Temper or the lack thereof
I get all choked up and on the verge of tears if I try to speak when I'm very angry. Because of that, my temper has gone down significantly over the years. I no longer get into heated arguments with others, insist on certain decisions or defend my stand beyond a certain extent.
I find myself telling friends I hardly have a temper and/or it'd take a lot for me to flare up (if I do, that person seriously hit the wrong buttons too many times). And I've been told I'm fake / two-faced because I don't voice out when I'm angry about somebody's actions or words and bear all the anger within, yet still interact normally with that person.
My reasons are simple: 1) what's the use of showing anger or discontentment if I'm gonna get all choked up and people might think that I'm trying to get a sympathy vote for tearing? No use at all. 2) there is no way you're getting any logical points across to each other in that state of mind. 3) make peace, not war.
I guess that was how I developed patience and tolerance; HUGE amount of patience and tolerance. And over the past year, I've learnt to sleep away all the negative feelings and maybe subconsciously forgetting whatever that I don't wish to remember. That is probably how I'd found the right balance of emotions in my life currently.
But still, there's always this question at the back of my mind: is this a good or bad thing. At least I know I tear when I'm angry more than when I'm sad -.-"
Yknow what? Forget it. I used to think so much into every thing that even the most beautiful things seemed otherwise. I'll just embrace whatever makes me a happy person, and ditch whatever makes me feel like crap.