Refuge of the Incompetent - 6/?
anonymous
March 26 2013, 20:16:53 UTC
She laughs. She laughs, long, hard and unhinged. She realizes Wrex isn't laughing with her and she doesn't care, not a damn bit. Abruptly, she turns to stare him in his blood-red eyeballs.
"You don't believe me, and I don't care. But if the only way to save someone's life was to force them into a covenant with their old enemy, and neither got a say, would you do it? If the change is for the better, makes them both stronger, is it right?"
His eyes narrow. He takes the ryncol from her for a pull, drinks deep from the vessel and passes it back.
"Strength is earned, not given."
She tips the canteen back to swallow another drink for herself.
"Look at the krogan-- the salarians uplifted us. Thought they were doing us a big favour too, putting expensive guns in our hands and finding us clean planets to live on. Maybe they were, and maybe they weren't. We weren't ready. A hundred and fifty years was all it took for us to trash Garvug. Then we abandoned it to go ruin someone else's world."
"So?"
"I don't know what you did up there, or why the geth shut down like that. But I believe you. And if it was me, I'd have done the same. You force change on someone before they're ready, you just shoot yourself in the quad. You don't earn it with your own sweat and blood and you don't know its worth."
She shakes her head."But you made your people change. You made them see."
"I couldn't have done squat if they didn't want it for themselves."
She wonders.
The Catalyst offered perfection. She hadn't trusted it. Synthesis might be the pinnacle of evolution. But is that what evolution was supposed to look like? One soul's choice in a galaxy of sextillions? Without the blood, the sweat, the will of the collective to reach that precipice?
"The geth are dead, Shepard. You can't bring them back."
She knows that this is true.
She sags against the wall.
"What then? I just forget? I owe them."
"Sing the songs of their glory. Tell of their bravery to your children and their children. Carry their spirit with you into every battle and fight with them at your back and in your heart. When the time comes, synthetics will join us again."
(and the chaos will)
(you have hope) (you have hope. More than you think.)
She shudders, like a winter wind has blown through her. Everything is stripped away, and all she has left is exhaustion. Wrex's eyes are wary, but he holds out his hand to her anyway. She lets him pull her up, and together they exit the bunker.
The hills of Kent stretch on before them, fading ever into the distance. Somewhere beyond, she knows, lies the sea. And above--
Refuge of the Incompetent - 7/7
anonymous
March 26 2013, 20:24:09 UTC
She's lost many friends.
All are important.
This is how they do it: they repair the damage to Edi's face. They gather at one of the Citadel's remaining docking bays, solemn in the inky blackness. Traynor, Tali, Vega, all. They bundle her up in a sleeper pod, whisper promises, goodbyes and thanks. And when they have said everything, they push her gently off into the stars.
Joker will not speak to her. Won't even look at her.
There are some fights even she can't win.
She cannot see Garrus's face through his breather helmet. But they stand shoulder to shoulder, and when she leans against him it is an apology. He brushes his hand against hers-- he has accepted. He will stand with her, no matter the task and she won't leave again. Will welcome whatever warmth he can offer in these dark days. Wrex has left for Tuchanka already, though a new scar on her forehead and his acumen remain imprinted on her. Tomorrow she will tell Hackett everything. She will remind whatever remains of the council of how the geth rallied for them. She will enlist the help of the Shadow Broker to write memoirs, histories and accounts of the geth and the Morning War. She will not sing, but she will speak to whoever will listen, and to whoever won't. She will do these things and more tomorrow.
Today though, she will bury her dead.
It's the life she chose. It's not perfect. It's not poignant. But she's going to live it.
Re: Refuge of the Incompetent - 7/7
anonymous
March 26 2013, 20:51:43 UTC
Post destroy ending stories like this are rare. While I still don't like the canon endings, the headcanoned happy ending was getting a bit overused and boring, so this fill was very interesting. I liked the storyline and how it ended, Wrex's advice was perfect, something like that - only he could've said it. It did feel like Shepard was acting like a child at some parts, but after all the stress she'd been through I guess it makes sense.
Re: Refuge of the Incompetent - 7/7
anonymous
March 27 2013, 00:58:49 UTC
A!A here. Thank you! I'm glad it made for an interesting read. And a good point about Shepard-- that's something I'll re-examine if/when this is archived elsewhere. Thanks for your kind words and your critique!
Re: Refuge of the Incompetent - 7/7
anonymous
March 26 2013, 21:14:04 UTC
Agreeing with the above anon that after all the first aid super happy ending stories, it's great to see fills like this. Very well written, a!a, thanks for sharing.
Re: Refuge of the Incompetent - 7/7
anonymous
March 26 2013, 23:11:13 UTC
I really, really love its Wrex that breaks her out of her fugue. So fitting.
I also wish more writers (including myself) would work with the canon endings a bit more. Although my Renegon Shep wouldn't be quite so cut up about things. Genocide? Bitch please, I killed the rachni off twice...
Re: Refuge of the Incompetent - 7/7
anonymous
March 26 2013, 23:34:29 UTC
I don't know if you intended this, but "The Hollow Men" ("This is the way the world ends/Not with a bang but a whimper") is my favorite poem, and this is an incredible piece of writing that parallels it and captures its spirit astonishingly well. Stunning. Thank you for posting, a!a.
