A Day At The Races (1/1)
anonymous
August 1 2012, 02:33:30 UTC
a/n: Didn't see these other posts before I wrote the other fic so then I had to write a second one I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY OP, GOD
___
Garrus fired, and every shard of buckshot went wide. He growled in frustration, fired again, and missed. Again. With buckshot.
Shepard was clutching her stomach and cackling like a mad woman. "How's it feel?" she asked smugly. "Wanna have that one bronzed, too?"
The rifle she was referring to, currently hung lovingly above their mantle, had been an anniversary present she'd given him. She had never suspected how prominent a position it would have in their home, however, and that had been a point of contention between them for a long time. It wasn't a series of arguments so much as one long argument lasting about ten years. She was still convinced she was in the right.
"How do you even aim this thing?" he asked, frustrated and curious at the same time as he examined the thing like he'd never held a gun before in his life. "There's not even a proper rail on it."
"You want me to-"
"No!" he barked defensively. "I can do it!"
"Sure you can, big guy," she drawled. "Knock 'em dead."
Garrus waited. He sighted down the barrel as best he could, drew a breath, and fired the gun like it was a goddamn sniper rifle.
He missed again.
He roared and choked the shotgun's choke with his hands. "What is wrong with you?!" he growled through gritted teeth.
Shepard was cackling again as she stood. "Give it here, you big pointy bastard."
Reluctantly, Garrus handed her the Scimitar. She set herself the way she always did, or always used to - stance wide, shotgun slung easy at her hip, right at the firing line of the range.
"This-"
BOOM.
"-is how-"
BOOM.
"-you shoot-"
BOOM.
"-a fucking-"
BOOM.
"-shotgun!"
BOOM.
She cocked it and the spent heatsink tumbled out as she turned away. She tossed the gun to Garrus, who caught it with a grunt and went up to check her score.
She'd gotten more pellets through a single target than he had through all of them with three full heat sinks worth of rounds.
Shepard sighed in satisfaction as he looked at her with both gentle annoyance and profound respect. "Yep," she said as she rolled her right shoulder, popping the joint a little, "think I'll have a statue made, myself."
"You've already got a statue," he said automatically. Then he jerked his head at her shoulder. "Keep telling you to get that looked at."
"You should have your head looked at, thinking you can beat me at mid-range shotgun drills." Shepard plopped back into her seat. "And you say one more word about the shoulder and I'll get it looked at right after I beat you to death."
"Fine," he said, moving to sit beside her, "long as you get it looked at."
Shepard sighed. Garrus could be such a stubborn, protective, lovey-dovey asshole sometimes. She loved him for it, but she'd never tell him that to his face.
"I still beat you at long-range."
She sneered. And he could be damn smug, too.
"You're really bringing that up again? Really?"
"It's a pleasant memory."
"The one time you ever beat me at anything?"
"Oh come on, I've beaten you at other things."
"Name one."
Garrus crossed his arms and stared her down. "I haven't died," he said. "I'd say that puts me one up on you."
"I can fix that for you if you want," she said, trying to get her hands around his neck, but he's already got his hands on her sides in the spots he knows she's ticklish and oh how she loathes him for exploiting her weaknesses like that.
She'll give him hell for it later, though. Right now, she's having too much fun.
Re: A Day At The Races (1/1)
anonymous
August 2 2012, 09:06:40 UTC
oh jeeesus this is amazing. a!a thank you so much holy shit, this is exactly what I wanted. old lady shep enjoying the Bottle Shooter King's downfall, and then showing him up by spraying victory from the hip. there's that Ms. Goddamn Vanguard Shep i know. so proud c:
also lmfao did he just try to sight with a goddamn shotgun? RAPTOR-HUSBAND PLS YOU'LL KNOCK OFF YOUR MANDIBLES and aw fuck the schimitar? yesyesyes. eh who am i kidding? i love all the shotguns
but man I can only imagine what Garrus would do with the Claymore. actually i'd love to see Tali's reaction to this, considering i always gave her that particular gun. HAHAHA "I had a shotgun, and I'm really glad you didn't, Garrus."
oh and the "I haven't died" line - screamed. YES. your voices were perfect, a!a, their interaction flowed perfectly and the image was as clear as crystal in my head. fantastic job tysfm.
a/n: Didn't see these other posts before I wrote the other fic so then I had to write a second one I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY OP, GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA A/N, NO IDEA
___
Garrus fired, and every shard of buckshot went wide. He growled in frustration, fired again, and missed. Again. With buckshot.
