Shag A Stag - 1/2

Aug 04, 2009 20:12


Title: Shag A Stag
Chapter 1: I Have A Masterful Idea
Author: Masobelle
Rating: PG13 (I Think)
Summary: Sirius and Remus play a game. The rules are simple. Whoever shags James first wins. Marauder Era. Stupidity and madness reign. Pretty much crack, no real pairings. Twoshot.

Author's Notes: Ridiculous little story, jsut written for a bit of fun. I was re-reading it before and found a few things I'd like to change, but I left them the way they were as it is already posted on FF.net. Comments would be lovely!

-



“I have a Masterful Idea,” Sirius announced. His black hair was done up in a tiny pony tail, with the majority of it falling around his face.

Remus didn’t look up from his position on the couch, his nose buried in a thick book. Sirius paused for a moment, waiting for a reaction before continuing. “A Masterful Idea for the most wonderful bet ever.” Pause. “Don’t you want to know what it is?” he asked in exasperation, hands on hips as he stood in front of his friend.

“Not really,” Remus replied, turning a page in his book and pointedly ignoring the other boy.

Sirius huffed and flumped down next to the werewolf, plucking the book from his hands and throwing it across the room at a group of startled second-years.

“Hey!” he said indignantly, glaring at the Animagus. “I was reading that!”

“You read too much, Moony. Besides, you have to hear about my wonderful, fantastic, and extremely superior to anything anyone else can come up with idea for a bet! You’ll love it, I promise!”

Remus glared, crossing his arms and tapping his fingers impatiently. “Well?” he snapped.

Sirius pouted. “It won’t be wonderful or fantastic if you’re not going to play properly Remmy! Indulge me.”

The other boy snorted. “Isn’t that all I do? Indulge you? We aren’t five; I don’t have to ‘play’ at all.”

“Trust me, you’ll want to. The game is called Shag-A-Stag. Whoever can do James first wins... something. I haven’t figured that bit out yet.” He was bouncing hyperactively in his seat.

Remus stared. “You mean we should play a game where we manipulate our best friend, scheme a way to make him sleep with us and take his homosexual virginity, then tell him it was all a bet?”

“Ummm... yes.”

“I’m the sensible one; I protest at being asked to do this kind of thing. You’re on. Loser streaks through the Great Hall at breakfast. No! Dinner. There are more people at dinner.”

Sirius smirked. “I knew you’d be interested. I’ve seen you eyeing him off in the Quidditch change rooms. Streaking at dinner? You’re pretty confident you’re going to win, aren’t you?”

Remus snorted. “I’m quite sure he has masochistic tendencies. Why would he chase Lily otherwise? He’ll be so turned on by my inner, dominant wolf that he won’t be able to resist.”

-

Sirius peered around the corner, eyes darting into the dark corners of the hallway suspiciously. He knew that the ghastly werewolf was lurking somewhere, waiting to pounce on poor, unsuspecting James. This, coincidentally, was what he was planning on doing too. How strange.

“Aha! James old boy, I’m glad I ran into you,” he exclaimed as he leapt out from behind the corner, making his friend yell.

“What the hell are you doing, Padfoot? Jumping out at people like that!” James clutched his chest, feigning heart attack.

Sirius smirked and wrapped an arm around his friend, steering him down the hall in the vague direction of the statue of the one eyed witch.

“Well mate, I came to find you. I was thinking we could pop down to the Hog’s Head. You know, spends some quality time together.”

James raised his eyebrow sceptically. “You were looking for me out here? This hallway is a little far removed from my usual haunts. Is Remus coming?”

Sirius winced and wrinkled his nose. “You don’t have a haunt. Stalking Lily around the castle means you can be found anywhere. And Remus-“

“Is right here. You took your time Sirius.” The werewolf gave the Animagus a deadly smile, telling him through eye communication that he knew his plans exactly. “Dissendium.”

The one eyed witch sprang aside, revealing a passage leading into darkness. James grinned. “Fair enough then. Shall we?”

-

Remus grinned evilly as he sauntered back to his friends, three drinks in hand: two firewhiskeys and one carefully altered glass of water. And people wondered why he was a Marauder.

He placed the drinks on the table, quickly grabbing his before James, or worse, Sirius, could accidentally take it.

“What shall we drink to?” asked James, his hazel eyes alight with mischief. The Hog’s Head was grungy and dimly lit, their corner table in shadow - perfect for underage drinkers.

“Friendship,” offered Remus, raising his glass in a toast.

“Friendship,” they mimicked, and the three glasses chinked merrily.

“Next round is on me,” Sirius said with a grin, his eyes on the werewolf. Remus cursed inwardly.

-

All three Marauders swayed slightly as they stumbled out the door to the Hog’s Head, two slightly more sober than the one in the middle. Though inebriated, Sirius and Remus still had the presence of mind to glare at each other as they wrapped arms around James’ waist.

“I love you guys,” James slurred, a soppy smile on his face as they began to walk down the snow covered street. “I really love you. Like, really. More than even my Lily-flower.”

Sirius smirked at Remus, his facial expression just visible in the soft light cast by house windows and leaned in closer to James, whispering in his ear something probably unfit to be heard by innocent ears.

“Really?” James seemed to sober slightly. “You- You really want to... to...?” he trailed off. Remus reached around his friend and gave the dog Animagus a shove, making him stumble away from James and pulling the attention onto himself.

“You know what Prongs?” he asked seductively, mimicking Sirius’ actions before and leaning close as James’ head turned. His hazel eyes were huge, staring at his friend in wonder.

“What?” he whispered.

Remus went flying as Sirius regained his balance, a homicidal expression on his face as he wrapped his arm around James again and steered him away from the unsteady werewolf, whispering hurriedly.

Remus staggered after the pair, plotting bloody murder. “Wait up boys!”

-

James’ eyes fluttered open, squinting at the harsh sunlight pouring in the open window.

“Nguh...” he groaned, dragging the blankets over his head, trying to escape the pounding in his head. What the hell had happened last night?

Somebody behind him sighed, and the bed jiggled as someone moved. James paused, and noticed for the first time that there was an arm wrapped around his waist. Odd. And this bed didn’t feel like his bed... Hmm. A bed that wasn’t his, an arm around his waist and no memory of the night before. James’ jaw dropped as a horrible possibility appeared in his head, and he spun around frantically.

“Oh fuck!”

fic, shag a stag

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