Re: Refuge of the Incompetent - 7/7
anonymous
March 27 2013, 01:08:12 UTC
A!A here. Yes! Absolutely. The opening was a bit of a nod to that, and I'm really happy you noticed! I'm a big sucker for lit, and I love to reference it when it makes sense c:
Re: Refuge of the Incompetent - 7/7
anonymous
March 27 2013, 01:58:22 UTC
:D I thought it might have been, but those lines are so common that people sometimes use them or refer to them without knowing where they come from, so it makes *me* really happy that you did it intentionally! Thanks again for a lovely story, A!A. *lit nerds high-five*
Re: Refuge of the Incompetent - 7/7
anonymous
March 27 2013, 04:00:00 UTC
Oh my fucking god I have been -waiting- for this story. It sat in my bones and I felt it's weight everywhere when I thought of the Destroy Ending. I was so, so sad that the geth, that Edi, had to die for a choice that I, personally, felt was "right," and there's this falling sadness, this lonely grace to this fill that is the most beautiful thing I've read in a long time.
I loved Shepard. You didn't spoonfeed us her despondency; it was in her brusque actions, her gray aimlessness, her obsessive focus to do -anything- because how could she not when she owed so much and so deep she felt like she was in a grave? I loved Garrus and his helpless hovering, not knowing what the hell to do and then Wrex was just -everything-. Just. I can't with this story, I can't. And then--
"She will not sing"
is when I decided I had to cry afterall.
A!Anon, please, don't ever stop writing. Please. Thank you so much for sharing this story with us.
Re: Refuge of the Incompetent - 7/7
anonymous
March 27 2013, 15:32:27 UTC
A!A here. I think that that kind of feedback is what writers just dream of getting. Thank you. So much. I'm glad it resonated with you. To be honest, this was a story I felt a bit more apprehensive about posting, because I wasn't sure if anyone else out there felt unsettled by destroy, or if they did, if they wanted to examine that feeling. Thank you for your kind words and your encouragement. It means a lot to this A!A.
"You don't believe me, and I don't care. But if the only way to save someone's life was to force them into a covenant with their old enemy, and neither got a say, would you do it? If the change is for the better, makes them both stronger, is it right?"
His eyes narrow. He takes the ryncol from her for a pull, drinks deep from the vessel and passes it back.
"Strength is earned, not given."
She tips the canteen back to swallow another drink for herself.
"Look at the krogan-- the salarians uplifted us. Thought they were doing us a big favour too, putting expensive guns in our hands and finding us clean planets to live on. Maybe they were, and maybe they weren't. We weren't ready. A hundred and fifty years was all it took for us to trash Garvug. Then we abandoned it to go ruin someone else's world."
"So?"
"I don't know what you did up there, or why the geth shut down like that. But I believe you. And if it was me, I'd have done the same. You force change on someone before they're ready, you just shoot yourself in the quad. You don't earn it with your own sweat and blood and you don't know its worth."
She shakes her head."But you made your people change. You made them see."
"I couldn't have done squat if they didn't want it for themselves."
She wonders.
The Catalyst offered perfection. She hadn't trusted it. Synthesis might be the pinnacle of evolution. But is that what evolution was supposed to look like? One soul's choice in a galaxy of sextillions? Without the blood, the sweat, the will of the collective to reach that precipice?
"The geth are dead, Shepard. You can't bring them back."
She knows that this is true.
She sags against the wall.
"What then? I just forget? I owe them."
"Sing the songs of their glory. Tell of their bravery to your children and their children. Carry their spirit with you into every battle and fight with them at your back and in your heart. When the time comes, synthetics will join us again."
(and the chaos will)
(you have hope)
(you have hope. More than you think.)
She shudders, like a winter wind has blown through her. Everything is stripped away, and all she has left is exhaustion. Wrex's eyes are wary, but he holds out his hand to her anyway. She lets him pull her up, and together they exit the bunker.
The hills of Kent stretch on before them, fading ever into the distance. Somewhere beyond, she knows, lies the sea. And above--
The sky is grey.
Wrex clasps her shoulder, and does not let go.
"Now bury your dead and live."
Reply
All are important.
This is how they do it: they repair the damage to Edi's face. They gather at one of the Citadel's remaining docking bays, solemn in the inky blackness. Traynor, Tali, Vega, all. They bundle her up in a sleeper pod, whisper promises, goodbyes and thanks. And when they have said everything, they push her gently off into the stars.
Joker will not speak to her. Won't even look at her.
There are some fights even she can't win.
She cannot see Garrus's face through his breather helmet. But they stand shoulder to shoulder, and when she leans against him it is an apology. He brushes his hand against hers-- he has accepted. He will stand with her, no matter the task and she won't leave again. Will welcome whatever warmth he can offer in these dark days. Wrex has left for Tuchanka already, though a new scar on her forehead and his acumen remain imprinted on her. Tomorrow she will tell Hackett everything. She will remind whatever remains of the council of how the geth rallied for them. She will enlist the help of the Shadow Broker to write memoirs, histories and accounts of the geth and the Morning War. She will not sing, but she will speak to whoever will listen, and to whoever won't. She will do these things and more tomorrow.
Today though, she will bury her dead.
It's the life she chose. It's not perfect. It's not poignant. But she's going to live it.
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Great story overall, thank you for sharing!
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I also wish more writers (including myself) would work with the canon endings a bit more. Although my Renegon Shep wouldn't be quite so cut up about things. Genocide? Bitch please, I killed the rachni off twice...
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*lit nerds high-five*
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I loved Shepard. You didn't spoonfeed us her despondency; it was in her brusque actions, her gray aimlessness, her obsessive focus to do -anything- because how could she not when she owed so much and so deep she felt like she was in a grave? I loved Garrus and his helpless hovering, not knowing what the hell to do and then Wrex was just -everything-. Just. I can't with this story, I can't. And then--
"She will not sing"
is when I decided I had to cry afterall.
A!Anon, please, don't ever stop writing. Please. Thank you so much for sharing this story with us.
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