For pearlieblue
Giftee: pearlieblue
Title: Clean Up, Aisle N7
Characters: ME crew, Ashley Williams POV
Prompt: Post me 3. Post Battle for Earth. Clean up crew in Shepard's cabin. What do they find?
Genre: angsty crack (or an attempt thereof)
Rating: crack.
Summary: Just what it says on the tin.
A/N: The preferred ending wasn’t specified, so I did Destroy, since that was the last ending I chose (and I can’t remember any of the others atm… ). And I did female colonist Shepard (for reasons explained in the fic). Happy Holidays!
“What are we going do about Shepard’s Cabin?” James Vega asked as the assembled crew paid their last respects to Shepard’s name on the memorial wall.
Ashley Williams sighed. “Keep Zaeed out of Shepard’s underwear drawer.” She led the way to the elevator.
“Figured you’d be more worried about keeping Javik out of there,” Joker commented as Shepard’s closest friends piled into the lift.
Ash slanted Joker a look.
“What? You didn’t know?”
All eyes went to the prothean. He only stared back, mute. As the elevator began its ascent, he spoke condescendingly. “Primitives and your gossip.”
The elevator opened at the Loft before anyone could formulate a reply. Not because they were primitive or thought they were primitive, but because there was no denying that everyone loved gossip.
Even Grunt.
And no one said crap about Tali’s extranet gossip blog.
Especially Grunt.
“Well,” Ash said, leading the short distance to Shepard’s quarters. Sunlight shone through the hastily erected mass effect field above them. “This is it then.”
“Just open the damn door,” Garrus said. He marched ahead.
Naturally, the said damn door refused to open. He kicked it.
“I’ve got explosives,” Zaeed volunteered.
Ash shot him the hairy eyeball. Shepard was missing, dead, or both (again), and they were talking about using explosives on her door. What a fine Navy day.
The mercenary only shrugged. “They’re specifically designed for doors. Did the officer training give you a lobotomy, Williams?”
Ash ignored him. “Garrus, can you--?”
“Already on it, Ash.”
Thirty-five minutes later, Shepard’s crew gave up on the door and climbed out on the Normandy’s roof via Grunt’s shoulders. The alien planet’s atmosphere was a little thicker than what they were used to, but the gravity was okay-about the same as Normandy’s.
“If EDI were still here,” Joker said, not for the first time in the last thirty-five minutes, “she could have just opened the door.” EDI’s lifeless body was still where it lay when the red-shifted spectrum had hit the Normandy. When the ship stopped responding, Joker had been forced to land the ship on the nearest planet. The back-up VI had EDI’s voice-print, but was definitely not EDI. It had neither the processing power nor the memory EDI had nor her love for ill-timed jokes.
“I bet Shepard forgot to make her bed,” Liara said quietly. The group knew a solemn moment. Ashley’s heart hurt. It felt like Alchera all over again. And Cerberus was done. There’d be new bad guys, eventually, but the people who’d given Shepard her life back were gone.
“Let’s make sure Shepard’s hamster is okay,” Tali said. They nodded and continued to the sky light.
“I’ll be damned,” Garrus murmured, looking at the sky light. It was intact. They peered in. Shepard’s bed was indeed unmade. “That is such a bad habit,” he said. He fiddled with the controls and the sky light slid open.
The room was a mess.
“We broke all Shepard’s little ships,” Tali commented. One of the display cabinets had been hit by something. Probably a loose piece of armor or-Ashley realized she was looking at the toilet. Whatever had blown the hole in the roof by the elevator had come through the cabin’s head and yanked out the toilet. It sat like a trophy on Shepard's coffee table.
“This, ladies, gentlemen and aliens,” Joker said, “is why things are supposed to be bolted down in space. Nasty things like inertia and zero-g.” He picked up a broken model of Sovereign. “And Reaper attacks.”
“Not anymore.” Ashley said. She looked around the mess wishing beyond anything that Shepard would just pop out and say, “Not done yet.”
She gave a sigh then stretched her neck. They had a lot of work to do. “Okay, guys. Break out the swabs.”
Joker began the task of picking up Shepard’s ships. Liara and Tali bickered over who was going to find the Space Hamster first. Garrus found Shepard's expert marksman badge. Traynor located Shepard's coffee pot. Vega and Cortez made Shepard’s bed and collected the glass fragments from the fish tank. The only thing that saved the fish and the water was the emergency mass effect fields.
“I thought they didn’t work that way,” Vega commented.
Cortez shrugged. “It’s all space magic as far as I’m concerned.”
Garrus bored them all with a detailed explanation of how three fields were necessary and gasses were sandwiched in between the layers and that kept the water and fish in place.
“Nerd,” Tali murmured when he’d finished.
It was Grunt who found Shepard’s hardcopy Fornax collection. It was Javik who found Shepard’s Vibra-Tor 9000. And it was Zaeed who was indeed caught nosing around Shepard’s underwear drawer. Unsurprisingly, he found three grenades, two thermal clips, and partridge in a pear tree. The aliens were confused as to why she needed the bird and the twig.
“Mindoir’s colonial seal,” James explained. He shrugged. “Was posted with a guy from there. Kept us up at the barracks some nights just singing ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’.”
“Hey, look,” Liara’s voice carried from across the small room.
“I don’t want to know,” Ashley lamented when the asari called her over to inspect her find.
