"Uh...it's a sex...thing," said Traynor, gesturing with her hands in an entirely unhelpful way.
"A sex thing?" What did numbers have to do with sex? "Is there...some sort of list?"
"Probably," said Traynor "but that's not...that's not where the number comes from."
"Well where does it come from?" asked Tali. She could tell that Traynor was getting embarrassed, but she was curious now, and anyway there was something adorable about the way embarrassment made Traynor flail, especially when she was this drunk.
"Where does what come from?" asked Samara, passing by the couch Tali and Traynor were lounging in.
Traynor gave a groan and covered her eyes.
"The sexual connotations of the number 69," said Tali, helpfully. "Jack made a comment I found confusing and analyst Traynor offered to explain it to me.
"I was not aware of any such connotations," said Samara, with a serene smile. "Please do enlighten us."
Traynor gave another deep sigh then grimaced with the sort of bleak smile you might see on a soldier facing a firing squad.
"Ok then," she said. "Fine." She sat up and looked them both in the eye, one by one. "Let's start from the beginning. You both you know how humans reproduce, yes?"
"I am aware of the general principles," said Samara.
"I think it's similar to us quarians," said Tali. "Only without as many immuno-suppresants."
"Right. Well, usually," said Traynor. "Sometimes people have illnesses and...anyway. The point is, all humans have...reproductive parts. That we use for sex."
"As do most species," said Samara. "It is hard to reproduce without them."
"Exactly! But sometimes humans want to have the...fun of sex without the...reproductive bit."
"But then...how is it sex?"
"Because it's fun!"
"So you consider all fun to be sex?" Tali stared at Traynor and tried to take this knowledge in stride. She and Tali had had "fun" playing chess, did that count as sex? Did that mean they were...dating? The thought was...unexpected, but not entirely unpleasant. And if they were dating there were some other kinds of fun Tali might be interested in...
Wait, what was she thinking? She shook her head to clear the inappropriate thoughts away. Traynor didn't see her that way. This was all some misunderstanding.
"No!" said Traynor "No, I just meant..." She flopped back onto the couch in frustration and banged her head against one of Shepard's many bookcases. "Argh!"
Jack looked up from across the room at the sound of Traynor's frustrated cry. "What's the matter?" she laughed. "Your calculator stop putting out?"
"You!" said Traynor. "This is all your fault! You explain what 69 is to these poor aliens before I die of awkwardness."
Samara and Tali looked over to Jack expectantly.
Jack tilted her head thoughtfully. "It's...23 times 3 isn't it?" Traynor attempted an intimidating glower and Jack snickered, then held up her hands. "See this?" She held her fingers straight up then bent her thumb and first finger into a circle. "This is a person. Looks kind of like a six, right?"
"Yes. Although it doesn't look much like a human," said Samara "Perhaps a volus..."
"Yeah, whatever, I didn't make it up. Anyway, here's another little 6." She held up her other hand, then banged the two together. "Now look, they're kissing, aww! And now they're having sex!" She stuck out her tongue in enthusiasm, as the two finger people rubbed up against each other. "And then...." she tilted one hand upside down, "Sixty nine!"
"Ohhhh," said Tali and Samara simultaneously.
"...thanks," said Traynor.
"It's cool," said Jack. "It's the looks on their little faces that make teaching worth while."
She stretched out her arms and fingers, then yawned. "Anyway, I gotta go home and sleep. Getting too old to stay up explaining maths all night."
"I might go as well," said Samara. "But thank you for the conversation, it was most illuminating."
"What, you asari don't have a name for it? I thought you guys invented weird sex like a million years ago."
"Oh, it has a name," said Samara. "But not, as far as I am aware, a number. Anyway, this is a discussion for another time."
"Sure, whatever," said Jack.
Tali and Traynor sat in silence for a little while once the others had gone. Shepard was down on the ground floor somewhere cleaning up. It really was time to go, but Tali couldn't quite bring herself to leave.
"I'm...sorry if I embarrassed you before," said Tali. "I shouldn't have kept bugging you once I realised you were feeling uncomfortable."
"Nooooo, it's fine," said Traynor, her head lolling backwards and her eyes closed. "Probably should have just offered to show you."
Tali coughed in surprise.
"I mean...with my fingers!" said Traynor.
Tali giggled. "Sounds good to me," she said, feeling bold.
Traynor lifted her head and stared at her but of course Tali's helmet gave away nothing.
"Waaaaaiiiit....are you...flirting with me?" asked Traynor. "Sorry to ask, but I'm not very good at judging at the best of times, and right now you're drunk and I'm an alien so...I mean...um. Yeah."
"...yeah," said Tali, barely managing not to squeak. "Um. Maybe. If you don't mind." Traynor really was lovely, and this was probably the best chance Tali would get. And if she was shot down in flames, well, Traynor might not even remember in the morning.
Traynor sat up and gave her an adorable smile. "Mind? Why do you think I started the element guessing game in the first place? That's, like...classic nerd flirtation. Next step I offer to play chess in your quarters, and then I, uh...I hadn't figured out the step after that. But it was going to be really sexy."
"I like the sound of that," said Tali, looking at her fingers self consciously. "And after chess...uh...maybe you could show me more about numbers."
Traynor laughed, and grinned. "It would be my pleasure. Like Jack said, teaching is it's own reward."
