A is for Abuse
Title: A is for Abuse
Author: masochiistic
Disclaimer: No owning. x_e
Band: diru
Pairings: Die/Shinya (hinted Kaoru & Toshiya)
Rating: Pg-13?
Warnings: Sexual abuse (said, not described), mild abuse (not described)
Summary: It takes Die years to notice what is happening to Shinya. They're close, then apart, and when Die does come to realize, there's so much he wants to say but doesn't dare. [I suck at summaries. ;x]
Comments: Semi-au setting. In this part they are at the same age - it just works out better. I'm planning on going through the whole alphabet, starting with A. 1,483 words.
Age four brought Daisuke and Shinya together to be best friends. It was to be a cliché case, but neither knew it at the time.
Age six brought trouble at school for Die, who was constantly in fights. Shinya was always there, waiting off on the sidelines, and Die knew that should he get a cut, Shinya had a band-aid.
By age nine, Daisuke knew there was something suspicious going on. It wasn’t simply because Shinya couldn’t go to any parties, or always wore long sleeves, and it wasn’t even because Shinya started wearing makeup (he’d always known Shinya had a… different preference in genders), but it was when Shinya handed him his favorite stuffed animal - a small giraffe - and said, “I want you to have this.” Shinya had never been one to part easily with his objects. It was clear, least to Die, that something wasn’t quite right. But at age nine, there wasn’t exactly much he could do.
Age twelve brought them apart. Die was climbing the social ladder, and Shinya was left behind. Die didn’t know it then, but though their relationship had declined rapidly, just their simple greetings in the hallways kept Shinya going. Shinya had always been weak-minded, and hope was certainly his fault, or maybe it was Die’s for letting him think there was a chance.
Age sixteen brought Die’s first official heartbreak, and his first attempts at drinking. It was also brought along the first time he’d ever knocked on Shinya’s door for help, and Shinya was Shinya, to kind to be able to refuse. Die remembered stepping in and falling asleep on Shinya’s bed, sure he’d seen something peculiar on Shinya’s, for once, uncovered arm, but he couldn’t be sure. After all, it was dark, and he wasn’t in his most stable mind.
Age eighteen had them parting separate ways. Die was going to study abroad, and Shinya was staying home, or so it was rumored. Die had expected Shinya to go beyond as well, but then again he hadn’t confided many secrets in Shinya in years, and his lack of knowing what Shinya was doing with his life wasn’t uncommon. Though unbeknownst to Die, his leaving was turning point in Shinya’s life. Shinya’s hope was leaving, and with that it seemed almost pointless to go on.
Shinya wasn’t there to see Die off, something he regretted for years to come.
And it started when they were twenty-two.
It began when Daisuke came for surprise visit to his family and found the house empty, the bad part being he'd long-since lost his own house key. It was all coincidence how Shinya happened to be walking in to his own house that night, how he dropped his key to the ground, how the clank alerted Die that he wasn’t the only person out there just then.
It just happened how Shinya and Die wound up going for dinner -Shinya and Die later making a spare key from the one Shinya had taken from his dad who had often 'house watched' for Die’s family when they went away- and how they wound up catching up on each others lives.
Die learned Shinya was aiming to be a teacher, and Shinya learned Die wasn’t sure where he wanted his career to go, just knew he wanted to be around people, a speaker of some sort. Shinya had smiled. It had always been like Die to speak his mind.
It had been stupid when Shinya had taken off his coat, had been in such bliss that he’d forgotten what he’d been hiding. The short sleeved shirt and shirt that dipped slightly in the front hadn’t left much, and the silence was so long, so painful, that when Die reached over, absently grazing the hickies and bruises, Shinya hadn’t felt it - he’d been expecting something along the lines of another scolding.