Shepard’s dog tags.
Title: Clean Up, Aisle N7
Characters: ME crew, Ashley Williams POV
Prompt: Post me 3. Post Battle for Earth. Clean up crew in Shepard's cabin. What do they find?
Genre: angsty crack (or an attempt thereof)
Rating: crack.
Summary: Just what it says on the tin.
A/N: The preferred ending wasn’t specified, so I did Destroy, since that was the last ending I chose (and I can’t remember any of the others atm… ). And I did female colonist Shepard (for reasons explained in the fic). Happy Holidays!
“What are we going do about Shepard’s Cabin?” James Vega asked as the assembled crew paid their last respects to Shepard’s name on the memorial wall.
Ashley Williams sighed. “Keep Zaeed out of Shepard’s underwear drawer.” She led the way to the elevator.
“Figured you’d be more worried about keeping Javik out of there,” Joker commented as Shepard’s closest friends piled into the lift.
Ash slanted Joker a look.
“What? You didn’t know?”
All eyes went to the prothean. He only stared back, mute. As the elevator began its ascent, he spoke condescendingly. “Primitives and your gossip.”
The elevator opened at the Loft before anyone could formulate a reply. Not because they were primitive or thought they were primitive, but because there was no denying that everyone loved gossip.
Even Grunt.
And no one said crap about Tali’s extranet gossip blog.
Especially Grunt.
“Well,” Ash said, leading the short distance to Shepard’s quarters. Sunlight shone through the hastily erected mass effect field above them. “This is it then.”
“Just open the damn door,” Garrus said. He marched ahead.
Naturally, the said damn door refused to open. He kicked it.
“I’ve got explosives,” Zaeed volunteered.
Ash shot him the hairy eyeball. Shepard was missing, dead, or both (again), and they were talking about using explosives on her door. What a fine Navy day.
The mercenary only shrugged. “They’re specifically designed for doors. Did the officer training give you a lobotomy, Williams?”
Ash ignored him. “Garrus, can you--?”
“Already on it, Ash.”
Thirty-five minutes later, Shepard’s crew gave up on the door and climbed out on the Normandy’s roof via Grunt’s shoulders. The alien planet’s atmosphere was a little thicker than what they were used to, but the gravity was okay-about the same as Normandy’s.
“If EDI were still here,” Joker said, not for the first time in the last thirty-five minutes, “she could have just opened the door.” EDI’s lifeless body was still where it lay when the red-shifted spectrum had hit the Normandy. When the ship stopped responding, Joker had been forced to land the ship on the nearest planet. The back-up VI had EDI’s voice-print, but was definitely not EDI. It had neither the processing power nor the memory EDI had nor her love for ill-timed jokes.
“I bet Shepard forgot to make her bed,” Liara said quietly. The group knew a solemn moment. Ashley’s heart hurt. It felt like Alchera all over again. And Cerberus was done. There’d be new bad guys, eventually, but the people who’d given Shepard her life back were gone.
“Let’s make sure Shepard’s hamster is okay,” Tali said. They nodded and continued to the sky light.
“I’ll be damned,” Garrus murmured, looking at the sky light. It was intact. They peered in. Shepard’s bed was indeed unmade. “That is such a bad habit,” he said. He fiddled with the controls and the sky light slid open.
The room was a mess.
“We broke all Shepard’s little ships,” Tali commented. One of the display cabinets had been hit by something. Probably a loose piece of armor or-Ashley realized she was looking at the toilet. Whatever had blown the hole in the roof by the elevator had come through the cabin’s head and yanked out the toilet. It sat like a trophy on Shepard's coffee table.
“This, ladies, gentlemen and aliens,” Joker said, “is why things are supposed to be bolted down in space. Nasty things like inertia and zero-g.” He picked up a broken model of Sovereign. “And Reaper attacks.”
“Not anymore.” Ashley said. She looked around the mess wishing beyond anything that Shepard would just pop out and say, “Not done yet.”
She gave a sigh then stretched her neck. They had a lot of work to do. “Okay, guys. Break out the swabs.”
Joker began the task of picking up Shepard’s ships. Liara and Tali bickered over who was going to find the Space Hamster first. Garrus found Shepard's expert marksman badge. Traynor located Shepard's coffee pot. Vega and Cortez made Shepard’s bed and collected the glass fragments from the fish tank. The only thing that saved the fish and the water was the emergency mass effect fields.
“I thought they didn’t work that way,” Vega commented.
Cortez shrugged. “It’s all space magic as far as I’m concerned.”
Garrus bored them all with a detailed explanation of how three fields were necessary and gasses were sandwiched in between the layers and that kept the water and fish in place.
“Nerd,” Tali murmured when he’d finished.
It was Grunt who found Shepard’s hardcopy Fornax collection. It was Javik who found Shepard’s Vibra-Tor 9000. And it was Zaeed who was indeed caught nosing around Shepard’s underwear drawer. Unsurprisingly, he found three grenades, two thermal clips, and partridge in a pear tree. The aliens were confused as to why she needed the bird and the twig.
“Mindoir’s colonial seal,” James explained. He shrugged. “Was posted with a guy from there. Kept us up at the barracks some nights just singing ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’.”
“Hey, look,” Liara’s voice carried from across the small room.
“I don’t want to know,” Ashley lamented when the asari called her over to inspect her find.
Shepard’s dog tags.