just got back
Just got back from Angies uncles. it was awesome. did alot of thinking. and yea of course some of it had to do with Nate because he was there all weekend with us. *sigh* I'm so tired and hungry right now. but I'll go into a bit of detail. Over all it was a really fun weekend. Angie's uncles are great, so funny and welcoming. We went on a boat, did some shopping, played in their game room and just had a good time. It was nice not to have to worry about hearing my dad complain and yell at me. I'm so sick of the fucking bullshit he's been giving me lately, he told me that I think to much about school and not enough about life, when he's the one who has been killing me over doing the best with grades ect. since I was little. He's the reason I'm anxious, and paranoid, and so fucking hard on myself. *slams fist on table* Sorry, a can of emotions opens up on that subject that I havn't sorted through yet.
So the Nate topic. I found myself watching him alot, not in that creepy way, but the admiration way. I still love everything about him, the way he smiles, his laugh, the way his body moves so deftly and quick, the way you can see his muscles move and flex, his humor, those small grins, his sarcasm, his voice, even his stupid fucking goatee which I make fun of all the time. God I even love his mood swings, and how you can see the clouds of emotion float in and out of his eyes (when they arn't obscured by his ridiculous wolf contacts, which oh yes, I love along with the goatee.) I geuss I could just sum it up as him. I dont know how I can be so enamored with him when he makes me so frustrated and upset. I'd like to think its either because I love him or maybe out of habit, actually I'd like to think neither and feel nothing for him at all but I know that isn't true. I'd rather not have my stomach jump in excitement at the chance of seeing him, and I'd rather not have my nerves get fluttery when he comes near, unfortunatly I can't stop either one of these things. Which is the only reason he frustrates me at all, that I can't make myself stop loving him. Is it possible that my body is just in the habit of reacting this way? Does that happen?
*sigh* I'm sure none of you wanted to read this, but I geuss that's why not too many people have this journal. Its funny that emotions I wont give the light of day or a voice to can come out so easily to a computer and people whom I never see. I'm so quick to dispel emotions I dont like to admit too on here. Explain that one Freud.
So the Nate topic. I found myself watching him alot, not in that creepy way, but the admiration way. I still love everything about him, the way he smiles, his laugh, the way his body moves so deftly and quick, the way you can see his muscles move and flex, his humor, those small grins, his sarcasm, his voice, even his stupid fucking goatee which I make fun of all the time. God I even love his mood swings, and how you can see the clouds of emotion float in and out of his eyes (when they arn't obscured by his ridiculous wolf contacts, which oh yes, I love along with the goatee.) I geuss I could just sum it up as him. I dont know how I can be so enamored with him when he makes me so frustrated and upset. I'd like to think its either because I love him or maybe out of habit, actually I'd like to think neither and feel nothing for him at all but I know that isn't true. I'd rather not have my stomach jump in excitement at the chance of seeing him, and I'd rather not have my nerves get fluttery when he comes near, unfortunatly I can't stop either one of these things. Which is the only reason he frustrates me at all, that I can't make myself stop loving him. Is it possible that my body is just in the habit of reacting this way? Does that happen?
*sigh* I'm sure none of you wanted to read this, but I geuss that's why not too many people have this journal. Its funny that emotions I wont give the light of day or a voice to can come out so easily to a computer and people whom I never see. I'm so quick to dispel emotions I dont like to admit too on here. Explain that one Freud.