Die didn’t understand. Shinya was a grown man. How was it possible to still be suffering this? And how was it possible to hide this for so long? And for just how long was 'long'? He’d let Shinya put on his coat again, hadn’t forced him to say anything, but the marks gave away enough. The night had continued on in mostly silence from then on, and when Die had gone home and spent the weekend with his family, leaving Shinya there, knowing what he knew, was the hardest thing he’d had to do.
They did, however, keep a close contact through letters, sending them as frequently as they could, taking at most a week to respond. Shinya never mentioned what was happening, and probably wouldn’t have until Die had questioned him about it. Shinya had taken more than two weeks to reply, and Die had thought maybe Shinya was mad at him, but just as he himself was about to lose hope, he’d gotten a letter. It stated that Shinya was going to leave and move out and stay with friends (Kaoru and Toshiya, Die later remembered with a smile), and that it might take him a bit longer to reply, but that if Die could come down in three weeks -three weeks, Die noted, would be almost exactly two years since they’d started their letter-writing--, that he would be fully moved in, and would much love to have Die's presence around for the weekend.
For Shinya, it ended at twenty-four.
Die transferred schools not long after that visit, one much closer to Shinya, able to see him much, much more. He never found out what became of Shinya’s father -he assumed Shinya's father had realized that Shinya wasn’t going to live with any abuse forever. But it didn’t matter. A month after Die had moved back, he asked Shinya out. It had been risqué move, surprising everyone, Shinya included, but Die recalled, most fondly, the way Shinya’s cheeks had flushed as he’d nodded a 'yes'. Shinya had never looked as spectacular as he had that night as they’d walked the peer and eaten at a not-so-expensive diner (Die was low on cash), but it had been apparent that it hadn’t bothered Shinya.
Four months later, they were living together. The apartment was small, but big enough for them. Shinya had endlessly thanked Kaoru and Toshiya for their generosity, insisting on repaying them, but they never accepted anything in return. Toshiya had claimed that Shinya’s happiness was enough payment.
Eventually Shinya’s bruises faded and the hickies disappeared, but it took two years before Shinya felt anywhere near comfortable enough to take off his shirt near Die, and more than once did he plead that Die could leave him whenever he wanted. It was painful for Die to think Shinya had such thoughts, but he’d stuck with him.
Age twenty-seven was the year Shinya had let Die take him, inside and out.
It almost ended age twenty-eight, when Die had accidentally slapped Shinya over the question of whether or not they should buy a house. Die’s heart had never ached so much, and when he saw Shinya, packing a suitcase, he’d cried and sobbed and hung on to Shinya so tightly, so shamefully, that even Shinya took pity. He’d stayed, and Die had never been so careless again.
When everything had been finished by age thirty-five, both were comfortable and, yes, living in a two-story house. (Not that they really needed all the space, but it was nice to know there were many places to claim.)
On a particular night Die commented, “Shinya, why did you put up with it for so long?”
Shinya, who had been comfortably resting in his arms, instantly became uncomfortable, shifting and pressing his cheek to Die’s chest, sighing. “I didn’t want to disappoint him.”
It seemed stupid, so stupid, Die thought, to put up with it until so late in to his age. “You could have said no.”
“…And he’d have called me ungrateful. He knew what he was doing, Die. With a few words he could have made me feel like the worst child. He called it his payment.. Rent, really, for everything he’d ever given me. It seemed fair at the time. I was so young..” Shinya muttered, closing his eyes tiredly.
Die hadn’t commented again, and instead had kissed Shinya’s forehead. Every day was a battle for Shinya, and even during the nights they were literally joined, Die could often see in Shinya’s eyes the questioning look, the one that was secretly wondering if he was merely a sex toy. There were some things Die couldn’t erase.
So, instead, he did what he always did. He picked Shinya up, so carefully, and carried him to their room, setting him on their bed next to a now rag-tag stuffed giraffe. He kissed Shinya again, softly, like always, and got ready for bed himself, prepared to start the process all over again the next day.
---
C&C much appreciated.