"Uh...it's a sex...thing," said Traynor, gesturing with her hands in an entirely unhelpful way.
"A sex thing?" What did numbers have to do with sex? "Is there...some sort of list?"
"Probably," said Traynor "but that's not...that's not where the number comes from."
"Well where does it come from?" asked Tali. She could tell that Traynor was getting embarrassed, but she was curious now, and anyway there was something adorable about the way embarrassment made Traynor flail, especially when she was this drunk.
"Where does what come from?" asked Samara, passing by the couch Tali and Traynor were lounging in.
Traynor gave a groan and covered her eyes.
"The sexual connotations of the number 69," said Tali, helpfully. "Jack made a comment I found confusing and analyst Traynor offered to explain it to me.
"I was not aware of any such connotations," said Samara, with a serene smile. "Please do enlighten us."
Traynor gave another deep sigh then grimaced with the sort of bleak smile you might see on a soldier facing a firing squad.
"Ok then," she said. "Fine." She sat up and looked them both in the eye, one by one. "Let's start from the beginning. You both you know how humans reproduce, yes?"
"I am aware of the general principles," said Samara.
"I think it's similar to us quarians," said Tali. "Only without as many immuno-suppresants."
"Right. Well, usually," said Traynor. "Sometimes people have illnesses and...anyway. The point is, all humans have...reproductive parts. That we use for sex."
"As do most species," said Samara. "It is hard to reproduce without them."
"Exactly! But sometimes humans want to have the...fun of sex without the...reproductive bit."
"But then...how is it sex?"
"Because it's fun!"
"So you consider all fun to be sex?" Tali stared at Traynor and tried to take this knowledge in stride. She and Tali had had "fun" playing chess, did that count as sex? Did that mean they were...dating? The thought was...unexpected, but not entirely unpleasant. And if they were dating there were some other kinds of fun Tali might be interested in...
Wait, what was she thinking? She shook her head to clear the inappropriate thoughts away. Traynor didn't see her that way. This was all some misunderstanding.
"No!" said Traynor "No, I just meant..." She flopped back onto the couch in frustration and banged her head against one of Shepard's many bookcases. "Argh!"
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"You!" said Traynor. "This is all your fault! You explain what 69 is to these poor aliens before I die of awkwardness."
Samara and Tali looked over to Jack expectantly.
Jack tilted her head thoughtfully. "It's...23 times 3 isn't it?" Traynor attempted an intimidating glower and Jack snickered, then held up her hands. "See this?" She held her fingers straight up then bent her thumb and first finger into a circle. "This is a person. Looks kind of like a six, right?"
"Yes. Although it doesn't look much like a human," said Samara "Perhaps a volus..."
"Yeah, whatever, I didn't make it up. Anyway, here's another little 6." She held up her other hand, then banged the two together. "Now look, they're kissing, aww! And now they're having sex!" She stuck out her tongue in enthusiasm, as the two finger people rubbed up against each other. "And then...." she tilted one hand upside down, "Sixty nine!"
"Ohhhh," said Tali and Samara simultaneously.
"...thanks," said Traynor.
"It's cool," said Jack. "It's the looks on their little faces that make teaching worth while."
She stretched out her arms and fingers, then yawned. "Anyway, I gotta go home and sleep. Getting too old to stay up explaining maths all night."
"I might go as well," said Samara. "But thank you for the conversation, it was most illuminating."
"What, you asari don't have a name for it? I thought you guys invented weird sex like a million years ago."
"Oh, it has a name," said Samara. "But not, as far as I am aware, a number. Anyway, this is a discussion for another time."
"Sure, whatever," said Jack.
Tali and Traynor sat in silence for a little while once the others had gone. Shepard was down on the ground floor somewhere cleaning up. It really was time to go, but Tali couldn't quite bring herself to leave.
"I'm...sorry if I embarrassed you before," said Tali. "I shouldn't have kept bugging you once I realised you were feeling uncomfortable."
"Nooooo, it's fine," said Traynor, her head lolling backwards and her eyes closed. "Probably should have just offered to show you."
Tali coughed in surprise.
"I mean...with my fingers!" said Traynor.
Tali giggled. "Sounds good to me," she said, feeling bold.
Traynor lifted her head and stared at her but of course Tali's helmet gave away nothing.
"Waaaaaiiiit....are you...flirting with me?" asked Traynor. "Sorry to ask, but I'm not very good at judging at the best of times, and right now you're drunk and I'm an alien so...I mean...um. Yeah."
"...yeah," said Tali, barely managing not to squeak. "Um. Maybe. If you don't mind." Traynor really was lovely, and this was probably the best chance Tali would get. And if she was shot down in flames, well, Traynor might not even remember in the morning.
Traynor sat up and gave her an adorable smile. "Mind? Why do you think I started the element guessing game in the first place? That's, like...classic nerd flirtation. Next step I offer to play chess in your quarters, and then I, uh...I hadn't figured out the step after that. But it was going to be really sexy."
"I like the sound of that," said Tali, looking at her fingers self consciously. "And after chess...uh...maybe you could show me more about numbers."
Traynor laughed, and grinned. "It would be my pleasure. Like Jack said, teaching is it's own reward."
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"It's cool," said Jack. "It's the looks on their little faces that make teaching worth while."
Thanks so much, anon!
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