."
"Very good." Bob patted him on the shoulder. "Your wife is safe for another hour. Now just repeat that to the extranet reporter outside, and you will have earned the right to begin working on painting Commander Shepard's walls."
The two humans stared in utter amazement. Shepard cleared his throat. "Bob...you weren't actually...going to...."
"Absolutely not." The prime shook his head. "His wife is an ugly bovine. Good day."
Shepard blinked slightly as the geth stomped out. "Well...that was something you don't see everyday."
"Tell me about it."
Looking down, Shepard found a knee high, dog like metal construction. "And...you are...?"
"Oh, Andy, former Messenger of the Geth." The dog sounded downcast. "Bob demoted me for being unprofessional. I've been assigned as your personal guard dog for a while."
Ashley leaned closer to Shepard. "Honey, did I really once think sparing the geth was a bad idea?"
"Yeah."
"Right...slap me when I recover, would you?"
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This anon has also just remembered why it is considered a Very Bad Idea to be drinking something while browsing the kink meme...
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I got such a big grin on my face when I realized what I was getting into.
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*snorts at the image of a Batarian saying "I like to kiss all the cute boys"*
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