Sorry if this seems like a pointless story. x_x
Author: masochiistic
Disclaimer: No owning. x_e
Band: diru
Pairings: Die/Shinya (hinted Kaoru & Toshiya)
Rating: Pg-13?
Warnings: Sexual abuse (said, not described), mild abuse (not described)
Summary: It takes Die years to notice what is happening to Shinya. They're close, then apart, and when Die does come to realize, there's so much he wants to say but doesn't dare. [I suck at summaries. ;x]
Comments: Semi-au setting. In this part they are at the same age - it just works out better. I'm planning on going through the whole alphabet, starting with A. 1,483 words.
Age four brought Daisuke and Shinya together to be best friends. It was to be a cliché case, but neither knew it at the time.
Age six brought trouble at school for Die, who was constantly in fights. Shinya was always there, waiting off on the sidelines, and Die knew that should he get a cut, Shinya had a band-aid.
By age nine, Daisuke knew there was something suspicious going on. It wasn’t simply because Shinya couldn’t go to any parties, or always wore long sleeves, and it wasn’t even because Shinya started wearing makeup (he’d always known Shinya had a… different preference in genders), but it was when Shinya handed him his favorite stuffed animal - a small giraffe - and said, “I want you to have this.” Shinya had never been one to part easily with his objects. It was clear, least to Die, that something wasn’t quite right. But at age nine, there wasn’t exactly much he could do.
Age twelve brought them apart. Die was climbing the social ladder, and Shinya was left behind. Die didn’t know it then, but though their relationship had declined rapidly, just their simple greetings in the hallways kept Shinya going. Shinya had always been weak-minded, and hope was certainly his fault, or maybe it was Die’s for letting him think there was a chance.
Age sixteen brought Die’s first official heartbreak, and his first attempts at drinking. It was also brought along the first time he’d ever knocked on Shinya’s door for help, and Shinya was Shinya, to kind to be able to refuse. Die remembered stepping in and falling asleep on Shinya’s bed, sure he’d seen something peculiar on Shinya’s, for once, uncovered arm, but he couldn’t be sure. After all, it was dark, and he wasn’t in his most stable mind.
Age eighteen had them parting separate ways. Die was going to study abroad, and Shinya was staying home, or so it was rumored. Die had expected Shinya to go beyond as well, but then again he hadn’t confided many secrets in Shinya in years, and his lack of knowing what Shinya was doing with his life wasn’t uncommon. Though unbeknownst to Die, his leaving was turning point in Shinya’s life. Shinya’s hope was leaving, and with that it seemed almost pointless to go on.
Shinya wasn’t there to see Die off, something he regretted for years to come.
And it started when they were twenty-two.
It began when Daisuke came for surprise visit to his family and found the house empty, the bad part being he'd long-since lost his own house key. It was all coincidence how Shinya happened to be walking in to his own house that night, how he dropped his key to the ground, how the clank alerted Die that he wasn’t the only person out there just then.
It just happened how Shinya and Die wound up going for dinner -Shinya and Die later making a spare key from the one Shinya had taken from his dad who had often 'house watched' for Die’s family when they went away- and how they wound up catching up on each others lives.
Die learned Shinya was aiming to be a teacher, and Shinya learned Die wasn’t sure where he wanted his career to go, just knew he wanted to be around people, a speaker of some sort. Shinya had smiled. It had always been like Die to speak his mind.
It had been stupid when Shinya had taken off his coat, had been in such bliss that he’d forgotten what he’d been hiding. The short sleeved shirt and shirt that dipped slightly in the front hadn’t left much, and the silence was so long, so painful, that when Die reached over, absently grazing the hickies and bruises, Shinya hadn’t felt it - he’d been expecting something along the lines of another scolding.