Shepard was clutching her stomach and cackling like a mad woman. "How's it feel?" she asked smugly. "Wanna have that one bronzed, too?"
The rifle she was referring to, currently hung lovingly above their mantle, had been an anniversary present she'd given him. She had never suspected how prominent a position it would have in their home, however, and that had been a point of contention between them for a long time. It wasn't a series of arguments so much as one long argument lasting about ten years. She was still convinced she was in the right.
"How do you even aim this thing?" he asked, frustrated and curious at the same time as he examined the thing like he'd never held a gun before in his life. "There's not even a proper rail on it."
"You want me to-"
"No!" he barked defensively. "I can do it!"
"Sure you can, big guy," she drawled. "Knock 'em dead."
Garrus waited. He sighted down the barrel as best he could, drew a breath, and fired the gun like it was a goddamn sniper rifle.
He missed again.
He roared and choked the shotgun's choke with his hands. "What is wrong with you?!" he growled through gritted teeth.
Shepard was cackling again as she stood. "Give it here, you big pointy bastard."
Reluctantly, Garrus handed her the Scimitar. She set herself the way she always did, or always used to - stance wide, shotgun slung easy at her hip, right at the firing line of the range.
"This-"
BOOM.
"-is how-"
BOOM.
"-you shoot-"
BOOM.
"-a fucking-"
BOOM.
"-shotgun!"
BOOM.
She cocked it and the spent heatsink tumbled out as she turned away. She tossed the gun to Garrus, who caught it with a grunt and went up to check her score.
She'd gotten more pellets through a single target than he had through all of them with three full heat sinks worth of rounds.
Shepard sighed in satisfaction as he looked at her with both gentle annoyance and profound respect. "Yep," she said as she rolled her right shoulder, popping the joint a little, "think I'll have a statue made, myself."
"You've already got a statue," he said automatically. Then he jerked his head at her shoulder. "Keep telling you to get that looked at."
"You should have your head looked at, thinking you can beat me at mid-range shotgun drills." Shepard plopped back into her seat. "And you say one more word about the shoulder and I'll get it looked at right after I beat you to death."
"Fine," he said, moving to sit beside her, "long as you get it looked at."
Shepard sighed. Garrus could be such a stubborn, protective, lovey-dovey asshole sometimes. She loved him for it, but she'd never tell him that to his face.
"I still beat you at long-range."
She sneered. And he could be damn smug, too.
"You're really bringing that up again? Really?"
"It's a pleasant memory."
"The one time you ever beat me at anything?"
"Oh come on, I've beaten you at other things."
"Name one."
Garrus crossed his arms and stared her down. "I haven't died," he said. "I'd say that puts me one up on you."
"I can fix that for you if you want," she said, trying to get her hands around his neck, but he's already got his hands on her sides in the spots he knows she's ticklish and oh how she loathes him for exploiting her weaknesses like that.
She'll give him hell for it later, though. Right now, she's having too much fun.
Reply
Oh, and this:
Garrus crossed his arms and stared her down. "I haven't died," he said. "I'd say that puts me one up on you."
"I can fix that for you if you want,"
Has me in stitches, as in I can't breathe, as in I'm sending you my funeral bill and all my everythings cause you're the best A!A !
Reply
Reply
Reply
As far as I'm concerned you just won the Kink Meme, that was magnificent and everything I could have wanted ^^
Reply
also
lmfao did he just try to sight with a goddamn shotgun? RAPTOR-HUSBAND PLS YOU'LL KNOCK OFF YOUR MANDIBLES
and
aw fuck the schimitar? yesyesyes. eh who am i kidding? i love all the shotguns
but man I can only imagine what Garrus would do with the Claymore. actually i'd love to see Tali's reaction to this, considering i always gave her that particular gun. HAHAHA "I had a shotgun, and I'm really glad you didn't, Garrus."
oh and the "I haven't died" line - screamed. YES. your voices were perfect, a!a, their interaction flowed perfectly and the image was as clear as crystal in my head. fantastic job tysfm.
a/n: Didn't see these other posts before I wrote the other fic so then I had to write a second one I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY OP, GOD
YOU HAVE NO IDEA A/N, NO IDEA
Reply
Reply
And the rest of the comments are appreciated too!
Reply
Reply
Anyone else reading this in the voices of the old couple from Courge the Cowardly Dog?
Reply
Leave a comment