Die didn’t understand. Shinya was a grown man. How was it possible to still be suffering this? And how was it possible to hide this for so long? And for just how long was 'long'? He’d let Shinya put on his coat again, hadn’t forced him to say anything, but the marks gave away enough. The night had continued on in mostly silence from then on, and when Die had gone home and spent the weekend with his family, leaving Shinya there, knowing what he knew, was the hardest thing he’d had to do.
They did, however, keep a close contact through letters, sending them as frequently as they could, taking at most a week to respond. Shinya never mentioned what was happening, and probably wouldn’t have until Die had questioned him about it. Shinya had taken more than two weeks to reply, and Die had thought maybe Shinya was mad at him, but just as he himself was about to lose hope, he’d gotten a letter. It stated that Shinya was going to leave and move out and stay with friends (Kaoru and Toshiya, Die later remembered with a smile), and that it might take him a bit longer to reply, but that if Die could come down in three weeks -three weeks, Die noted, would be almost exactly two years since they’d started their letter-writing--, that he would be fully moved in, and would much love to have Die's presence around for the weekend.
For Shinya, it ended at twenty-four.
Die transferred schools not long after that visit, one much closer to Shinya, able to see him much, much more. He never found out what became of Shinya’s father -he assumed Shinya's father had realized that Shinya wasn’t going to live with any abuse forever. But it didn’t matter. A month after Die had moved back, he asked Shinya out. It had been risqué move, surprising everyone, Shinya included, but Die recalled, most fondly, the way Shinya’s cheeks had flushed as he’d nodded a 'yes'. Shinya had never looked as spectacular as he had that night as they’d walked the peer and eaten at a not-so-expensive diner (Die was low on cash), but it had been apparent that it hadn’t bothered Shinya.
Four months later, they were living together. The apartment was small, but big enough for them. Shinya had endlessly thanked Kaoru and Toshiya for their generosity, insisting on repaying them, but they never accepted anything in return. Toshiya had claimed that Shinya’s happiness was enough payment.
Eventually Shinya’s bruises faded and the hickies disappeared, but it took two years before Shinya felt anywhere near comfortable enough to take off his shirt near Die, and more than once did he plead that Die could leave him whenever he wanted. It was painful for Die to think Shinya had such thoughts, but he’d stuck with him.
Age twenty-seven was the year Shinya had let Die take him, inside and out.
It almost ended age twenty-eight, when Die had accidentally slapped Shinya over the question of whether or not they should buy a house. Die’s heart had never ached so much, and when he saw Shinya, packing a suitcase, he’d cried and sobbed and hung on to Shinya so tightly, so shamefully, that even Shinya took pity. He’d stayed, and Die had never been so careless again.
When everything had been finished by age thirty-five, both were comfortable and, yes, living in a two-story house. (Not that they really needed all the space, but it was nice to know there were many places to claim.)
On a particular night Die commented, “Shinya, why did you put up with it for so long?”
Shinya, who had been comfortably resting in his arms, instantly became uncomfortable, shifting and pressing his cheek to Die’s chest, sighing. “I didn’t want to disappoint him.”
It seemed stupid, so stupid, Die thought, to put up with it until so late in to his age. “You could have said no.”
“…And he’d have called me ungrateful. He knew what he was doing, Die. With a few words he could have made me feel like the worst child. He called it his payment.. Rent, really, for everything he’d ever given me. It seemed fair at the time. I was so young..” Shinya muttered, closing his eyes tiredly.
Die hadn’t commented again, and instead had kissed Shinya’s forehead. Every day was a battle for Shinya, and even during the nights they were literally joined, Die could often see in Shinya’s eyes the questioning look, the one that was secretly wondering if he was merely a sex toy. There were some things Die couldn’t erase.
So, instead, he did what he always did. He picked Shinya up, so carefully, and carried him to their room, setting him on their bed next to a now rag-tag stuffed giraffe. He kissed Shinya again, softly, like always, and got ready for bed himself, prepared to start the process all over again the next day.
---
C&C much appreciated.
Sorry if this seems like a pointless story. x_x